Follow Jesus- I Dare Ya!

Today I invite you take a look at why following Jesus is ALWAYS a little bit dangerous...

A scene from the 1989 movie, Parenthood:
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing.  I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it...

Among the life-altering things I remember reading in Leonard Sweet's 1999 classic SoulTsunami, was a section about what it is like to really follow Jesus. There is nothing risk-free about following the Christ. Yet so many pastors (especially those appearing on TV) seem to teach that the quickest path to the "good life" is becoming a Christian. They make it all sound so predetermined and orderly. Follow Jesus and you will quit sinning. Quit sinning and God will bless you. When God blesses you, life will be full of rainbows and unicorns. It's as simple as that! Well, no...it's not. There is nothing orderly about following Jesus, because in fact, the Good News is chaotic!

I have checked the gospels pretty thoroughly, and I can say with some confidence that Jesus never said any of the following:

"Come follow me, and I will give you perfect health."
"Come follow me and that girl will FINALLY love you!"

"Come follow me and I will give you power and wealth."

"Come follow me and I will put a steak on your grill and a Jacuzzi in your backyard.  OH- and a beach volleyball court!  Everyone loves beach volleyball!"

What he did say was to leave everything behind, take up your cross, and follow Him. The notion that your life will be all peaches and cream once you follow Jesus is just total BS. If you follow the living God, you will be tested. There will be risk. Just think about some of our biblical heroes and what they went through. Jonah was tested with a vacation in a fish. Noah had to build an ark ("What's a cubit?") while his neighbors laughed at him. Joshua marched around Jericho (Thank you, VeggieTales, for always making me think of French Peas pouring slurpees on them as they march...) for no apparent reason. Joseph was ambushed by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused of hitting on Potiphar's wife and thrown in prison (not to mention losing a technicolor dreamcoat in the process) just to prepare him for what God actually had in mind for him. John the Baptist lost his head for Jesus- literally! Saul was blinded and went through a name change before he was ready to serve. Easy street? Low risk? I don't think so...

Jesus often taught that in order to make things right, we must first turn them upside down. He wants us to transform the first into the last, the weak into the powerful, the lost into the found. But all of that starts with the things we do with our own lives. If we really want to follow Jesus, we are going to have to get a little WILD! Psalm 115:3 reminds us that "our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases." We sing "our God is an awesome God" and then proceed to try to confine God with our own limitations. His creativity and unpredictability are beyond our comprehension. Remember Isaiah walking through town naked (Isaiah 20:2-3)? That was God's idea. Remember the Angels appearing to shepherds in the fields and singing them a good Christmas song? God again. Sacrificing his only Son so that we might live in community with Him? Only God. 

All of this leads me to wonder about my own life. I have always prayed for safety, comfort and low-risk opportunities to serve my Savior. In fact, to be a Jesus Freak is to pray for the opposite. It is to pray that God would turn my life upside down and lead me to risk everything in the name of the One who saved me. It is to welcome the trials that God will send my way. I believe more and more that the invitation to follow Jesus comes with an "I dare ya!" They are dares because when we truly follow His example, the people around us will look at us like the boy at lunch who used to eat bugs on a dare. Jesus dares us to love the way he loved. He dares to us share meals with the most offensive people around us. He dares us to believe that all things are possible with Him by our side. He dares us to love our enemies. He dares us to let love flow from our hearts even when we don't understand it. And Jesus dares us to follow -really follow- by taking up our crosses and following Him where He leads instead of constantly begging Him to join us where we are.

Many of us do not hesitate to get on a roller coaster that travels 90 mph down an 85 degree slope and flips us upside down and corkscrews all around. We love it. It excites us. And once we've experienced it, the merry-go-round does seem pretty lame. Thus it is with becoming a radical follower of Jesus Christ. Get risky and try it- I promise you'll never want to be just a "church member" ever again. Get DANGEROUS with Jesus...I dare ya!

Because of Jesus,

OxyMorons & Redundancies on the #NarrowRoad

It seems lately that things that have always bothered me a bit in nagging sorts of ways have become magnified. This is true in both my day-to-day living and in my writing. Part of it can be attributed to me having too much time on my hands these days, and thus my brain is free to wander. Part of it can be accredited to my advancing age and an "I'm too old for this sh*t" Lethal Weapon mentality. And a part of my newfound irritability is due to the circumstances I have lived under for the past 8 years. When your life is controlled by rules and restrictions that often make no sense the frustration level rises and you begin to see things differently. And that's not always a bad thing...

The #NarrowRoad is filled with Christians seeking to follow a path that leads to the Kingdom of Heaven. We all desire a closer relationship with Jesus, but we go about building that bond in very different ways, often using labels to describe the kind of Christian we hope to be. One of the most popular labels believers give themselves is one that has often bothered me- Conservative Christian. Much of my consternation over the term comes from my dislike of mixing religion and politics, and this term often serves to do just that. But lately there has been something different that bothers me, something almost- dare I say it- theological. Let's take a look at the dictionary definition of the word conservative:

Holding to traditional and safe attitudes and values and cautious about change or innovation, typically in relation to politics or religion.

That sounds about right. And take a look at some of the synonyms listed along with the definition-  traditionalist, conventional, orthodox, old fashioned, unadventurous, set in one's ways, middle-of-the-road, moderate and stick-in-the-mud. These are indeed words that could be used to describe a large number of people in any USAmerican church. When standing alone, there is nothing wrong with these descriptions. It is fine to be conservative in politics, in dress, in social behavior and in finances. But when paired with the word Christian- the definition of which means one who want to be like Christ- there starts to be an issue. It has come to mean a branch of the faith that is more interested in legalism and judgement than in the amazing love and grace as taught by Jesus. They are more concerned with being right than being holy. It is easy for a Conservative Christian to become a modern day Pharisee.

There was nothing safe, cautious, unadventurous or conventional about Jesus of Nazareth. From his birth story to his visit to temple at age 12 to his earthly ministry, Jesus set out to be an agent of radical change. He stood up for the weak and against the powerful. His harshest words were saved for church leaders who were weighed down by traditions and an unwillingness to change. In fact, he altered traditions and created new ones. He loved the least, the lost and the broken; he broke long-held Jewish Sabbath laws in the name of loving people; and his preaching turned the world of his day upside down. He came that we might be saved and be world changers in his name. By the very definition of the word, there was not a single conservative bone in his body. Even his death was radical and out of the ordinary. To say you are trying to be like Jesus and call your faith journey "conservative" is to label yourself an oxymoron. And no one likes being called a moron...

There is another label I like and use here quite often that has its own problem. Radical Christianity is a great phrase, and in my mind it is what we are called to as we walk the #NarrowRoad. But it is a redundancy. In fact, the only way to practice Christianity as Jesus taught it is to be radical. We don't need both words. The path Jesus leads us on if we follow him is not only narrow, it is full of twists and turns and must be navigated with our throttles wide open. We are to live abundant lives. We are to go onto all the world. We are to love everyone we encounter. We are to make peace, feed the hungry and love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. These things cannot be done conservatively; we have to be all in and open to new experiences and feeling out of control because we allow Jesus to be in control! When we accept Jesus receive the Holy Spirit, we don't try to manage it or control it. We open the floodgates and let what we have been given flow out and alter the world we live in. Does that sound like work for moderate, conventional stick-in-the-muds?

Choose to be conservative with your clothing or in the stock market, with the color scheme of your home or with your political views. All of those are valid options. But Conservative Christian? That's a label that needs to bite the dust and be tossed out like a money-changer in the temple. There are plenty of ways to be morons on the #NarrowRoad. I should know. I've tried most of them. But we need to follow Jesus in ways that are WIDE OPEN and never conservative. It's time for the followers of Christ to be the wild things he intends us to be!

Because of Jesus,

Throwback Thursday: Student Ministry Warning Signs

Tuesday's encounter with a youth pastor with no passion for youth took me back to this vintage post, first published in 2012 and shared here with updates. I still really like this one...

I have been out of student ministry for nearly 8 years now. In youth ministry, 8 years is often a lifetime. The large, big-budget church my family attends has completely reorganized its student ministry 4 times in those 8 years. Some of my youth pastor friends have changed jobs 5 times in those 8 years. So I have missed a lot of changes. I have always been suspicious of people who try to teach youth ministry when they are not doing it- and that is me now, so you should probably take this rand with a grain of salt. But lately, I have been aware of some scary stuff. I read lots of blogs written by youth pastors, and I tweet with a couple of hundred youth workers each week. And I can't help but notice that there are some things they seem to be quite proud of that my 28 years of service in youth ministry cause me to see as red flags- warning signs that a storm is coming! My purpose today is not to say anyone is wrong. I do not know other the inside workings of other student ministries or ministry situations. My purpose is to ask everyone involved in youth ministry to step back and make sure your ministry is doing all it can to build relationships between the students you serve and the Jesus you worship. Here are 8 questions I hope you will consider...

1. Has your ministry become lopsided?  Ministry to students should cover many areas. We need to teach them to be disciples. We need to show them what it means to have the heart of a servant and how to share the gospel with others. We need to give them opportunities to worship. We need to offer them a place where they feel loved and included, and where they experience true fellowship. Has your ministry become a place that focuses almost exclusively on one or two of those things? Lopsided ministries often begin to exclude those on the fringe, or to become social clubs that have no heart for Jesus. Neither of those is acceptable...
2. Do you preach to your students each week?  We have known for years that lectures and sermons are the least effective ways to communicate with young people, yet I read each week of all the time youth pastors are spending on sermon preparation. We think our words inspire and convict them, but often they are rolling off teenagers like rain off of a freshly waxed car. There are so many better, more creative ways to teach and engage students with the Word of God- but they require much more planning, work and risk. We ask better of school teachers. We in the church should demand better of ourselves.
3. Do parents like you too much?  If parents are on board with everything you do, you may have a problem. Yes, we should work with parents (the ones who care and love their teenagers, never forgetting that we also serve students who get zero parental support), partner with them and be supportive of them, never seeking to undercut them as the primary models for the students we serve. But who is it we have been called to serve? If you never have to explain yourself to parents, then chances are you are not challenging your students. The radical Jesus of the gospels makes adults uncomfortable; your ministry should too. You know teenagers. If adults are approving of all of your exotic lessons, weird games, strange meeting times and loud music, then perhaps they are not exotic, weird, strange or loud enough! Occasionally it is a good and holy thing to scare some parents...  :)
4. When you start planning a new year of ministry, do you begin with last year's calendar?  If you know what you will be doing January 22 of 2015 because you know what you did January 21 of this year, then get help. You are in a rut, and your creativity is dying- or at least in pain! Start from scratch. Brainstorm brand new ideas! You may wind up doing similar things, but don't make what you HAVE done the starting point for what you NEED to do!  Lameness alert!!!
5. Are all of the adults who work with your student ministry from the same age group?  It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking all adult volunteers (and paid youth staff, for that matter) need to be young and hip. The truth is, teenagers come in all shapes, sizes, personalities and needs. Seek variety in your team. If every youth ministry team meeting takes place at Starbucks or via Facetime on your iPhones, you may have an issue. It is not the church's job to raise a new generation of hipsters...
6. When was the last time you tried something that failed miserably?  If it has been a while, then you may be playing it too safe. Challenging and engaging students requires a little craziness and a lot of outside-the-box thinking. Those things lead to ideas whose times have not yet come- and abject failure. God will use those failures to make a difference. And on occasion what we see as failure becomes a glorious success in the hands of God. I once lost $8000 on a concert where nearly 100 people gave their lives to Christ. Failure...or not? If you aren't failing a couple of times a year, then you aren't risking enough in the name of Jesus.  
7. Is your group too homogeneous?  I am not talking about ethnic or racial diversity; those are important issues that deserve more space than I can give them here. I am talking about the caste system that exists in our schools. I am talking about cliques.  Are you actively seeking to help break down barriers? Do you seek to reach all types of students, or just those who fit some predetermined profile set forth by your church? Are you only accepting of teenagers who have already cleaned up their act? You know- clean language, proper attire, no tattoos or piercings? Too many youth pastors are drawn only to students who are like them. Beware of this. Paul wrote we should be all things to all people so that they might know Jesus. As a youth pastor, I would have loved to have been described with the same words Grace the school secretary used to describe Ferris Bueller: "The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, ****heads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." Jesus is for everyone... 
8. Is spontaneous a dirty word in your ministry?   Some of the very best lessons, worship times and fellowship events I was ever a part of were NOT the things I had planned for that day. I heard from a youth pastor a while back who almost had a stroke when his guest speaker didn't show up. Come on, people! We are supposed to be the "Masters of Disaster," the queens and kings of improvisation! Sometimes I think in our desire to appear "professional" we have cut out a big part of the heart of youth ministry- spontaneity. Be willing to go with the flow. Be willing to endure a little holy chaos. In fact, be willing to CREATE a little holy chaos! And above all, be willing to let the Holy Spirit take you places you didn't plan to go. Tameness, sameness and lameness will always be the enemy when it comes to reaching the hearts of students, because none of those words describe Jesus.

I could go on, but I will stop now. This feels like a sermon, and I am sure most of you quit reading back around #3! It is my prayer that these words may rattle a few cages. I gave much of my life to doing student ministry, and I believe with all of my heart that it still has a huge role to play in the future of the church- if we go about it with passion and creativity. Let me know what you think!

Because of Jesus,

Dance Like David

Recently I took one of those little online quizzes that help you determine things about yourself. You know the ones- What Decade Should You Have Been Born In? or Which Boy Band Best Reflects Your Life? Those things. This particular one was Which Biblical Character Are You Most Like?  Knowing the Bible pretty well and knowing myself very well, I took the test anticipating one of two outcomes. If the quiz leaned towards the New Testament, the answer would be Peter. I'm stubborn. rash when I shouldn't be and timid at the worst of times- but I do love Jesus. If the quiz skewed toward the Old Testament, there was no doubt in my mind the answer would be David. We share far too many things in common. He did some great things in the name of the LORD. He defeated Goliath, was named King of the nation of Israel, was a musician and was called "a man after God's own heart." He also screwed up in some big, big ways and found redemption and solace in God's love and in writing songs. His Psalms are often full of the joy of the LORD; on other occasions they cry out for forgiveness and mercy. The test agreed with me- David was the answer.

Marilyn and I went to church last night and our pastor is in the midst of a series on Psalm 23- so David was on my mind yet again. The stories of his life kept popping into my mind, and I once again felt a real kinship with the ups and downs of his joy and his agony. One of my favorite David moments was this one, found in 2 Samuel 6:14: "And David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing a priestly garment." God had made him King, and he was so full of praise for his Heavenly Father that he just had to dance. And while scripture doesn't spell it out for us, he apparently danced with such vigor that he danced right out of that priestly garment. He was totally in the moment with God, praising God's name and not caring who saw or what they thought. And at least one witness found the display disturbing. The scripture continues in verses 20-22 (NIV):

When David returned home to bless his own family, Michal, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet him. She said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”

David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! 

And there it was, the question starring me down like a bear in the woods. When was the last time I was undignified before my LORD? As a youth pastor all those years. being foolish in God's name was second nature. But in the years since, there has been very little dancing. Very few undignified moments spent praising God. The love of God and the grace on Jesus still fill my heart on many occasions, but there are precious few times these days I actually shout for joy to the LORD. It's time to change that, to be so full of joy that I become undignified and look foolish. It's time to dance like David!

Now don't get me wrong- no one wants to see me dance and NO ONE needs to see me come out of my garments! As many of my oldest friends know I have a trick knee (my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) that has kept me off the dance floor since middle school. But my soul can dance- and it needs to be set free to disco the night away. Praising God should not be limited to sanitized moments in a sanctuary. We need to cut loose and let the world know that when we worship God, our hearts, minds, souls and bodies need to dance. And when we think we are looking foolish, we need to remember David's words and be willing to become even MORE undignified! Some will actually dance or give shouts of praise, while others of us will fall to our knees or lose ourselves in deep silence. But we will look strange to the world. Such foolishness...

If this little devo has hit home with you, that is wonderful. But it's actually just for me. My life is a testament to our ultimate humanity, to following Jesus and to falling flat on my face. But God never leaves us or forsakes us. We are always loved. And that should be enough to make me dance like David.

Because of Jesus, 

So Ananias Went

All of us, at some point in our lives, decide that that excellence is no longer needed in some area of life. Whether it be school, work, sports or blog writing, we reach a point when we decide it is OK to "just get by." We work only as hard as we need to for our efforts to be judged acceptable by those around us. Doing the best we can seems like a waste of effort, because really- who cares? Our attitudes are like that of the man who was hiking through the woods with a friend. As they moved into the deep forest, they suddenly encountered a bear. The bear smelled them and the food in their backpacks and began to chase them. After running for a long distance they had not lost the bear. One man sat down and began to unlace his boots and put on the sneakers from his pack. The other man looked at him incredulously and said, "Are you nuts?" You can't out run that bear!" The first man laced up his sneakers and relied, "I don't have to out run the bear. I just have to out run you..."

Even when it comes to following Jesus we often seek to do only what seems to be absolutely necessary. We go to church. We occasionally dust off our bibles. But when the message gets too tough, we find excuses. When the job gets too complicated, we bail out. We are like the man who falls off of a cliff, only to catch himself on a tree branch. He cannot climb up. The drop would be hundreds of feet. He cries out to God, "LORD, what should I do?" A moment later he hears a response- "Let go of the branch." The man hesitates, thinks about it and then says, "Is there anyone else out there?"  We want to follow Jesus, but we want it to be easy.  And it's not. Love our enemies? Walk a second mile? Be a peacemaker? Lose our lives so that we can find them? No thanks- I'll just sit in my padded pew and be comfortable.

In Acts 9:10-17 we read the story of a man named Ananias. God comes to him and tells him that he has a job for him. He wants him to go to see Saul, the noted killer of followers of The Way, who has been struck blind on the the road to Damascus and has been given a vision that Ananias is coming to heal his sight. Ananias responds as we often do- with all kinds of excuses and reasons why this is a bad idea and he is not the right person for the job. But God says to him, "GO!" We often hear God say the same to us in a variety of ways. God tells us to GO!- and repair broken relationships. He tells us to GO!- and be in ministry to the under-resourced and the lost and hurting. He tell us to GO!- and be witnesses for Jesus in our world. And we, like Ananias, find a plethora of excuses. But there is one main difference between our common response and the way Ananias responded. Despite all of the whining and the excuses, verse 17 gives us the bottom line: So Ananias went. And the Apostle Paul received his sight and set about turning the world upside-down.

And that is what God requires of us. Not that we be perfect, not even that we be qualified for the work He sets before us. It is not our own skill and talents that qualify us to serve God- it is His grace, power and love that sends us out into our world with everything we need. Perhaps, at the end of it all, the greatest thing that could ever be said about any of us is not that we have abilities as a teacher or am artist. It's not to hear others say that we can sing like the angels or preach like Billy Graham. Perhaps the greatest thing that could be said about of me (or you!) is simply this: So Carl went. Here's my heart LORD. Use me. 

Because of Jesus,

What Do You Do at a Green Light?

I believe that the world is divided into two kinds of people. Those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don't. With that in mind...

For many years the following was true- if I was in a car I was driving it. I love to drive. In addition to personal vehicles, much of life was spent compiling hundreds of thousands of miles driving church vans. But during much of the past 7 years (until April of 2014) I had not been driving as much. When a speeding ticket could mean jail time as it did in my case, you become very willing to leave the driving to others. Watching other people drive was a unique experience in many ways. You learn so much about them. And today I want to focus on one aspect of driving- What do you do when you come to green light?

My research had led me to the belief that there are two kinds of drivers when it comes to green lights. There are the ones who see a green light and approach at full speed, unconcerned that it could change at any moment, never considering that they might not make it through before the dreaded yellow light appears. These driver are bold and confident. They expect good things to happen to them. They refuse to be negative.

The other type of driver approaches a green light by slowing down. They immediately doubt that the green light will hold long enough for them to make it through. There are negative thoughts in their minds, and caution in their foot- often tapping the brakes (or at least removing their foot from the accelerator) even as the light is still green. They EXPECT to have to stop. And because they slow down and hesitate, they often do stop, thus reinforcing their own expectations for the next traffic light.

Each of these styles comes with built in issues. The Green Means GO drivers like myself often accelerate through lights, occasionally running them when they are bright yellow- or sometimes pink. The more cautious crowd tends to occasionally clog up intersections and draw the ire if people like me, who scream into their windshields things like, "the light is green you moron!" Although it drives me crazy, there is no right or wrong way. It's just part of who you are, part of your personality as a driver and human being. And thus we reach my question for us all today...

Which style best defines the way you live life? Are you a charging bull, unfazed by warning signs or doubts that you could be wrong? Do you see life as opportunity to go for it and grab all the gusto you can? Or are you more the "slow down and see what awaits you" type. Do you not even need warning signs to make you cautious? Is every situation one that needs to be approached with care and thought? Bottom line- are you more an optimist or a pessimist when it comes to the road of life? 

Me? I not only believe the glass is half full, I believe it comes with free refills! This attitude gets me in trouble quite often, and leads to the occasional broken dream and bloody nose. I leap before I look far more often than I should. I know I should pray for guidance and wait for wisdom more that I do. On the other extreme, those who slow down for the green lights of life are often paralyzed by fear, too seldom taking chances or those sometimes necessary "steps you can't take back." Sometimes God does say "wait." But other times God just wants us to GO! Like most things in life, it's all about finding balance and finding peace with who you are and with the God who made you this way. 

So today pay attention to yourself or to your driver. What do you do at a green light? It say a lot about who you are...

Because of Jesus,

"Even Better Than Before" - An Excerpt

For the past month or so one question has dominated my conversations with old friends. It's not "What does it feel like to be free to travel?" or "Are you still pissed at Disney World?" It's not even "How's life with just 7 toes?" The question that seems to be on the minds of everyone I chat with these days is this - "How's that novel coming along?"

The answer is not simple. I have written over 50,000 words, which is enough for a complete novel. but most of that poured out of me in June. I have rewritten probably 20,000 of those words as ideas have changed and characters and details are tweaked and refined. The ending has been a challenge, deciding if there will be great reality and some pain or a total Disney-like happy ending for the main characters to reflect a preferred future of my own. But the bottom line is the novel is coming along nicely. I don't really expect it to ever be published, but I do hope to share it with anyone who wants to read it. Someday.

Although it is saved under the code name MGB, the working title of the book is Even Better Than Before.The storyline centers around a group of old friends reuniting for the first time in a number of years in their old stomping ground of North Myrtle Beach. Many of the characters are based on the friends with whom I shared so many marvelous adventures and relationships in the days of my youth. Though none of the characters are based totally on any one person and many of the circumstances, personality traits (and flaws) and details are radically different, some (like the one in the excerpt below) will be easily recognized by my old friends. Others had to be a mixture of various people or the novel would have far too many characters to remember. It is a tale of friendship, conflict, music, grace, redemption and romance. My hope is that it is a reminder of how much impact a small group of friends can have on each others' lives. And it is also a story of "What if?" With a little different timing and a few twists of fate, all of our lives could be different. What if life came with do-overs? Writing fiction lets me explore that in ways reality won't allow. 

So here's an excerpt to prove to you I have indeed been up to something these past few months! It is not the very beginning of the novel, but it comes very early on before everyone arrives at the beach. I hope this will wet your appetite for more. Let me know what you think. 

Arrivals

The calendar said late May, and it was a perfect day to be driving a ragtop to North Myrtle Beach. Craig Stevens was cruising down Highway 9, his 6’3” frame packed into his classic forest green MGB, top down and the Beach Boys blasting from the stereo. His thinning blonde hair was covered by a baseball cap to prevent sunburn, and those blue eyes that had caused many a young lady to swoon back in the day were covered by a new pair of Oakley’s his sister had given him for his birthday. As he cruised along his mind was spinning. This was all very familiar to him - Memorial Day weekend at Myrtle Beach with his favorite people. It was a trip they had taken so many times before, but this was the first time in nearly 15 years. A lifetime seemed to have passed in the interim. Craig and his wife Nancy had 3 children and 2 dogs. He had spent nearly 20 years as a financial planner and in the process had built quite a comfortable life for his family by being safe, practical and quite often, he admitted to himself, boring. As Do It Again began blaring from the speakers and he felt his foot give the accelerator a tap, he smiled at that thought. This weekend might be many things for many people, but it was hard to see how boring could possibly be among them. It certainly wouldn’t be for him. Craig needed this weekend. He had instigated the planning and was arriving early to be the welcoming committee. Nancy was coming later with his sister and brother-in-law, Allyson and Zach Hinkley. Time with old friends was very important to Craig. The old gang was reuniting and renting the big beach house that had been home to so many memorable moments. It was time to get on with the business of making new memories. The sun, the surf, the sand and some cold beers would help. Old friends would help more. But the thing that had Craig most excited was that at long last he would be there. His best friend. It had been 8 years since they were together, and it felt like an eternity. The Beach Boys sang his feelings. "Well I've been thinking 'bout all the places we surfed and danced and all the faces we've missed so let's get back together and do it again!" He gunned the gas, patted his MG on the dashboard and let out an extremely unsophisticated whoop. “Take me to the Betsy B, Moneypenny” he shouted at his car as they entered Horry County, South Carolina. Funny how at age 45 the word 'Horry" still made him giggle…

#DangerDays: The Next Step

Logo by Teresa Reep Tysinger

I began this #DangerDays series the first Tuesday in January of this year with the hopes that I could find enough guest writers to continue the series for a full year. While the guest writers who stepped forward have been nothing short of sensational, the well seems to have run dry. So while there may be some random posts to the series in the future, today marks the end of this as a weekly part of my blog. Thanks to everyone who contributed and followed along. Six months is not too shabby...

So what is my own personal "next step" when it comes to moving forward with faith and facing new challenges in my own life? Last weekend a dear friend e-mailed me a copy of a novel she had written as part of of Nanowrimo last November. I have never participated in the program, but the general idea is write a 50,000 word book in one month. Her novel was brilliant, and inspired me to return to a my own fledgling fiction effort I began about a year ago. That quickly turned into stating over again from scratch. In the past 2 days I have poured out over 4000 words, and I am very excited about the process. People have been telling me for years that I needed to write a book. I always assumed it would non-fiction about my life and my days as a youth pastor. But right now, at this particular stage of my life, I feel like I have a story to tell that is not about me. It's about forgiveness, hope, love and one remarkable weekend at the beach for a group of life-weary old friends who re-discover how much they need each other. It is still very much in the beginning stages of a story line, and to paraphrase Elton John, "this book has no title, just words and a tune." But I can't wait to get back to writing again today. 

So how does this new adventure fit into the #DangerDays? First of all, there is the challenge of actually sticking to it and carving out a daily time to write. Organization and perseverance are not among my best qualities. Then there is the fact that while I have done enormous amounts of writing in my life (newsletters, this blog, magazine articles, youth ministry curriculum, etc) I have not written any real fiction since college. Oh sure, I make up stories all the time! But not like this. Not a novel. And that scares me a bit. And finally, there is the risk that no one will ever read it, or if they do read it, not like it. Writing this blog is safe. People seem to like it, and if they don't I never know it. This book could lead to rejection. To deal with those three items I m gong to have to go forward with the faith that God has put this project on my heart for reason. I often remind people that "we are called to be faithful, not successful." Time to put up or shut up, Carl.

I hope you will pray for me as I begin this new chapter in my own journey. I also hope that if you have a story to contribute to the #DangerDays series you will share it with me. Don't think of the series as finished. Think of it as under construction. But I'll be back here tomorrow with another wild and wonderful Wednesday post. Hope to see you then!

Because of Jesus.

#DangerDays: Rise Above The Noise!

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.  -1 Corinthians 13:1-7  (The Message)

As part of my journey into the #DangerDays, I have been making it a point to chat with pwoplw about their belief systems. Some, of course, don't want to talk about it. I respect that. Others are more interested in the beliefs of their neighbors; we have a Jehovah's Witness family on our circle that many have questions about. But one Saturday a while back I had a chat with a mother of 3 who lived across the street. We talked about her faith history. We talked about her most recent attempts at taking her family to church. It was not a happy story. She and her husband were having trouble finding a way to fit in. When they called the church office for assistance, they were told that their Sunday School class would help. When they responded that they didn't yet belong to a class, they were told to join one. That was the final answer. There was no outreach. There was no love shown to them. And so they gave up on church.  #FAIL

The church is like its members- it will never be perfect. We get it right more often than not. But the one place we should never fall short is in showing love to our world. I have seen more and more examples lately of how the institution of the church seems to be losing touch with the teachings of Christ. As the 1 Corinthians 13 scripture reminds us, without love we are nothing. We are just white noise, becoming more and more deaf to the hurting people around us. How is the church failing to love? Here are just a few of the things I have seen and read recently that make me just a little crazy...

• I heard from a friend of a youth ministry that requires (at the demand of their pastor) church membership cards before students are allowed to enter the youth room. So much for Acts 1:8, huh?  #FAIL
• I read about the Westboro Baptist Church, which in its attempts to condemn gays has done greater harm to the way people see Christianity than almost anything else Satan has going on.  #FAIL
• I saw a church sign that read, "Join us Sunday. We'll scare the sin right out of you!"  Now there's a message of hope and love...  #FAIL
• I know of a church leader- a man who works for a well-known Christian organization and who teaches classes at a very large church. When he speaks about his faith, many people listen. Yet there is another man who wronged him (and confessed this sin) and whom he sees in church most every Sunday.  He will not speak to him or even look at him. Until he shows grace in that relationship, his words about the amazing grace of Jesus sound hollow and impotent. I struggle with my own feelings towards the man- but is anything harder than forgiving someone who will not forgive? I am telling you, without love, that "professional Christian's" life is just noise.  #FAIL
• A story was making the rounds this past winter about a small town in New Jersey. It the midst of one of those massive winter storms with temps way below freezing, homeless people were barely surviving. The town has no shelter. And yet not a single church opened it's doors as a place of warmth and love. Not one. #FAIL

Without love, the #DangerDays will wear us out. If all we carry around with us are things like piety, theology and an air of superiority then the church will fail in its mission to bring Jesus to the world. We must be more than noise. We must be better than techno music, throbbing in the background while no one really pays attention- we must offer melodies and lyrics that will soothe and inspire. Christ-like love has to be our calling card, our initial response to every situation we encounter. 1 John 4:7-8 reminds us that if we don't love then we don't know God, because God is love. And if we cannot love each other inside our communities of faith, what chance do we have of showing love to rest of the world? Through the love of Jesus, we are God's Plan A for saving this world- and there is no Plan B. I don't want to be a creaking, rusty gate anymore. I don't want to look like a Christian and sound like a Christian while my actions betray my true beliefs because I do not love. Wanna' make the #DangerDays a little less dangerous for the world around you? Rise above the noise. Love like like Jesus!

Because of Jesus,

#DangerDays: A Guest Post From Jason Huffman

My dear Twitter friend and brother-from-another-mother Jason Huffman is back with another great guest post. I suggest you strap in and hang on. Just treading this post is dangerous!  

I’ve been enjoying my friend Carl’s series of posts hashtagged #DangerDays as he and others have shared stories about trusting God in the face of adversity. Lately it seems that we as a people, American Christians that is, are all living in #DangerDays.

In America, we are proud of our God and our religious freedom. When I was growing up, the three most spiritual days of the year were Christmas, Easter, and July 4th. Ok, so I am exaggerating a little, but not much. Sitting under the banner of the old red, white, and blue, I could be thankful that I lived in a country where I had religious freedom to worship how and where I wanted. After all, I was endowed by my Creator with certain inalienable rights…right? The Spirit of God had been personally ushered into my zip code when the Republic of Texas was annexed into the United States in 1845, thus giving me and other Texans those Creator-endowed inalienable rights. It’s a pretty swanky set-up if you ask me. It is good to live in a Christian country where our buildings, our pledge, and even our money acknowledges a higher power, even if they leave the specifics of who that higher power is up to us.

We are not the first “Christian society”. The first attempt at a Christian society came with the conversion of Roman Emperor Constantine in the fourth century, who subsequently decided he would make Christianity the official religion of Rome. It was from this political maneuver that we got the Nicaene Creed and the Roman Catholic Church became the institution it was (pretty much the only church around) for the next 1100 years or so…not too shabby for one guy. At that time Christianity was an understood cultural norm and remained so up through the Reformation and even later into the colonization of America. After that, our colonies broke from British rule and established their own government on Christian principles continuing this tradition of a Christian society-what many of us call “Christendom”. (For a great read on living in a post-Christendom culture, I recommend “Resident Aliens” by Stanley Hauerwas and Will Willimon.) America remained a fairly Christian culture until somewhere in the mid twentieth century when attending church on Sundays was no longer an expected practice. Stores and restaurants began to open on Sunday. Little league sports and other programs began having practices, games, and meetings on Sundays. And church was no longer the center of our lives, but only a part.

But the greatest “threat” to our faith wasn’t Sunday ball games, or the lifting of Blue Laws. In the late twentieth century there was some discussion of making our country more inclusive. Rumors spread that certain courts wanted to take “under God” out of the Pledge of Allegiance. The Ten Commandments being posted on a courthouse was considered to be potentially offensive to those who may not believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. High schools were reprimanded for having prayers before football games and “moments of silence” became the norm. Some schools decided they could pray as long as they did not end with “in Jesus name” while others gave the powers that be a piece of their mind by advertising and publicizing the public prayer as an act of defiance to the godless government. And thus, American Christians found themselves living in #DangerDays. Just like the children of Israel who had been captured and carried off to Babylon, we were prisoners in our own land. We hung our harps on the poplars as our captors chided us saying, “Sing us a song of Zion”. But how could we sing the Lord’s songs in this strange, foreign, godless land where our religious freedom had gone from freedom of religion to freedom “from” religion? It really was depressing. Not only was somebody was going  to take “God” out of the pledge of allegiance but to top it all off, there was an increase in violence, drugs, abuse, divorce, cycles of poverty, suicide, and all sorts of other crime. How could this be?

Well, I want to bring you some encouragement. On the surface, it looks like as soon as we got more open-minded about the wording of some of our sacred documents and about the role of prayer in our schools, all this other bad stuff began happening. But I want to submit to you an alternative view. Maybe “taking God out of the USA” was a symptom of the problem, not the cause. But the timeline is pretty close, right? As soon as the government lost its affinity for the divine, all this other junk started happening. But what about this? What if the spirit of God was here before our government made it a thing? Before the first explorers and the first colonists came attempting to establish a Christian society, what if God was here? And what if the spirit of God is still here regardless of what happens in our government? I mean seriously. To know what sin is and the capacity our human hearts have for evil and to know the strong bonds of abuse, poverty, addiction, and violence in our culture, are we seriously naïve enough to believe that if some suits in Washington fall on their knees and seek God’s face, sign some papers making it cool to pray in public, that our godless culture is automatically going to become a Christian nation again? I hate to be doom and gloom, but I don’t think so.

We need to quit letting Washington DC have access to the shut-off valve to the movement on God in the USA. Some legislators make some motions. So what? The ACLU comes down on a school for praying or a courthouse for having a nativity scene? Big deal. THE GOVERNMENT AND OTHER MAN MADE ORGANIZATIONS ARE NOT BIGGER THAN GOD! Do you want to know what is more powerful that the US government? Do you want to know what’s stronger than any suit-clad government lobby group? Do you want to know what is stronger than the US Constitution and the Declaration of Independence? Get ready for it…..The church! How do you like them apples? The church has been around since about 30AD- about 1984 years-yet we let the decisions of a 238 year old government dictate what we think and believe about God!

Folks, we are living in #DangerDays. The enemy is alive and well in America. There are cycles of sin and oppression that exist and we truly are living in a foreign land. But let’s give credit where credit is due. Sin, oppression and violence didn’t get in through Washington DC. It wasn’t some elected officials that left the door open, exposing our country to godlessness. Likewise, God didn’t come in through Washington, either. God didn’t wait until 1776 to show up in the good ol’ USA. He was here before, and will continue to be here until his return. As believers, we need to quit letting the government determine what we think, believe, and understand about God and keep doing what Jesus called us to do by being his witnesses in Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth (that’s us). Let government be government. What is God doing in your community that isn’t posted on a building or spoken over a PA at a sporting event? Where is God at work? What are you and others doing to break cycles of violence and oppression besides getting upset that there is no prayer over the intercom each morning at your son’s middle school? As we live in #DangerDays, it’s up to us to be the church, not the government.

Editor's Note: I don't usually comment on a guest post before I publish it, but...AMEN & AMEN!!!

#DangerDays: Let It Go

Unless you have been living under a rock...and I mean a REALLY BIG ROCK...then you are aware of the hit Disney movie Frozen. If you know families with small children, then you also know that most of the world's kids have memorized the Oscar winning song Let It Go. The song is everywhere. Parents run headlong into the #DangerDays when they try to take the Frozen soundtrack out of the car CD player. Fortunately, it is a great song, especially as sung by the incomparable Idina Menzel (or as John Travolta calls her, Adele Dazeem). The song is all about being yourself, about letting go of the things you have always pretended to be and allowing your true gifts shine through. The song has a powerful message about self-esteem and grace. If for some reason you are not familiar with it, here's my personal favorite version...

Frozen is great. But as the great Arlo Guthrie says halfway through his 20 minute opus Alice's Restaurant, "that's not what I came here to talk about." I want to talk about our identity as Christians.

For many years one of my pet peeves about Christianity has been the ways we identify ourselves in this world. For instance, we often identity ourselves by our denominational affiliations. Think about it. How many times when someone asks you "what religion are you?" do you respond by saying Baptist, Methodist, Catholic or Unified Church of the Peons? I have asked that question quite often in my life and gotten a wide variety of answers, but the number of times that answer has been "Christian" is remarkably small. It seems to feel safer to most Christ-followers to share the tradition they are part of over the Radical Man who started it all. And by using the standards and practices of these small sects, it is far easier to keep out the riff-raff who are not worthy of being part of our churches. Seriously- there are more people than you think who think that way.

Another way we often identify ourselves is by listing the things we are against. We are against gays, against war, against abortion, against wearing white after Labor Day and against anyone who doesn't agree with our point of view on any of those sorts of issues. We boycotted over the suspension of a character from Duck Dynasty, for Pete's sake!  These battles - the Culture Wars - have become one of the single biggest identifiers we have to those outside of our walls. Patriotism and political party alliances have as well- which is fine unless those things are pre-requisites for admission to our Jesus Club. For years now many Christians have been much happier to identify themselves by the labels they wear, the lists of rules they follow and the issues they fight rather than by their affiliation to Jesus. I mean after all- that Jesus dude was kind of a wild hair, wasn't he? Taking him literally about all of the loving stuff could get you in big trouble...

But recently...very recently...I have felt a new hope for the Body of Christ in USAmerica. Pope Francis gives me hope. By his words and deeds he has demonstrated a clear understanding that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing- and that the main thing for the Church is the love of God whose name is Jesus. I firmly believe he would identify himself as a Christian who happens to be Catholic, not the other way around. I feel the same way about the Bishop of the United Methodist Church here in Florida. Ken Carter is opening doors and encouraging churches to love their communities in a language that is clearly recognizable as that of the Christ. Ken is a dyed-in-the-wool Methodist. But he is a Christ-follower first. On Twitter, I read more and more of my brothers and sisters in Christ understanding that we have been majoring in the minors for too long, and that it is time to turn back to actually following Jesus himself instead of  worshiping those who write and preach about him. He is where we find our identity. He told us 2000+ years ago that the world will know we are his disciples by the way we LOVE. We've been too busy trying to prove we are "nicer" and more morally upright to have time to show the world that kind of radical, overwhelming, unconditional love. But the tide is turning!

However...finding your identity in Jesus means walking straight into the #DangerDays. Loving the hurting, the lost and the seemingly unlovable is very scary stuff. We are used to praying, "God I want to serve you by starting a new ministry at the beach" and feeling like we are open to God's leadings. Jesus says FOLLOW ME, which turns our prayers into "here I am LORD; send me!" We are used to excluding people to "keep our churches safe and pure," when Jesus (and the 5 Man Electrical Band!) says "everybody's welcome, come on in, kneel down and pray!" Following the Christ means being a servant, not a leader. It means making people more important than possessions or ideals. It means losing our lives so that in him we can find them. And that scares the crap out of us.

Is your identity as a Christian wrapped up in things other than Jesus? Then let it go! Just like in the song, dropping all of the pretense of "acting Christian" and really finding your identity in Christ will freak people out, make them nervous and leave you stepping into the #DangerDays in a whole new way. When you love like Jesus taught us to love there will be people who simply do not understand. When you turn your back on the normal and find your identity in Jesus, you may feel rejection from doubters and Pharisees- but so often Christ comes to us in the storm. Even fellow Christians may act like you have lost your mind and give you the cold shoulder. But when your life is defined by the Risen Savior, you can "let the storm rage on...cold never bothered me anyway!" For me, there is only one identifying factor for Christians- they will know us by our love. All that other stuff? Let it go...

Because of Jesus,

#DangerDays: Blind Squirrels & the Church

Earlier this week I had a conversation with an old friend who thanked me for "being open to the little nudges of the Holy Spirit" in my writing. I responded that sometimes those nudges become pushes...or kicks to the groin! You have to respond. And often, especially as I write about the #DangerDays, I tend to pass along the pain. I have been pretty hard on the institution of the Church on this blog. I have been even tougher on individual Christians who I think buy into the message of the American church more than they seek to follow Jesus. But today I want to tell you a story of a time we actually got one right. It shows what can happen when we buy into the Jesus Revolution instead of the agenda of men. It is far too rare an occurrence, but it did happen- because a few people were willing to take bold steps of faith and forgiveness. As my Dad always said, "Even a blind squirrel stumbles over an acorn every now and then..."

I have an old friend (and yes, it really is a friend. This story of failure is, for once, not about me) who a very long time ago really messed up his life. He was a pastor, writer, speaker and a leader within his denomination. He and I met through a mutual ministry and quickly became friends. He was (and is!) one of the happiest, funniest and most spiritually connected people I had ever met, and on the rare occasions we got to spend time together we just clicked. I thought he had it all together (and chances are good he thought the same of me).  So did a lot of other people. Like most of us, he didn't. Behind the scenes he was struggling with his marriage, and eventually had an affair. He was caught in a very public manner, and things went downhill quickly from there. His marriage collapsed. He lost his ministry, which I suppose was inevitable. Many of his pastor friends deserted him (which was wrong). But some of his friends did not. Many felt his pain and repentance and offered him love and prayer instead of judgement and condemnation. He stayed in the church. He had a pastor who helped him use his many gifts to help serve their congregation. He worked for ministries that were not part of any church or denomination but that still served Jesus with their work in our world. And slowly- ever so slowly- he began to feel accepted again inside the walls of the Church.

And that is when people began to step into the #DangerDays, and our blind squirrel found the acorn. The Church- complete with as many judgmental people as you can find anywhere- began to accept him back. The people and the institution had their eyes opened to the fact that this servant of God still had much to offer. They realized that God was still using him in amazing ways. We often speak in the Church of how our sins are forgiven and forgotten by God. We humans sometimes forgive but almost never forget. But for at least this one instance, the church got it right- and got a little Holy Amnesia. Despite (or in some cases because of what he learned from) his sin, he is now one of the most respected spiritual voices I know. He is making a major difference in the lives of believers all over the country. So many times people like my friend never get that second chance because of Christians who cannot forget their sins. I have known others whose gifts for ministry were never allowed to flourish again inside the church because of their sins- and in a few cases because of their supposed sins. And the Church does tend to "eat it's own- bones and all." In those situations Satan rejoices, because if we remove all the sinners from our pews, who's left? But in this case we see what can happen when the Church truly reflects the love, grace and values of Jesus. We see that though we sin, we still have much to offer the kingdom of God. Don't believe me? Check out the bible stories of Moses, Jonah, King David, Peter, Paul and so many more. There can be redemption and restoration in our lives. That is what the #DangerDays are all about. They're about remembering that all saints have a past and all sinners have a future. If we- the Body of Christ- can remember that, then just maybe our friend the squirrel will sprint head-first into a huge oak tree and shake the foundation. Acorns for everyone! For such is the grace of God...

Because of Jesus,

#DangerDays: Drew Ward's Story

Today's #DangerDays guest post comes from my Twitter buddy Drew Ward, whom I have grown to love as a brother. Until now. A Duke fan? Really, Drew? As if the HIMYM finale bashing isn't bad enough! But regardless, it's an honor to have Drew share with us today. A bold step of faith into the danger indeed...

Hey guys, I'm Drew and I love Jesus, long walks on the beach, comedy movies, Seinfeld, comic books, live music, classic cars, the NY Yankees, Jets, Rangers (that's hockey – not those counterfeits who try to play baseball in Texas), Knicks, and gun to my head, I guess Duke basketball.  I have an aversion to belly buttons, Boston accents, eggs, and the How I Met Your Mother finale.  Seriously – thank you for taking the time to read my story.  I hope it blesses you and I pray that if you've experienced something similar, you don't feel like you're alone:  

How I walked away from an abusive pastor....

As a teen, I swore I would never live in this North Carolina town again!  And so I moved, several times, in fact.  Very long and complicated story short, my wife and I felt a calling and even a longing to come back to this area of western NC!  And during a visit here to scout houses/apartments, we attended a church service and we heard from God very clearly and directly that day.  He told both of us that He was going to be calling us to something big.  He wasn't going to say what it was, but only that we had better be ready when He called. 

So in May 2008, we make our move back.  THAT was a Danger Day in and of itself as took a gigantic leap of faith moving forward with our plans, not knowing for sure if the house we owned in Illinois would sell – but God came through and it did!  We felt a pull to a certain church and quickly became regular lay attenders and subsequently, members.  In late-2009, the youth pastor at the time resigned very abruptly.  We were called into the pastor's office one Sunday after morning worship during all of this and the pastor asked us to spend the week praying about a need that has come up in the church (we were unaware of what was going on) and that God had given him our names to fill this need.  My wife and I instantly recalled hearing from God that one Sunday afternoon just a year earlier. 

The next Sunday, we were offered the position of part-time youth leaders.  I was upfront with my pastor that I did not grow up in a Christian home, had not even gone to youth group as a teen, let alone led one, nor had I ever studied youth ministry in college.  I certainly felt behind the eight-ball, so to speak.  I was reassured and began the position.  I soon felt God's call to full-time ministry, enrolled at Indiana Wesleyan University in 2011, and after the first year holding this position, my pastor and I began to have discussions about a full-time position.  “After the first of the year” (2011) was what I was initially told.  It got to be July and nothing had changed.  I was working two other jobs, had a 2-year-old child, and was taking classes at IWU in addition to my role in the church.  It began to take a toll on my marriage.  My wife and I prayed about this and knew that there had to be changes.  We expressed the desire to the pastor and board members to go full-time and how our current circumstances were taking a toll on our marriage.  Long story short, we were offered the position full-time after an interview process, but our pastor never counseled us or offered any kind of support about the state of our marriage.  The only thing he said was, “You think you're overwhelmed now, well you're really about to be.” 

He was very clear that the bar of expectations would be raised upon going full-time, but he never taught me anything about how to meet these expectations.  I had no clue how to go about spending my days.  My tenure felt like four years of throwing stuff against the wall and seeing what stuck.  There was no teaching, no discipleship, no emotional support. I didn't even receive a mission statement or goal to work towards.  If there were any suggestions made, they were always very vague and never an attempt to actually teach me.  A vast majority of the feedback I received was strictly negative.  Other times, I would not receive any at all.  A great example of this was this past fall, I collaborated with another local youth group to do a series of 5^th Quarter events after local high school football games.  I never heard a peep of feedback as to whether it was a good idea or not, or any kinds of suggestions.  This silence from a man who supposedly had a vision for our church to minister to our immediate community...

In January 2013, my mother was diagnosed with kidney, bladder and ureter cancer.  We had been making plans for me to head up a new Sunday School class directed at college aged and young adults.  This news changed a lot in our lives and obviously made taking on something new very difficult.  I expressed my concerns to my pastor in a staff meeting and his response was, “Well, if we push the start date of this back a month, is that going to give you time to work out your 'personal issues?'  Because this needs to be done right.” 

This man also accompanied us to an international youth convention in Louisville, Kentucky over Christmas break in 2012.  Our first night there, he publicly lambasted me in front of five of my students about being “unorganized.”  The only decision that had not been made or planned out was what time to have breakfast the next morning.  I never received an apology for this.  In fact, I swallowed my own pride and apologized to him for being disorganized.  I apologized for this and several other things during my tenure which I had no business apologizing for, just to attempt to preserve unity in the body.  Recently when I announced my resignation to my students, one of them asked us after service if the pastor had done something to me to cause me to be leaving because she “remembered how he did me in Kentucky.”  I had another young man in my youth group we made a special connection with.  He is an angry kid, going as far as to attempt suicide last year, but God allowed us to really make some inroads with him.  He still reaches out to me from time to time, and called me at Christmas time asking me out of the blue if I “got in trouble with the pastor in Kentucky.”  I didn't give him a straight answer and he said, “I was just curious because I was at the hotel Starbucks one morning and he was in line with the other ladies from the trip complaining to them and just going off about how unorganized you were.”  That was his takeaway from such an awesome and life-changing event.

The last straw for me was when I was physically threatened in front of my wife the day before Thanksgiving.  Earlier that afternoon in a staff meeting, I was giving the pastor some details on a mission trip to Brooklyn, NY, which I was planning to take some of the youth and some people from church.  One of the people I chose to chaperone was a good friend of mine who attended this church with us for six years.  My thought there was to give this man a chance to serve.  He's great with the kids and really doesn't get to serve in church as much as he'd like due to his job in a retail establishment at irregular hours.  Also didn't hurt that he's about 6'4 and 280 pounds – very beneficial going into a rough neighborhood!  Our pastor – who ironically always preached on and drummed up giving opportunity to others – assumed I just wanted to take my buddy just to take him, and even told me so, going so far as to suggest I was lying.  I went home from that meeting in tears.  I told my wife that we needed to really pray because I really felt like this was it.  He never trusted me, he never respected me, and I just no longer had the energy or the zeal to continue the struggle.  This had been a matter of prayer for a couple years, but God told us through prayer on this day to express our feelings to him before service that night and I'd have my answer as to what to do.

That night, I expressed my feelings to him that I honestly felt like resigning and wanted to talk about things.  He jumped to the defensive immediately.  My wife was crying and pleading to him that we didn't want things to get to that point, that church has meant so much to us, and we just want to get on the same page.  He said to her very sharply, “Well if you don't want things to get to this point, then why are you in here in my office talking about resigning?”  I interjected, “Because you're my PASTOR!”  I admittedly said that in an animated fashion, but was very careful not yell at him.  He swung his office chair around, leaned forward, glared at me and said, “You wanna raise your voice to me?” like he wanted to fight.  God told me that I would have my answer by his response.  I meditated on it a couple days, but the day after Thanksgiving, I emailed him my notice and never even got a reply.  We haven't spoken to one another since. 

God never promised me that it was going to be easy – just that it was going to be big. 

God gave me a new job just 3 days later and called us to an amazing new church home that next Sunday.  Here I sit five months later on 1/3 less income than I was earning, but with three times the peace of mind I've had in years.  I'm also working a job where I work from home and can keep my 6-week-old daughter.  We're also at a very awesome church where I'm playing the drums, and under a very awesome teaching pastor.  (One thing I've learned from this whole experience is that there is a HUGE difference between a preacher and a pastor.)  I'm currently on the sidelines of professional ministry and sort of at a crossroads about what may come next.  I once felt like Christian counseling was what I wanted to pursue, but now I don't feel that way at all.  I don't know where I'm headed or what's next.  I voiced these feelings to our current pastor a couple Sundays ago and you know what he told me?  “You know, I think that would have been a big waste.  Not for everyone, but for you specifically, it would have been a waste.  God has BIG things for you!” 

Yikes....