The RNC Comes to Tampa

I generally try to steer clear of political commentary on this blog, but today it just felt necessary- because I am feeling very snarky!  Next week much of the country will focus its attention on my hometown of Tampa, Florida, as the Republican Party gathers to nominate the Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan ticket.  You will see televised speeches, a giant pep rally and probably a few protests from the comfort of your living rooms. Faux Fox News will be cheering, MSNBC will be jeering, and the very best part of the week is that The Daily Show correspondents (at left) will be here in Tampa to point out how ridiculous the entire thing is!  But today I would like to share a little about what it will be like to live here next week.  Those of us living in Tampa are, to quote the band Starship, "knee deep in the hoopla!"  This is a behind-the-scenes look from the perspective of someone who has very little use for politicians in general and almost no use for this particular group.  Donald Trump is a speaker? Check please!  So here are 7 Things that make me chuckle as we prepare for next week.  Please reserve your hatred until the end of the post. :)

*  The billboard you see above is one that actually greets travelers as they arrive in downtown Tampa while driving north on I-275.  I see it when taking my wife to work.  Among the dozens of "Welcome to Tampa, RNC" signs you see everywhere, it truly stands out. Irony cracks me up...

*  Speaking of my wife and her work, she is employed by a law firm with an office in a downtown high-rise just blocks from the Convention Center.  The traffic is expected to be so horrendous and the security so tight that many downtown offices are forcing employees to take vacation next week.  Marilyn is fortunate; she gets to work, she will simply have to arrive at her office at 7 am each morning to avoid the crush.  To quote Dana Carvey's Church Lady, "How conveeenient!"  
*  The whole issue of the traffic raises another question for me. I love Tampa. It is a beautiful city with lots to do, including a great aquarium, Busch Gardens and some great professional sports teams. It is close to beaches and Walt Disney World. There are many fine restaurants and wonderful places to spend an evening.  But the RNC chose Tampa to host this event knowing full well that the Tampa Bay area has massive traffic problems and virtually no public transportation, and that bringing an extra 50,000 folks on 300 buses into downtown Tampa for a week would be at BEST a nightmare.  So my question is, do we really want whoever made this decision making more important decisions?  I am just asking.  :)  And speaking of decision making, Tampa in August offers one other challenge.  As Jimmy Buffet once wrote, "There's no tryin' to reason with Hurricane season..."
*  So it seems Tropical Storm/Hurricane Issac may make a visit to the convention as well.  This raises some philosophical questions for one (far right) wing of the party. It seems that in the past they have made statements that God has used natural disasters to demonstrate his disapproval with certain lifestyles and segments of society.  If Issac were to really mess up this RNC shindig, how would they explain that?  Some questions just beg to be asked!

Which one is Rick?

*  Governor Rick Scott of Florida has been asked to say a few words at the convention.  I really hope the national audience likes him, because here in Florida he has often maintained the lowest approval rating of any governor in history.  Not any Florida governor- ANY governor!  Governor Jeb Bush will also be speaking. Pay no attention to the Jeb 2016 signs waving in the background, Mitt...
*  A local radio station reported the other day that in addition to delegates and other convention personnel, there would be a large influx of strippers from out of town coming in for the RNC.  Local strip clubs (for those who don't know, Tampa features one of the highest strip club to population ratios in the US) are expecting to do record business next week- even better than when Tampa hosts the Super Bowl.  Plus I heard yesterday morning on TV that the Hooters closest to downtown has hired 20 new Hooters Girls and will be staying open until 3 am.  The Grand Old Party indeed!  It's all just part of the $150 million expected to be pumped in to the local economy, despite the fact that many small downtown businesses (that are not restaurants) will be closed all week because it is just too much trouble to say open.

*  And finally, on a somewhat serious note...  The political convention is a relic leftover from the days when a party would gather to decide who their candidate was going to be and to build a platform of ideas for them to stand on.  This is no longer true.  Both parties will gather this year to hold giant pep rallies (and spend millions of dollars) for candidates who were long since decided upon.  To make it even more useless, we live in a time when Republicans would vote for the candidate from their party even if it was Darth Vader- and Democrats would do the exact same thing.  The time (at both conventions) will be spent in much the same way- not telling us how they will set about fixing what is wrong in our nation, but telling us how the other side broke it. I am sick of it.  So you see,  I am not just cynical about the RNC. I am cynical about "politics as usual."  The RNC just happens to be invading my hometown.  How would I fix this mess?  I would begin by throwing out everyone from both houses of Congress and starting over again with brand new people. People who are teachers, factory workers and cab drivers. Real Americans with real problems and real concerns who want to make things happen.  And then I would elect Brain as President and Pinky as VP.  Because they are independent, committed and persistent.  "What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"  "Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to fix this stinking economy..."

And that is all I have to say about that...   :)