An Ornament Story: The Pickle

Today is the birthday of one of my favorite people in this world, my dear friend Lisa Jewett.  In honor of her special day, today's ornament story concerns a special (although a little strange!) gift she gave us back in 2005.  Here is the legend of The Christmas Pickle!

According to Lisa, the idea of putting pickles on Christmas trees goes back to Germany during one of the World Wars.  Soldiers marching through the German countryside would often enter house looking for food and take all that a family might have. One Christmas Eve a family, trying to save some food for themselves, hid some pickles in their tree, where they went unnoticed by the scavengers.  As a side note, we do not know if these were individual pickles or the entire jar.  In any case, the family had a pickle feast!  Over the years that followed it became tradition to hide one pickle in the tree on Christmas Eve as a reminder of that night. The child who could find the pickle on Christmas morning would receive an extra gift and much good luck for the coming year.  The Christmas Pickle became a symbol of blessing and prosperity.  So when Lisa presented us with our very own pickle ornament, we hung it on our tree.  Even though it seemed quite odd...

We lost touch with Lisa for a while after we left Tampa, but today she is a part of our family. She rides to church with us, eats Sunday dinner with us, and is the reason we love Taco Tuesdaze so much. Marilyn and I had dinner with her just last night.  That odd pickle hanging on our tree is a reminder that we have indeed been blessed by her friendship and her love.  Happy Birthday, Lisa!  And may Santa bring you a case of pickles this year!

Merry Christmas, one and all!

An Ornament Story: Gaston

For the next 5 days I will be sharing stories about some of the ornaments on our family Christmas tree. Like many of you, we have carefully chosen the ornaments over many years, and so many of them have special meaning to us.  I am going to tell you some of the memorable stories that go along with these classic Christmas ornaments.

In 2003 we were living in Tampa and had celebrated a wonderful Christmas.  The day after Christmas the youth of Wesley Memorial UMC left early in the morning to begin the drive to West Virginia for our ski retreat.  Marilyn, Will and Conner were left behind.  It was our first Christmas with the dog.  I was driving along (somewhere in Georgia, I believe) when my cell phone rang. Marilyn was hysterical- and angry.  It seems that the dog had tackled the tree, knocking it to the hard tile floor and leaving smashed ornaments everywhere.  Some of our collectible Disney ornaments were broken beyond repair.  I was "dead meat" for not being there.  She couldn't pick up the tree to set it upright, and she was frustrated beyond words. But from the rubble, a tradition was born.

We had a set of Beauty and the Beast ornaments that we dearly loved, and many of them suffered damage.  We were able to glue the Beast back together, but others were lost.  And then there was Gaston.  Gaston lost a leg in the calamity.  But we kept him.  And the following year when it came time to decorate the tree, we decided to hand one-legged Gaston on our tree. And he has been there every year since!

We love our special ornament, and we still love the dog too.  While I was a bit surprised to discover he was still alive when I got home, that was the last time he ever messed with our tree.  Now he just sleeps under it like he is a present.  And the smashed tree is just a part of our Christmas narrative.

Join me tomorrow to learn about another ornament- The Christmas Pickle. :)

Merry Christmas to All!!!

Peace on Earth: An Advent Prayer

Today is the third Sunday in Advent, and I can think of no words to share today that are more appropriate than the words of the great Christmas hymn I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day, written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  The past few days have found many of us praying and hoping for peace on this planet. Mr. Longfellow captures our feelings:

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

So as we prepare for the coming of the Prince of Peace, let us be steadfast in our commitment to love one another and to be bringers of peace in this often dark and violent word.  I remind you again that the only hope for us is Jesus.  I hope you have a blessed day.

Because of Jesus

Youth Ministry & the Church: Who Is Failing Whom?

Sometime this past week I read yet another blog post from yet another "expert" about how modern (1970 - 2005 or so) failed the church.  I have read a number of these articles and posts that indicated that the concept of reaching teenagers for Jesus through youth groups, special events, mission trips and relationship building has failed to keep the students who passed through our youth ministries in the church as adults. Students do leave the church in large numbers after their very active high school years; there is plenty of statistical evidence to back this up. The implication from these critics of youth ministry is that youth workers failed to give students what they needed to grow into mature Christ-followers, and therefore they left the church when it quit being "fun." Over the past few years, mega-churches, powerful authors and national conferences have grown fond of telling us that traditional youth ministry had been a failure. As a result of this thinking, some youth ministries have been going through some pretty radical and often random transformations for the past few years. And it has left many veteran youth pastors feeling like they failed in their ministries.

All student ministries are different, and over the years the experiment that changed Sunday evening baby-sitting for teenagers into a ministry certainly has had more that its share of failures and mistakes.  But I also firmly believe that many of us got a lot more right than we did wrong. Today I hope to bring a bit of balance to this debate. I could try and rebuke the articles and the arguments, but instead I would like to share a story from my own life and leave you to ponder the question- When it comes to student ministry and the church, who is failing whom?  I admit this is an extreme example, but it still captures the kind of stinkin' thinkin' that has, in some circles of the church, turned student ministry into an ugly step-child.  We love to place blame.

In 1999 I had lunch and a conversation with a new senior pastor who had arrived at the church I was serving as Director of Student Ministries. He had known me and my ministry for less than 2 months at the time of this meeting. I have written of this pastor here before, and he is known only as The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named.  While I do not claim that this is verbatim what was said, I can guarantee that it captures the spirit of the discussion.  I know this because it led to me leaving a ministry I loved. Here is how the conversation went...

TPWSNBN:  I have some concerns about how we do youth ministry. More specifically, about how YOU do youth ministry.
ME:  OK, shoot. What are your issues?
TPWSNBN:  First of all, I think you may have lost sight of our mission.  We are are a church.  From what I can see, you place far too much emphasis on having fun.
ME:  Can you give me some examples?
TPWSNBN:  You plan so many events that revolve around taking trips together, or eating out, and just gathering for times of fellowship. Some of that is fine but I am seeing way too much of that.
ME:  What you are defining as fun are events that we plan to intentionally build community and relationships.  We are trying to be an Acts 2:42 ministry.  Eating together, playing together and praying together are all important parts of that. We are also purpose driven. Every thing we do we do for a reason, based around our mission statement. Including the fun stuff.  It helps keep students involved.
TPWSNBN:  But even your lessons seem more fun than meaty.  With all of the skits, video and group participation it seems like you are looking to entertain more than educate. Where is the preaching and teaching?
ME:  Again, every thing we do has a purpose.  We want them to grasp the concepts of Christianity.  We want them to learn Biblical truths.  But mostly, we want make sure they know Jesus.  So we try to speak their language and teach in ways that will stick with them.  And by the way, entertainment is not always a bad thing.  Do you know the definition of entertain?  It means "to hold the attention of."  Seems like like something every teacher should strive to do...
TPWSNBN:  But because of that, and all of the wild ways your team does worship and music at youth group, teenagers seem to find my sermons and our church services boring. When they graduate, how can we hope to keep them involved?  (Please read that question again, folks. It is crucial.)
ME:  I suppose by continuing to speak to them- no matter their age- in a language they understand, not the one we would prefer.
TPWSNBN:  Be that as it may, it also bothers me that you have so little emphasis on evangelism and mission work.  These are important to the church, and teenagers need to learn about them now so they can be the future of the church.
ME:  I don't mean to sound snotty, but you haven't really looked at what we do, have you?  We just returned from a week in Nashville working with the Center for Student Missions in inner  city ministries. We do a monthly local mission project.  Once school starts back we have a weekly mission right here in the church, providing staff and teaching at the nursery during the 8:30 service.  We serve at the local soup kitchen and have worked at the local food bank. We do the 30 Hour Famine and other special events. And as far as evangelism goes, nearly half of the students in our ministry come from families outside the church.  We do evangelism.  And by the way...these kids are NOT the church of the future. They are the church right now. 
TPWSNBN:  I worry about the influence of all of those unchurched kids on our youth. Where are they getting their training and biblical education if they don't come to church?
ME:  They DO come to church- many of them every Sunday and Wednesday night. Many are in Bible studies and small groups. They are being taught about Jesus. They are learning what it means to worship and be part of a fellowship of believers.  I guarantee I see my "church members" more often than you see most of yours!
TPWSNBN:  But can't you see how all of this activity, fellowship and opportunity to minister sets them up to be disappointed in the church they encounter as adults? (Again...reread that question). This is why they quit being involved. 
ME:  I would suggest that the very definition of involvement changes.  As students, involvement means building relationships, experiencing new things and participating in ministry.  As adults, it too often means filling a pew, dealing with politics and serving on a committee. That is why I have no problem finding such wonderful adult volunteers. They all want to be part of something special. Young adults find it frustrating to encounter that change.
TPWSNBN:  So you would agree that we often lose young adults because the church they attend as adults cannot meet their expectations from their youth group years?
ME (completely exasperated and more than a little snarky):  Yes. And are you are telling me the big problem you have with our youth ministry is that we are setting the bar too high?

And that was pretty much the end of the discussion. And of my interest in working with him. But here is my message to all of the youth pastors, volunteer youth workers and others who are still out there, still loving on teenagers and seeking to help them discover what it means to be in relationship with Jesus and to love one another- You are not failures.  You are serving God in one of the world's great mission fields, and you are changing the lives of students. Keep setting the bar too high. And pray that the church that we love will continue to seek new and better ways to make disciples and to make the adult church experience as meaningful to participants as your student ministries are to those you serve.

Because of Jesus,

Youth Ministry Oops

My Twitter buddy and veteran youth worker Paul Turner tweeted yesterday that youth pastors should remember to be in touch with students who may have missed their weekend youth events to let them know they were missed.  It was a great reminder to stay focused on the students and continuing to build relationships and community in youth ministry.  It also reminded me of 3 epic Oops committed by a large, very successful youth ministry in the life of my own son a few years back that left him with a bad taste in his mouth for youth group.  I hope this story will serve as a warning to all of you who love students.

When we first moved back to Tampa in the summer of 2007, Will became a regular and very active participant in a local student ministry. He attended their primary youth meeting event Sunday evenings.  He went on retreats and attended special events.  Very few of the students attended his school, and he did not have many close friends in the group, but for the most part he enjoyed going. In the summer of 2008 he was part of week long local missions camp where they stayed on campus at the church for the entire week. We did not learn this until much later, but during one of the nightly worship times that week he went forward for prayer.  The youth pastor, who by then had known him for over a year, prayed for him by the wrong name.  It wasn't just an error. She did not know his name.  And that really hurt Will- as it would any of us.  Oops #1.

Will continued to attend as the school year began, albeit with less enthusiasm.  We sometimes had to make him go.  Then one week, after he had been a youth on the previous 3 Sundays in a row, he received a "missing you" card from the youth staff.  We assumed it was just a simple mistake, but a few weeks later it happened again.  Will was no doubt feeling invisible, and as a long time youth pastor I understood why.  He did not feel part of the community, and the leaders seemed not to know who he was.  And being part of that ministry became less and less important to him.  Oops #2.

After 2 years of pretty regular participation, Will began to drop out. He no longer wanted to go to special events on on retreats. We had to fight him to get him to attend at all.  And as he pulled away from that ministry, not once did anyone from the youth staff call him or visit him.  Not once did anyone stop by his school for lunch or offer to buy him a milk shake. He had no relationships, and he felt no community. I had always said I would not be one of those parents who forced his kid to go to youth group- I had seen first hand for years what a disaster that can be.  Will wanted out, and with no sign of anyone in the ministry really caring, we let him drop out.  If they had only reached out to him...  Oops #3.

Now the story has a happy ending, although not one I would have ever scripted. We explored the high school ministry as he began 9th grade, and I even took the new high school pastor to lunch and explained my frustrations.  To his credit, he did make an effort to involve Will.  But it was too late.  Will had found community and relationships with a different group- the drumline of his school marching band. The church changed their youth group to Wednesday evenings, a time when Will could not attend (Oops #4?). His life began to revolve around the people and activities of the band, just as mine and so many students who passed through my groups had revolved around a youth ministry.  And now, as a senior, those drummers are the most important people in his life.  He still loves church, and we attend worship (at that same church) on a regular basis.  He still loves Jesus.  We are blessed by those things.  But the bottom line, youth ministry failed my son.

To get back to Paul's tweet, I always felt like if a student missed a week, there was most likely a good reason.  If they missed 2 weeks, I needed to let them know they were missed. If they missed 3, then something was wrong. A pattern was forming, and I needed to talk to them and see what could be done.  Students want to be part of a community.  They want leaders to know their names. They don't want to feel invisible.  And they want to be missed when they are not around.  Students crave relationships. If the church does not provide them, they will seek it elsewhere. We got lucky, and Will found amazing friends in drumline who have been a huge positive in his life.  Others will find their community in far darker places.  Don't let your students become victims of the Oops.  Remember that relationships are job #1.

Because of Jesus,

What If?

According to the Mayan calendar and other ancient predictions, we only have 11 days left on planet Earth.  I do not believe this to be true, and as a result have not really given the whole idea much consideration. But as December 21 draws near, I have been pondering a few things.  If this is really the end, it changes things.  I don't need to worry abut the massive hospital bills I just racked up- or any other bills for that matter.  Christmas shopping becomes a moot point.  I no longer need to eat healthy and watch my blood sugar- it's party time!  Bring on the key lime pies!  Yard work and house cleaning would seem superfluous.  If the end is really coming, then we should just enjoy life, right?  No rules, no responsibilities.

I do not believe these predictions in part because I believe that we (as a human race) are here until Jesus comes back.  He said he will be returning, and I believe it.  Scripture also tells us that when Jesus returns, it will be "like a thief in the night" and that no one will know the day or the time of his return.  So given all the hoopla, it seems unlikely (though not impossible) that December 21 is the day.  

But what if?  What if we do only have 11 days until Jesus returns?  What should we really do with that time?  Obviously, we need to make sure our hearts are surrendered to our LORD.  We need to make sure the people we love know how we feel.  We need to forgive those who have wronged us and ask for forgiveness from those we have hurt.  We need to reach out to those around us who are hurting, and to those who do not yet have a relationship with the Savior.  In short, we need to be the people God calls us to be 24/7, 365. We need to live up to our calling.  If the end is coming, we have so much to do.

My youth group at Springfield Friends Meeting back in the early 1990's were given t-shirts by the late Rich Mullins that bore the following message: Live like you will die tomorrow. Die knowing you will live forever.  Jesus said as much when he was here.  Live life abundantly (John 10:10) and eternally (John 3:16).  What would my next 11 days look like if I believed Jesus was coming December 21?  I pray they would not that different from the way I will live them now.  So no excuses. And don't forget my Christmas present. I plan to still be here!

Because of Jesus,

Love Has Come

"Love has come

For the world to know,

As the wisemen knew

Such a long time ago.

And I believe that angels sang

That hope had begun,

When the God of Glory,

Who is full of mercy,

Sent His Son."

Today is the second Sunday of Advent, and if you attend a church that is using an Advent wreath then today they will light the candle of love.  (I love my church, but they don't do a Advent wreath.  In fact, they seldom mention Advent.  Uh-oh- I feel a rant coming on!  We attend a very "non-traditional church," and I love many of the things they do in worship. The music, the message, the dramas and the technology all help make it a large growing church that preaches the gospel and serves the community in the name of Jesus.  But in their attempts to be "non-traditional" they often eliminate tradition completely.  Not only just Advent, but this year I am still waiting to hear about Lent, and Pentecost as well.  It wouldn't hurt to say the Lord's Prayer or the Apostle's Creed on occasion.  Some old hymns were better in their original arrangements.  And Moses H. Cone, could we just sing a normal Christmas carol at least once this year?  Thus endeth the rant...and by the way I cannot WAIT to get back to church today!)  You have no doubt heard it said that love came down at Christmas time.  The lyrics from the song Love Has Come at the top of this page, written by Amy Grant, tell a similar story.  Scripture tells the story in a most familiar yet meaningful verse:  "For God so loved the world that He sent his only Son..."  Let there be no doubt- God's love has a name, and that name is Jesus.

So as you prepare your heart for the coming of the Christ-child this Christmas season, remember that love has come.  Show grace and forgiveness to those around you.  Find a way to show love to those who are hurting, under-resourced or different.  And take time each day to thank God for the love He has shown you in sending Jesus to bridge the gap between our sinful nature and his perfect peace.  Make this Christmas season one of true expectation, remembering that the coming of Christ changed the world.  We are called by the Babe of Bethlehem to do the same in our world...

Because of Jesus,