Oh the Places We'll Go, Part 1

I hope that faithful readers of this blog understand by now that youth ministry is many things, but dull is not one of them!  In my ministry we attacked the issues facing our students head-on as often as possible, often creating awkward moments and conversations.  But it was always worth it.  I used to tell adults in the church quite often that if every time the conversation takes a difficult turn we say "we don't talk about that here" then the church will become a place where they don't ever talk about anything important in their lives.  When you open yourself up to real issues, it can get controversial.  Today and tomorrow I will share two stories from the same weekend- one painful, one humorous- that demonstrate how complicated life as a youth pastor can be.

Sometime in the early 1990's we did a "relationships" retreat at Quaker Lake with youth from Springfield and High Point Friends Meetings.  We discussed relationships with parents, friends and with God.  We also dove into dating relationships, and the topic of sex.  We were serious about making this an open discussion, and parents had to sign waivers acknowledging that their children would be talking openly about sex.  We had a huge crowd- apparently the only thing that scared parents more than us talking to their youth about sex was the possibility that they might have to do it themselves!  The final night I led a session called Next Time I Fall In Love, which focused on commitment as the key to relationships.  The final point of the talk was no other aspect of your relationship should ever out-distance your level of commitment.  So if sex is ultimate in physical relationships, then you should reach the ultimate commitment relationship first.  And that, of course, is marriage.  I thought the whole things went really well until later that night.  One of the high school girls- a young lady to whom I was very close, who had talked to me numerous times about relationships and other difficult issues- handed me a letter.  In it, she described how she and her boyfriend of a year had just recently had sex for the first time.  She described how much they loved each other and how they were planning to get married someday.  She told me how after my talk she understood that I thought they had sinned, and that she guessed she couldn't count on me anymore since she was a failure in my eyes.  The letter ended with her writing "I guess I'm going to hell."

I was devastated.  I tried to talk to her but found she was too busy crying to hear what I had to say.  I had talked about grace and forgiveness and second chances, but she had missed that part after hearing me condemn her actions.  I prayed that I would get another chance to be her friend and her confidant so I could continue making a difference in her life for Jesus.  I did, but it took a long time.  She and her boyfriend broke up, but she felt like she couldn't come to me about it.  She started dating again, and the relationship became abusive.  Only after all of that was over did she show up at my house one afternoon and tell me everything so we could cry about it together. 

Reality is messy.  Teenagers are extremely messy!  This story always served to remind me that talks and programs and events are all important parts of ministry, but in the end it is all about people and their relationships with Jesus. I was merely trying to serve God, but in doing so my actions drove this girl away from Him.  Truth often brings pain.  I gave that talk another 20 times in my career, but with a much heavier emphasis on God's love and forgiveness and our ability to start over with Jesus from where we are in any situation.  I still have the letter she wrote me as a reminder of just how messy ministry can be.  We have long since lost touch, but I will never forget that night.

On that night, messy was painful.  The next morning, messy turned hilarious!  See you tomorrow!

Because of Jesus,