Lessons Learned...or Forgotten?

My readers know that I love taking trips down memory lane. But not all such trips are filled with nostalgia and happy memories. Some are reminders of terrible moments and hard lessons. That's where I am today. You may not like this post very much...

Sometime in the early 1990's I read a book entitled And the Band Played On. Written by Randy Shilts and published in 1987, the book is a graphic look at the Gay culture of the late 70s and early 80s and the first days of what would become the AIDS epidemic. Shilts (who would eventually die from complications due to AIDS) attacks the story head on, tracing the origins of the HIV virus, tracking it to the US, and exploring how even as it was killing thousands by 1984 it was still being treated as a "Gay plague." The politics involved in our nation's response to HIV/AIDS were stunning and had tragic consequences. The unwillingness of the Gay community at that time to give up newly won freedoms- even if those freedoms were killing them- was a reminder of how selfish we all can be when it comes to protecting what is important to us. The book was very moving and very eye-opening to me in many ways. I re-read the book in 2007 and had the same gut-wrenching reaction, and was left to wonder if the lessons of our failures had been learned...or forgotten.

Then this week all of that was brought rushing back to my mind as I watched two movies for the first time. On Sunday we watched Dallas Buyers Club, and then Monday I saw The Normal Heart. While they are not directly connected, in some way I watched them out of order. The Normal Heart was a film made by HBO based on a play written by Larry Kramer in the 80s. Kramer was one of the first Gay men in NYC to try to alert both the Gay community and political leaders to the horrors of the coming epidemic- and he was ostracized by both groups for his efforts. The film is his story, and it is an amazing (albeit tragic) piece of history. There was so much that could have been done in the early years of the crisis- and so little that was done. The overwhelming response of medical community was to be afraid of what was happening to these Gay men, Haitians and intravenous drug users. Research for either a cause or a cure moved at a snails pace because there was no money pumped into either. Gay men refused to believe it was sexually transmitted until it had killed many of their friends. President Reagan did not say the word AIDS in public until 4 years after people started dying. It took the death of a gay movie star- Rock Hudson- to make us see that the crisis was real and we were all at risk. Once that happened. the money began to flow- a full 5 years after the first deaths. It is a horrific story in many ways, but it also a love story about caring for loved ones in the depths of misery and despair. The actors- Mark Ruffalo, Julia Roberts, Jim Parsons, Alfred Molina, Taylor Kitsch- are simply amazing. And the story it tells should not be forgotten.

The Dallas Buyers Club won OSCARS this year for Matthew McConnaughey and Jared Leto, and it chronicles the HIV/AIDS crisis in the mid to late 80s. As the worldwide medical community rushed to find treatments that would improve the quality of life for patients- remember, in those days a diagnosis was a death sentence- our government refused to approve many medicines because they were "unsafe." Believing that nothing is risky when you are dying, a straight, homophobic AIDS patient named Ron Woodroof begins to find ways to bring illegal medicines to Dallas to help people he was certain he hated. The government fought him at every turn, but he persevered until his death in 1992. Another amazing movie, another crushing story.

Earlier I mentioned lessons learned or forgotten. What are the lessons for me?  First, we are all connected in this world and what happens to any human being has an impact on us all. There were people in power during the early years of AIDS who thought that it was a disease for "those people." They were horribly wrong. We tend to be so selfish. Ebola has killed thousands in Africa, but it didn't really matter to us until a man in Texas was diagnosed. We share a planet, and we must learn that God has commanded us to care for everyone on it. The second lesson is that no freedom- no matter how dear we hold it or how significant it feels to us- is more important than the life of another human being. True freedom comes from Jesus. And every life is important to him. Thirdly, we as a nation must think hard about our priorities. In 1985 one month of our military budget was three times the total amount spent on HIV/AIDS research and development in the first 4 years of the crisis. Could our doctors and scientists have cured cancer or diabetes by now if we funded them with the same passion with which we build bombers? And finally I am left to wonder where the church was in the midst of that crisis- and where we are in the midst of such crisis today. Do we reject people based on our personal beliefs and opinions, or do we love as Jesus taught us to love- everyone no matter who they are.

History wouldn't repeat itself so often if we would just listen the first time. Read the book. See the movies. If you are even slightly homophobic then get ready to be overwhelmed with an inside look at a culture you despise. If you view the politics of the 1980s through rose colored glasses, you will be disappointed and stunned. Sometimes a trip down memory lane reminds us we still have miles to go to be the people God has called us to be. My prayer is that our hearts and minds will be open to learning the lessons of the past.

Because of Jesus,

The Golden Thread of Friendship

Inspiration can come in strange places at strange times. Our maid Agnes (Who is actually me.  For those of you who don't know, Agnes is my alter-ego. I turn into Agnes whenever I am house cleaning!) was cleaning one of our bathrooms a while back and thinking about how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends, and what a technological miracle it is that I can stay in touch with them on a regular basis these days. It never fails to light up my life to get a ping on my phone indicating I have a new text message, or to find I have a new Twitter mention from one of my buddies there. These are reminders that there are people who care about me, and reminders of the power of friendships old and new. As I was thinking to myself that I might have stumbled on to a good topic for a blog post, I realized that there was a calligraphy hanging on the wall of the bathroom that has a lot to say about the blessings of friendship. So rather than bring all of you to our bathroom, I share it here with you.

Sometimes I view the pattern of my life and say a prayer

A prayer of thanks for many things I see so lovely there

And woven into this pattern is a shining golden thread

Reflecting something kind you've done or something nice you've said

And so I want to tell you that the peace and joy you lend

Can make one's life so rich and sweet

I'm glad that you're my friend.

Thanks be to God for filling my life with people who make me smile, bring me encouragement and make this world a far better place than it would be. And yes- I mean YOU! I hope you have a blessed and wonderful week!

Because of Jesus,

Waiting Expectantly

The Presence in the Midst
FYI- very few Quakers still dress this way :)

This morning at 9:30 Marilyn, our friend Lisa and I (Will is sick ) plan to worship at our home church along with nearly 1000 others. There will be loud music from a killer band, exciting use of giant video screens and a video wall, and a sermon that comes with the usual promise from our pastor of "the most important one I've ever given." And it will be excellent- they most always are. There will be excitement, energy and plenty of noise as we worship God together. I look forward to being there.

Last Sunday morning I was in NC where a group of us visited a small Quaker Meeting pastored by an old friend. Even with the 5 of us there were less than 40 in attendance. There was no praise team, just a choir and a piano. There were no video screens or any other technology besides one microphone. There was no hoopla, no hyperbole and no frills whatsoever. At the appointed hour, worship began. And it began in silence. I was so excited.

Silence is as scary thing in the modern church and in modern culture. Long "pauses" without noise make people uncomfortable. I remember once at the UMC I served in Kissimmee, FL an Associate Pastor going on and on about how we were going to have brief period of absolute silence to quiet our hearts and clear our minds. He repeated this over and over as he instructed us until finishing with these words: "And now, as the organ plays, we will pause for a moment of complete silence." We just don't do silence very well anymore. In worship last Sunday, there were periods of silence in between each of the elements of the service. I laughed to myself thinking that in most churches today people would have been sitting in their pews wondering, "Who messed up? What should be happening now?" There are fewer and fewer Quakers who have an appreciation for silence. Where silence is still a part of worship, it is often tolerated rather than embraced. People no longer understand the power of the quiet moment. But there is great power if you truly grasp the WHY of silence in worship.

Silence in worship is not about being quiet, it's about expectantly waiting. We allow the presence of God to fill the room in a very real way when we wait on it. We allow the Holy Spirit space to move in us when we center our hearts and minds on the things of God rather than the troubles of the day. We take the time to allow the scriptures, the message, the music and the Holy Spirit within us to speak into our hearts- and sometimes give us a message to share. A vibrant Friends Meeting that uses periods of silence in worship rarely has "silent worship." Last Sunday was no exception. People wait expectantly, and often numerous members of the congregation will rise and speak messages of faith, hope and love. So many times in the days of my youth those messages were much deeper and much more important than anything the pastor had to say. And I can tell you first hand of finding myself on my feet and speaking during periods of open worship with no real memory of standing up. When the Spirit says move, you move. And then you settle back into waiting. Because God always more for us if we take the time to wait on it.

I love worshipping at my church. The music, the technology and the high levels of excitement often move me and let us all express our praises to God and our love for Jesus. But we miss so much when we are afraid of silence. There is an intimacy in those moments that cannot be replicated by any other element in worship. I have my silent times by myself during the week and they are wonderful. But in my experience there is very little that equals the power of the gathered body of Christ waiting expectantly to feel the presence in our midst. It is my prayer today that the modern church would rediscover the power of silence in worship. Even if we have to do it "as the guitar plays..." Be still and know.

Because of Jesus,

Saturday Shout Outs: Trip Report Edition!

Sometimes a Saturday rolls around and I think to myself, "Do I have enough material to publish the Shout Outs this week?" Other times- like today- the concern is more about how all of the shouting can possibly fit into one blog post! It's been an amazing couple of weeks, beginning with my birthday, stretching through my awesome trip to NC, and finishing up with Marilyn's birthday this past Thursday. There are people to thank, blessings to count and joys & concerns to share, so let's get on with it. It's Saturday, and I am ready to SHOUT!!!

* To everyone who texted, tweeted, commented and otherwise wished me a happy birthday back on October 6, I say thank you! Special mention goes to Jennifer (Bob) Kuramochi (with special help from Josephine and Noah!) who dropped off some red velvet cupcakes. Yum! It was a great day that culminated with a dinner at Bahama Breeze with this fine group of folks...

* Before I get into my trip, there are numerous prayer requests to share. Amber Herrick (FUMC-Kissimmee) was married on October 10th; Mandy Beggs (Springfield Friends) is expecting a baby any minute now; Cyndi Browning (FUMC-K) is still job hunting; Terry & Leigh Ann Venable and Cynthia Davis Strider (Quaker Lake) are new grandparents; and yesterday was my Mom's birthday. Marilyn and I are headed up to celebrate a little later this morning!

* On my first night in NC I went to dinner with our dear friends Butch & Barbara Moran. It was so great to catch up with them and remember some of the great times we shared together. Plus, yesterday was Butch's birthday!- so this is a double whoop of a shout!

* Among the other old High Point area friends that made time for me my first couple of days up north were Millie Simmons, Ray Luther, James Robinson, Terry Venable, Lisa Moran and Wayne Gless. I spent Thursday evening with Jimmy & Karen Chester and we nearly talked all night. The connections I share with so many of these wonderful folks are still so strong- even some 20 years later!

* I spent pretty much all day Friday with Beth McGalliard, who had been an important part of my life since middle school. We had lunch, went shopping at Sam's Club, drove what seemed like 100 miles to buy pansies and stopped by for a visit with her son at work. I got to simply hang out with one of my favorite people in the world for a few hours. I could get used to that.

* I spent my last 3 nights with Carl & Diane Semmler in Greensboro. Carl is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and Diane is such a sweetheart. Their hospitality was so gracious, even if their giant attack cat Carson was a little scary! On Saturday morning we headed over to a place called The Moose Cafe for breakfast with some of my favorite people on the planet. We were joined by Chuck & Tammy Foster, Alan Brown, Mark & Martha Farlow and Susan Tuggle (plus her grandkids!). While I was a bit disappointed that The Moose Cafe serves no moose, they did serve something called a Hillbilly Breakfast that features liver mush. I did NOT partake; Chuck did. Special thanks to The Asheboro Flash for buying my breakfast, although he may or may or not have made Carl actually pay for it! 

* Saturday for lunch (in case you haven't noticed there was no shortage of food on my trip) a group of my former youth from Springfield gathered at our favorite place from back in the day, Pizza Inn. It was so wonderful to be joined by Todd Farlow, Ken Hill, Jennifer Wood Jones, Marie Allen, Danny McCorquodale and some spouses and kids as well. I heard from a dozen or so others who wanted to be there but couldn't make it work with their busy family schedules. Next time for sure. But here's the evidence that myself,  Ken, Danny and a little photobomber were there...

Picture courtesy of Missy McCourquodale

* Saturday night brought another meal, more time with Beth, and a visit from another very special old friend- Denise May Langley. It was great to catch up with Neesie and for the three of us to sit talk and eat as we had sooooo many times before. It was all so comfortable and so...NORMAL. It made me long for the days when we all lived just a few miles apart and such dinners (and late night doughnut runs!) were a regular activity. Either that or the days when communes were perfectly acceptable...

* After a bit of arm-twisting from Martha Farlow, Sunday morning found Carl, Denise, Beth (and her hubby Bob) and myself worshipping at Jamestown Friends Meeting. Once again, it was incredible to take a trip down memory lane. The pastor, Frank Massey, was one of my counselors when I was a Quaker Lake camper in the mid 70s. Wallace Sills was an early influence on me at camp and through NCYM; Beth Phillips Massey was one of my first youth leaders at New Garden Friends Meeting. An added surprise was discovering that Wendy Mattocks (from my Springfield group) was presiding over meeting for worship. And worship was simply wonderful. I do miss silence...but you can read more about that tomorrow!

* Sunday afternoon and evening were spent watching football and exploring Greensboro with Carl & Diane. Again, spending time with such valued friends was the whole purpose of the trip. And I was blessed to get to do lots of it! But I have to admit none of it felt quite the same with Steve Semmler up in Ohio. Which is why a  beach trip NEEDS to happen next September!!!  :)

* There were, of course, people I didn't get to see and hope to the next time around. Lots of former youth and campers, Neal & Susie Thomas, Mark & Liz Hyde, Donna Haynes Myers, Sabrina Perry, Andy Maynard, Tim Vail, Drew & Andrea Ward and so many more are on my list. I drove through Quaker Lake but didn't get to really see any of new facilities, and I got real barbecue, but not Stamey's. So there is work still to be done!

Thanks again to everyone who made me feel so welcome and so special, and to Marilyn and Will for letting me take the trip. I feel more like my old self that I have in a very long time. Have a blessed Saturday and thanks for stopping by!

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: The Sit In

Last week at this time I was visiting old friends and reconnected to some of my Quaker roots in North Carolina. To say things are a bit tumultuous among Friends there is a massive understatement. There will be more written about that here in the days to come, but today those thoughts led me to this Friday Flashback, first shared here in 2009. Enjoy.

The early 1980's were a strange time to be a 20-something, socially concerned seeker/christian trying to find his way in the world. In November 1980, Ronald Reagan was elected and my roommates and I strongly considered moving to Canada (just so you know, this was not simply politics; I was a registered republican at the time and I voted for John Anderson, a republican who ran as an independent. It was just that Reagan scared us to death!). In December 1980 John Lennon was shot and an icon of the peace and justice movement was dead. By 1982 Reagan had declared it was "morning in America" (which was true if you happened to be white and have money) and the country was on an extreme conservative swing. Worse, at least for me, was that the church was becoming completely immersed in politics. Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority and Ralph Reed and the Christian Coalition had been a great help to the Reagan campaign, and now they were using their power to urge congress to pass more "christian" legislation. On the national stage Christianity became less about what Jesus taught and more about conservative politics. And if you dared disagree with them, you were quickly declared both unchristian and un-American, which they saw as the same thing. For example, the Moral Majority worked tirelessly against the re-election of Sen. Mark Hatfield of Oregon, despite the fact that he was one of the most outspoken evangelical Christians in the Senate. His flaw? He was for disarmament and a World Peace Tax Fund. To paraphrase the great Tom Lehrer, "it takes a certain amount of guts to get up and speak out on behalf of peace and justice and brotherhood and all the other things those people are against!" Strange days indeed...

In the midst of these changing times, Quakers in North Carolina were changing too. For years, the Young Friends (7th-12th grade students) of NC Yearly Meeting had been primarily led by students who went to Quaker Lake for summer camp, many of whom also attended New Garden Friends Meeting. (For those of you who are regular readers, you will know that those are the two ministries I worked for at the time, so I was double trouble!) This began to shift in the early '80's as the leadership at the top of the Yearly Meeting began to change and reflect the political climate of the day. When the position of Youth and Christian Education Director for NCYM came open, the search committee went outside of NCYM, passing over several local candidates and hiring David Tebbs from Ohio. Over the next few years David and I disagreed on many things, but I always had the ultimate respect for him as a leader and as a Christ-follower, and eventually we became good friends. At about the same time, Jerry Cannady was installed as the new head of the Young Friends Activities Committee, which controlled the planning for all NCYM youth events except Quaker Lake summer camp. Jerry was a large, angry pastor who had no interest in youth- he was put in place to put us (the Quaker Lake and New Garden crowds) in our place. He did not have our respect on any level, and he made it clear he didn't like us at all. A showdown was inevitable.

The showdown came at Yearly Meeting (a once a year, statewide gathering of Quakers), August 1982 at Guilford College. For several years part of the program had been the showing of the Quaker Lake slideshow from the the recently completed summer camping season. The campers who also attended this event looked forward to it, and others came in just for the slide show presentation. On this particular occasion, the slide show was the last event of the day on the next to the last day of the sessions. For those who attended camp, the slide show was often a very emotional event, and this year was no exception. At the conclusion, before anyone connected with QLC could say anything, Jerry Cannady jumped to his feet and announced that it was time for everyone to go back to the dorms, and that there was to be total silence as we did so. We were stunned. No time to visit and chat about what we had just experienced. No time to go back through the slides and take them in more slowly, without the soundtrack. Jay Osborne, the Presiding Clerk (that's Quaker for chairman or president) of the Young Friends spoke up and asked if those who wanted to could watch it again. He was told NO in a most unpleasant way. As people began to get up and leave in silence, Jay and I did not move. Neither did many others. Jerry began yelling at us and using some distinctively un-Quaker language, demanding that we get out and go to our dorms. And still we sat there. A long, ugly discussion ensued that let us know in no uncertain terms that things were changing. Those of us who found our expressions of faith more in seeking, peace, equality and the radical teachings of Jesus were now being dictated to by those who saw everything in black and white; and we had just been declared part of the darkness.

I don't really remember how it all ended that night; I don't think we saw anymore slides. My own theology and beliefs, so young at the time, have certainly changed since that night. But what I really remember is my good friend Jay Osborne, age 17 or so, (yes, the same Jay who would one day drop my guitar off the roof of the QLC lodge!) staying seated to "stand up" for his beliefs and his friends. I was proud to sit with him and all the others. It didn't ring a bell at the time, but today it is not lost on me that our little "sit-in" took place in Greensboro, home to one of the great and powerful sit-ins of the civil rights movement. But the real heart of the story is this- many of "those people" who left as we sat took the time later on to talk to us, to lovingly share their side of the story and to seek a middle ground. Many of them would become my friends and co-workers in the years that followed. Quakers have never been and will never be homogenous, being a wildly diverse (and often quite confusing) group in theology and worship styles. But historically they have always been willing to seek consensus and work for the greater good in God's name. It is my most fervent prayer that my old friends currently embroiled in difficult circumstances in NCYM will remember that fact and remember that the love of God is not based on theology, styles, finances or politics. God loves us all. Even the people who are not like us... 

Because of Jesus,

The Birthday Girl

Today my lovely wife Marilyn celebrates her birthday, and I hope you will all join me in wishing her the happiest of days! She's been my partner in marriage for 28 years and a wonderful mother to Will for the past 19. She has loved and cared for us both in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse. She is the rock of our family, and we love her very much. She actually has a a day off today, and we look forward to a full day of celebrating with her. Happy Birthday, Marilyn! May the coming year be full of blessings and joy!!!

A Parable of Radical Forgivness

I used to tell students that we only needed forgiveness for two things in this life- the things we do and the things we don't do! With that in mind...

In case you missed this while reading your Bible, Jesus was big into forgiveness. His mission statement- "I came to save the world, not to condemn it"- is all about offering us grace and forgiveness, because God knows we deserve to be condemned. Jesus came and died on the cross so we wouldn't get what we deserve. He told the following parable in Matthew 18:21-35 (The Message).

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"   Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market. The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, 'Pay up. Now!'  The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

The king summoned the man and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?' The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that's exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn't forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy."

Over the years I have encountered both the king and the servant from this story. The kings- of which there are many- have seen the sin and failure (the debt) in my life, and have forgiven me anyway. Paul writes that sin will always be with us on this side of heaven. My past sins serve as a reminder of how much I need Jesus, but the debt has been erased by the sacrifice of Jesus and these "kings" I have encountered along the road. The servants- of which, thankfully, I have encountered but a few- have seen the sin and failure in my life, and they seem determined to make sure those things are never forgotten. They feel hurt and betrayed by my actions (and I don't blame them) but they just can't let it go. My sin seems to effect them more than their own. And if I am not careful, their actions and attitudes can cause me to sin again- because they make me want to not forgive them. But I must. I cannot experience the abundant life that Jesus came to bring unless I can forgive myself and others. People who are otherwise faithful Christians seem to carry around an unhealthy bitterness and resentment that one would think should be absent from the body of Christ. And that is their prerogative- as long as they never need forgiveness themselves. This parable is not the only scripture that makes this point very clear. In the LORD's Prayer, we are told to pray for God to "forgive our trespasses (debts)  as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus said "Judge not at all, or you will be judged." He said "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." In other words, Jesus makes it clear that we will all be held to the same standard that we hold others to. If we forgive and offer grace and mercy to the people who wrong us, then that is what we shall receive from God. If we don't- well, I'd prefer not to find out what refusing God's grace feels like. 

We all seek forgiveness in our lives, and those of us who call ourselves Christ-followers know that we can repent and ask for grace, and that it is a gift given freely by our God. Far too many people, however, struggle when it comes to personal grace; we want forgiveness from God but are not willing to offer it to those around us. I hope that this parable will inspire us all to be like the King- both the one in parable and the One we worship. He understood the debt, he hated the debt- but he erased the debt. Many of you have been "human erasers" in my life, and I thank God everyday for your mercy- and His.  Have a happy Hump Day, everyone!

Because of Jesus,