Happy Birthday, Marilyn!

Happy Birthday to my lovely wife, Marilyn!  She is pictured here at her favorite place with her favorite man, our son Will. I pray it is a day full of blessings for her!

Because of Jesus,

It's Not About Me

"It's all about You, it's not about me- wherever I go I want people to see your light is shining like the sun in everything that I do; it's all about You."  - Nate Sallie

We live in a world that often seems dominated by resumes.  Status is achieved based on the places you were educated, the positions you have held and the the things you have accomplished in life.  Church is no different.  We want our staffs to have significant pedigrees; we want our volunteers to have rich backgrounds in what ever area of ministry they may serve.  In church as in the "real world," it's all about who you are and what you've done.  But today we remember that the Jesus Revolution says, "Not so fast..."

In Philippians 3:2-11 (The Message) the Apostle Paul reminds us of an eternal truth: It's not about us and our accomplishments, it's all about Jesus.  Paul is explaining to the church at Philippi that they need to be on the lookout for people who think they can align themselves with God simply by the things they have on their resumes.  He is specifically warning them that assuming that someone has become a Christ-follower based on the fact that they have followed Jewish law is a bad idea.  He lists his own very impressive Jewish resume, from circumcision right through his willingness to persecute those who followed Jesus, and points out that if anyone had reason to be confident that the law could make them right with God, it was him. But then he writes this: (Phil. 3: 8-9; NIV):  "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."   In other words, his resume- everything of note he had ever been or accomplished- was junk.  Only knowing Jesus mattered.  My pastor told us several years ago that the word "rubbish" used in the NIV is watered-down from the original Greek.  So is the term "dog-dung" found in The Message.  The actual Greek word is skubala, and the closest translation is a vile 4-letter word- and it's not poop. (Pastor Matthew made us all repeat the word, then admonished us for swearing in church!). Paul is reminding us that all of the things we do to try to build ourselves up and attain a right relationship with God on our own are just one big, steaming pile of skubula unless we know Jesus.

I spend a lot of time on this blog telling stories about people I know, places I have been and things I have done.  Most you you know my resume- the good and the bad.  And the truth is it's all skubala.  The good will never be good enough to earn my way into the Kingdom of God. The bad has already been forgotten and forgiven through the love of God whose name is Jesus.  It's simply not about us- it's all about Jesus.  Do we need to seek to live holy lives and do good deeds in Jesus' name?  Certainly.  Should we seek to avoid sin?  Absolutely.  But in the end it's not about the past.  It's not about being "good enough."  It's about walking every day with Christ, living so that his radical love can be seen in our lives.  As Paul wrote, it's about "pressing on," and never forgetting that the "prize" is a relationship with Jesus.  It may not look as good on your resume as a Harvard education, but trust me- it's ain't just skubala.  The question becomes this: What is it that defines you?  Welcome to the Jesus Revolution, where the answer is obvious.  Jesus defines us.  

Because of Jesus,

It's A God Thing

Billy, an unknown friend of his, Steve,
Sis and me- 1978

I began writing this blog in 2009, and in the 4+ years since its beginning there have been many moments when I knew that this entire enterprise was not really my idea. It was God's. That may sound presumptuous of me, but I believe it with all my heart. You have to remember my state of mind in 2009. I was two years removed from a huge failure in my personal life, and I had basically spent those 3 years completely "off the grid."  It seemed so unlikely to me that people could forgive me, much less be interested in rekindling our relationships. And then people began to discover my writing here- and God changed my life. My immediate family had always shown me grace, but now I was experiencing God's love in a whole new way.  I began to tell stories that helped me reconnect with literally hundreds of former students and adults from my days in youth ministry. I began to write about faith, grace and the love of God whose name is Jesus on a regular basis. I saw God using me to once again be in ministry, although in a very different way than I had imagined. I shared my story of how I had disappointed so many and brought shame upon myself and my family, expecting condemnation and instead receiving support and prayer. I developed a whole new family of readers through Twitter, and my new friends have touched me with a grace and love that could only come from God. I have found peace and comfort in the "pages" of this blog because God has blessed me every step of the way.  And just when I thought that nothing that happens here could surprise me...

Late Friday night I received notice that I had a new comment on a post that was several weeks old. Generally, that means it is SPAM. I clicked on the comment and didn't recognize the blog name of the nameless person who left the comment, but I saw a name I recognized., so I read on before deleting.  After a moment, my heart began to race. I knew the author. As I read on, I discovered that someone from my high school days had read one of my earliest posts. Old Friends. and wanted to share it with her old Western Guilford High School friend Sabrina Perry. Even though she never gave her name in the comment, I recognized the writer as Sabrina immediately when she wrote, "I am now the mother of six sons and have told all of them about you and Steve, Brother 1 and Brother 2 (though I can never remember which is which)!"  Steve Semmler and I only had one "sister" in our high school years. This was my Sis, who I hadn't spoken to in over 20 years. And I could not have been more excited! 

We exchanged comments and I gave her my phone number. On Saturday, I texted Steve to tell him that "she who had been lost had been found!" And then Saturday night, my Sis and I spent 2 glorious hours talking on the phone. I learned about her boys. I learned about her life these past 20 years- the highs and the lows. I shared with her my story, and she showed me amazing grace. We both spoke of the wondrous presence of God in our lives, and how despite our struggles we were both blessed beyond measure.  I discovered an old friend who has a deeper, more personal relationship with Jesus than most anyone I have ever known. And in those 2 hours we rediscovered why, along with Steve, we had been so close all those years ago - we simply love each other like family.  Steve and I were in her home so often that her parents were Ma & Pa Perry to us. Her little brother Billy was our little brother too. We ate enough peanut brittle, blonde brownies and tacos there to feed us for the rest of our lives.  We shared so many highs- and our share of lows. But we never quit loving each other. And suddenly, here she was- back in my life because of this very blog. Don't try to tell me it's not a God Thing.

The picture at the top was taken when Steve and I drove down on our spring break from college in 1978 to visit the Perry family at their new home in Jacksonville. We had an amazing week (including my first ever visit to Walt Disney World). We were all so young, and so connected.  None of us really know how we drifted apart, or why it has been so long. But one thing I do know for sure- it will not happen again. God has given us a second chance- through the wonders of technology that didn't even exist the last time we talked- to be the kind of friends and the kind of family we were meant to be.  She told me Saturday night how good it felt to be called Sis again. It felt good to be Brother 1 again. And make no mistake Steve...I AM Brother One!  :) We will go forward together, a family once again.  And I will not stop smiling anytime soon...

Because of Jesus,

Blessed Are the Riffraff (A Vintage Post)

Matthew 9:11-13 - Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew's house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus' followers. "What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?"  Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: 'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders."   (The Message)

If you've ever been in leadership with a student ministry then you have no doubt heard comments like these, usually from parents of other teenagers:

• "Why are you letting that girl go on the mission trip?  She has all of those tattoos and piercings, and every thing she owns is black.  She's scary..."
• "I heard that the boy with the blue hair smokes dope.  He shouldn't be here.  His parents don't even go to this church!"
• "Why is that pregnant girl singing a solo with the youth choir when my good little girl Angela- who's never done a thing wrong in her life- has never had a solo?"
• "You need to quit paying so much attention to all of the scum that are coming to youth group and concentrate on the kids of church members.  It's church members that pay your salary, not these rejects you seem to like so much."

I didn't have to make up those examples- they are very close to direct quotes of things said to me over the years (there was no Angela- the name was changed to protect the guilty!).  As the scripture from Matthew 9 tells us, the Church has struggled since the very beginning to know how to respond to "notorious sinners."  I have read several articles lately that attribute this problem to the fact that the business of the church is to reach the lost, while our churches are full of folks who are "saved."  According to these authors it is this phenomenon that creates a tension in our congregations.  Our churches are full of good, God-fearing people, and it is difficult for them to open their fellowship to the riffraff of the world.  That's what they say.  Really.

HORSECRAP!!!!!

If our churches were really full of people who understand the teachings of Christ, those people would be bending over backwards to serve the lost and the hurting.  Here's what I think.  I think that our churches are full of people who have a knowledge of Jesus, but not a relationship with Him.  We know how to act like a Christian, and so we do- forgetting that "all sin and fall short of the glory of God."  We spend so much time pretending to have it all together- denying the sin in our lives by pointing out the sin in the lives of others.  And when we come face to face with others who are openly struggling with sin and temptation, with others who are lost and seeking the answer, it scares us.  We are afraid because they are different, and because their lives are real and ours are not.  We are afraid that someone might discover our sin and blow our cover as "Super Christian!"  Think back to the examples I gave from youth ministry.  Have we truly given our hearts and minds to Jesus if we have attitudes like that?  Of course not.  There is no love or grace in that kind of language.  There is only judgement and condemnation.  It reduces Christianity to a performance based love, and here's how it works- if you'll look, sound, dress and behave like I think a Christian should, THEN you are welcome in my church.  Max Lucado wrote that God doesn't say: "Change your life and I will accept you." He says "I accept you- now let's change your life."  We want people to have religion before they ever show up- but Jesus told the Pharisees he didn't want them to have religion at all.  He wanted them to have mercy.  He wanted them to welcome the tax collectors and the lepers and the outcasts of society.  He wants us to do the same- but not with an attitude of superiority or by acting holier-than -thou.  It's a slippery slope to travel, because if you spend too much time thinking, "Thank God I am not like the Pharisees," then guess what?  You are becoming one.  Jesus saved us all with an amazing unconditional love that has nothing to with our performance.  It has everything to do with surrendering our hearts to Him and sharing His love and grace with our world.

I have been a Christian for a very long time, seeking to follow Jesus in every aspect of my life.  I have failed in more ways than I can recount here.  But that's not the worst part- we all fail.  The worst part is that I became convinced that as a pastor I was to never let anyone know I had struggles.  When my sin exploded into public view, I suddenly became one of the outcasts.  There were many brothers and sister in Christ who never quit loving on me, and that grace carried me through a couple of very hard years.  But a couple of pastors and the institution of the church just saw me as damaged goods.  They felt it sent the wrong message to have a sinner involved in church (think about that line for a moment...).  One church told me and my family to stay away.  I had become the riffraff.  We keep getting the story wrong.  The Good News is not that because of Jesus I no longer sin and therefore am better than you.  The Good News is that Jesus came for you, and me, and the girl with the tattoos, and the guy with blue hair and the pregnant girl.  Jesus even came for members of congress!  He came for the riffraff.  And to paraphrase the great Pogo, "we have seen the riffraff- and it is us!"  We all "need a doctor." Until we learn to love people not because they are like us, but because Jesus loves them, we are missing the boat.  And the Church is missing its calling.

So today I offer you my own Beatitude.  Blessed are the riffraff, for they will be called friends of Jesus.  Welcome to the club...

Because of Jesus,

A Tale of Two Youth Pastors

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."  Charles Dickens opens his classic novel  A Tale of Two Cities with those immortal words, and today I want to borrow them for my own purposes. Even though I have been out of youth ministry for 6 years now, I still consult with many youth pastors on a regular basis.  I am often reminded that my former calling is filled with thinkers and stinkers just like any other profession.  It is a job that is not for everyone, and if it is not for you then trying to do it will make you absolutely miserable.  Some youth pastors are creative, gifted and called by God to do the work.  Others...not so much.  This is A Tale of 2 Youth Pastors...

Our first YP finds himself in a bit of a mess, and he does not understand why.  Students should be coming to his youth programs.  After all, he is highly educated, having a master's degree in divinity from a prestigious institution.  His theology is sound.  His personality is charismatic.  He has read all of the latest student ministry books and attends all of the important conferences.- he has even spoken at a few. He writes a blog telling other youth ministers how they should approach their own ministries, and many of them think of him as a mentor.  He prays regularly and is confident that his ministry is on the path God would choose. He preaches well thought out and doctrinally sound sermons to those who gather each week.  But yet students are staying away from his ministry in record numbers. He is fully aware that he cannot impact them with the love of God whose name is Jesus if they never show up.  As I talked to him about what is happening, he dwells on things like "imparting systematic theology" and "breaking down the resistance of the students to the Word of God."  He says that his students don't get it.  They are often rowdy and out of control.  He keeps enforcing stricter rules and guidelines, but it just doesn't seem to help.  The kids are driving him crazy! They seem to think that youth group should be more fun and more relational, and he refuses to "dumb down" his ministry to their level.  And as I listen to this fine man of God, I know exactly why his ministry is faltering.  He is scared of teenagers.  Worse yet, he simply doesn't like them- and he has no idea that this is the truth.  In fact, he has no desire to hear the truth. He loves BEING a youth pastor more than he loves the youth he serves. He is trying to build a youth ministry that will transform his students into something they simply cannot yet be- adults.  It is the worst of times...

I  have also reflected recently on another YP that I know pretty well.  He has never been published.  He has no advanced degrees.  He is a bit of a redneck, and his personality is not the kind you would expect teenagers to be drawn to.  Heck, he doesn't even play guitar!  His creativity is limited; he still runs many of the same programs and events that were passed on to him by his predecessor over 10 years ago.  That's right- he's been at the same church over 10 years.  No jumping ship for a bigger ministry, or even making "getaways that gets a raise!"  It is safe to say that he is a dim light in the wider universe of student ministry.  And yet... the students keep coming.  They show up for fun, for service, for study and for worship.  They show up because this unimpressive man shows up for work everyday because he loves teenagers- and they know it.  Everyday he is changing lives in Jesus' name.   It is the best of times...

There are two absolute requirements for being a youth pastor.  Certainly you must love Jesus.  And just as important (or as Jesus would say, "and the second is like it") you must love those wacky, hormonal, semi-crazed people we call teenagers.  Not tolerate, not like...LOVE!  You must love them as they are, not as you want them to be - in other words, love them the same way God loves us!  If you can't do that, then you need to find another vocation-  because spending time with students and loving on them is the bottom line.  No amount of education, training or coolness will ever change that.  And that's the truth...

Because of Jesus,

Magic Moments: The Mystery of Mountain Top

Front: Jocelyn Sessions, Laura Drapkin, Lisa Kraus, Jill Painter
Back: Ben Thacker, Matt Wheeler, Brad Watson, Hamp Sessions,
Jason Ashcraft, Brian Watson, Matt Schmidt, Scott Burlison, Todd Willlis

It's another Throwback Thursday, and the countdown of 10 Magical Moments from my days in student ministry continues with memories from my earliest days at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee (I have written about this trip in much more detail in the the earliest days of this blog, and you can read those original stories by click the links provided here).  When I arrived at FUMC-K in April of 1994, a summer mission trip had already been planned for me to carry out. According to the plan, we would be taking a group of high school students to the mountains of Tennessee to participate in the Mountain Top mission project. Our understanding was that we would be working with other groups to repair homes in under-resourced rural areas. So in June our mighty band of 14 (see picture) departed for Tennessee on my first adventure with a group of students that had been through 3 different youth pastors in a 2 year period. I was hoping this would be a bonding time for us.  I had no inkling as to what a wild ride it was going to be...

We arrived at Mountain Top to discover things were not what we had hoped they would be.  We were not actually booked into the work camp, but instead would be doing Vacation Bible School at some small churches in the area. We were going to be divided into teams with youth from other churches, so we would not get the work/bonding time with each other I hoped for. Almost all of the students in our part of camp were middle school, and we were all high school youth. Our guys didn't even get to all sleep in the same cabin. It was very disappointing.

If that wasn't enough, it turned out that The Director of the camp was somewhat of a tyrant- and that is nicest word I can think of!  There were 10,00 rules to follow, most of which made little sense to us.  One of our adults, Dr. Jill Painter, got yelled at for driving one of our vans too fast around the camp. She was going about 15 mph.  We were constantly being told that our behavior was "exclusive"- in other words, we hung out together too much. The Director threatened to send us home one afternoon because I was playing my guitar on the hillside and lots of the campers, including many from other groups, came and joined in. If he hadn't planned it, it was against policy and therefore evil.  Early on, the trip seemed like a lost cause.

But then things began to happen.  Some of the guys in the cabin where Scott Burlison and I were sleeping but water balloons in Scott's bed, ruining his bedding. Now Scott could be annoying, and our group picked on him quite a bit- but as the line from Animal House says, only WE were allowed to pick on our guys! We rallied around Scott and began to bond, even celebrating his birthday as a group in a direct violation of Mountain Top rules. There were some epic basketball games that brought the guys together as well.  We united around our dislike of The Director, developing a hand signal that indicated to us that we were "too cool for this camp." And we found joy in the work, providing opportunities for children to come to know Jesus each day at VBS.  Despite all the complications (and Dr. Jill's
attempt to get out of a speeding ticket by having children sing Jesus Love Me) it turned into a very good week.  Mix in running out of gas in the blue van on the way home, rafting on the Ocoee River and seeing a Braves game in Atlanta after Sculpting Tickets, and it became what we would later call The Best Worst Week Ever.

In the end, the Mountain Top experience had done exactly what I had hoped it would do- given us a sense of unity as a youth group family. It marked the beginning of 6 years filled with memorable moments. Next Thursday we will relive one of the most stressful nights of my life- the night we lost $8,000 and lived to tell about it. Not all Magic Moments are filled with unicorns and rainbows... 

Because of Jesus,

Hall of Fame: Martha Ratledge Farlow

Martha in the Pot Sink...again!

I'm praying for my friend Ashley Goad (another QLC counselor, albeit from a far different generation than mine!) today as she and her team head back to Haiti, Many blessings, Prudence!

When I think about my humble beginnings in youth ministry, it's very easy to trace my roots back to Martha Ratledge Farlow.  Martha was a grade ahead of me in school and was an active participant in the youth group at New Garden Friends Meeting when I got involved in the 8th grade. As the years went by she sang in the school chorus with me, acted in plays with me (she was a remarkable Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes!) and was part of the thriving Young Life community that became very important in my life. She dated my best friend Steve for a time (and later on my other best friend Alan). And she was always a good friend to me.  By the time she joined the Quaker Lake Camp summer staff upon her graduation in 1976, she was already a big part of my life.  Little did I know that she had only just begun to influence me...

Martha was the music leader at QLC in my early years of volunteering and working summer staff, and so much of what became my own "style" of leading music with youth came from watching her in action.  That's not to say that we didn't harass her...we did, OFTEN! We would sing the words to The George Fox Song when she was playing Simple Gifts. We made up parts to songs to get the campers fired up and quite often a little out of control. We even tried to create our own song sheets full of songs she didn't like- see Project Myrtle. We did not make things easy on our friend, but we loved her. Even after I began to accompany her with my guitar, I was often more trouble than I was worth. But Martha always supported me.  Martha was a wonderful musician; I was (and still am) a hacker. I can still see her tilting her head or pulling on her ear when either my guitar or the singing was out of tune. I can also still hear her singing Boy From the Country, totally ruining the John Denver version because her's was so much better. She had patience, and taught me so many songs that were part of my own ministry in the early years. And she and I loved singing together. I have great memories of us standing around the dishwasher and harmonizing to Rollin' In My Sweet Baby's Arms or My Angel Baby or murdering the lyrics to to old classic Camptown Races- "Camptown ladies 5 miles long? Oh the do-dah day!" (Side note: My Angel Baby was a one hit wonder by a band called Toby Beau. It's not on I-Tunes and I can't find it anywhere. It you find it, PLEASE let me know. I want it badly!) We fussed, we argued. we laughed and we had a ball together.  And that was good, because we were about to get even more time together.

In 1979 Martha and I became the youth leaders at our home meeting, New Garden.  It was something we both loved, but again, Martha put up with a lot. I was always making wild suggestions and trying to get her to do crazy stuff. She was organized and a bit more serious. I kept telling her not to worry and that things "didn't matter."  I made her a little crazy at times, but we were a good combination for the youth we served. In 1980 she had an idea to plan a beach weekend for our old youth group friends, and so we did. The first year we had a blast; the second year we changed houses and found a little place called the Betsy B. Every youth group I led in later years should be thankful to Martha for discovering it!

Martha worked 6 summers at camp and went on to marry Mark Farlow, another QLC staff member, and to have 3 kids. Her family has remained involved, with Martha serving as the chairperson of the QLC Board for a number of years and volunteering at camp.  In fact, the last time I was at camp for a week as camp pastor in 2006, Martha was volunteering, Mark was around a bit, her son Carl (named after his grandfather, but Carl Semmler and I both still dispute that!) was on staff and her son Jacob was a high school camper. One of the highlights of the week for me was getting to play guitars and lead music with Martha once again.  It felt like things had come full circle.

So today it gives me great joy to make Martha Ratledge Farlow a part of my youth ministry Hall of Fame. She was there at the beginning and taught me so much (including hidden gems like not drinking milk for breakfast when you are singing in church- it builds phlegm!). And I have to admit that every now and then, when I hear an out-of-tune guitar or someone hit a real clunker of a note while singing, I tilt my head, pull on my ear, and smile.  Martha is always with me. Like any great friend...

Because of Jesus,