Youth Ministry & the Church: Who Is Failing Whom?

Sometime this past week I read yet another blog post from yet another "expert" about how modern (1970 - 2005 or so) failed the church.  I have read a number of these articles and posts that indicated that the concept of reaching teenagers for Jesus through youth groups, special events, mission trips and relationship building has failed to keep the students who passed through our youth ministries in the church as adults. Students do leave the church in large numbers after their very active high school years; there is plenty of statistical evidence to back this up. The implication from these critics of youth ministry is that youth workers failed to give students what they needed to grow into mature Christ-followers, and therefore they left the church when it quit being "fun." Over the past few years, mega-churches, powerful authors and national conferences have grown fond of telling us that traditional youth ministry had been a failure. As a result of this thinking, some youth ministries have been going through some pretty radical and often random transformations for the past few years. And it has left many veteran youth pastors feeling like they failed in their ministries.

All student ministries are different, and over the years the experiment that changed Sunday evening baby-sitting for teenagers into a ministry certainly has had more that its share of failures and mistakes.  But I also firmly believe that many of us got a lot more right than we did wrong. Today I hope to bring a bit of balance to this debate. I could try and rebuke the articles and the arguments, but instead I would like to share a story from my own life and leave you to ponder the question- When it comes to student ministry and the church, who is failing whom?  I admit this is an extreme example, but it still captures the kind of stinkin' thinkin' that has, in some circles of the church, turned student ministry into an ugly step-child.  We love to place blame.

In 1999 I had lunch and a conversation with a new senior pastor who had arrived at the church I was serving as Director of Student Ministries. He had known me and my ministry for less than 2 months at the time of this meeting. I have written of this pastor here before, and he is known only as The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named.  While I do not claim that this is verbatim what was said, I can guarantee that it captures the spirit of the discussion.  I know this because it led to me leaving a ministry I loved. Here is how the conversation went...

TPWSNBN:  I have some concerns about how we do youth ministry. More specifically, about how YOU do youth ministry.
ME:  OK, shoot. What are your issues?
TPWSNBN:  First of all, I think you may have lost sight of our mission.  We are are a church.  From what I can see, you place far too much emphasis on having fun.
ME:  Can you give me some examples?
TPWSNBN:  You plan so many events that revolve around taking trips together, or eating out, and just gathering for times of fellowship. Some of that is fine but I am seeing way too much of that.
ME:  What you are defining as fun are events that we plan to intentionally build community and relationships.  We are trying to be an Acts 2:42 ministry.  Eating together, playing together and praying together are all important parts of that. We are also purpose driven. Every thing we do we do for a reason, based around our mission statement. Including the fun stuff.  It helps keep students involved.
TPWSNBN:  But even your lessons seem more fun than meaty.  With all of the skits, video and group participation it seems like you are looking to entertain more than educate. Where is the preaching and teaching?
ME:  Again, every thing we do has a purpose.  We want them to grasp the concepts of Christianity.  We want them to learn Biblical truths.  But mostly, we want make sure they know Jesus.  So we try to speak their language and teach in ways that will stick with them.  And by the way, entertainment is not always a bad thing.  Do you know the definition of entertain?  It means "to hold the attention of."  Seems like like something every teacher should strive to do...
TPWSNBN:  But because of that, and all of the wild ways your team does worship and music at youth group, teenagers seem to find my sermons and our church services boring. When they graduate, how can we hope to keep them involved?  (Please read that question again, folks. It is crucial.)
ME:  I suppose by continuing to speak to them- no matter their age- in a language they understand, not the one we would prefer.
TPWSNBN:  Be that as it may, it also bothers me that you have so little emphasis on evangelism and mission work.  These are important to the church, and teenagers need to learn about them now so they can be the future of the church.
ME:  I don't mean to sound snotty, but you haven't really looked at what we do, have you?  We just returned from a week in Nashville working with the Center for Student Missions in inner  city ministries. We do a monthly local mission project.  Once school starts back we have a weekly mission right here in the church, providing staff and teaching at the nursery during the 8:30 service.  We serve at the local soup kitchen and have worked at the local food bank. We do the 30 Hour Famine and other special events. And as far as evangelism goes, nearly half of the students in our ministry come from families outside the church.  We do evangelism.  And by the way...these kids are NOT the church of the future. They are the church right now. 
TPWSNBN:  I worry about the influence of all of those unchurched kids on our youth. Where are they getting their training and biblical education if they don't come to church?
ME:  They DO come to church- many of them every Sunday and Wednesday night. Many are in Bible studies and small groups. They are being taught about Jesus. They are learning what it means to worship and be part of a fellowship of believers.  I guarantee I see my "church members" more often than you see most of yours!
TPWSNBN:  But can't you see how all of this activity, fellowship and opportunity to minister sets them up to be disappointed in the church they encounter as adults? (Again...reread that question). This is why they quit being involved. 
ME:  I would suggest that the very definition of involvement changes.  As students, involvement means building relationships, experiencing new things and participating in ministry.  As adults, it too often means filling a pew, dealing with politics and serving on a committee. That is why I have no problem finding such wonderful adult volunteers. They all want to be part of something special. Young adults find it frustrating to encounter that change.
TPWSNBN:  So you would agree that we often lose young adults because the church they attend as adults cannot meet their expectations from their youth group years?
ME (completely exasperated and more than a little snarky):  Yes. And are you are telling me the big problem you have with our youth ministry is that we are setting the bar too high?

And that was pretty much the end of the discussion. And of my interest in working with him. But here is my message to all of the youth pastors, volunteer youth workers and others who are still out there, still loving on teenagers and seeking to help them discover what it means to be in relationship with Jesus and to love one another- You are not failures.  You are serving God in one of the world's great mission fields, and you are changing the lives of students. Keep setting the bar too high. And pray that the church that we love will continue to seek new and better ways to make disciples and to make the adult church experience as meaningful to participants as your student ministries are to those you serve.

Because of Jesus,