God Is In Control

Sauron's Eye

UPDATE:  Lisa Kraus Spires gave birth to baby Abby last night around 11:30 PM.  She was a few weeks early, but came into the world at 6 pounds, 1 ounce.  Look for more details this Saturday on the Shout Outs.  Congratulations, Sara- you're a big sister!!!


Some of you are aware that for the past 4 years I have attended a class once a week as part of the punishment from my "unfortunate incarceration" (a Designing Women reference- it's official, I am old & lame!) in 2007. This mandatory class was divided into 4 levels, and each level can (and often does) take years to complete.  I know people who have spent 8 years in Level 1.  I blitzed through the first 3 levels in under 3 years, and was ready to knock out Level 4 in a hurry.  There was added motivation to work quickly because in order to attend my Level 4 class I had to catch a city bus at 6 AM each Wednesday morning.  I'm an early riser, but still- this was no fun.  A few weeks ago, as I approached my 4th anniversary of being in this program, the lead counselor suddenly began to talk to me- at length.  Do you remember in the Lord of the Rings movies how when Sauron would turn his "eye" on Frodo it would almost melt his mind?  Yeah- this was like that.  Each week he would try to tear down my story, my relationships and my faith.  I was told that my entire life had been a fraud, and that youth ministry had been a waste of my time.  I had done no good.  I had undermined parents and given false hope to students.  I was told that grace is a lie and that things like faith and God's love make no difference in people's lives.  He was absolutely certain that anything I had ever done for anyone I had done out of a selfish, manipulating motivation. He questioned my reasons for writing this blog, and considered making me stop as a condition for graduation. If I tried to respond, I was told I was wrong.  For 5 weeks in succession, I was told at the end of class, after taking all of this abuse, that I was almost ready to graduate.  After a couple of weeks of this I began to feel like Wesley from the movie The Princess Bride, when he was serving as a slave on the ship of the Dread Pirate Roberts.  Each night Wesley was thanked for his work, and then was told, "I'll most likely kill you in the morning."  I found myself saying over and over again under my breath, "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake,"  because in this situation pretty much all I could do was smile and nod.   Despite my best efforts, I was feeling depressed about the entire situation.

And then yesterday...BAM!  It was graduation day!  There were no new revelations, no "WOW" moments- no real reason for anything to change.  Yet, just like that, I was done.  And so my amazing week continued.  Last Friday this blog celebrated it's 2nd birthday.  On Monday, my 10 Things I Don't Miss About Youth Ministry post was my most viewed post in months- and with a great response.  Tuesday, Marilyn and I celebrated our 25th anniversary.  And now Wednesday was my Graduation Day.  I continue to be reminded that God is in control, and I am just along for the ride. I thank God for my faith, my family and my friends that allowed me to survive the attacks on my beliefs and my character.  And now I look forward to proving him wrong.  I am not defined by my past- I am defined by Jesus.  It's cheesy, but it is true- "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future."  My job is to trust and obey...


Because of Jesus,