Magic Moments: Warm Fuzzies

Have a blessed wedding day, Marie Allen!!! And Happy Halloween to one and all! To celebrate, this post features an evil witch! Enjoy!

Today's Throwback Thursday post puts us in the wayback machine and takes me back to one of my oldest memories- and then skips ahead to one of my favorite Magic Moments! Come along for the ride!

One of my earliest recollections of a vespers service at Quaker Lake Camp in the early 1970's is of someone reading Richard Lester's amazing little book, Fuzzies: A Folk Fable. It was first published in 1971. The picture to your left is a scan of the cover of my copy, which is well-used and no longer in one piece. That book has quite a history. We used it over and over at QLC during my years as a camper and a staff member, and even later when I was volunteering as Camp Pastor. I continued to use it during my years as a Youth Pastor in a variety of settings.  The story is timeless, and absolutely perfect for a discussion about what it takes to build and maintain a community of faith and trust. For those of you who may not know the tale, here's a synopsis:

Sad Fuzzies

Once upon a time there was a beautiful valley, unsoiled by the things of this world.  All the people had were each other. They didn't know enough to be fearful or suspicious, and they loved the opportunities to meet and greet one another each day. This was because of the Warm Fuzzies. These were happy little soft round furry creatures that loved to be picked up and held. Just holding one made you feel better. People would collect them, and then carry them around and exchange them with people as they would greet them each day. You never knew who might give you a Fuzzy. And the simple joys of  greeting, sharing and smiling wer so wonderful that the people of the valley never missed movie theaters, bowling alleys and fast food. Life was very good.

Unfortunately, Jaunita, the Head With in Charge of the Blahs, discovered the valley and set out to put a stop to all this happiness. She spread a rumor that there was terrible shortage of fuzzies. People began to hoard them, to lock them up and save them for themselves. Soon people stopped greeting each other with fuzzies, and then they stopped greeting each other altogether. At first the fuzzies were sad that they were no long being shared with the people of the valley. Then the locked up fuzzies began to wither and die. And soon, the fuzzies were just a memory and people began to look elsewhere for happiness.  The story ends with a grandmother recounting the good old days and telling her grandkids about the fuzzies and what life was like before the valley became a big city.  It ends with her saying, "I wonder what life would have been like if there hadn't been a shortage of fuzzies?"

I read this story dozens of times over the years, but no reading stands out quite like a night at Melbourne Beach, FL in 1995. It was my 2nd summer at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee, and we were holding our famous Last Gasp Summer Blowout. As we met in our meeting room for the final night's worship I was planning to use the story to talk about community and friendship. I read the book, shared a message, and passed out little colored fuzzy balls to the students. We then had a time of prayer and sharing, and a number of the youth began to talk about how important this community of faith was to them.  One of our school guys began to share about how youth group was the ONE place he always felt loved, no matter what- and tears began to flow. It became very emotional. At the conclusion of the time I encouraged them to share hugs and to also share the fuzzies they had been given.  The next 15 minutes were a total outpouring of love. You could literally SEE this "group" become a family right in front of your eyes.  The fuzzies became very real symbols of all the family of God could and should be, and many of them went home with youth as treasured keepsakes of that night.  I remember hugging everyone in the room, some of them more than once, and telling them how much I loved them. And unlike many emotional "mountintop" moments in ministry, this one never went away. We talked about it for years because we still felt that connection. In fact, years later when I was leaving that church, several of the young ladies who were there that night gave me a collage of adventures we had shared together- and as you can see. the frame is decorated with fuzzies.  That night at the Quality Suites was not just a Magic Moment. It was even better- it was a GOD MOMENT! And none of us who were there were ever quite the same...

So don't miss the chance to share a warm fuzzy- a smile, a hug, a handshake or a laugh- with the people you encounter today.  Let there be no shortage of fuzzies!

Because of Jesus,

7 Things: The Last Gasp Summer Blowout!

With the reunion just days away (and Teresa Reep Tysinger arriving at my house today!!!) I am going to offer up some great Kissimmee memories between now and Saturday.  Most have appeared previously on this blog, but it seem seems appropriate to share them again!  Enjoy!

Every church I ever served as Youth Pastor, it always seemed there was one annual trip or program that became the signature event at that location.  At New Garden Friends Meeting it was our Marathon Lock-Ins.  At Springfield Friends Meeting it was TNT.  At the the First United Methodist Church, I believe it was the Last Gasp Summer Blowout.  Each of my six summers in Kissimmee we took a weekend trip to Melbourne Beach (technically Indiatlantic Beach) for a time of sun, fun, fellowship and worship.  These were some amazing weekends, and today I present another of my lists of 7 Things, this time about those Blowouts.  Enjoy!

1. The first two years (1994, '95) we took this trip in mid-August.  The other 4 were held Labor Day Weekend.  The first year we actually drove back on Sunday morning and did a Youth Sunday where we led worship that we had planned during the weekend.  Not sure whose idea that was...
2. Once we quit the bonehead Youth Sunday planning idea after 1994, every year had a theme.  In chronological order they were:  Love One Another;  Hitting a Home Run in Our Spiritual Lives;  Consuming Fire;  Crossing the Line;  and Into Jesus. 

3. We stayed at the Quality Suites in on the beach for all but one of those years.  The Suites had received major hurricane damage and we had to say at the Sheraton.  Our one year there we had a meeting room on an upper floor (great room with an incredible view), and after worship one night we celebrated a birthday (I believe Lauren Carr's) with cupcakes.  When I left the room that night, I found cupcake debris everywhere; there had been a food fight.  The elevator down to my room was covered in icing.  We cleaned it up and the culprits were taken care of in proper fashion.  I have been prejudiced against cupcakes ever since. But not Coopcakes. Meagan. I know I will love Coopcakes!
4. The rooms at the Quality Suites had oceanfront balconies, and in one of the early years (maybe the first) some of the guys took to throwing ice at some of the girls out on their balconies.  Erin Auginblick got hit by a piece, and we decided to make a point about the ice throwing.  She came down to our next meeting having been made up (I seem to recall Brook Teoli doing the make up, but that may be wrong) to look like her eye was all black and blue, and we made the guys feel like dirt for throwing the ice.  Later, when the scam was revealed, everyone had a good laugh and my point was made.  Every now and then you get one right...
5. The beach in that area was very rocky, and it seemed like every time we were there the riptide was really bad.  So we spent most of our beach time in the pool.  I have great memories of that pool, including tossing my very young son Will (born in July, 1995) up an catching him.  He loved it, except for the one time I dropped him and he went under...but that was not so bad either!  We also had some massive "chicken fights."  I also remember having some great discussions and fellowship times in the jacuzzi by the pool, which we took advantage of quite often, even very late at night.

6. In 1998 (I think) our worship leaders for the weekend were our old friends from Hawaii, the band Spooky Tuesday (at right with Darin Miller).  By then they had done two concerts for us in Kissimmee and we loved them.  I remember two things about them being with us:  they rented a surf board from a local shop and somehow broke it.  And at some point that weekend, they taught us a new song called Prince of Peace.  Jessica & Kevin (far left) later e-mailed me the chords and lyrics and it became a signature song for our student ministry.
7. The closing worship services for these weekends became legend (wait for it...)ary.  The year of the cupcakes I did a dramatic story about a young woman who gave up on herself.  I used a clay statue of a girl to illustrate the story, pouring different color paints on her to represent her moods and feelings.  When she reaches her lowest point and is considering suicide, I pulled out a hidden hammer and SMASHED the green ware.  Pieces went everywhere, and the group was stunned.  I then brought out another, new replica statue and talked about how Jesus can restore us and heal us even in our darkest hours.   It was an awesome night.  But it was not the best closing worship in Melbourne.  That would be the year I told the story of the Warm Fuzzies.  Everyone was given colored fluffy balls to share with their friends as they told them how much they meant to them.  Connor Lewis made us all cry, and then the spirit just spread around the room as every one shared their feelings.  It was one of the best nights of worship I have ever been a part of, and it is representative of how special all those Last Gasp Summer Blowouts were. 

Those are some of my favorite memories of the Last Gasp.  If you were ever a part of those epic adventures, I would love to hear yours.  Be blessed, my friends!

Because of Jesus,

7 Tips For Student Ministry Trips

Me napping in Nashville- 1999 Mission Trip

Trips were always among my favorite things about being in student ministry, and I led a bunch of them over my 28 years of service- by my best estimate somewhere in the neighborhood of 100!  There were more than a dozen trips to NYC; nearly 20 trips to Myrtle Beach; 10 or so ski trips; international trips to Mexico and the Bahamas; and various trips to DC, Nashville, Chicago, Spartanburg, Walt Disney World and Dungannon, VA.  There were also retreats, concerts and Night of Joy/Rock the Universe, as well as various day trips.  We traveled a lot, and my former students tell me those trips were among the best things they have ever experienced.  Over those years I compiled a lot of miles in vans and learned a lot of tips to help keep me sane!  Today I share 7 of my worst kept secrets with you.  Not included is the important but obvious tip, "Never pass up an opportunity to take a nap!"  I hope you enjoy this list...

1)  Know Your Purpose - Every trip should have a main purpose; if not, I'm not sure why you would be taking it.  And whatever that main purpose is, build the trip around it.  Mission trips are obvious, but most every other trip you need to advertise and schedule to fit your purpose.  When we went to Myrtle Beach, our purpose was fellowship, and we said so.  It would have been unfair and purpose-defeating to schedule 6 hours of study or service each day.  But there was nothing wrong with a house meeting, devo and worship at the end of each day to remind them why our group exists in the first place- that was a part of the fellowship.  Don't try to pull a bait & switch on your students.  Know your purpose.

Me expressing my expectations at
Myrtle Beach, 2004

2)  Express Expectations - I have known some excellent, effective youth pastors who never took a trip without passing out a 3 page list of rules for the event.  That was never my style.  Instead, I was a big believer in shared expectations.  I would always sit my groups down on the first night and tell them what a privilege it was to be on that particular trip.  I would remind them that they were representing their church, and that the name was on the side of the van.  I would encourage them to remember that they were representing Jesus, and that their actions reflected on our Savior.  And finally, I would share with them the knowledge that their behavior would determine whether future groups would ever get to enjoy the hotel, campground, restaurant or conference center that they were currently enjoying.  I am a firm believer that expecting teenagers to do the right thing is a far better deterrent than giving them a list of things you think they will do wrong.
3)  Music - If you are taking a van, make sure you have a system in place for controlling the music the driver has to listen to.  In the old days, the co-pilot (usually another adult) controlled the radio.  Once cassette players and then CD players became a factor, I always had a rule that anyone could pass up music to be played, but they were limited to 3 songs.  This meant if they passed up something awful (like, for instance, rap!) we knew it would be over fairly quickly.  Now, with I-pods, I think it is important to schedule some "group music" time, letting kids pass up their MP3 players and using the 3 song rule.  Every trip needs a soundtrack.  In any case, make sure you bring plenty of music you like so you can educate them in the good stuff.  And always- ALWAYS! - begin a trip with Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.  Don't ask why.  Just do it!

Sometimes culture is overrated...

4)  Cultural Experiences - In my experience, many of the students I worked with over the years were traveling with me to places they would have never gotten to visit without our ministry.  It is important to remember that fact, and to make sure the kids get a cultural education while there.  Eat at local restaurants, not fast food chains.  Visit parts of the city where they will encounter the poor and homeless and feel a little threatened.  Take time to see the sights they have read about and studied but never been to.  Minister to the whole person, and the things you teach them about faith will seem much more relevant and real.
5)  Outside the Lines - This is a bit controversial, and is one you can only do if you have already built great relationships with the students you serve- but it is soooo worth it!  Take your group and intentionally do something you previously told them not to do.  Break a rule!  For instance, at the beach we always said don't go in the ocean after dark.  Take them all swimming at midnight.  In New York we would sometimes hike to Times Square at 2 AM, or turn left coming out of the Milford Plaza (a real no-no!) just so they could see some real NYC night life.  Extend curfew on the last night of a retreat and order pizza.  Don't be reckless, but show them you know how to get a little crazy.  And make sure everyone is invited to join in.  These types of things will change the way they see you and provide your group with stories they will never forget.

They don't seem to be suffering too much at
the seafood buffet!

6)  Do Something Just For You  - Not a big deal on a weekend trip, but if you're going to be gone for a while you need to schedule something just for you.  When we would go to Myrtle Beach, for example, I would always plan a group meal at one of the all-you-can-eat Calabash style seafood buffets.  I didn't care if the youth liked seafood or not.  That was my reward for sleeping in a house with 45 teenagers for a week.  If your spouse travels with you, plan a time for just the two of you to get away, and maybe take a carriage ride through Central Park.  Youth trips should be all about the students for the most part, but doing something for yourself helps preserve your sanity- and that's good for your youth too!
7)  Be Relentless/The Trust Factor  - A mom from one of my groups, who took several trips with us a chaperon, once wrote that she was amazed at the trust I gave my students.  She was also amazed at the way they responded to being trusted and loved.  That was very cool to hear.  She then went on to write about the other part of the story, which is that "with Carl, there is no unplanned moment.  The opportunities for mischief are few and far between."  Both of these things are true.  I trusted them unless one of them they showed me they didn't deserve it, and I always kept them busy.  Even during free times I kept them focused on The Next Big Thing.  The one catch to this theory is that you have to match their energy and enthusiasm, because you have to model what you want them to do.  

Melbourne Beach, 1996.  Every group photo
captures a unique moment in our lives.  

So why do I think these suggestions are worth sharing?  Because in 28 years of youth ministry, I cannot think of a single trip I look back on and wish we had not taken. I never sent a student home from a trip- and only 1 time did I even think about it.  We never went anyplace that didn't invite us to return.  In fact, my groups were allowed to rent the fabulous Betsy B for years after the realty company quit renting it to youth groups.  The Milford Plaza Hotel in NYC once went 10 years without ever raising our room rates.  We were loved everywhere we went.  And perhaps most importantly, we always found a way to get done whatever it was we went to do, and to do it in the name of Jesus.  Did we have issues and misadventures?  Absolutely!  But so does life.  Trips can be the lifeblood of the youth group experience.  I hope these tips will help your next trip be as sensational as the hundreds I was blessed to enjoy.

Because of Jesus,

Rock The House!



Edyn, Alex, Lexi, Kristin, Skylar, Sean, Zach & Justin



In March of 2004 I took the group pictured above from Wesley Memorial UMC on a retreat to talk about their parents.  Now it's never hard to get teenagers to talk about their parents- as a matter of fact, I always joked that anytime I felt a discussion dying at youth group I would just bring up parents and everyone would want to to talk at once!  But that was because they wanted to complain.  This retreat- called Rock The House and based on a video curriculum by Wayne Rice- was to look at the responsibilities of being a Christian child.  I took a small group (after scaring people off with promises of actual lessons), and we spent time as a group and one-on-one talking about how they could help their parents understand them better.  We had a marvelous weekend with great discussions and came up with some worthwhile action plans to take home.  We had lots of fun, ate some great meals together and continued to build relationships amongst ourselves.  But 2 of my primary memories of that weekend are a little weird-  so, of course, I wanted to share them with you!

First of all (and I just confirmed this a week ago over lunch with Zach) this was the weekend that began a tradition of Zach Wehr and Justin Overstreet wrestling everywhere we went.  As you can tell from the headlock in the picture, Justin was a good deal bigger (and older) than Zach- but that didn't stop them from having some amazing bouts.  No motel room was safe when those guys were on the loose.  And we loved watching them go at it.  No matter how cold we tried to make the rooms, when the elbow drops and the body slams began, the sweating did too.  The matches quite often ended with Justin sitting on Zach and proclaiming himslef the champion.  It became a very surreal form of entertainment for all of us.

Secondly, this weekend holds a unique place in my 28 years career as a youth pastor.  In those years I served 8 different ministries and led over 150 trips and retreats.  And this is the only one where I simply cannot tell you where it took place (Zach couldn't remember either).  I know I went online and found a cheap motel a little over an hour north of Tampa along state highway 19.  I don't remember which city we were near, or even which motel chain we used.  I have tried to re-create the event in my mind, but I've got nothing. I know it had no meeting room, and we used my room as the "group room" for our lessons.  I know it had no restaurant and we had to travel for food.   Somehow all of this added to the charm of the weekend.  A small group, some great sessions, wonderful worship and incredible fellowship somehow happened in a place so unimportant that we don't remember it at all. 

The moral of the story?  I have no idea!  I just know that whether it was Myrtle Beach, NYC, Nashville, Quaker Lake or Tijuana, those 150 trips and retreats all had one thing in common- a group of people who gathered together to do whatever they were doing in the name of Jesus.  I probably reminded every one of those groups that we were visiting those places as representatives of our ministry, our church and our Savior.  And that made every single trip special.  Even this one- the great trip to nowhere!  One final note- Zach and Justin both still help out with youth at WMUMC, and I'd love to see them wrestle one more time.  It would be a much fairer fight these days...

Because of Jesus,

The Final Countdown

You have not entered a time warp.  Last night when editing this post I accidentally hit "publish" instead of "save."  That is why the the date line says it is Tuesday instead of Wednesday.  Trust me- it's Wednesday!

Marilyn and I decided in late October of 1999 that we were going to accept the invitation to lead the student ministries at the Union Church of Hinsdale outside of Chicago.  We had never wanted to leave the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee, but we found ourselves with few options.  I could no longer serve along side of The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named.  (As an aside, the first time my mother met him it was in our front yard, because he had parked at our house across from the church.  He introduced himself to her as "The Big Cheese."  She said she knew then that he and I would never last...)  I was prepared to tell FUMC-K of my plans and leave before the end of 1999, but circumstances led me to delay the entire event.  I could not leave in such a time of need, so I wound up announcing my move in January and actually leaving in March.  Once again, just as I had done when leaving Springfield Friends Meeting 6 years earlier, I went to the youth and asked them what they wanted to do in our last weeks together (click here for that story).  And once again, the answer was, "EVERYTHING!" 

We certainly gave it our best shot.  I put together a Ski Trip.  Our usual spots, Winterplace in West Virginia and Appalachian in Boone, NC were both totally booked.  My old friends at Carolina Tours (CTI) found us space at Massanutten Ski Resort in Virginia.  I had never heard of it before (or since), and yes- it truly was a "mass of nuttin."  But we went (see pictures) and had a great time, treasuring each moment as if it was our last time together- because for some of us, it was.  I also recall that on that trip a young person from another youth group died in a skiing accident while we were there, and we gathered with a number of other groups to pray for his friends and family.  It was a very touching moment that put much of our sadness into perspective.

Back in Kissimmee, we sang every song we loved (every week!), went to all of our favorite restaurants together, played our favorite games and hung out as often as possible.  I threw together one last Rec Around the Clock, even though it wasn't summer.  We took time to be together and to share the love we had for each other.  Just as it had been at SFM, it was exhausting to do all of this while packing and preparing for a new ministry.  But it was sooooo worth it...

The final big event before the farewell parties was a retreat at Melbourne Beach.  This time it really was a "Last Gasp."  I remember very specific moments from that weekend.  I remember posing for the picture (at right) with Julia, Victoria, Izzy and Brittney.  I remember a bunch of youth coming in my room and watching a movie together.  I remember going out to eat at a Chinese restaurant for lunch on Saturday and feeling incredibly blessed to be sharing life with such amazing people.  And I remember sitting by the pool very late one night, praying for each of the youth of FUMC-K by name, and knowing how much I would miss them all.  I had done all I could do- it was time to "let go and let God."

Friday I will remember some of the farewell moments and say good-bye to the Kissimmee years.  Tomorrow it's another Moment With Mullins.  See you then.

Because of Jesus,

7 Things: The Last Gasp Summer Blowout

Every church I ever served as Youth Pastor, it always seemed there was one annual trip or program that became the signature event at that location.  At New Garden Friends Meeting it was our Marathon Lock-Ins.  At Springfield Friends Meeting it was TNT.  At the the First United Methodist Church, I believe it was the Last Gasp Summer Blowout.  Each of my six summers in Kissimmee we took a weekend trip to Melbourne Beach (technically Indiatlantic Beach) for a time of sun, fun, fellowship and worship.  These were some amazing weekends, and today I present another of my lists of 7 Things, this time about those Blowouts.  Enjoy!

1. The first two years (1994, '95) we took this trip in mid-August.  The other 4 were held Labor Day Weekend.  The first year we actually drove back on Sunday morning and did a Youth Sunday where we led worship that we had planned during the weekend.  Not sure whose idea that was...
2. Once we quit the bonehead Youth Sunday planning idea after 1994, every year had a theme.  In chronological order they were:  Love One Another;  Hitting a Home Run in Our Spiritual Lives;  Consuming Fire;  Crossing the Line;  and Into Jesus. 

3. We stayed at the Quality Suites in on the beach for all but one of those years.  The Suites had received major hurricane damage and we had to say at the Sheraton.  Our one year there we had a meeting room on an upper floor (great room with an incredible view), and after worship one night we celebrated a birthday (I believe Lauren Carr's) with cupcakes.  When I left the room that night, I found cupcake debris everywhere; there had been a food fight.  The elevator down to my room was covered in icing.  We cleaned it up and the culprits were taken care of in proper fashion.  I have been prejudiced against cupcakes ever since!
4. The rooms at the Quality Suites had oceanfront balconies, and in one of the early years (maybe the first) some of the guys took to throwing ice at some of the girls out on their balconies.  Erin Auginblick got hit by a piece, and we decided to make a point about the ice throwing.  She came down to our next meeting having been made up to look like her eye was all black and blue, and we made the guys feel like dirt for throwing the ice.  Later, when the scam was revealed, everyone had a good laugh and my point was made.  Every now and then you get one right...
5. The beach in that area was very rocky, and it seemed like every time we were there the riptide was really bad.  So we spent most of our beach time in the pool.  I have great memories of that pool, including tossing my very young son Will (born in July, 1995) up an catching him.  He loved it, except for the one time I dropped him and he went under...but that was not so bad either!  We also had some massive "chicken fights."  I also remember having some great discussions and fellowship times in the jacuzzi by the pool, which we took advantage of quite often, even very late at night.

6. In 1998 (I think) our worship leaders for the weekend were our old friends from Hawaii, the band Spooky Tuesday (at right with Darin Miller).  By then they had done two concerts for us in Kissimmee and we loved them.  I remember two things about them being with us:  they rented a surf board from a local shop and somehow broke it.  And at some point that weekend, they taught us a new song called Prince of Peace.  Jessica & Kevin (far left) later e-mailed me the chords and lyrics and it became a signature song for our student ministry.
7. The closing worship services for these weekends became legend (wait for it...)ary.  The year of the cupcakes I did a dramatic story about a young woman who gave up on herself.  I used a clay statue of a girl to illustrate the story, pouring different color paints on her to represent her moods and feelings.  When she reaches her lowest point and is considering suicide, I pulled out a hidden hammer and SMASHED the green ware.  Pieces went everywhere, and the group was stunned.  I then brought out another, new replica statue and talked about how Jesus can restore us and heal us even in our darkest hours.   It was an awesome night.  But it was not the best closing worship in Melbourne.  That would be the year I told the story of the Warm Fuzzies.  Everyone was given colored fluffy balls to share with their friends as they told them how much they meant to them.  Connor Lewis made us all cry, and then the spirit just spread around the room as every one shared their feelings.  It was one of the best nights of worship I have ever been a part of, and it is representative of how special all those Last Gasp Summer Blowouts were. 

As always, I would love to hear from anyone who was there and read your memories.  The guestbook is broken and gone, but you can still leave comments below or e-mail me.  Thanks for all the memories and love you all gave me over the years!

Because of Jesus,

Let It Snow!

We are currently freezing here in Tampa, so it seemed like a good time to take a look back at this retreat...

In January, 1992, the Springfield Friends Meeting youth went on a retreat to Cherry Grove, SC (located just north of North Myrtle Beach).  We rented a house and had a great weekend, but there are three things I really remember about that trip.  Here they are:

*  Our program for the weekend was talking about our spiritual journeys, and included things like each student doing a written spiritual history.  As part of this exploration, one morning I served Communion (which is not usually practiced among Quakers.  For more on this read Communion Confusion.) using orange juice and Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  It was very cool and quite meaningful.  It really served to remind us all about the sacrifice of Christ.  It's also part of the reason I continue to believe that hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the modern version of manna from Heaven!

*  That particular group of kids (well, the girls anyway) were obsessed with the movie Grease.  We could all tolerate Grease, and at times even enjoy it.  But on that weekend someone brought Grease 2 and made us watch it. I wanted to gouge my eyes out.  Worst sequel ever!!!  Our greatest Grease moments would come in 1993 at The Beaches and Cream Soda Shoppe at WDW, but that is a story for another day!

*  I very rarely lose my temper, but it does aggravate me when people are rude to others.  Late one night while on that retreat suddenly my sleep was interrupted by lights coming on and people talking and yelling and youth running around the house.  I came out of my room screaming for them to get back to bed, issuing all kinds of threats and scaring them half to death.  When I finally got around to asking what was going on, Ashley Goad meekly told me "It's snowing, Carl."  It was snowing at Myrtle Beach!  Now I was the one running around, looking out the windows, checking the beach, beside myself with excitement.  I apologized to everyone and we all stayed up a while, watching it snow.  The pictures posted here are of the infamous Springfield blue van and the beach at Cherry Grove, both from the next morning.  It's still the only time I have ever seen it snow at the beach!

We had lots of great moments on trips from Springfield.  For the next few days I want to tell you about our second Walt Disney World trip, taken in 1990.  We lost Jeff Byrd, we lost Jill Gilbreth and we lost keys-  and all of that was before we ever made it to WDW!  Later we lost Dana Oxendine, had a room robbed and discovered the best Root Beer floats ever!  It was quite a trip.  Come back to hear those stories all this week!

Because of Jesus,

Oh the Places We'll Go, Part 2

One of the focal points of our Relationship Retreat was a Question Box.  This was a place where the youth could anonymously ask any question, with whatever words they needed to use, and we would try to answer it.  This worked really well.  For instance, one of the questions was about the reliability of birth control. My co-leader, Terry Venable, was able to point to himself, his wife Leigh Ann and his infant daughter Emily as an example of how birth control is NOT 100% effective!  It was a great teaching moment.  The Question Box was a highlight of the weekend- until the last morning...

On Sunday morning I had to return to Springfield for reasons I do not remember, and in my absence Terry pulled a question from the box.  He read it to himself and immediately panicked.  The question read "What is oral sex?"  Fifteen years later the question would change to "Is oral sex really sex?"  In that more innocent age, it was a subject that was still pretty taboo- at least at a youth retreat!  He read it to the gathered group, trying to decide how to approach this delicate subject.  He didn't want to be too graphic.  He couldn't just ignore it.  So he gave one of the great answers of all time- "Oral sex is when you talk about sex."  Everyone accepted it as a joke and he was able to move on without further damage.  I returned later that morning to hear the story and laugh at Terry's creativity, and that afternoon we all returned home.

For me, however, the fun was just starting.  On Monday, I received a call from a distressed Mom.  It seemed that the question had come from one of my younger middle school girls- and she still wanted an answer!  Her mother was not excited about trying to explain it, and her father flat out refused.  So Mom called me to tell that since I made the mess, I had to clean it up!  We talked awhile and decided that perhaps it was better that she hear it from her mother. Whether she did or not I never knew.  I do know I never told her. 

As I said when I started yesterday's posting, being a youth minister is never dull.  It is also a huge responsibility, especially if you are willing to deal with the whole life of the teenagers you serve- emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually- and face reality walking hand-in-hand with them and their parents.  It's how we teach them that Jesus is part of everyday life, and that God is not something you put in a box marked "Open on Sunday Only."  And it is the part of "the great adventure" that I miss every day...

Because of Jesus,

Oh the Places We'll Go, Part 1

I hope that faithful readers of this blog understand by now that youth ministry is many things, but dull is not one of them!  In my ministry we attacked the issues facing our students head-on as often as possible, often creating awkward moments and conversations.  But it was always worth it.  I used to tell adults in the church quite often that if every time the conversation takes a difficult turn we say "we don't talk about that here" then the church will become a place where they don't ever talk about anything important in their lives.  When you open yourself up to real issues, it can get controversial.  Today and tomorrow I will share two stories from the same weekend- one painful, one humorous- that demonstrate how complicated life as a youth pastor can be.

Sometime in the early 1990's we did a "relationships" retreat at Quaker Lake with youth from Springfield and High Point Friends Meetings.  We discussed relationships with parents, friends and with God.  We also dove into dating relationships, and the topic of sex.  We were serious about making this an open discussion, and parents had to sign waivers acknowledging that their children would be talking openly about sex.  We had a huge crowd- apparently the only thing that scared parents more than us talking to their youth about sex was the possibility that they might have to do it themselves!  The final night I led a session called Next Time I Fall In Love, which focused on commitment as the key to relationships.  The final point of the talk was no other aspect of your relationship should ever out-distance your level of commitment.  So if sex is ultimate in physical relationships, then you should reach the ultimate commitment relationship first.  And that, of course, is marriage.  I thought the whole things went really well until later that night.  One of the high school girls- a young lady to whom I was very close, who had talked to me numerous times about relationships and other difficult issues- handed me a letter.  In it, she described how she and her boyfriend of a year had just recently had sex for the first time.  She described how much they loved each other and how they were planning to get married someday.  She told me how after my talk she understood that I thought they had sinned, and that she guessed she couldn't count on me anymore since she was a failure in my eyes.  The letter ended with her writing "I guess I'm going to hell."

I was devastated.  I tried to talk to her but found she was too busy crying to hear what I had to say.  I had talked about grace and forgiveness and second chances, but she had missed that part after hearing me condemn her actions.  I prayed that I would get another chance to be her friend and her confidant so I could continue making a difference in her life for Jesus.  I did, but it took a long time.  She and her boyfriend broke up, but she felt like she couldn't come to me about it.  She started dating again, and the relationship became abusive.  Only after all of that was over did she show up at my house one afternoon and tell me everything so we could cry about it together. 

Reality is messy.  Teenagers are extremely messy!  This story always served to remind me that talks and programs and events are all important parts of ministry, but in the end it is all about people and their relationships with Jesus. I was merely trying to serve God, but in doing so my actions drove this girl away from Him.  Truth often brings pain.  I gave that talk another 20 times in my career, but with a much heavier emphasis on God's love and forgiveness and our ability to start over with Jesus from where we are in any situation.  I still have the letter she wrote me as a reminder of just how messy ministry can be.  We have long since lost touch, but I will never forget that night.

On that night, messy was painful.  The next morning, messy turned hilarious!  See you tomorrow!

Because of Jesus,

IALAC

The first ever (and only, I think!) Go For It! weekend took place in the Spring of 1987 at Ridgecrest Retreat Center near Asheville, NC.  This event, sponsored by North Carolina Yearly Meeting, brought together a number of youth pastors and youth for leadership training.  David Tebbs, Ray Luther, Terry Venable, Randy Quate and myself were among the leaders of the event, and there were around 40 youth (see picture above, with everyone doing the IALAC bull horns!) present as well.  Ken Hill, Todd Farlow, Jamie Robinson, Traci Whitaker, Robin Simmons and Amy Simmons would represent Springfield.  It would be a most memorable weekend.

Springfield had a bus in those days- sort of.  It was an old "short bus" that we used to pick up elementary kids from schools on Wednesday afternoons.  We weren't sure it could make the trip to the mountains (although later we almost DIED from heat in the same bus at Myrtle Beach!) so we arranged to ride up with Terry and the group from High Point Friends.  The trip was great, and over the next few years we would become close with Keith Anderson, Phil McDonald, Greg Venable, Holly Hayworth and others. We arrived at Ridgecrest and were surprised to find that it resembled a prison camp more that a Christian retreat center.  There were gated walls and guards and....well, you get the picture.  We ordered pizza one of the nights and they could not get past the guard to deliver it- we had to go to the gate!  It was so different from Quaker Lake...

The retreat itself was amazing.  We learned a lot about ourselves and about serving Jesus through serving others.  One of the highlights came when I taught everyone the I Am Lovable and Capable song that I had learned from Dave Stone years before.  The song consists of singing those words over and over with motions, followed by using your body to form the letters IALAC, YMCA style!  Then you just keep getting faster and faster!  We did that song over and over again as the retreat progressed, and I think we all felt lovable and capable.  The seven of us from Springfield grew closer and began to get a vision of what God had in mind for our group.

In reality, there is only one story from that weekend that matters.  I walked around to one of the rooms at Fort Ridgecrest and knocked on the door.  Jamie's voice asked me who it was, and when he found out panic set in.  I could hear other voices, and then basically I was told to go away.  They all showed up at my room a few moments later, and it was clear something had been going on.  But no one would talk.  I worried about all the usual youth issues, but decided I would find out eventually.  And I did.  Seven years later!  From April 1987 until sometime in 1994, those six students kept quiet about what I had interrupted that night.  Can you imagine?  Six youth, some of whom I would be with for hours and hours over that next few years, kept a secret for that long- out of loyalty to each other.  That is an amazing thing.  It was an indication of just how close our group would become in the years to follow.

What was the big secret?  I will only tell you this- they were playing a card game, and it wasn't Texas Hold 'Em.  I believe someone had already lost a pair of shoes when I knocked...  Looking back, it is truly amazing that they had enough respect for me to be worried that I would be upset about such a goofy incident.  The truth is, even before I knew what had happened, I knew those guys were special.  I would be proven correct over and over again in the years to come.  They were indeed lovable and capable.

Because of Jesus,