#TBT: The Vern Dome

This post first appeared on this blog in July of 2010. I share it today in memory of Vern and in honor of a great church staff with whom it was pure joy to work and share life. Enjoy this Throwback Thursday...

In 1996 the youth ministry of the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee immersed itself in strategic planning. This is a process through which you develop a scenario of what your dream ministry would look like in 5 years by beginning with a preferred future, and then through a process of refinement and voting select two or three aspects of the scenario that you will work towards in the coming year. One of the things that came out of our planning was the need for a "gymnatorium" at FUMC-K. Our idea kicked off a whirlwind of discussion at the church. The staff began planning how such a facility would benefit our school, our child care center and our congregation. Church members were buzzing with anticipation. Architects were brought in to draw up plans for the building, a new vestibule (gathering area) for the Sanctuary and a walkway that would connect it all. There was a ton of excitement. There was a need. The big question, of course, was how would we pay for it...

Even before we were first discussing the idea during our strategic planning session, our dear friend and faithful bus driver Vern Watson had announced that when he won the lottery, he would buy us a gym. His only demand was that we name it after him. I wrote an article for The UMYF Enquirer in February of 1996 encouraging students and parents to come to the meeting at which we would introduce the scenario and vote on our final goals. Accompanying that article was the picture you see on the left- an artist's (you will see Miss Take got the credit, but yeah, it was me!) rendering of what we had come to call The Vern Dome. That little drawing and article stirred up huge discussion not only in the youth ministry but in the church as a whole. I ran into a church member in Albertson's one afternoon. This was a lady from a wealthy family; in fact, her family had just a few years earlier given over $600,000 to pay off the debt on the church's administration building (see Video the Bishop). She told me that she would be VERY supportive of a gym facility with a raised walking track for business men to use at lunch and for senior citizens to use anytime. I went back to work and told Rev. John Willis we needed to add a walking track! It was an exciting time.

FUMC-K never got their gymnatorium. A variety of circumstances (money, problems with the city and failure to include the raised walking track among them) prevented it from going forward, and it finally died for good after over 2 years of work with the pastoral change that brought in The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named. The amazing facility plans that a wonderful staff (John Willis, Debbie Davis, Jill Augenblick, Andrew Lewis, Ginny Johns and more!)  had labored on went to waste. Vern never did win the lottery, and he passed away shortly after we left Kissimmee. But if the day ever comes when FUMC-K does build a gym, I will be there standing next to Barbara, Becky, Brad, Brian, Dr. Jill and so many others. We''ll be armed with picket signs and bullhorns, demanding that the new facility be named The Vern Dome. I trust all of my faithful readers will join us on that day! 

Because of Jesus,

The UMYF Enquirer

I began doing a monthly newsletter for students and parents in the late 1970's while serving New Garden Friends Meeting in Greensboro, NC. It felt like the more information families had about what we were doing in our youth ministry the more likely they were to be involved. I always tried to make the newsletters informative and funny, and include things like contests and bizarre stories, because the idea was to get the students to read it. It was constantly frustrating that despite my best efforts, the kids never seemed to know what was going on. I had been at FUMC-K for over a year when I received a revelation while standing in line at the grocery store. I was laughing at the headlines on the gossip rags like the National Enquirer when it hit me- what if I used headlines to draw readers into my newsletter? They could be wild, crazy, and have nothing to do with the article, but if they were crazy and funny enough they might just draw the youth in and get them to read the stories. That month I changed the name of our monthly newsletter to The UMYF Enquirer and began writing outrageous headlines and inserting random weird stories. It worked, at least in the beginning;  parents and students buzzed every month about the silliness. And I had a BLAST writing them. 

Today, I want to share some of the headlines that struck me as funny as I went back through some the Enquirers I still have in my files. Just for kicks (and to keep the spirit of those old newsletters alive) we'll have a contest, too!  If anyone can tell me what V.I.T.R.S. (as seen in the first headline) is short for, you could be a winner! Leave your guess in a comment (just click comment at the bottom of this post). If you are correct, I'll buy you a Slurpee next time you are in Tampa! Here are some of my favorite headlines - and no, I cannot explain all of them!

Spicy Foods Cause VITRS In Lab Rats

Nate Hill Says, "Country Music is my life!"

Sumahama, Cathy Thacker!

Call Brain Watson's Beeper At 1-800-FLUSH

Pope To Visit U.N. in March- UMYF To BE There!

The Good, the Bad and the Methodist...

2nd Heziciah Made Easy!!!

The Figaro School of Moonlight Tubing

Sheep Cloned At UMYF- It Could Be Ewe!

Moose Bites Can Be Really Nasty

4 Square Found To Cause Rare Disease!

Ben Thacker- "I'm Dating a Martian!"

Attack of the Killer Christians

Scientists Discover Evil In Kissimmee

Lisa Kraus Speaks Out- "I'm Not an Alien!"

Elvis To Lead Bible Study

Jacob Lupfer Says "I'll Kill Again!"

Communication is a key to student ministry. So is creativity. There are so many ways to sty in touch these days, but I still love the old methods too.Good luck making sense out of most of those headlines, and have a blessed weekend, everyone!

Because of Jesus,

The Vern Dome

Just Me & the  Dog, Day 6-  Conner has officially given up on Will and Marilyn ever coming home.  He is no longer laying on Will's bed and looking out the window for them.  At least he is sleeping until 7 AM every day, which is spoiling me big time!  We shared some ice cream last night to cheer him up a bit...  Less than a week to go!

In 1996 the youth ministry of the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee immersed itself in strategic planning.  This is a process through which you develop a scenario of what your dream ministry would look like in 5 years, and then through a process of refinement and voting select two or three aspects of the scenario that you will work towards in the coming year.  One of the things that came out of our planning was the need for a "gymnatorium" at FUMC-K.  Our idea kicked off a whirlwind of discussion at the church.  The staff began planning how such a facility would benefit our school, our child care center and our congregation.  Church members were buzzing with anticipation.  Architects were brought in to draw up plans for the building, a new vestibule (gathering area) for the Sanctuary and a walkway that would connect it all.  There was a ton of excitement.  There was a need.  The big question, of course, was how would we pay for it...

Even before we were first discussing the idea during our strategic planning session, our dear friend and faithful bus driver Vern Watson had announced that when he won the lottery, he would buy us a gym.  His only demand was that we name it after him.  I wrote an article for The UMYF Enquirer in February of 1996 encouraging students and parents to come to the meeting at which we would introduce the scenario and vote on our final goals.  Accompanying that article was the picture you see on the left- an artist's (you will see Miss Take got the credit, but yeah, it was me!) rendering of what we had come to call The Vern Dome.  That little drawing and article stirred up huge discussion not only in the youth ministry but in the church as a whole.  I ran into a church member in Albertson's one afternoon.  This was a lady from a wealthy family; in fact, her family had just a few years earlier given over $600,000 to pay off the debt on the church's administration building (see Video the Bishop).  She told me that she would be VERY supportive of a gym facility with a raised walking track for business men to use at lunch and for senior citizens to use anytime.  I went back to work and told Rev. John Willis we needed to add a walking track!  It was an exciting time.

FUMC-K never got their gymnatorium.  A variety of circumstances (money, problems with the city and failure to include the raised walking track among them) prevented it from going forward, and it finally died for good after over 2 years of work with the pastoral change that brought in the Grinch.  The amazing facility plans that a wonderful staff (John Willis, Debbie Davis, Jill Augenblick, Andrew Lewis and more!)  had labored on went to waste.  But if the day ever comes when they do build a gym, I will be there with my picket sign, demanding it be named The Vern Dome.  I hope all of my faithful readers will join me on that day! 

Because of Jesus,

Those Wacky Youth Counselors

One of the true joys of working at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee was spending time with the adults who served as our Youth Counselors. This group changed over the years as people got married, finished college, had babies and moved away, but we always had some sensational people serving our ministry. Today's UMYF Enquirer flashback takes us all the way back to the November, 1995 issue. I reprint for you here an article about our esteemed Youth Ministry Team called Barfing Is Such Sweet Sorrow! If anyone remembers why Becky is singled out for her barfing skills, I would love to know...

Our monthly Youth Counselor meeting will be held November 6th at 7:30 PM. All of our counselors- Mike Mangan, Michael McCleery, Pete Lynes, Karen Hall, Jill Painter, Darin Miller, Becky McCleery, Marilyn Jones and Cathy Thacker- are always ready to serve you. If you have questions about the meaning of life or the air-speed of a swallow, then these are the people to ask. If you need to borrow lots of cash, this is the wrong group. If you need a ride to UMYF or any other youth event, feel free to call on them. If you need insights on installing a new engine in a 1967 Mustang, then I would look elsewhere! And if you need any info on the proper way to barf, see Becky McCleery. She is living proof that you don't have to be experienced to be talented!

One of the great things about our team was that they understood that part of working with teenagers is being loud, silly and a little crazy. I will now reveal one of my all time favorite Youth Counselor moments that many of you will not have heard before. We were coming back from a Mid-High Adventure in Tennessee, and we stopped late one night just north of the Florida state line. It was so late that I just let the kids pick their rooms and go to bed. That left Pete Lynes, Mike Mangan (far right in the picture at top) and myself to share a room. After some debate, I (being the largest and also the boss!) got a bed to myself. As we settled in we talked for a minute, then it got very quiet. Suddenly, from the bed Mike and Pete were sharing, Mike yells out "THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!!!" We laughed so hard we almost never got to sleep. If for some reason you don't understand why that is so funny, check out the video below.  Then go rent Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Our Youth Counselors, wacky as they were, made a huge difference in my life and in the lives of hundreds of students at FUMC-K back in the day.  They gave so much so that so many could know Jesus.  I thank God they were my co-workers and my friends.

Because of Jesus,

Ask Dr. Jill

Today we continue our recent Saturday tradition of looking back into old issues of The UMYF Enquirer, the official newsletter of my FUMC-K youth group between 1994-2000.  This particular post also follows up on the stories of the past week that highlighted the birth of my son, Will.  In both cases,  a key player in the story was Dr. Jill Painter (with Chip Lips, at right).

It became commonplace around the Jones' household in the days after Will was born to struggle with questions about dealing with a newborn.  Every first-time parent goes through the questions and the panic that sets in when you don't really know what you are doing.  Since our pediatrician also happened to be one of our best friends, the answer to almost every problem we had was "Let's ask Dr. Jill!"  At some point, I decided to turn that idea into a bogus Dear Abby type column in the Enquirer.  Jill had no input into the silliness, and all of the questions had to do with youth group inside jokes.  It was just for fun.  There were a number of installments;  I reprint a few of them for you today! 

ASK DR. JILL
Dear Dr. Jill,
I am planning a trip to Uganda this summer.  Is there any special information I should know before I go?  Are there any rare diseases I should be aware of?
   - Connor

Dear Connor,
While in Uganda be careful of everything you do.  You could poke your eye out, you know?

Dear Dr. Jill,
People say that I am not a very nice person and that I am angry and hard to get along with.  I am so moody I think that maybe I have a medical problem.  Can you help?  -  Mad May

Dear May,
Tell those idiots to get over it!  Who do they think they are- anyway?  And another thing, anger is...  Oh well, you get my point!  Get well soon!

Dear Dr. Jill,
I need help.  No one will talk to me since they found out I have seven toes on my left foot.  I hear through the grapevine that you do "under the counter" surgery on feet.  I am desperate!  Can you help?   -Slewfoot Bob

Dear Bob,
I can't help, but Brian will be more than happy to chew off any extra toes!  Or call the Hotline at 847-XLAX for more help- those people are crazy!!!

Dear Dr. Jill,
On a recent ski trip I was involved in a severe crash with a 107 year old woman, her mother, and their blind dog.  Do you think they will survive and ease my guilty conscience?  -The Pope

Dear Pope,
Their chances are better than someone who plays "Caveman" with you and Joe Montgomery!  And hey- at least you didn't hit any phone poles!

All kidding aside, Jill was a huge part of our ministry at FUMC-K, and her medical background was a great comfort to me on many a trip.  Even if I did have to bribe her with chocolate cobbler from The Cracker Barrel on occasion to insure her participation... 
The more I read these old editions of The UMYF Enquirer, the more I am convinced that back in the day we had more fun than anyone- and never failed to praise God in the process!  I know a few current youth ministries who have much to learn from our ancient ways....

Because of Jesus,

Hall of Fame: Jerry Hanbery

For the past several weeks I have been using Saturdays to remember stories and headlines from our youth group newsletter in Kissimmee.  In August of 1998 The UMYF Enquirer featured a story under the headline So Long, Sundance.  It marked the end of a very special era in my career as a youth minister.  Today we remember that era...

Rev. John Willis had written me before my arrival at FUMC-K in 1994 to tell me of the adults who were working with the student ministry at the time.  He also listed some others who could possibly be enlisted to help, and one of those names was Jerry Hanbery (pictured on one of our famous Luau Nights).  Jerry was a college student who had been a very important part of the youth group during his high school years, and he was thinking (at the time) of pursuing ministry as a vocation.  It turned out that for my first summer in town, Jerry had been hired to serve a small Methodist church in Orlando as their youth leader, so he wasn't around as much as I would have liked.  Even so, I began to learn about him.  I decided to do a student "kidnapping" and get some of our new 6th graders, and Jerry quickly volunteered to serve as the kidnapper.  We rented him a Chewbacca costume, and were supposed to meet at the church at 6 AM on a Saturday morning.  At 5:30 AM, Jerry was knocking on the door of my house, afraid that he was late.  To her credit, Marilyn let him live!  I don't remember a whole lot about that morning, but I do remember Jerry throwing a very startled Erin Augenblick over his shoulder and carrying her out to the van.  It was awesome- and it was only the beginning.

In each of the next four summers, Jerry was my official Summer Intern.  No one has ever been better.  The stories of the things we did are legendary, and you can read many of them by going to the "Search Box" in the upper left-hand corner of this page, typing in his name and clicking.  You can read about the Mystery Trips, Banana Splits, the Nair and so much more.  There are, however, a few things I want to remember right here and now.  Jerry had a tradition on youth trips.  At some point during our adventures, he would always find a way to go Streaking (making a mad dash while wearing no clothes!).  He was always discreet, and most of the youth had no idea it ever happened.  But one night, in south Georgia, he decided to streak from our motel room out to the van around midnight.  It seemed safe enough.  The people sitting in their car right outside of our room seemed a bit surprised to see the naked man go by...   He also went "skinny-dipping" in the Ocoee River at least once.  Jerry enjoyed being naked.   He enjoyed doing outlandish things.  His wife will tell you that he still lives my the motto, "It seemed like a good idea at the time..."  That attitude brought an edge to our ministry that very few church groups ever discover, and even fewer ever turn loose.

Jerry was also a creative dynamo.  He always thought outside the box, and brought so much excitement and variety to our ministry.  The youth absolutely adored him.  Every year the questions would start around February: "When does Jerry get back?"  Many of them turned to Jerry with problems and issues in their own lives, because they knew he cared and would listen.  Most people may look back on his work at FUMC-K and remember the guy in the coconut bra or his night on the bungee swing at Old Town;  I remember the guy who always had time for our students.  His energy, dedication and commitment to what we were trying to do in those days was amazing; and he did it all for what seemed like about $1.75 a summer.  He helped lead two mission trips without me, including the first Spanish Wells trip (the day after my son was born), or as he calls it, "the trip that shall not be named."  He taught Bible studies.  He shared a house with me on the second Spanish Wells mission trip in 1997, eating fresh mango and "Johnny Cakes" for breakfast and sharing great late night chats with Jennifer Minnigan and Teresa Reep, who were staying at the house next door.  That is still one of the best weeks ever!

Jerry is also just an amazing human being.  He has been knocked down and kicked by life more times than most, yet he always gets back up.  No one in his family had ever been to college before Jerry; he now has more advanced degrees than Dr. Phil, and none of Jerry's were from the Internet!  He is currently working as an attorney in Orlando, where he lives with his wife Melissa and their daughter Lorelei.  He calls me on a regular basis just to catch up and check on me.  He has been a guest in our home.  We have always been able to talk about everything- our lives, our failures, politics, religion, music, movies- even when we disagree.  He has shown me love and support in ways I cannot express here.  He is, other than my wife and son, my best friend.  He still connects with teenagers- my son Will just adores him.

I was in youth ministry for 28 years, and without question my very favorite memories come from the four summers (1995-1998) I spent with Jerry Hanbery.  Every Batman needs a Robin; every Kirk needs a Spock; and every Butch Cassidy needs a Sundance Kid.  For those four glorious summers, I had my Sundance.  If you know that movie, then you know that while Butch may have been the front man of the operation, Sundance provided the real muscle.  Together, we accomplished some wonderful things in the lives of teenagers in Kissimmee- and no two guys ever had more fun doing it!  Someday, when my Youth Group Hall of Fame has its grand opening, you will walk through the doors and immediately encounter two exhibits that honor the two people who made my ministry what it was.  The first will feature Marilyn Jones.  The second will honor Jerry Hanbery.  Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Sundance.  I really miss those days, but at least I am safe in the knowledge that I won't ever have to see your naked butt again!  Probably...

Because of Jesus,

An Enquirer Top 10

Today I continue our new Saturday tradition of bringing you an actual article from the FUMC-K  youth ministry newsletter, The UMYF Enquirer.  This is reprinted from the March, 1996 edition, and again shows that nothing was too stupid as I attempted to make reading more fun!  In the original newsletter the "Blue Words" were actually a gray box, and other gray boxes throughout the newsletter pointed out that they were taking over.   Weird, wild, wacky stuff...

Top 10 Reasons To Attend UMYF in March

10)  In honor of St. Patrick's Day we will be serving green soda all month!
  9)  Come this month, because by April everyone must have memorized Lamentations.
  8)  Bob has a birthday in March, so it qualifies as a great month- or at least a weird month!
  7)  Spiritual Renewal Week is this month at FUMC.  All spirits must be renewed by March
       26th or they will be cancelled.

WARNING:  Why is this here?  Who put these blue words here? 

It's a conspiracy, I tell you.  Next thing you know there will be

nothing but blue words in this entire newsletter!  Don't read them!

  6)  March is National Green Weenie Month.  Be kind to your Green Weenie.
  5)  BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY!!!
  4)  It sure beats staying home and cleaning the toilet.
  3)  There are never any dead people at Wednesday Night Live.
  2)  Lisa Kraus will be gone two Sunday this month.
  1)  Two words- LENT FEVER!

So there you have it, another blast from a very strange past.  Be sure to join me tomorrow and all next week as we celebrate Hall of Fame Week.  I will induct a new person (or persons) each day, so don't miss out! Have a blessed July 4th!

Because of Jesus,

Why?

It's Saturday, and time for another look back at the wackiness the was The UMYF Enquirer, the often silly monthly newsletter I wrote during my years at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee.  Last week we looked at strange headlines; today I give you one picture and one story and ask if anyone remembers "WHY?" 

The picture is from a ski trip, I believe in 1997, and was reproduced in the March 1997 issue of the Enquirer with the caption "Youth Group Can Be Dangerous."  The people involved are Ben Thompson and Chrissy Weaver; I have no memory of what caused Ben to attempt to eat Chrissy's head.  Anyway, here is the picture.

The article is from the October, 1996 edition, and if anyone can explain to me what the purpose of this story was, I would greatly appreciate the information.  It seems totally random, but almost everything I ever wrote for the Enquirer has some point.  This one may be lost forever!  Here it is, a reprint of the full article:

GET READY FOR MOOSE HUNT '97

Want to be part of our biggest, wildest event ever?  Then get ready for MOOSE HUNT '97!  We'll be headed for Butte, Montana and three weeks of hunting the wild Mitsubishi Moose.  Just bring your parents' VISA card, $600 cash and the biggest gun you can find to Cathy Thacker's house at 4 AM on Saturday, October 19th.  Also, since there is no airport, you'll have to parachute into Butte, so bring a strong umbrella to help break your fall.  See you in Butte!

So there you have it!  If you have any clue as to why I wrote that article, or if you would just like to make up a reason, e-mail me at Youthguy07@aol.com or leave a comment below.  Have a great weekend and don't forget, tomorrow is God's day!  Honor Him!

Because of Jesus,