Empty Chairs, Empty Tables...and an Empty Stocking

Happy Christmas Eve! 2019 has been a year filled with highs (the wedding of Will & Michelle comes to mind) and lows. As so often happens in life, it takes a holiday or special occasion to bring life's changes into full view. This Christmas season was already very difficult, doing so many things we used to with Lisa Jewett without her for the first time. But it is also the first Christmas with Will not at home and with Michelle as his wife. Most of you know I have never been someone who feared change. But today, right now, I have to say enough already!

For most of the past 5 years, our Christmas Eve began at Steak'N'Shake eating breakfast with Michelle while she worked. Lisa would join us, and the 5 of us would do our own little gift exchange right there in the restaurant. This year, Will is also working at Olive Garden- a 12 hour day! So missing breakfast is not the only change to our traditions. A normal Jones Christmas Eve would consist of us going to a Candlelight Service at church, followed by a hot dog (with chili and slaw!) dinner and a watching of A Muppet Christmas Carol. Marilyn and I will still go to church, but the hot dogs and Muppets will now wait until tomorrow when Will and Michelle can join us. The empty chairs and empty tables are making what was already difficult feel very, very sad. It is a day when I should be proclaiming JOY TO THE WORLD but I confess to it being a struggle.

And then there is the empty stocking. On Christmas Day 2015 Lisa was in the hospital, and after our family opened our presents that morning I went to see her. I had picked up this cool Snoopy stocking for $1.99 at Walgreen's the night before and lots of junk to fill it up. I just didn't want her to miss Christmas. For the following 3 years, I kept the same stocking and filled it each Christmas, usually giving it to her on Boxing Day. The gifts got better each year, but that didn't really matter to Lisa. She told me after the second time that she couldn't remember the last time anyone had done a stocking for her, and that it was her favorite part of Christmas. So I have the stocking out this year, and for most of the season, seeing it made me smile as my mind flooded with great memories. But today- knowing I have nothing to put in it, knowing it will continue to be empty- it just makes me miss her even more. Add the empty stocking to the empty chairs and empty tables and it is hard to feel merry about much of anything today.

Tomorrow is the day we celebrate the birth of the Christ child. It's the day we remember that HOPE came into the world, and that LOVE came down so we could all understand what love really means.  Tomorrow I will be ok, as the family gathers and we remember the promise of Christmas. But my word for today is empty. I know I am not alone in that feeling, and for any of you who are hurting and feel loss during this season, you have my prayers. May we all find the HOPE that came that first Christmas.

Peace be with you,

Carl

NYC 2016

In November of 1976 (my senior year in high school)I went with a group of friends to a seminar at the United Nations sponsored by Friends United Meeting, a national organization of Quakers. That was my first trip to New York City. Over the years that followed there would be 15 more trips (We think this made 11 for Marilyn) to the Big Apple. I took small youth groups and large ones. I went by myself to plan trips on 3 occasions. I went with a group of friends once, and with my parents and Marilyn once. But the last youth group trip was in March of 2005, and I had not visited since- and had never been able to take our now 21 year old son, Will. Last week (Nov. 10-14) we fixed those two problems with one glorious trip. It was a triumphant return! The city keeps evolving- the old Milford Plaza is now called Row NYC and looks like a boarding home for hipsters (even the spiral staircase and chandeliers are gone!)- but it is still so familiar. It was an interesting time to be there, with thousands protesting our new President-Elect and disrupting traffic, clogging 5th Avenue in front of Trump Tower and filling Times Square and Central Park at times. It is sign of how universally disliked Mr. Trump is in the city he calls home that the cabbies were complaining about him- not the traffic problems. New York is a city like no other.

My years of planning trips and my knowledge of the city allowed for us to do some incredible things, as did having set aside a LOT of money (shout out to my Mom in heaven!) to spend! After flying to Newark, we surprised Will and his girlfriend Michelle with a limo ride (see picture at top) in to the city and our room at the Crowne Plaza Hotel, located at 47th and Broadway- the heart of midtown Manhattan. Our 29th floor room, complete with a view of Times Square, set a great tone for a fabulous few days together. We began our adventure with lunch at Planet Hollywood and an exploration of Times Square.

Thursday evening featured dinner reservations at Carmine's, a classic family-style Italian eatery so authentic you expect to run into Don Corelone most any moment! The restaurant was long a favorite with the groups I traveled with over the years. A long, leisurely meal was followed by front row seats to see The Lion King, one of two shows chosen by Will and Michelle. It felt like Ed the Hyena was laughing at us- personally! And yes- that's us with the actors who played Mufasa and Sarabi. So cool!

On Friday we did a Movie/TV On Locations Tour, visiting famous spots around the city. We saw the apartment building used for outside shots on Friends, the Ghostbusters firehouse and a variety of other great sights. Our guide was an actor and stuntman who really knew his stuff.  The tour ended at McGee's Pub, the real life version of McClaren's Bar from one of our favorite TV shows, How I Met Your Mother. We had a great meal there, with Will proclaiming the McClaren's Steakburger one of his all-time favorite hamburgers.

That night we had VIP passes to the Empire State Building, which allowed to skip as 2 hour wait and head straight up to the observatory levels (TOTALLY worth the extra bucks!). As many times as I have been up there, the view never ceases to amaze me.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at Ellen's Stardust Dinner, where Broadway bound servers serenade you with show tunes while you eat- and they were awesome! Four of them even did an amazing version of One Day More from Les Miz- it was like they knew I was there! We then took the new and improved NBC Studios Tour, which was great fun and included Will and Michelle being filmed as part of a make-believe talk show. After boarding a doubledecker tour bus and seeing Central Park, Harlem and the Upper West and East Sides while nearly freezing to death, we grabbed some pizza before heading to our second show of the weekend.

Show #2 was Aladdin, which none of us had seen before. The music was wonderful, and once again being on the front row made us feel very much a part of Agrabah. James Monroe Iglehart, who won a Tony for his portrayal of Genie, was simply a tour-de-force. The rest of the cast was stellar as well, and the changes to the story from the animated movie worked very well. There was even an actual flying carpet. And just as a bonus, Jonathan Freeman, who voiced the villainous Jafar in the animated version, played Jafar on stage! It was an incredible night for all of us.

Sunday was filled with more sightseeing, shopping and adventure, including seeing Battery Park and the Freedom Tower. The day ended with a fabulous meal at Michael Jordan's Steakhouse in Grand Central Station, followed by one final visit to Times Square. It was a perfect ending to a nearly perfect trip.

We flew back to Tampa on Monday, tired but ready to do it all again as soon as we can! It was truly a blessing to get to share one of favorite places with Will and Michelle, and to share it again with Marilyn. And it also reminded me of the hundreds of others that have shared that adventure with me over these past 40 years. What do you think, old friends? Reunion trip? I'll buy dessert...

Have a blessed day!

21

July 4th @ Margaritaville  (BTW- the beard is now history!)

Will Jones turns 21 today. Our little boy has grown into a fine young man. He's a loving son, an honor student, a faithful boyfriend and a caring friend. He has has always (well...MOST always!) been a joy to be around, but I have never enjoyed his company more that I do today. We are much alike in so many ways. We share passions for music, movies and grand romantic gestures. We are of one mind when it comes to the politics of the day. And we both believe there are few things in life better than a good sausage gravy!

Tonight we will celebrate this momentous occasion with a dinner with family and friends at Maggianos. It is hard to believe 21 years have passed since Will joined our family, but it is even harder to remember that there was a time before that. I could not be more proud of the man he has become and the son he has always been. We all know that the bond between  mother and son is always special, and Will and Marilyn certainly share that unique connection. I am just so thankful to be able to say that he and I have something very special as well. I love you buddy, and can't wait to see what then next chapters of life have in store for you. Have a wonderful weekend of celebrations!!!

Dad

Good News/Bad News

Marilyn, Lisa, Will & Michelle. My Ohana.

You know the old thing where someone comes to you and says, "I've got good news and bad news- which do you want first?" Well I always choose good news first, so that is where I will start today. Eventually...

If you have read this blog at all over the past few years then you know of my dear friend Lisa Jewett. She has been a part of our family for quite a while now, and we love her. You may also recall that last August she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and began a long uphill battle against that horrible disease. She did not face the struggle alone. She has had wonderful support from family and friends, and many prayer warriors who have held her in Light of Christ over these past 10 months. She also had consistent love and support from my family. Lisa lived with us from late September through the end of January as she went through chemo treatments and surgery, and Marilyn gave of herself, her home, our finances and her time to help take care of her. Will gave her his room and took the guest room when he would come home from college, and he and Michelle called often to check on Lisa and visited whenever they could. In the toughest days of her recovery from all that had to be done, our home was her home. And we would have had it no other way.

But to be truthful (and perhaps a bit selfish) the last 10 months were a journey that Lisa shared primarily with me. Back at the beginning, when all was so scary and unknown, I quoted a little Bon Jovi to her- "take my hand and we'll make it, I swear!" And together we did just that. My life circumstances have given me the gift of free time, which often feels like a burden. For theses past 10 months it has been a tremendous blessing. Lisa trusted me to be her caregiver, and I was honored to take on the job. We laughed together, cried together, were afraid together and rejoiced together. I held her hand through every minute of 8 long chemo sessions. After her cancer surgery her room became my home away from home for 10 days and nights. There were countless trips to the doctors, numerous lab appointments and even a few emergency room trips that led to more nights at the hospital. During many of the most difficult days she just gave me her phone and I became the communications link to her family and friends- making some new friends myself along the way (You know that thing that everyone has to do after surgery before the hospital lets you leave? I texted about pooping with people I had never met before!). At one point after the cancer surgery, I had to give her a shot every morning for 2 weeks. Lisa hates needles (not to mention the location of the shots) so every day was a new moment of trust. Just when all of the chemo was done and we awaited good news on her cancer cell count, her gallbladder went south and there was more surgery and recovery. But we got through it together. In the process not only did our friendship grow much deeper, but I learned some very important things about myself and my own life.

When I look back over the hours and hours we have spent together during these 10 months, there is one thing that stands out in my mind- LUNCH! From the moment she had to stop working right up through a surprise visit yesterday, there have been very few days over the past 10 months when we did not eat lunch together, most often at my house. I made her a lot of sandwiches (peanut butter and banana, turkey and cheese, peanut butter and marshmallow fluff) and the occasional baked potato. In the beginning there were lots of Ruffles Sour Cream & Cheddar potato chips and pickle spears; more recently lots of fresh fruit replaced those things. We ate a lot of ice cream and pie early on, again replaced by Snackwells and popsicles as time passed. And she drank gallons of unsweetened tea- with just a little sweet added for flavor. I often felt like a bartender! We watched hours of TV together in the afternoons and spent hours talking. Lunch was our time. And that time is now, for the most part, over. Between her trips and ours, yesterday marked the end of the lunch bunch. She can get back to family, back to work and back to her life. I know how important it is to her to feel normal again

The good news I promised you is this- Lisa has come out the other side of cancer treatments and gallbladder surgery and is feeling great!!! Her cell count is good, her hair is coming back and the doctors are happy. She is back to eating what she wants and is once again full of energy. She can play full-tilt with her grandkids, go to Disney World with Marilyn, Will & Michelle and do most anything she chooses to do. She will resume teaching again at the beginning of August and she doesn't have to see her oncologist again until after school begins. She left last night on a big 10 day family trip to NC where she will get glorious time with all 4 of her grandchildren, and later this summer the same bunch will do a Disney weekend together. It's always too soon to say someone has beaten cancer- the war will continue. But to this point, Lisa has won ALL the battles! Her courage, faithfulness and perseverance have astonished me at times and have been nothing short of heroic. She is back to living life, and living it abundantly. And there is no better news that that...

The bad news? Honestly, there is no bad news for anyone but me. The bad news is I am REALLY gonna' miss my lunch buddy- even if she never lets me win any of the games we play! It has been a long hard struggle for Lisa, but somehow we have found some joy in the journey. And now it's time to celebrate! I'm praying that she has an amazing time in NC and a spectacular rest of the summer. Join me, won't you?

Because of Jesus,

Look Who's Blogging!

Michelle, Marilyn & Will

Greetings! My name is Carl Jones and I used to be a blogger. Every day for the better part of 6 years I would post random thoughts and musings about life, faith friendship and love at this very spot and millions (Okay-tens!) of you would stop by to read each day. Then on November 2, 2015, it all came to an end. As the months passed there were a few random posts, most recently exactly 3 months ago yesterday. Much has transpired in my life since August, and most of it is now behind me. And as I face a future with a bit more free time and hopefully less stress, the urge to write again seems to be coming back. So today, I dip one of my 7 toes in the deep end. Whether I will dive in or not remains to be seen...

Let me try to get everyone caught up on life in Carl Land these past few months. Many of you know my Mom died on February 5th, and much of my time and energy since then has gone into finalizing her estate, cleaning out and selling her villa, and making her decisions and transactions related to her passing. It has been sometimes difficulty, sometimes painful, sometimes stressful and ever-present- and that is just the work. Dealing with Mom no longer being here continues to be a separate but equal difficulty. As I slogged through the process and dealt with call after call from real estate agents, lawyers, bankers, financial advisers and handymen it seemed certain that this was not survivable. To lessen the stress, I changed the ringtone for everyone related to the work to Don't Worry, Be Happy- and it helped! Even so there were numerous obstacles to overcome along the way in what seemed to be a never-ending process. Eventually we found our way through the system, completed the paper work, emptied her home and with the help of an amazing realtor named Carol Zior put the villa on the market. Last Friday we closed the sale, and Mom's home now belongs to lovely couple moving in from Raleigh, NC. The Circle of Life, huh?

Having whined a bit about how hard it all was, I should also tell you that my Mom had crossed every "t" and dotted every "i" in preparation of her passing. Nothing was difficult to find or to process from our end, no matter how difficult the banks and courts tried to make it. And Mom, even as she prepared to leave us, was still taking care of our family. Almost as soon as we started dealing with her death, we began to find indications of saved monies that we didn't know about. And it didn't stop for about the first month. Now, with the villa sold as well, Marilyn, Will & myself have a little surprise nest egg. I took a weekend away to NC and had a great visit with old friends (thanks for the cookout, Martha Farlow!) and some time to unwind. We have some new furniture for the first time in 10 years (my recliner was the only new piece purchased in those years). Marilyn and I will taking a Hawaiian vacation in August for our 30th anniversary. In November, Will & Michelle will join us for a long weekend in New York City. There have been several dinners where friends raised a glass to toast my mother even as she "paid" for it. It is is even possible that I may come out of this with a car of my own. Not new, but still...  God is good, and life is exciting these days. My Mom always came to our aid, even when we didn't ask for it. And now she has done it one last time! We all love and miss her, and her passing just makes me miss my Dad that much more as well.

Marilyn is doing well, working hard and finding ways to spend time at Disney. Her skills in the legal field and as a notary were crucial in expediting all of the paper work dealing with Mom's estate. We look forward to having the resources to do some of the things we have been unable to do for the last decade as we approach that 30th anniversary.

It is also my pleasure to report that our dear friend Lisa Jewett is doing very well. After months of chemo treatments and surgeries her cancer is in remission (but please keep praying!) and her gallbladder has gone bye-bye! She feels the best she has in a very long time and is getting in great time with family and friends before resuming teaching in August. It has been an honor to walk with her through this rough patch, and now we look forward to lots of fun!

Our son Will continues his outstanding work in the film school at the University of Central Florida and at the Olive Garden located near the campus. He is taking three online classes this summer, and they begin today. He and Marilyn spent Mother's Day weekend in NC with her mom (who could use your prayers too- her health is very up and down right now) and had a great time together. And he and Michelle are still going strong!

So I guess that catches you up with my life. It's nice to be writing again, and I think there will be more to come- just not every day. There is so much craziness going on in the world that I have yet to comment on- bathroom laws, Donald Trump and a GREAT Chicago Cubs team- and maybe the interwebs could use one more slightly off-kilter voice. As my Dad liked to say, your future is unwritten until you write it. I'm plowing ahead, seeking to write a new chapter in my own life. You are invited along for the ride!

Because of Jesus,

One Very Long Decade

Ten years ago today I had loaded up my Ford Taurus station wagon and was leaving Tampa for my new ministry in Waycross, GA. My first few months in Waycross were going to be hard, as Marilyn and Will remained behind so Will could finish 5th grade at his school. Still, I was excited to see what new adventures God had in store for me. I stopped at the Tampa Christian Bookstore on my way out of town to pick up a few things for my new office, and while there I received a phone call from my Mom. My Dad, who had been very sick for a couple of months, had passed away. Obviously my plans changed and my trip was delayed as we took care of my Mom and dealt with Dad's passing. Ten years ago today. My Dad is such a huge part of who I am, and I still miss him every day. In some ways it doesn't seem that long ago. And in some ways it has been a lifetime. These have been 10 very long years...

Why so long? Let me count the ways! I survived 5 months without my family, but just barely. Thirteen months after Dad's death my life fell apart. I lost my ministry and for a short period of time my freedom. We moved back to Tampa, where from 2007-2009 I was basically a hermit, certain no one outside of my family really wanted to see me. I was unable to find a job and felt pretty useless. Through the support of some great friends and this blog, I began to bounce back. Then in 2012 I was diagnosed with diabetes and had the big toe on my left foot amputated. In 2013 I lost 2 more toes, this time from my right foot. I was dealing with not only the disease but some emotional turmoil in my personal life as well, and life just got difficult. But with lots of support, love and encouragement I made it through the rain.

And then came Sunday, August 16, 2015. My beloved dog Conner, who had been my constant companion through so much of the decade, passed away. On Friday of that same week my best friend, Lisa Jewett, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. On Saturday, Will moved out of the house for the first time and into his apartment at the University of Central Florida. Since that week much of my life has been spent caring for Lisa, visiting doctors, spending nights in hospitals and trying to take care of myself at the same time. Sharing life with her has been a true blessing, and her good news last week brought a smile to my heart. And then on January 30 we received a call that my mother had been taken to a Hospice House. On February 5, my Mom died. And somewhere in the midst of the pain it occurred to me that these 10 years had come full circle. It has been a kidney stone of a decade in many ways. My prayer is that it has now passed.

The Apostle Paul once wrote that in the end, 3 things remain- faith, hope and love. And that has certainly been my recipe for survival. I could tell you that my faith in God has never wavered, but that would be a bold faced lie. I have doubts every day. But my faith has never left me. My friends and family have shown faith in me, even when I didn't deserve it. Faith has helped keep me afloat. And because of my faith and the faith others have shown me, I always have hope. Even in the darkest of times there is hope for a better tomorrow, and that hope is always present in my heart. I may be down, but never out. Life hurts, but there are reasons to persevere. There are people who have given me hope to carry on. And I am blessed.

And love? Love is everything. The past 10 years have taught me that whatever the question, love is the answer! All the Sunday school cliches- God is love, Jesus loves me, love one another- are all absolutely true. It becomes clearer to me each and every day that life is about understanding that I am loved by so many people in so many ways, and that sharing that love with others is what makes the world go 'round! I know so many of you love me. I hope you know how much I love you.

So here's to the next 10 years! May they be full of love, light and joy. And may the peace that passes all understanding fill out hearts so that we will never be content with merely surviving. Let's get out there and truly live!!!

Because of Jesus,

Happy Birthday, Lisa!

As many of you know, this blog is currently on hiatus. When I started this break over a month ago, I reserved the right to post on special occasions without jumping back into blogging with both feet. Today is one of those special occasions. In fact, it is a MOST special occasion. Tonight a group of 7 of us are going to the premier of The Force Awakens at 8 pm. Will is here along with Michelle. Lisa Jewett and her son Scott are joining us and so is Michelle's brother Alex. We are all very excited! And THAT is the second most important thing about today...

You see today is Lisa Jewett's birthday. Seeing the movie tonight is only one of the celebrations planned for this weekend (several of them surprises!), and it is my prayer that it will all be amazing for her. Tomorrow she will head to St. Pete to spend the next 8 days with her oldest son and his family, including all 4 of her grandkids. I am so happy she is feeling good and gets that time with those precious children and her son. But we have not often been apart over the past 3 months, and I confess I am going to miss her terribly here at Chez Jones.

It is not unusual for people to say about a dear friend that "they are like part of the family." Lisa is much more than that to us. She IS part of our family. Will calls and texts with her on a regular basis to see how she is doing. Marilyn has welcomed her into our home and helped care for her. I spent 9 days and 8 nights by her side in the hospital after her surgery and have cared for her in our home over the past 28 days- and for many days before that during her chemo treatments. My friends- many of whom have never met her- text me often to inquire how she is feeling. I have made new friends as her friends and family texted me when she was unable to use her phone- and some of them continue to do so! Lisa is family.

As I spent that time with her in the hospital and have driven her to doctor's appointments, chemo treatments and various other things people quite naturally assume that I am her spouse or her boyfriend. When we laugh and reply, "No, we are just best friends" people look at us like we are lying. Nurses at Moffitt Cancer Center pulled me aside and questioned why I was staying with her 24/7 after the surgery, saying that "just friends" never did that- in fact, most families don't. My answer was simple- I stayed because my friend Lisa needed me to, and I am honored that she has trusted me enough to put herself in my care. In truth, I guess in some small way we are lying when we say "just friends." The word FRIEND is not nearly big enough, but our bond is very difficult to put into words. We are OHANA in the best sense of the word, and caring for her has never been a burden. It is a joy, and as I often tell her, a job I refuse to be fired from. She's stuck with me!

So Happy Birthday to my Lisa! I pray your day is filled with joy and peace, and that your weekend will be full of glorious surprises and smiling grandkids. And when you are ready to move back in with us after Christmas to prepare for more chemo, your room will be waiting for you. And so will your family!  We love you very much!!!

Because of Jesus,

Celebrate the Day!

Today my lovely wife Marilyn celebrates her birthday, and I hope you will all join me in wishing her the happiest of days! She's been my partner in marriage for 29 years and a wonderful mother to Will for the past 20. She has loved and cared for us both in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse. She is the rock of our family, and we love her very much. This afternoon she will be headed over to Disney and will spend the evening with Will and Michelle at EPCOT. It's going to be a day full of celebrations! 

Happy Birthday, Marilyn! We love you. May the coming year be full of blessings and joy!!!

Happy Birthday, Michelle!

Many of you know that I am a believer in Ohana. This Hawaiian word loosely translates to "family," but not in the traditional sense. My dad has been gone 10 years now, and I miss him. I love my mother very much. But as an only child with no close cousins, the truth is my family has always been made of people with whom there is no blood relationship. My family is extended- in a wide variety of directions. And that has been one of the true blessings of my life.

A few years ago our son Will began dating one of his best friends, a beautiful young woman named Michelle Carroll. She immediately became a part of our Ohana. She is sweet, funny, smart and caring. Her family has been wonderful to Will and to us, often including Marilyn, Lisa and I in their special events. We have come to love Michelle almost as much as Will does. And that is saying something...

Today Michelle celebrates her birthday. She and Will will be taking a day off from work and college (they have no Monday classes anyway) to spend the day at the Magic Kingdom, with dinner tonight at The San Angel Inn at EPCOT. We wish them a wonderful day full of joy and surprises. The great Disney film Lilo & Stitch teaches us that "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." What an amazing definition of what family ought to be. Michelle, thank you for being such a huge part of our Ohana. Happy birthday sweetie- we love you very much!!!

One Last Goodbye

Yesterday Marilyn, Lisa and I took a drive down south to Palmetto, Florida. Our destination was the Companion Memorial Gardens, the final resting place of the ashes of our beloved Conner Dog. We had received notice that his remains had been scattered in a butterfly garden there and we just wanted to see the place and say one last goodbye. It was a happy but emotional visit, and we were all very happy to know that Conner's final resting place is a large shady area with beautiful flowers and butterflies, far out in the country and away from the cars that so often made him a little crazy. There are a few pictures below. A day does not go by that I don't miss him. But I do feel a little more at peace today. Best wishes for a wonderful week for each and every one of you!

Hall of Fame: Lisa Jewett

My very favorite pic of Lisa and I- from NYC in 2003.

Technically, my dear friend Lisa Jewett is already in my Youth Group Hall of Fame. She was inducted along with a few others back in 2011 in a post called A Very Special Wing, but it had become very clear to me that Lisa needed her own post. I've written a lot about Lisa lately, and I will continue to do so in the weeks to come. Many of you are aware that she is battling cancer. Today's post is not about that battle, it is about how Lisa came to be so special to my family and why she is in my personal Hall of Fame as well. Tomorrow I will tell you more about her courageous struggle with that horrible disease and give you a concrete way to help her. But today is all about why I LOVE Lisa!!!

In October of 2001 we relocated to Tampa from Hinsdale, IL and I began my ministry with the youth and families of Wesley Memorial UMC. One of the high school guys in the youth group was Ken Jewett, and he was a very active part of the ministry. To be honest, I don't remember exactly when I met his mother, because Ken was not exactly a fan of having Mom around in his adolescent days- like many other guys before him. But at some point Lisa came to be part of my circle of acquaintances at Wesley. Our friendship didn't begin to blossom in full until she was one of the adult leaders on our 2003 trip to New York, the first one we took from Tampa. She was very helpful, very sweet and a whole lot of fun to be around, and the group was blessed by her presence. The week after Christmas that same year she went with us on a ski trip and our friendship continued to grow. One of the other adults on that trip nearly drove us all insane, and Lisa was the key to my mental survival. That trip alone earned her Hall of Fame status!!!

Lisa became an important part of our Youth Ministry Team as her younger son Scott aged into the student ministry. Our friendship grew, despite a stupid mistake I made in early 2005. We were going back to NYC and Lisa wanted to go again- and I wanted her to go. But that trip had an age restriction and Scott was not old enough, so Lisa decided not to go without him. At the same time, another mom and her daughter had planned to go and discovered it wouldn't work out if they didn't take little brother along. So I made an exception to the age limit without considering how unfair that was to Lisa and Scott. To her credit, she forgave me. Sort of. She still reminds me that I owe her a trip to New York most every week, and occasionally several times a day! And we will get there again someday.

Lisa is a first grade teacher by profession, and my son Will attended her school. While she was not his teacher, she helped involve Will in some special activities, including his work as Clifford the Big Red Dog at family reading nights. When I moved to Waycross in 2006 and left Marilyn and Will in Tampa while he finished 5th grade, Lisa became his second mom, often taking him home with her after school until Marilyn could pick him up after work. To this day Will (and his girlfriend Michelle) consider Lisa to be family. She was there for their recent graduation from St. Pete College and for the big family dinner that followed. Plus, Lisa just loves to harass them!

At Tony's Town Square

Many of you who are friends with my wife on Facebook know Lisa best as Marilyn's Disney Buddy. You may have seen pictures or read stories of their adventures at Star Wars Weekends, dinner at Tony's or the Beauty and the Beast Castle and their "Flower Power" concerts at EPCOT with The Guess Who and Herman's Hermits. Lisa loves her some Clap For the Wolfman and I'm Henry the VIII, I Am! They have shared many great moments at WDW over the past year or so and look forward to so many more. That's just one more way Lisa is part of our family.

But this post is mostly about what Lisa Jewett means to me. When I left Wesley in June of 2005, Lisa began to take the lead in the youth ministry while they looked to fill the youth pastor position. My last event was a Youth Week, and I have such fond memories of being at Downtown Disney and enjoying DisneyQuest with her and the kids. During that summer she often stopped by our apartment and we talked about life, struggles, joys and pretty much everything else. I officiated a wedding ceremony for Ken, and it was such a joy to share that with her. She was planning a Night of Joy trip for the youth, and I helped her do it. Our friendship moved to new levels and stayed there until my aforementioned move to Georgia. We drifted, as distance often causes friends to do. Then my life fell apart, and I assumed she would be so disappointed in me that we would never be close again. I never contacted her after we moved back to Tampa, avoiding her the same way I did everyone in those 2 years. But sometime in 2010 we ran into her eating dinner at Tijuana Flats, and she greeted me with grace- and a hug. We quickly made plans to have lunch, and she listened to my story and assured me that we were still friends. She will never know how much that lunch changed my life. Taco Tuesdaze at Flats became an every week event. Since that time she has joined us for so many meals and so many special occasions. Scott and his girlfriend have joined us for meals, as have all of her grandchildren. We have attended church together. We watch Super Bowls together. We spent a Christmas Eve together as family. When we needed help, she walked Conner. She has often been my transportation as we dealt with having one car. We have laughed together, cried together and shared life together. She has been family to us all and the very definition of a FRIEND.

Ohana means Family

But as I told her just the other day, FRIEND is not a big enough word. I serve as her defacto personal assistant, reminding of her of things she needs to do and helping her shop on occasion. She calls me when she can't decide what to eat; I call her because it always makes me smile. When she speaks in code because she can't remember a name or a story, I always know what she means and translate for others. I speak "Lisa." There is nothing in my life more entertaining than explaining sports to her. She keeps me up-to-date on TV shows I don't care about by live texting me while she is watching classics like The Bachelor or Dancing With the Stars - and we laugh hysterically! We text constantly as we watch things like Zoo and Under the Dome from our respective homes. We talk several times each day. I have taken Happy Meals to her school so she can have lunch; she has bought me milk shakes when we need to have serious conversations about life. And more times than I can count when I was down she helped lift me up through her sweet words and her amazing smile. There is nothing better than a Lisa hug when I am feeling blue.

I could go on with story after story, but here's the bottom line- Lisa is a huge part of our family, and for the past several years she has been my best friend. Period. And now she is hurting. It is my hope that this post helps you see why she means so much to me and my family. And I pray that you will come back tomorrow so I can tell you how you can get involved in helping her family through this terrible time. But we will get through it. We have faith. We have each other. Dear Lisa, as the great philosopher Jon Bon Jovi once sang, "Take my hand and we'll make it I swear!" I owe you dinner in Calabash, some Painter's Ice Cream and a round of miniature golf in the Myrtle Beach area. Plus that trip to NYC. Those are promises I intend to keep. I love you Lisa, and so does my family. As for the rest of you, let's meet back here tomorrow. It's time for each of us to Be the Miracle...

Because of Jesus,

A Very Special Day

Today, my wife Marilyn and I celebrate 29 years of marriage. We have shared life's highs & lows, twists & turns and joys & sorrows- and we have survived with love. This is another milestone for us along life's highway, and it is a road that I am honored to travel with her. Today is a special day. Happy anniversary, sweetie!

One of the best parts of our life over the past few years has been how much of it we have been blessed to share with Lisa Jewett (pictured above with Marilyn). Tomorrow, Lisa faces surgery for ovarian cancer. While scary, it is also another reason that this day is very special. Today, we all become prayer warriors for her. It is Prayers For Lisa Day! Marilyn and I ask that you honor our anniversary by praying for our dear friend. Pray for her family. Pray for the surgeons and the other medical professionals at the Moffitt Cancer Center. Pray that tomorrow will be the beginning of the end of her disease. If you know Lisa, contact her and let her know you are praying, because your prayers matter to her. If you don't know her, pray anyway- and feel free to leave her a note in the comment section of this blog. Together with God, we all make up Team Lisa. And together, we can do this.

Not every guy is blessed to be able to celebrate two such amazing women on one special day. But today is that day, and I am that guy. I love them both and am blessed by them both. Today is a special day indeed. Celebrate with us!

Because of Jesus,

Maybe Chicken Little Was Right...

Normally I am man of many words. But today I struggle to find the ones that truly express what I am feeling. This faulty post will have to suffice.

Our "Ohana"

One week ago today I wrote down my thoughts about Riding the Crazy Train. In that post I listed a number of bad things that were happening in my life recently and talked of a desire to follow the example of Dr. Sheldon Cooper and just jump a train and ride- to anywhere! My somber mood threw off many readers and old friends- they are so accustomed to "Sunny Side Up" Carl. Several voiced concern, and their thoughts were much appreciated. What they didn't know- and what I have not said- is that by late last Friday afternoon my world had gotten even darker as yet another piece of bad news rolled in. 

My dear friend Lisa Jewett- one of the people I love most in this world, someone I see and talk to most everyday- was told that she might have ovarian cancer. After a few days of worry tempered with hope and prayer, yesterday that diagnosis was confirmed. A scary road lies ahead for Lisa and her family, beginning with surgery on Monday. Will, Michelle, Marilyn and I are an adopted part of that family. Lisa is Marilyn's Disney buddy and Will's other mom. She, Marilyn and I eat dinner together far more often than we don't. We watch TV shows together- including some I would be embarrassed to admit- via text messages. We are truly Ohana. And while we believe that God is in control and we have faith that the doctors will do what is needed- all of us are scared too. And I am left to question if my crazy train analogy from last week went far enough. Maybe Sheldon wasn't the right source of inspiration. Perhaps I should have turned to the great philosopher Chicken Little- because it does indeed feel like the sky is falling. Words cannot tell you what she means to me, but this goes even beyond our love for her. Lisa becomes the third of my friends, all under the age of 55, to currently be battling cancer. There are times in each of our lives when circumstances feel overwhelming. That point is currently in my rear view mirror and things just keep feeling more out of control. If you think there are some cracks in my faith - the source of all my hope - you are right. If you think I am pissed at the universe, you win again. I yelled at God last night. It wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. Fortunately, God understands, loves and forgives. God is so much bigger than our anger and so much bigger than the storms in our lives. And it's far better to be yelling at God in the darkness than to have no one in the darkness at whom to yell. 

Far too many of us know firsthand that Cancer Sucks. Please pray for Lisa, and feel free to leave a comment letting her know that you care. Pray for your friends, my friends and everyone touched by that horrible disease. And more than ever, take time today to tell the people you love just how much you love them. Hold nothing back. Take nothing for granted. Enjoy every sandwich. And remember- and please keep reminding me - that in the end, God wins! Always...

Because of Jesus,

The College Life: Then & Now

Will & his Mom at move-in day

Many of you are aware that this past Saturday my wife and I moved our son Will into his apartment at the University of Central Florida. As of today he is officially a Golden Knight! While it is his junior year, it is also his first time living away from home so in some ways it was a difficult day. But for the most past it was a celebration, and we are excited for him and what the future holds. There was one thing about the move-in that really struck me, and it's what I want to share with you today. His first experience on campus will be drastically different from mine. Let's compare and contrast.

I arrive at Lenoir-Rhyne College (now University) in Hickory, NC in the autumn of 1977, a wide-eyed freshman excited to be living on my own. My best friend Steve Semmler had also matriculated to the "Big Hickey," but we chose not to room together to expand our horizons. We moved in to Morgan Dorm (we called it the Teddy Bear Motel because from the outside it looked like a cheap tourist trap) excited for the possibilities. Each room had two beds, 2 desks (I think) and almost enough room to walk between them. It was always loud, with parties going on even though girls were only allowed in the dorm during specific hours on weekends. There was no kitchen (even hot plates were banned). The bathroom was located across the hall- one for the entire floor. It had multiple toilets and multiple showers- none of which had any privacy at all. It was like high school gym class every time you needed to shower...there were naked guys everywhere. If memory serves correctly there was no AC. There was no laundry facility in the building, we had to walk across campus for that. We had a stereo of some sort, but no one had a TV in their room back then. But at least there was WiFi, right? Oh wait....that hadn't been invented yet. In fact, the internet hadn't been invented yet. In truth, none of us had a clue that there would ever be a need to have a personal computer. And in those days, everything you read above was both expected and normal. We had the time of our lives, having no idea we were living in squalor. There were amazing guys who became fast friends, and the legend of The Stallions was born that year- but more on that another day. I will say, however, that Steve and I choosing to move outside our comfort zone and have different roommates was a total flop. His was a drunken playboy and mine was a drug dealer. But you live and learn... 

Now fast-forward to 2015. Will moved into student housing as well. But moving in was perhaps the only experience we will share in common. He will share the apartment with 3 other guys, one of whom he has known since middle school. It is furnished, with sofa, chairs and a flat screen TV in the living room.  The have a very nice, large kitchen. There is a laundry room in the apartment with washer and dryer provided. They each have their own room. The EACH have a private bathroom. Will's walk-in closet is almost as big as my room in Morgan Dorm. Internet and WiFi are included, and all 4 of them have TVs (that they brought) with cable included in the their rooms as well. You can see his bed and his turntable here; that's the last time that bed will be made until the next time his mother does it! They have a lake view out several windows (I think I had a parking lot view) with a pool and weight room nearby. Shuttles will take them to the main campus for classes. It's beautiful and it's a great place for Will to be. But as I have told him for months now, this is not college. Having your own bathroom cannot be college! Things have certainly changed.

The bathroom-
accidentally color coordinated!

But here's what hasn't changed at all. Will begins today with the same excitement and hope I had on my first day way back when. As I said at the top, of course we will miss him terribly over the weeks to come. But as parents our job is to set our son up for a win. We believe we have done that. He is in the right place at the right time to accomplish his goals and live out his dreams. So even when we feel a little teary-eyed at the thought of him being gone, it is never a sad thing. It is a glorious thing. His future begins in earnest today. And if it can begin in a luxury spa being passed off as campus housing, all the better. 

One final note. We took our ancient Mister Coffee machine, selflessly giving it to the apartment because Will loves his coffee. We arrived to find someone had already brought a fancy Keurig system for them all to use. As Will loves to say, "It's a hard knocks life." They just might survive this year. And I can still make coffee this morning. We may ALL survive...

Riding the Crazy Train

A coupe of years ago on the season finale of The Big Bang Theory, Dr. Sheldon Cooper had a breakdown. Life was changing far too fast for him. His best friend and roommate was engaged and preparing to move out. His university wanted him to change his field of research. His girlfriend suggested perhaps she could fill the void and be his new roommate. His favorite place of respite, the local comic book store, burned to the ground. And all of this took place over a few short days. Unable to deal with the madness, Sheldon decided to hop on a train and leave town. He didn't know where he was going, other than "away." And so he was going to ride the rails like a hobo, living off the land- or the local malls he encountered along the way.

Why the sitcom recap? Because I have to tell you that Dr. Cooper's feelings have been very much my own these past few days, and that his train trip is starting to sound like a plan. I generally embrace change, but right now there's just too much of it. One of my dearest friends has been sick and not at all herself, and I worry because there is nothing I can do about it. Other friends- people my age or younger- are struggling with diseases so heinous that they are life threatening. That is both scary and surreal for me. One of my most significant friends continues to be absent from my life. My dog died suddenly this past Sunday, altering my daily schedule in more ways that you can possibly imagine (although it's 4 AM, I'm wide awake and don't even have Conner to blame) and leaving me teary-eyed multiple times each day. My son leaves for a new apartment and a new college in Orlando tomorrow (happy for him, sad for me) which also means a return to spending the majority of my days with no car. There are people I want to see that cannot be seen and places I wish to go that are currently unavailable to me (I know those things are true for everyone- but let me whine! This one is all about me!). Marilyn has been dealing with a sinus infection and stress over many of these same things plus worrying about her family's issues from 800 miles away. All of these things are part of life, and can be dealt with one at a time. But all together? All Aboard!!! It might be time to run away.

This would normally be the paragraph where an inspirational blogger like myself would spout a few cliches to offer peace and comfort to my readers. I would remind you that God is in control, that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that this too shall pass. There would be platitudes reminding you that you are loved, and that friends and family are there to pull us through. But not today. You see, even though those are all things I KNOW to be true, today I am just not FEELING them. Life feels overwhelming. This guy - who normally tells you to enjoy every sandwich (treasure every moment, carpe every diem, etc.) and embrace the joy in the journey, who tells you that the glass is always half full and we should focus on the positive- is packing a bag and looking for a getaway ride on the Crazy Train, even though I'm not really crazy. Just like Sheldon, my mother had me tested. 

So how do we power through times like these? For me, it's a process. First, it is important to realize that this is not the time to pretend to be strong and courageous for the benefit of those around me. It's time to be real and let things out, not suffer in silence. Then comes prayer- prayers for strength, wisdom, endurance and intercession. I pray that this is one of those Footprints in the Sand moments in life, when Jesus will carry me because the burden is too great for me to handle on my own. And finally, I turn to past experiences. There have been worse times in my life, and there will be others. There is hope that comes with faith and as I wrote earlier this week it is hope that must be leaned on in these crazy times. And I must persevere. This is not one of those "the sun will come out tomorrow" kind of things. Tomorrow will be another day I would really rather not face, but God willing, I will. Life does go on, and I will move forward- however slowly, however painfully- with the knowledge that Jesus will still be there, pulling me through to the other side of this funk.

I'm sorry if this depresses you. Well, actually no I'm not- misery loves company! I do covet your prayers for my family, my friends and myself as we battle through the end of a very difficult week. Knowing you care is indeed a great comfort. In the meantime, I will try my best not to do anything too crazy. But if you happen to see a train pass by on Monday, you might want to honk and wave. You know...just in case. Thanks for listening.

"Enjoy every sandwich."