Friday, June 19, 2015

Carl's Road Rage Rant!

There are lots of things about driving that irritate Carl. Actually to be more accurate, there are lots of things about other drivers that annoy Carl. So today Carl gives you another post in his Things I Believe (and you probably don't) series as he presents Carl's New Rules of the Road! How upset is Carl? He's writing in third person. It doesn't get much worse than that!

  • Most modern cars come equipped with turn signals. USE THEM!!! Failure to do so should be punishable by being forced to binge watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians!
  • People who are exiting a parking lot at a place where traffic also enters the lot and place themselves in the middle of the road so no one can get in or out make me nuts. And it's almost as bad when you are over to your side of the entrance but people won't turn in because they are afraid they don't have room. UGH!  If you can't drive a huge SUV go buy a Volkswagen Bug. And when did people forget how to make close turns? 
  • If you are driving in a torrential rain storm without your lights on I should have the right to launch bumper-to-bumper missiles and TAKE YOU OUT!
  • Drivers are required to share the road with bicycles. That is fine. Yet bicycles seldom regard the rules of the road, especially when it comes to traffic lights. And bicycles drive on sidewalks like they own the things, giving no thought to pedestrians (and their dogs) using the sideWALKS. Drivers can get tickets for not sharing the road; cyclists should lose their front tires for riding on sidewalks. Or both tires and the seat if the street they are NOT riding on has a bicycle lane. Fair is fair.
  • On a similar note, signs and bumper stickers remind us to "Be Careful. Motorcycles are everywhere." And we do need to heed those warnings, because they are indeed everywhere. Driving down the emergency lanes. Creating their own lanes in traffic jams. Pulling up between 2 cars at a traffic signal. Weaving in and out of traffic like a zebra being chased by a lion. The warnings are for us, not them!
  • If you are stopped behind me at a stop light, and then the light turns green and you blow your horn at me less than 5 seconds after the light changes I should have the right to just sit there through an entire cycle. Wanna' be impatient? Go right ahead...
  • There is a special place in hell reserved for people who drive 45 mph in the left lane of an interstate highway. That happens a LOT here in Florida (God's Waiting Room).
  • If my car really did have missiles I would be in so much trouble. Passing me, pulling back over in front of me and then slowing down for no good reason? BOOM! Putting on make-up and driving? BOOM! Slowing down as you approach a green light? BOOM! Smoking, talking on your phone and driving at the same time? BOOM! Changing lanes without looking? BOOM! Oh the destruction I would leave behind. No people would be hurt in these attacks- but their cars would be toast!
  • And finally...Road signs were a wonderful invention. In many cities even if you don't know where you are going and have no GPS, road signs are there to help you know what lies ahead. Some drivers should occasionally read one. If one more person acts like they didn't know a lane was closed ahead after there were signs for 2 miles preceding it I may just lose my mind!
I feel better now, and I hope you do too. Let's implement my new rules ASAP and save valuable temper tantrums from impatient drivers like me. And btw...I encouraged you to use your turn signals. Turning them off is a good thing as well.  Have a safe and wonderful Father's Day Weekend!

"Enjoy every sandwich"

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