Saturday, July 17, 2010

Ask Dr. Jill

Today we continue our recent Saturday tradition of looking back into old issues of The UMYF Enquirer, the official newsletter of my FUMC-K youth group between 1994-2000.  This particular post also follows up on the stories of the past week that highlighted the birth of my son, Will.  In both cases,  a key player in the story was Dr. Jill Painter (with Chip Lips, at right).

It became commonplace around the Jones' household in the days after Will was born to struggle with questions about dealing with a newborn.  Every first-time parent goes through the questions and the panic that sets in when you don't really know what you are doing.  Since our pediatrician also happened to be one of our best friends, the answer to almost every problem we had was "Let's ask Dr. Jill!"  At some point, I decided to turn that idea into a bogus Dear Abby type column in the Enquirer.  Jill had no input into the silliness, and all of the questions had to do with youth group inside jokes.  It was just for fun.  There were a number of installments;  I reprint a few of them for you today! 

Dear Dr. Jill,
I am planning a trip to Uganda this summer.  Is there any special information I should know before I go?  Are there any rare diseases I should be aware of?
   - Connor

Dear Connor,
While in Uganda be careful of everything you do.  You could poke your eye out, you know?

Dear Dr. Jill,
People say that I am not a very nice person and that I am angry and hard to get along with.  I am so moody I think that maybe I have a medical problem.  Can you help?  -  Mad May

Dear May,
Tell those idiots to get over it!  Who do they think they are- anyway?  And another thing, anger is...  Oh well, you get my point!  Get well soon!

Dear Dr. Jill,
I need help.  No one will talk to me since they found out I have seven toes on my left foot.  I hear through the grapevine that you do "under the counter" surgery on feet.  I am desperate!  Can you help?   -Slewfoot Bob

Dear Bob,
I can't help, but Brian will be more than happy to chew off any extra toes!  Or call the Hotline at 847-XLAX for more help- those people are crazy!!!

Dear Dr. Jill,
On a recent ski trip I was involved in a severe crash with a 107 year old woman, her mother, and their blind dog.  Do you think they will survive and ease my guilty conscience?  -The Pope

Dear Pope,
Their chances are better than someone who plays "Caveman" with you and Joe Montgomery!  And hey- at least you didn't hit any phone poles!

All kidding aside, Jill was a huge part of our ministry at FUMC-K, and her medical background was a great comfort to me on many a trip.  Even if I did have to bribe her with chocolate cobbler from The Cracker Barrel on occasion to insure her participation... 
The more I read these old editions of The UMYF Enquirer, the more I am convinced that back in the day we had more fun than anyone- and never failed to praise God in the process!  I know a few current youth ministries who have much to learn from our ancient ways....

Because of Jesus,


  1. Anonymous7/17/2010

    Dear Carl,
    Thanks for the much needed laugh today! We're on day 11 of 25 here in Russia and I was feeling a little melancholy. Those days with the youth were definitely some of the best days of my life, and praise God that my medical expertise was never needed for anything serious.

  2. Jill, I am so glad I could give you a laugh today! Our prayers are with you and Brian during your exteneded stay in Russia, and we know God has great plans for your family. And Bob would argue about your medical knowledge being needed, because we all know that "sometimes people die." :)


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