Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Mangled Movie Lines (Church Version)

A Direct Quote From Every Church in the World!

An old improv game we used to play once inspired me to ask this question of myself, and I share it with you today. What if your favorite movie lines had been delivered at church or youth group instead of in their original scene? How might they be different? I have come up with a few- I hope my readers will come up with many more! Here we go!
  • "I'll be long as the church next door doesn't get a Starbucks."   Terminator
  • "I'm going to give them an offering they can't refuse..."   The Godfather
  • "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. Twas the youth group that killed the beast."   King Kong
  • "Nobody puts the church secretary in a corner."  Dirty Dancing
  • "You shouldn't make me play Fluffy Bunny, Johnny. My mother made me play Fluffy Bunny once...ONCE."   Johnny Dangerously
  • "40 years of darkness, earthquakes and volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave, traditional worshippers and emergent worshippers living together- total chaos!"  Ghostbusters
  • "Have fun storming the sanctuary!"   The Princess Bride
  • "What we have here is a failure to communicate... (OOPS- didn't have to change that one!)    Cool Hand Luke
  • "Of all the churches in all the towns in all the world, THAT senior pastor had to walk into mine."  Casablanca
  • "The new hymnals are here! The new hymnals are here!"  The Jerk
  • "There are two types of people in the world- those who like Rob Bell, and those who don't..."    What About Bob?
  • "The United Methodist Women... They are not the cowering wretches we were promised. They stand. They are unruly, and therefore cannot be ruled. To challenge them is to court death."  The Avengers
  • "Oh, the youth minister is very popular Pastor Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, d*ckheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."  Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  • "Fat, drunk and atheist is no way to go through life, son."  Animal House
  • "Frankly my dear, I don't give a dad blast the gosh darn blankety heck..."  Gone With the Wind
  • "What do you kids want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?"  The Lion King
  • "You say the youth group needs a bigger budget? You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, Punk?"  Dirty Harry
  • "When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a church on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Bro, the strongest church in all of Nashvegas."  Monty Python & the Holy Grail
  • "Cinderella story, from outta' nowhere, about to become Trustees Chairman..."   Caddyshack 
  • "They've done studies, you know. Be purpose driven. 60% of the time it works, every time."  Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
  • "Jesus is King of the World!"  Titanic
Let's face it, friends- sometimes the institution of the church is funny. It OK to laugh. I've said it before and I'll say it again-  I cannot survive a day without Jesus or laughter. And they ARE NOT mutually exclusive. Now let's hear your movie favorites, mangled for a little church humor! I'll Tweet the best ones. Have a Happy Hump Day!

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous3/11/2015

    Ok. So you made me laugh despite my bad mood. I hope you're happy...
    ~Chris Cooper


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