Riding the Crazy Train

A coupe of years ago on the season finale of The Big Bang Theory, Dr. Sheldon Cooper had a breakdown. Life was changing far too fast for him. His best friend and roommate was engaged and preparing to move out. His university wanted him to change his field of research. His girlfriend suggested perhaps she could fill the void and be his new roommate. His favorite place of respite, the local comic book store, burned to the ground. And all of this took place over a few short days. Unable to deal with the madness, Sheldon decided to hop on a train and leave town. He didn't know where he was going, other than "away." And so he was going to ride the rails like a hobo, living off the land- or the local malls he encountered along the way.

Why the sitcom recap? Because I have to tell you that Dr. Cooper's feelings have been very much my own these past few days, and that his train trip is starting to sound like a plan. I generally embrace change, but right now there's just too much of it. One of my dearest friends has been sick and not at all herself, and I worry because there is nothing I can do about it. Other friends- people my age or younger- are struggling with diseases so heinous that they are life threatening. That is both scary and surreal for me. One of my most significant friends continues to be absent from my life. My dog died suddenly this past Sunday, altering my daily schedule in more ways that you can possibly imagine (although it's 4 AM, I'm wide awake and don't even have Conner to blame) and leaving me teary-eyed multiple times each day. My son leaves for a new apartment and a new college in Orlando tomorrow (happy for him, sad for me) which also means a return to spending the majority of my days with no car. There are people I want to see that cannot be seen and places I wish to go that are currently unavailable to me (I know those things are true for everyone- but let me whine! This one is all about me!). Marilyn has been dealing with a sinus infection and stress over many of these same things plus worrying about her family's issues from 800 miles away. All of these things are part of life, and can be dealt with one at a time. But all together? All Aboard!!! It might be time to run away.

This would normally be the paragraph where an inspirational blogger like myself would spout a few cliches to offer peace and comfort to my readers. I would remind you that God is in control, that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that this too shall pass. There would be platitudes reminding you that you are loved, and that friends and family are there to pull us through. But not today. You see, even though those are all things I KNOW to be true, today I am just not FEELING them. Life feels overwhelming. This guy - who normally tells you to enjoy every sandwich (treasure every moment, carpe every diem, etc.) and embrace the joy in the journey, who tells you that the glass is always half full and we should focus on the positive- is packing a bag and looking for a getaway ride on the Crazy Train, even though I'm not really crazy. Just like Sheldon, my mother had me tested. 

So how do we power through times like these? For me, it's a process. First, it is important to realize that this is not the time to pretend to be strong and courageous for the benefit of those around me. It's time to be real and let things out, not suffer in silence. Then comes prayer- prayers for strength, wisdom, endurance and intercession. I pray that this is one of those Footprints in the Sand moments in life, when Jesus will carry me because the burden is too great for me to handle on my own. And finally, I turn to past experiences. There have been worse times in my life, and there will be others. There is hope that comes with faith and as I wrote earlier this week it is hope that must be leaned on in these crazy times. And I must persevere. This is not one of those "the sun will come out tomorrow" kind of things. Tomorrow will be another day I would really rather not face, but God willing, I will. Life does go on, and I will move forward- however slowly, however painfully- with the knowledge that Jesus will still be there, pulling me through to the other side of this funk.

I'm sorry if this depresses you. Well, actually no I'm not- misery loves company! I do covet your prayers for my family, my friends and myself as we battle through the end of a very difficult week. Knowing you care is indeed a great comfort. In the meantime, I will try my best not to do anything too crazy. But if you happen to see a train pass by on Monday, you might want to honk and wave. You know...just in case. Thanks for listening.

"Enjoy every sandwich."

Fun With Flags

If you are a fan of The Big Bang Theory then you are aware of Dr. Sheldon Cooper's popular (in his own mind) web series called Fun With Flags. The purpose of the show is to discuss the rich history and variety of flags from around the world- or from his favorite sci-fi shows like Star Trek. He did an entire episode around the flag from the United Federation of Planets. Sheldon loves flags and the stories they tell. He is a true vexillologist. 

Lately it seems that the whole world is made up up amateur flag enthusiasts, all telling us which flags are important, which are offensive and which flags Jesus would have us waving as we walk the #NarrowRoad. The Confederate Flag, long considered a symbol of hatred by many and a symbol of heritage by others, has become a flashpoint in heated new discussions about racism. The Rainbow Flag, long a symbol of gay pride and the search for equality for LGBT community, has been both raised and ridiculed over the past few weeks as the "debate" over same-sex marriage continues even as the Supreme Court has "ended" the discussion. There is discussion of how our nation's flag is sacred and should be "worshipped" as a symbol of freedom, even as many citizens feel left out and left behind. Many churches have the USAmerican flag in the sanctuary; others find that to be offensive in a house of worship. Flags are in the news, and they are controversial. So the question here today is simple- which flag should we carry we with us as we walk the #NarrowRoad? 

There was recently a story about a family in NC who decided to fight this battle by flying the flag of Christianity on the flag pole of their home. They wanted to make a statement on behalf of her family that their citizenship was in the nation of God, a loyalty much more important than any political or geographic flag. And I get that, and agree with the point. The problem is, for many the Christian Flag is a political statement. Faith has been co-opted by too many politicians and organizations that seek to use the people of God and the name of Jesus for their own benefit. Christianity in 2015 can be the cause of discord in society just as often as it is the cure. The institution of the church, as represented by a flag, cannot save us. Only Jesus - his life, his love, his grace and his mercy- can do that.

So if not the flag of a nation or a cause or the church, then what flag do we wave on the #NarrowRoad? The answer is very simple. Christ-followers need to carry the white flag of surrender. Not to this world, or to evil, or to sin or to culture- surrender to Jesus. When we forget the power struggles of this world and surrender to Jesus, we take on the greatest of causes. When we model his love and mercy, we become the church as it is intended to be. And when we recognize Jesus as King, we become part of the Kingdom of God, a kingdom worthy of flag waving celebrations. The white flag of surrender may seem like symbol of weakness to many, but to those who get it- who understand that to be first you must be last and to be greatest you must become the least- it is the ultimate symbol of freedom and power. Because it is (like another "failure," the cross) the ultimate symbol of Jesus!

Everyone seems to be marching for a cause these days. There is only one cause on the #NarrowRoad. Love like Jesus loved. Surrender to him. And we WILL make a difference!

Because of Jesus,