"If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me"



Part of the Wesley Memorial "family"

I often speak about how the student ministries I served became family over the years, and this is true in every sense of the word.  There are "kids" I have not seen in nearly 20 years who still call on me for prayer, support and advice.  There were people I had not connected with in 30 years, but because of this blog (which has become a place for my various youth groups to come together in one giant family reunion) I know they have fond memories and strong connections to the things we went through together.  When done well, youth groups become families in God's name, and I treasure all of those relationships.

But I need to acknowledge before God and my readers that like with any family, there are struggles.  I was never perfect; I didn't become a sinner because I sinned.  I sinned because, like everyone else, I am a sinner.  There are people out there- former youth and their parents- who because of my public sin would like to forget they were ever a part of my family.  Because of my failings, it has become painful for them to think about our time together.  Even reading this blog and reliving the wonderful times we shared would be difficult.  I understand this and apologize for it.  I hope they will forgive me at some point- partly selfishly, and partly because I hope I taught them that forgiveness is the business of Christians.  Their feelings do not negate the fact that we shared life together with Jesus and we were important to one another.  That is why I continue to share these stories.  But I know that some of their memories of our time together are tainted.  It's kind of like if I wear a blue shirt everyday, and your knowledge of me is that I am a blue shirt guy.  A good guy.  Suddenly, without warning, I show up in a red shirt- a sin stained shirt- and you're stunned and disappointed.  As time goes by, you might forget about all the good days in the blue shirts and focus on the red one. This has happened with some people I love dearly.  They can no longer picture me in a blue shirt.  It's like I wore red the whole time.  With God, because of grace, the red shirt is gone forever.  With people...hopefully time will heal the wounds that I inflicted.

As a result of those feelings that I know exist in my youth ministry family, there are people I have not tried to contact in a very long time.  There are people I miss terribly, but I am waiting on God to give them open hearts and myself the opportunity to reach out to them.  I certainly do not wish to cause them any more pain, so I will continue to wait on them to take the first step.  In the meantime, I miss them and love them.  I yearn to send them an e-mail or give them a call.  But I can't- not yet.  The great poet laureate of Florida, Jimmy Buffet, wrote a song years ago that expresses a great deal of my emotion.  The lyrics are below.  We can't live in the past, but hopefully we can live through it.  If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.  To everyone who was a part of my youth family over the many years- I love you all, and more importantly, so does Jesus.  A the old cliche says, "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future."  Jesus does.  And because of that, we will have a family reunion- some day.  Spread the word.

There are oceans of feelings between us

Currents that take us and sweep us away

That's why we seldom have seen us

In the light of the cold, hard day

Lots of new friends with the same old problems

Open your eyes you might see

If our lives were that simple we'd live in the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me

If the phone doesn't ring you'll know that it's me

I'll be out in the eye of the storm

If the phone doesn't ring you  know that I'll be

Where someone can make me feel warm

It's too bad we can't turn and live in the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me

I've had good days and bad days and goin' half mad days

I've tried to let go but you're still on my mind

I've lost all the old ways, been searching for new ways

and putting it all on the line

Lots of new friends with the same old answers

Open your eyes you might see

If our lives were that simple we'd live in the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me

If it takes all the future, we'll live through the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me...

Because of Jesus,