Relationships Are Job One

Erin Bay playing soccer in Kissimmee

By the time I got to the Union Church of Hinsdale in 2000, I felt like I knew what I was soing as a youth minister.  One of the first things I ever learned as a youth pastor was that waiting for students to show up at church was not usually an effective way to build relationships with them.  I was taught early on that in order to really let kids know that you care, you had to meet them on "their turf."  That meant seeing them at their homes, their schools and their extra-curricular activities.  So I did.  Like most professional (and many volunteer) youth workers I ate many school lunches, was attacked by numerous household pets and spent many a happy moment with students in fast food restaurants.  And I spent hours- more hours than you could count or would believe- at sporting events, band concerts, dance recitals, school fund-raisers, cheer-leading competitions, piano recitals and much more.  I loved being there to support my youth and to build relationships with them and their families.  It was important- even though I did have one church tell me that the hours spent at such events did not count as work (the same church at one point actually had me punching a time clock).  I would submit to you now that not only did those hours count, but in many ways they were Job 1.



Chrissy Weaver, Powderpuff Football Star

 Oh sometimes the events themselves were quite tedious.  I remember going to a three hour piano recital to see two students perform- and both of them played in the last 15 minutes!  I remember going to soccer match after soccer match, trying desperately to disguise how much I loathed for the sport.  I pulled for incredibly bad football teams, watched horrific marching bands and clapped loudly for off-key violin players.  I also saw some amazing things over the years.  But in reality, the results didn't matter.  What mattered was being there.  I loved seeing students after the event and hearing the question:  "Why are you here?"  When you gave them the simple answer- "To see you"- you knew you had just taken a step towards a real relationship with a teenager.  And real relationships open doors for sharing Jesus.

When I arrived at UC, I set out to do all of the things I had always done to get to know my youth.  As you might know by now, Hinsdale was just different.  Among the sports I attended to support students there were gymnastics, badminton and shuffleboard.  Seriously.  They seemed to thrive on the minor sports, winning state championships in events for which only a handful of schools in the state of Illinois fielded teams.  Success was everything in Hinsdale.  But I went, and I loved it all, and the youth loved me for being there.  But it is hard to cheer for a badminton match.  "Kill that birdie, kill tht birdie, GO GO!"

The great thing that happens when you are "there" is that you impact more than the students you already know.  Their friends begin to ask who you are.  You meet new kids and start new relationships.  It is an amazing thing.  Many of my best memories and answered prayers involve youth whose parents did not attend the churches I worked at, but came to us through relationships built away from the church buildings.  It is important for those in any kind of ministry to remember that Jesus has no "church home."  He was always out among the people.  And that is where we need to be as well.

I miss all of those crazy events.  I learned so much about things I didn't understand (except for soccer; I still don't get soccer!) and felt so much love from the students I supported.  Many of those youth will remember each summer we would have a special program called One On One.  They would schedule hour long appointments with me on specified days, and we would head out for a milk shake or a Blizzard.  It was just another chance for me to get to know them away from the sometimes intimidating atmosphere of the church.  I treasured those days- seven or eight straight hours of one on one time.  The 9 AM got breakfast and the 12 noon got lunch.  There were often battles for those slots, and I bet there would still be today.  Looking back after some time away from ministry, there is little doubt in my mind that letting students know they were cared for and loved- by Jesus, by the church and by me- was indeed Job 1.  I hope they remember those times with as much affection as I do...

Because of Jesus,