Through the Roof!

Happy Birthday, Church! #Pentecost

Most of you are probably familiar with the story found in Luke 5:18-26 in which 4 friends carry a paralytic to see Jesus. Unable to get to him through any normal route, they cut a hole in the roof of the house and lower their friend down to Jesus. The story had many layers, including the divinity of Christ and the Pharisees complete lack of faith and understanding. But primarily this story is about the faith of a man and his 4 friends- and how that faith led to major moment in the Jesus Revolution. Today, as we pause for a time of worship and reflection, I invite you to spend some time with these two questions:

1. Who brought you into the presence of Christ?  This question is not so much about who preached the sermon or sang the song as it is about who dropped you through the roof to get you there. For me, it was my best friend from 8th grade on, Steve. And just like with the friends in the scripture, there were obstacles to overcome. He had invited me to go to summer camp with him and to attend his youth group, but I kept coming up with excuses. And he kept asking. He finally got through to me when I found out that the right girl would be at a youth group skating party. The mats our friends use to take us to Jesus can take many forms. I didn't know that Steve was changing my life forever- and I'm not sure he did either. But he did. He brought me into the presence of the Christ who would say to me over and over again in my life, "Get up!  Your sins are forgiven." And trust me, there are still plenty of Pharisees who scoff at that today.
2. Who is it in your life that you need to lower through the roof? I was taught a long time ago that it is important to have at least one specific person in your life that you are praying for in the hopes that they will come to know Jesus. In my youth groups we often spoke of praying for the Empty Chair- lifting up our friends who needed to be there and were not. And while the praying is important, I think sometimes we let ourselves off the hook too easily. Sometimes we need to physically bring them to the feet of the Savior. We need to invite them to church, or to a small group, or a concert, or dinner at our home- someplace where they will encounter the living Christ. We may need to put them on a mat, or in a car, or on a boat- whatever means necessary- to get them to Jesus. For the friends in Luke's gospel, it was about having their friend healed. It is no different for us. The healing may not be physical. It may be a relationship that needs help. It may be emotional. It is certainly spiritual. They need to see the Great Physician. They need to experience the Jesus Revolution in their lives. And it is our task as their friend to make sure they have that opportunity.

Take some time today to be still and think on these questions. Remember who it was (and it may be many people on more than one occasion) that brought you to see Jesus at a time when you desperately needed Him. And who is it that God is calling you to bring? Even if you need to go through the roof...

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: Uncredited Glory

If you were to enter the Jones house between 6 AM and 7 AM (and sometimes later on) on pretty much any Monday-Friday you would find Marilyn and Will getting ready for work and school. You would find me fixing breakfast. And you would find our TV set to ESPN2 and Mike and Mike in the Morning - at least until That 70s Show reruns are on. I have been watching Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic for years, both for sports news and their great sense of humor. They are quite famous, appearing on TV and radio four hours a day, plus the occasional SportsCenter and other specials.  They have written books. They get to attend events and do things (broadcasting Monday Night Football, guesting on Letterman and throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley Field, for instance) that most of us can only dream of. They get more than their share of glory. They also get bashed by others in media on a regular basis for a variety of reasons. Back in 2010 they shared a story that really hit home with me, and I wanted to share it with you again today.

It seems that the Mikes had done a scene in the very forgettable movie Just Wright. They played themselves, doing their show and trashing the basketball-playing main character of the film. Their scene is pivotal to the plot; after hearing the guys kill his rep on air, the player retreats to his house, where he is shown sitting in his bedroom, depressed and watching a narrated documentary on jellyfish. It sets the scene for his comeback, which is the primary storyline of the movie. Golic (the big Mike) went to see the movie opening weekend with his family, and sat in the theater afterwards to see his name in the credits. He saw hundreds of names roll by, but no Greeny or Golic. He saw the "Jellyfish Narrator" credited by name, but no mention of his own. It seems that their pivotal roles had gone uncredited- and despite the rest of their fame and accolades neither of them were happy about it! 

Their story made me think about life in student ministry. When you plan major trips and events and things go right, you bask in the glory. Students love you and parents think you are a genius. When things go wrong, you suffer the embarrassment and humiliation, not to mention the wrath of the Senior Pastor. To those around you it must seem like you live your life in the spotlight. But the fact is, the most important things you do as a youth pastor are things that very few people know about. Maya Angelou once famously said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." That is a brilliant description of youth ministry. The true ministry of a youth pastor takes place in-between the big events and programs. That is when you can truly show them Jesus. It takes place when a student gets dumped by his girlfriend and they call you for advice. It takes place when a student's parents are splitting up, and she shows up at your house to talk. It happens when they have partied too much and can't drive home, and they call you for a ride. It happens when a young lady travels thousands of miles to see her boyfriend, only to find him with another woman- and she needs a shoulder to cry on. It happens when a 16 year-old girl has a wreck and doesn't know what to do, and she comes running into your office looking for answers- and hugs. True youth ministry takes place when the students understand that you love them and will be there for them. No judgement, no condemnation- just love. The church does not see or read about these moments, but the kids know. And Jesus knows. This is the uncredited glory.

I remember in the early 1980's at New Garden getting a call from a young woman whose ex-boyfriend had shown up at her house drunk and violent, and I went to get him.  There was a time in Tampa when a young woman from Wesley Memorial after her father had thrown her out of his house and needed someone to be there for her. I remember a long conversation with a young man whose family and friends had bailed on him, and he was thinking abut throwing his life away. You know what all of those situations had in common? They all took place AFTER I was no longer the youth pastor of the students involved. To know that I had a lasting impact on the lives of some of the youth I ministered to was all the credit and all the glory anyone could ask for. I no doubt failed more times than I succeeded;  but I hope I showed the students I served that Jesus will never fail them. That was always my goal, even if sometimes I lost sight of it. Today and everyday I thank God for the opportunities God gave me to impact the lives of students in Jesus' name. Like Greeny and Golic, my name (and the names of countless other youth pastors) may not always show up in the credits here in this world, but, because of Jesus, I know that "When the roll is called up Yonder I'll be there..."  And that is all the credit anyone could pray for!

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: "Have you got a match?"

Every April with the start of baseball season this story comes to mind and the horror is fresh all over again. I've shared it here before; it's here again today as a great Flashback Friday blast from the past. Enjoy!

In April of 1982 I was working at New Garden Friends Meeting, and we had some great things going on in the ministry. Lots of students were attending, Donna Haynes and I were exploring all kinds of new programs and events, and we had just claimed (not won, but claimed!) victory at the annual North Carolina Yearly Meeting Field Day at Quaker Lake. It was in this atmosphere of success that I planned a quick trip to Atlanta to see a Braves games for myself and a few of our high school guys. It would be a most memorable weekend.

There were signs all along the way that this would be an unusual event. First of all, the Braves, pitiful for so long, had begun the season with 13 straight wins, a major league record. We would see their 14th game. Since there were 6 of us going, my car was not large enough, so I borrowed a station wagon from some parents of the youth, Loy and Connie Newby. As we left Greensboro and began the trek down I-85, we were excited and loud, a regular car full of regular young men. Somewhere in South Carolina we found a radio station that was doing a unique event. It was a song challenge. They would play 2 songs to battle each other, and then a third song while people called in their votes. This being WAY before cell phones, we couldn't vote, but it was fun to listen. The winning song would then be give another competitor and played again. After a few rounds of this, the AC/DC song Highway to Hell became the champion. And then it won again. And again. And again! We soon grew sick of the song (it finally lost to the Beatles!) but we realized then and there this trip had a theme, and it was not a good one! Entering Georgia, we stopped at a truck stop for gas and several of us decided to try a Nehi Peach Soda, which may have been the most disgusting thing I have ever tried to drink, and remember, I was a youth pastor and was used to disgusting things! But finally, we arrived in Atlanta.

After checking in at our hotel, a Ramada Inn (I think) across from Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, we headed over for the game. It was exciting to be there when the crowd was actually thinking the Braves could win. We settled in and watched as the Braves lost for the first time that year. Bob Horner hit a home run for the Braves, but I missed it while standing in line for food. More signs- but we still didn't see them. As we left the game it was still light out, so we decided to walk up and visit the golden dome of the Georgia state capitol building which was just up the street.

I should tell you a little about the group. Marshall Ratledge, later to become a Quaker Lake legend himself; Danny and Darek Newby (whose parents loaned me the car), who were both black belts in some sort of martial arts; Jimmy Hale, a golfer; Bruce Reynolds, football player and track star; and myself made up our merry band. We were all dressed in classic preppy, and we headed into downtown Atlanta on foot absolutely clueless of what we were about to encounter. As we started down the sidewalk we had came to a group of young men who were standing on corner, and smiled as we came to them. One of them stepped out and asked if we had a match. None of us were smokers, but we felt in our pockets and acted disappointed that we could not help out. We then continued on. We saw the dome, and were not impressed, so we started back to the hotel, now walking the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street. As we reached the bridge over I-20 and started across, we began to hear voices yelling. We looked across the street, and it was our friends who wanted a match. I could here one of them yelling "6 on 6! Come on, 6 on 6!" In my coolest leader voice I said to the guys "just ignore them and keep walking." Then the first glass beer bottle hit near us and shattered, and, still being cool, I said "pick up the pace." As more more bottles hit, and finally a plastic flask full of liquor, I very calmly shouted "RUN!!!!" As we sprinted up the slight hill towards a stop light where a policeman was directing traffic, three very interesting things were happening. They had come to our side of the street, but weren't really chasing us. We were sprinting, and I was in FRONT, meaning I was out-running our track star Bruce! And finally, as I counted heads, I kept getting 5, when there were in fact 6 of us! I looked back to see that Darek was not running. He was very calmly walking behind us. When we all reached the corner, we hurried to tell the police officer the whole story. He just starred at me. After lecturing me for walking downtown in the early evening in a city where gangs ruled, he then cut to the chase. "A match" he informed us, "is gang talk for a fight. When they were yelling 6 on 6 they were calling you out. When you walked by them and checked your pockets for a real match, they took that as a sign of disrespect. Now go back to your hotel and DO NOT leave it again tonight!"  We did just that. After arriving in our rooms, we locked every lock we could find, and then began talking trash about how we could have beaten them...to ourselves, of course! We also began to question what good it was two have 2 black belts with us if they were not going to protect us. What could have been a real disaster turned into a memory I will never forget, and I suspect they won't either. I have been to Atlanta with groups many times since, and I never fail to tell the story of the night the 6 preppies almost got in a gang fight!

On the trip back we only had one major incident. We were filling the gas tank when the automatic shut off on the pump failed, and we pumped a few gallons of gas all over the car and the parking lot. All in all, we survived the "highway to hell" and lived to tell about it. And as with many other youth trips over the years, this shared history became a cornerstone of our relationships.  And our relationships with each other lead to a better understanding of our relationship with God.

I suppose there should be a moral to this story, so here it is: NEVER drink Nehi Peach Soda!


Because of Jesus,

Throwback Thursday: Let Me Be There

Christmas Party -  There were 50+  youth in our
2 bedroom, 1 bath home!

For me, Throwback Thursdays don't get much better than this memory. In March of 1994, after 8 glorious years of service, it was time for Marilyn and I to leave Springfield Friends Meeting. It was was one of the hardest decisions we ever made. Before we left, the church threw us a farewell party. There were food, skits, music, laughter, tears and lots of gifts, including money and pies. The pies were given to us in the face (and on top of the head- both Marilyn and I were covered in whipped cream!) and things got a little crazy, but the kids in the youth group were not quite done yet. They wanted to sing one more song. One last song together. For the previous songs they had performed that night, Bob Spencer, our choir director, had played guitar for them. For this last song they wanted me to play - and they wanted to sing Let Me Be There. The song was an old country/pop tune that had been a hit for Olivia Newton John in the 1970's, and that we had been singing at TNT for a number of years. I never thought of it as a spiritual song- we made up special parts, sang it with great gusto and it was just fun. But as we sang it for the last time, the meaning of the words became crystal clear to me and the only thing that kept me from breaking down was the whipped cream in my eyes.  Here are those lyrics:

Wherever you go, wherever you may wander in your life

Surely you know, I always want to be there

Holding your hand, and standing by to catch you when you fall

Seeing you through in everything you do

Let me be there in your morning

Let me be there in your night

Let me change whatever's wrong

and make it right (make it right)

Let me take you through that wonderland

that only two can share

All I ask you is let me be there (oh let me be there)

Watching you grow and going through the changes in your life

That's how I know, I always want to be there

Whenever you feel you need a friend to lead on, here I am

Whenever you call, you know I'll be there

Christmas Party Overflow Room!

Now, some 20 years later, that song (minus the "wonderland" line!) has become the very definition of student ministry in my mind. Being there for one another in the name of Jesus is a great privilege and a true calling- and one far too many ministries fail to see as important. In youth ministry, relationships are job #1. At SFM, we GOT that. I spent 8 years "being there" for one of the greatest groups of kids anyone has ever had the privilege to serve, and they were there for me and for each other. The love we shared remains strong to this day. God had called Marilyn and I to a new ministry, and we were faithful to that calling. But as someone once wrote, "Miles may separate as life moves along, but the bond between friends will remain ever strong." As I write this, I suddenly wish I had some whipped cream in my eyes...  I love you guys. Have a blessed and happy Thursday!

Because of Jesus,

#TBT: Youth Ministry Made Simple...er

A vintage post for a Throwback Thursday...

I was a youth pastor for about 28 years, and have been out of the ministry for nearly 8 years now. And today I am going to share the most important thing I know about ministry to students, something that has become more clear to me the longer I have been away from serving churches. You want to know the key to simplifying student ministry? Want to know the one thing you can do (because Jesus does the rest!) that makes youth ministry have a lasting impact in the lives of teenagers? Well listen up, because here it is. Go where the youth are. That's it. And here's why....

All of pictures on this post have one thing in common- not a one of them was taken at a church! One of the first things I ever learned as a youth pastor was that waiting for students to show up at church was not an effective way to build relationships with them or to help them grow in their relationships with Jesus. Unless they grow up in the church, lots of students are a little scared of the place. I was taught early on that in order to really let kids know that you care, you had to meet them on"their turf." That meant seeing them at their homes, their schools and their extra-curricular activities. So I did. Like most professional (and many volunteer) youth workers I ate many school lunches, was attacked by numerous household pets (and a couple of parents) and spent many a happy moment with students in restaurants and arcades. And I spent hours- more hours than you could count or would believe- at sporting events, band concerts, dance recitals, school fund-raisers, cheer-leading competitions, school plays, piano recitals and much more. There was nothing quite as good for the ministry's PR as being at football games in Trinity, NC or Waycross, GA on a Friday night and being seen by the entire community. There was nothing quite as odd as going to swimming, gymnastics or badminton competitions when I was in Hinsdale, IL  (It is hard to cheer for a badminton match and look enthusiastic. "Kill that birdie, kill that birdie, GO GO!") and seeing the stunned looks on the faces of the students who could not believe I actually showed up. No matter the event, I made an effort to see each student in action at least once a "season." It was important ministry- even though I did have one church tell me that the hours spent at such events did not count as work (that same church at one point actually had me punching a time clock). I would submit to you now that not only did those hours count, but in many ways they were Job #1.

Sometimes the events themselves were quite tedious. I remember going to a three hour piano recital to see two students perform- and both of them played in the last 15 minutes! I remember going to soccer match after soccer match, trying desperately to pretend I enjoyed the sport. I pulled for incredibly bad football teams, watched horrific marching bands and clapped loudly for off-key violin players. I also saw some amazing things over the years. But in reality, the results didn't matter. What mattered was being there. I loved seeing students after the event, in the lunch room or at their home and hearing the question:  "Why are you here?" When I gave them the simple answer- "To see you"- their smiles told me I had just taken a step towards a real relationship with a teenager. And real relationships open doors for sharing Jesus.

Another great thing that happens when you are "there" is that you impact more than just the students you already know. Their friends begin to ask who you are and why you are there. You meet new kids and start new relationships. Or you visit their homes and connect in new ways with parents.It is an amazing thing. Many of my best memories and answered prayers involve youth whose parents did not attend the churches I worked at, but came to us through relationships built away from the church buildings. It is important for people in any kind of ministry to remember that Jesus had no "church home." He was always out among the people. And that is where we need to be as well.

The movie Field of Dreams taught us that "if you build it, they will come." While it is one of my favorite movies, when it comes to youth ministry (and ministry in general) that particular statement is a lie. The truth is much closer to this- If you show them you care, they will come. So as my old buddy Geoff Moore would say, "It's time to get out there- and play ball!" It's time to cut back on office work, skip a few staff meetings and get out there and love students- on their turf!  Youth work is hard. But it can be a little bit simpler if we remember that relationships are Job #1. They don't care how much we know until they know how much we care.  It's a truth that will never change.

Because of Jesus,

We Called it "Black Thursday"

I have mentioned several times on this blog that taking week long trips with youth is in many ways like a miniature version of MTV's The Real World. Living together for a week or so presents many challenges. If you have ever watched the show, you know that at some point many of the relationships start to unravel and fall apart. Youth trips are no different.

You see, it doesn't matter how much you love each other or love Jesus, a week of someone never picking up their dirty underwear, leaving wet swim suits on your bed or not flushing the toilet can start to wear on you. The anger inside you starts to build, but you hold it in. Then, suddenly, and usually completely unexpected by the person in question, you lose it. You throw the wet suit at them; their dirty underwear ends up in the ocean; or you just start screaming. On our trips, we could usually predict about when these things would happen. We called it Black Thursday.

As a youth pastor I could always see the storm clouds gathering, I just didn't know where the lightning would strike! I learned, however, that there was always one place to look first- middle school girls. Many a Black Thursday (and to be honest, pretty much every youth group drama!) began because a room full of 12-14 year old girls just couldn't take each other anymore. It might be one of the things I listed above; more often, it was all about one of two issues. Either one girl was jealous that two of the girls were spending more time with each other than with her, or it was about a boy. Someone had a crush on a boy, but the boy liked someone else in the room, or another of the girls had been flirting with him- it could be any number of things. But it usually led to screaming, yelling, name calling and the occasional punch. It was never pretty.

As the years went by, I began to plan for Black Thursday. We would talk about it all week. Our Wednesday devotions would be about avoiding it. One year I even staged a fight between two high school guys (that story is told here) to help relieve the tension. But still- Black Thursday almost always came.

The point today is this; youth groups (and churches) are full of humans. None of us are perfect, and our flaws often stand out for all to see when placed in a situation where we are living life together as Acts 2:42 suggests we do. A great life lesson was learned on those trips if any of our students began to understand what it means to offer grace and forgiveness to someone who, quite frankly, you just can't stand at the moment. Remember, Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who wish evil on you. My guess is he said that on a Thursday...

Because of Jesus,

Living the "One Another" Life

I had a dream that I was speaking

With a prophet from the land of wise

In a crowd of people from the land

Of troubled hearts

I said, "We've come here for answers

A solution to our world's demise"

He said, "The journey would be long

But here's where you start..."

Love One Another!

The above lyrics are are from the 1992 Michael W. Smith song, Love One Another (words by Wayne Kirkpatrick). They speak to a basic theology that is often misplaced or missing altogether in today's world- and worse yet in today's church. We manage to make things so theologically complicated, when in fact Jesus bottom-lined it for us all those years ago. The Great Commandment- love God, love people. Life with God is all about relationships.

Scripture is full of One Anothers. Ways that we should respond to the people around us if we want to be in God's will and God's love. I can't help but think that if we were to live by these scriptural commands that our lives- and this world- would be a MUCH better place. Imagine if we all would:

• A new commandment I give you- Love one another. (John 13:34)
• Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
• Live in harmony with one another.  (Romans 12:16)
• Stop passing judgement on one another.  (Romans 14:13)
• Accept one another, even as Christ accepted you.  (Romans 15:7)
• Greet one another with a holy kiss.  (2 Corinthians 13:12)
• Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  (Ephesians 4:2)
• Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  (Ephesians 4:32)
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  (Ephesians 5:21)
• Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
• Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  (Colossians 3:13)
• And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  (Hebrews 10:24)
• Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  (Hebrews 10:25)
• Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  (1 Peter 5:5)
• This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.  (1 John 3:11)

And those are just a few of the at least 59 one another scriptures. It should be as plain as the nose on our face- we are here to take care of each other, no matter who or what we are, and no matter who or what others may do. There is no way out. In Genesis, when Cain asks God if he is his brother's keeper, we now know that God's answer is a resounding YES! We cannot be in the will of God if we judge first, admonish first or seek to change first. Our first task is always...ALWAYS...to love and care for one another. If our churches would simply heed these admonitions from scripture, our churches could change the world in a real way.

But perhaps more importantly, if we would focus all of the energy we spend on judgement and condemnation on loving others, it would change US. If we would live the One Another Life our priorities would change, our attitudes would change and our lives would change. We Christians say we want to follow the example of Christ. To do that, it is clear where must begin. Not by reading more books, listening to more sermons, building a more complete systematic theology or being louder with our words. If we want to be like Jesus, then we need to do what he did and believe what he taught. We have to die to ourselves and begin living the One Another Life. "The journey will be long, but here is where it starts..." 
Love One Another!

Because of Jesus,

Magic Moments: Pops

The Family

One of the great things about being in ministry with students is that you just never know when you will make a connection that will change their lives...and yours. Today's Throwback Thursday post is another in my series of youth ministry Magic Moments, and it features a group of girls who changed the way I saw ministry during my days at Quaker Lake Camp. They adopted me, and I them. And it was one of the best things that ever happened to me!

There are some moments that are frozen in time. You can close your eyes and picture a moment from 35 years ago as clearly as if it happened yesterday. For me, one of those moments took place at Quaker Lake after a closing campfire. Everyone was saying their goodbyes on the softball field, when I noticed a lone camper, standing out by the pitcher's mound, crying. I walked over to her and asked her what was wrong, only to discover she had just been dumped by her camp boyfriend of the week. I knew her name was Laura Wheeler, but I didn't really know her very well. That frozen moment, however, was the beginning of one of the great friendships of my life.

Tesh, Tutterow, Tully & Wheels

We talked a long time that night, and in the months that followed wrote on occasion. By the following summer I couldn't wait until she came to camp. She and her cabin mates- Christen Hayworth, Jane Terrell, Jane Tesh, Debbie Tully, Angie Swaim, Mollie (Zowie! It's Mowwie!) Edwards and later, Sharron Tutterow, became "my girls." Christen and Laura started calling me Pops (I was all of 20!) and it stuck. The whole group eventually called me Pops, and we not only hung out at camp, but got together for dinner in the off-season and even had a Christmas party together. For the first time (but not the last) I became too attached to the youth I worked with. When Debbie had surgery, I was there. When Laura became sick, her parents called me and and I spent time with her at the hospital. I watched her suffer, struggle and recover, and we became incredibly close. These were not students in my youth ministry, they were "one week a year" kids from camp- but they meant the world to me. We shared great times and

Extended Family at Winter Camp

great sorrows, and I learned what it means to really be in ministry with a group of kids. It takes everything, just like Jesus said it would. I was no hero and I made plenty of missteps along the way, but I gave them everything I had, and they did the same. They gave me a Pops sweatshirt that I loved dearly. I stayed connected to a few of them after those camp days, and all of them are often on my mind and in my prayers. I know that some have beautiful families of their own and people in their lives who love them the way they loved me. Quaker Lake was never about the camp. It was always about the people. And for this "Pops," those people were some of the best. I still text with Laura on occasion, and I would LOVE to hear from any of the rest of the family...

Some Magic Moments last a few seconds. Others last for years. The very best ones never leave you. This goes on the short list of the ones that have never, ever left me. The relationships we built and shared shaped my ministry over the following 2o+ years and made me a far better youth pastor than I would have ever been without them. Thanks girls. And I am FINALLY old enough to really be called Pops now...even though you're no spring chickens yourselves!  :)

Because of Jesus,

Peace on Earth

Today is the second Sunday of Advent, and I want to talk about the candle of Peace. The prophet Isaiah, when listing the names of the coming Messiah, said that He would be called the "Prince of Peace." And in fact, Jesus does bring a spirit of peace and love to the hearts and souls of many people each day. But when it comes to peace in our world, those same followers of Jesus have often done precious little to help the cause. The Christian church has often been at the forefront of causing divisions in our world rather than helping to heal them. We are so quick to point out our "superiority" and the faults, flaws and differences in others that we fail to grasp the fact that the love of God is meant to bind us together, not separate us.

Over the past 30 years or so, the evangelical church has often supported political positions that make us seem like war-mongers. We worry about being safe from communists, terrorists and others who wish USAmerica ill, so we build vast armies and greater weapons.  We live in a world where some defense is needed, I suppose. But we too frequently use violence as a first choice instead of the final option. This shows an incredible lack of faith in God. The great Tom Leher once wrote about Israel, "The Lord's our shepherd says the Psalm, but just in case- we're gonna' build a bomb!" Our strength should be found in our faith, not in our weapons. We ignore Jesus' teachings about being peacemakers because they do not fit in with our fears. On the world stage the followers of Jesus have too often failed to honor the Prince of Peace with our actions.

Why is this? I believe it is because we fail to be peacemakers as individuals. I grew up knowing too many "church" people who talked of peace- and were willing to fight with anyone who disagreed with them! We cannot bring peace to the world if we can't bring it to our homes and relationships. I cannot have anger and hatred towards my next door neighbor and expect to bring the love of Christ to the larger stage. I cannot reach out to a hurting world if I don't make peace with my own family. When I was in the 8th grade, the school chorus I was in sang a song at our Christmas program called Let There Be Peace On Earth. The message was simple- if there is to be peace on our planet, it must begin with each of us. One relationship at a time. I have heard the song hundreds of times since, and it never fails to move me. The angels left the shepherds with a promise of "peace on earth and goodwill towards men" on that most holy night we celebrate at Christmas time. If peace is to begin with you, then who is it you must make peace with? Who must you forgive? Who must you ask for forgiveness? Who must you compromise with in the name of love? Read the lyrics to Let There Be Peace On Earth (or click that link to hear it on YouTube) and decide- in a country where we spend endless hours discussing our differences, what will YOU do to bring us together? It's Christmas. Light the candle of peace in your soul- choose to make a difference. Choose peace. 

Let there be peace on earth,

And let it begin with me.

Let there be peace on earth

The peace that was meant to be.

With God as our father

We are family.

Let us walk with each other

In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me

Let this be the moment now.

With every step I take

Let this be my solemn vow.

To take each moment

And live each moment

With peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth,

And let it begin with me.

Jesus, the only hope for me is you...and you alone!

Youth Ministry Oops

My Twitter buddy and veteran youth worker Paul Turner tweeted yesterday that youth pastors should remember to be in touch with students who may have missed their weekend youth events to let them know they were missed.  It was a great reminder to stay focused on the students and continuing to build relationships and community in youth ministry.  It also reminded me of 3 epic Oops committed by a large, very successful youth ministry in the life of my own son a few years back that left him with a bad taste in his mouth for youth group.  I hope this story will serve as a warning to all of you who love students.

When we first moved back to Tampa in the summer of 2007, Will became a regular and very active participant in a local student ministry. He attended their primary youth meeting event Sunday evenings.  He went on retreats and attended special events.  Very few of the students attended his school, and he did not have many close friends in the group, but for the most part he enjoyed going. In the summer of 2008 he was part of week long local missions camp where they stayed on campus at the church for the entire week. We did not learn this until much later, but during one of the nightly worship times that week he went forward for prayer.  The youth pastor, who by then had known him for over a year, prayed for him by the wrong name.  It wasn't just an error. She did not know his name.  And that really hurt Will- as it would any of us.  Oops #1.

Will continued to attend as the school year began, albeit with less enthusiasm.  We sometimes had to make him go.  Then one week, after he had been a youth on the previous 3 Sundays in a row, he received a "missing you" card from the youth staff.  We assumed it was just a simple mistake, but a few weeks later it happened again.  Will was no doubt feeling invisible, and as a long time youth pastor I understood why.  He did not feel part of the community, and the leaders seemed not to know who he was.  And being part of that ministry became less and less important to him.  Oops #2.

After 2 years of pretty regular participation, Will began to drop out. He no longer wanted to go to special events on on retreats. We had to fight him to get him to attend at all.  And as he pulled away from that ministry, not once did anyone from the youth staff call him or visit him.  Not once did anyone stop by his school for lunch or offer to buy him a milk shake. He had no relationships, and he felt no community. I had always said I would not be one of those parents who forced his kid to go to youth group- I had seen first hand for years what a disaster that can be.  Will wanted out, and with no sign of anyone in the ministry really caring, we let him drop out.  If they had only reached out to him...  Oops #3.

Now the story has a happy ending, although not one I would have ever scripted. We explored the high school ministry as he began 9th grade, and I even took the new high school pastor to lunch and explained my frustrations.  To his credit, he did make an effort to involve Will.  But it was too late.  Will had found community and relationships with a different group- the drumline of his school marching band. The church changed their youth group to Wednesday evenings, a time when Will could not attend (Oops #4?). His life began to revolve around the people and activities of the band, just as mine and so many students who passed through my groups had revolved around a youth ministry.  And now, as a senior, those drummers are the most important people in his life.  He still loves church, and we attend worship (at that same church) on a regular basis.  He still loves Jesus.  We are blessed by those things.  But the bottom line, youth ministry failed my son.

To get back to Paul's tweet, I always felt like if a student missed a week, there was most likely a good reason.  If they missed 2 weeks, I needed to let them know they were missed. If they missed 3, then something was wrong. A pattern was forming, and I needed to talk to them and see what could be done.  Students want to be part of a community.  They want leaders to know their names. They don't want to feel invisible.  And they want to be missed when they are not around.  Students crave relationships. If the church does not provide them, they will seek it elsewhere. We got lucky, and Will found amazing friends in drumline who have been a huge positive in his life.  Others will find their community in far darker places.  Don't let your students become victims of the Oops.  Remember that relationships are job #1.

Because of Jesus,

Youth Ministry Made Simple...er

I was a youth pastor for about 28 years, and have been out of the ministry for about 6 years now.  And today I am going to share the most important thing I know about ministry to students, something that has become more clear to me the longer I have been away from serving churches.  You want to know the key to simplifying student ministry?  Want to know the one thing you can do (because Jesus does the rest!) that makes youth ministry have a lasting impact in the lives of teenagers?  Well listen up, because here it is.  Go where the youth are. That's it. And here's why....

All of pictures on this post have one thing in common- not a one of them was taken at a church!  One of the first things I ever learned as a youth pastor was that waiting for students to show up at church was not an effective way to build relationships with them or to help them grow in their relationships with Jesus.  Unless they grow up in the church, lots of students are a little scared of the place.  I was taught early on that in order to really let kids know that you care, you had to meet them on"their turf."  That meant seeing them at their homes, their schools and their extra-curricular activities.  So I did.  Like most professional (and many volunteer) youth workers I ate many school lunches, was attacked by numerous household pets (and a couple of parents) and spent many a happy moment with students in restaurants and arcades.  And I spent hours- more hours than you could count or would believe- at sporting events, band concerts, dance recitals, school fund-raisers, cheer-leading competitions, school plays, piano recitals and much more.  There was nothing quite as good for the ministry's PR as being at football games in Trinity, NC or Waycross, GA on a Friday night and being seen by the entire community.  There was nothing quite as odd as going to swimming, gymnastics or badminton competitions when I was in Hinsdale, IL  (It is hard to cheer for a badminton match and look enthusiastic.  "Kill that birdie, kill that birdie, GO GO!") and seeing the stunned looks on the faces on the students who could not believe I actually showed up.  No matter the event, I made an effort to see each student in action at least once a "season."  It was important ministry- even though I did have one church tell me that the hours spent at such events did not count as work (that same church at one point actually had me punching a time clock).  I would submit to you now that not only did those hours count, but in many ways they were Job #1.

Sometimes the events themselves were quite tedious.  I remember going to a three hour piano recital to see two students perform- and both of them played in the last 15 minutes!  I remember going to soccer match after soccer match, trying desperately to pretend I enjoyed the sport.  I pulled for incredibly bad football teams, watched horrific marching bands and clapped loudly for off-key violin players.  I also saw some amazing things over the years.  But in reality, the results didn't matter.  What mattered was being there.  I loved seeing students after the event, in the lunch room or at their home and hearing the question:  "Why are you here?"  When I gave them the simple answer- "To see you"- their smiles told me I had just taken a step towards a real relationship with a teenager.  And real relationships open doors for sharing Jesus.

Another great thing that happens when you are "there" is that you impact more than just the students you already know.  Their friends begin to ask who you are.  You meet new kids and start new relationships.  Or you visit their homes and connect in new ways with parents. It is an amazing thing.  Many of my best memories and answered prayers involve youth whose parents did not attend the churches I worked at, but came to us through relationships built away from the church buildings.  It is important for people in any kind of ministry to remember that Jesus had no "church home."  He was always out among the people.  And that is where we need to be as well.

The movie Field of Dreams taught us that "if you build it, they will come."  While it is one of my favorite movies, when it comes to youth ministry (and ministry in general) that particular statement is a lie.  The truth is much closer to this- If you show them you care, they will come.  So as my old buddy Geoff Moore would say, "It's time to get out there- and play ball!"  It's time to cut back on office work, skip a few staff meetings and get out there and love on students- on their turf!  Youth work is hard.  But it can be a little bit simpler if we remember that relationships are Job #1.  They don't care how much we know until they know how much we care.  It's a truth that will never change.

Because of Jesus,

DB3

As we head towards the third birthday of this blog on August 26, I want to share some of the vintage posts from the early days about some of the people who have been so special in my life.  I begin today with a post originally shared on September 10, 2009.


As I began this daily blog a couple of weeks ago, I knew I wanted to tell stories from my career in student ministry. I knew I wanted to inspire readers in their faith. I knew I wanted to share the people and places that had inspired me. I knew I wanted to share the times I had failed. And I knew I wanted you to know the people who had substantial influence on my ministry. My parents were the biggest influence, but I am not ready to tell that story just yet. So today I'll talk about a guy who got to me early and changed me forever.


When I first started attending New Garden Friends youth in 1972, Fred Edinger was the youth leader. I wasn't around Fred very much before he left and was replaced by Beth Phillips, who I knew from her work at Quaker Lake Camp, and David Brown III (pictured above holding video camera, along with me, Steve Semmler, Andy Maynard and an unknown guy), who was unlike anyone I had ever known...or seen! While I loved Beth and her quiet, calm leadership and friendship, David (known to us all as DB3) was a wild, charismatic figure who we were drawn to. He had long red hair, a longer red beard, and often wore a leather "hippie hat" like John Lennon used to wear. DB3 was the epitome of anti-establishment at a time when that was very cool. He was a Christ-centered Quaker who knew scripture and loved the Lord, but was totally radical in his actions and speech. He had gone to court to get conscientious objector status and stay out of Vietnam, and had amazing stories to tell about the courtroom and his alternative service as a CO. He was the first person who ever explained the Quaker peace testimony to me as an extension of the teachings of Jesus instead of just a social and political belief. At a time when far too many Quakers seemed ready to fight with those who didn't agree with their stance on the peace testimony (see the irony?), DB3 was living the life of a true pacifist, at least in the eyes of this young teenager. (Later on I would find a similar example in Frank Massey, who married the aforementioned Beth Phillips!) You could not help but learn simply by being around David Brown III.


But having said all that, what I really remember about DB3 was how much fun we had! He constantly pushed the boundaries of excepted "church" behavior, something that I copied from him my entire career. Whether it was doing strange and unexpected things when the youth led Meeting for Worship on Sunday, or teaching us Sardines, he never failed to keep things lively! He was constantly telling stories ( you never quite knew if they were true or not) and thinking of new, wild and wacky activities. Among the things I remember best was Kick the Can (in the graveyard!). New Garden is a very old Meeting, and the graveyard has tombstones dating back to the Revolutionary War and the Battle at Guilford Courthouse. And yet, on a regular basis, we would scatter throughout the graveyard and play kick the can, running and screaming and occasionally kicking a tombstone thinking it was the ball! I would later continue that tradition as youth leader. DB3 understood something that has since been expressed in this quote: "Sacred cows make the best hamburgers." He always pushed the limits in our activities and in our thinking, and we loved him for it. Many times in my life since I have used his inspiration to guide me in my decision making as I sought to help students become radical followers of Jesus Christ.


So here's to DB3, a great influence on my life and ministry! He helped forge a random group of people into a group of great friends, and pointed us all towards Jesus. I hope someone can look back at my ministry and say the same, because that is what it's all about!


Because of Jesus,

Mood Rings

This post is probably going to get me in trouble.  In addition to having been married for the past 25 years, many of my closest friends are female.  Many of my favorite youth from throughout my years as a youth pastor are female.  Many of my favorite Twitter followers and blog readers are female.  Many....most...of these ladies will read what follows, listen to the song below, and laugh.  Others will throw things at the screen.  I guess it will all depend on what mood they are in...


A couple of weeks ago Hall of Fame inductee Nina Mock (one of my former youth from Wesley Memorial UMC-Tampa) joined us at our regular Taco Tuesdaze dinner at Tijuana Flats.  Nina is a beautiful, intelligent, sweet and funny 26 year old who has never been afraid to tell me what she thinks- about most everything.  At one point on this particular evening the conversation turned to dating and relationships issues, and Nina weighed in quickly.  "I don't understand," she said, "why guys put up with girls.  Girls are crazy. If I was guy I'd just give up!"  She then suggested that if indeed she was a guy, she was not certain what her sexual preference might be...


In those few words Nina captured the feelings of so many of the males I worked with in student ministries over the years.  I cannot tell you the number of hours I spent consoling confused young men who, for reasons they could not begin to understand, had just been dumped.  In fairness, I talked to a lot of hurting females too. My response to Nina's comment about girls being crazy was to point out that guys are often idiots.  But the teenage guys were always so clueless as to what they had done wrong. It seemed that they very things that had made their girlfriends happy yesterday were the the very reasons were cut loose today.  I would try to explain that guys and girls think differently sometimes.  We are often motivated by different things.  As my old senior pastor Max Rees used to say when confused by the response of his wife or his 5 daughters, "Carl- women are not our kind of people!"  I have often said that trying to understand females is like predicting the weather.  You will be right on occasion, but face it- that's more luck than knowledge!  And when the males and females in question are teenagers and young adults, the odds of getting it right go way down.


In 2003 the great band Relient K proposed a solution to this issue from the male point of view.  What if we could just convince every female to wear a Mood Ring?  Perhaps then guys might have a chance of not succumbing to our basic instincts and saying something stupid at the wrong time.  When you are a teenager, nothing in life seems more important than dating and relationships.  It can be so overwhelming.  This song captures that struggle from the male perspective better than anything I have seen or heard before or since.  Please understand, this is not about women and moodiness.  It is about guys and their often complete and utter failure to understand what is going on in the hearts and minds of the fairer gender.  And even though I am 52, I have to admit there are days when it still holds very true.  So guys- I am with you!  And ladies- please know that most guys are trying really hard.  It is just that we can't quite " understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind..."  Enjoy!

Because of Jesus,