Praying for Pastors

Often on Sunday mornings my prayer time includes asking God to watch over and bless those who are speaking on behalf of Jesus in churches all over the world. This morning God placed on my heart some specific names, which led to a few more names, which led to this post. Below are the names of some pastors and churches that I am personally connected to in some way. I encourage you to join me in praying for them. I also encourage you to add names in the comment section, that we may all be praying for your pastor as well, not just today but in the weeks to come. Prayer is a great privilege, and it comes with great power. So let us pray!

Wayne Cook, 1st UMC of Kissimmee, FL
Scott Wagoner, Deep River Friends Meeting, NC
Cathy Thacker, 1st UMC of Lake Alfred, FL
David Mercadante, Poplar Ridge Friends Meeting, NC
Terry Venable, Centre Friends Meeting, NC
Jerry Sweat, Beach UMC, FL
Ray Luther, Marlboro Friends Meeting, NC
Tom Nelson, 1st UMC Port Orange, FL
Frank Massey, Jamestown Friends Meeting, NC
Matthew Hartsfield, Van Dyke UMC (my current church)

Thank you LORD for your dear faithful servants and for the work that they do in the name of Jesus. Inspire them and fill them with your Spirit that they may lift his name today and inspire us to be more like Jesus in every way. We pray that Your protection, wisdom and mercy will cover them as they bring Your message this morning wherever they may be.

And all God's people said...

My (blog) Week in Review

Marilyn and Lisa Jewett are off to WDW again today and Will is working a double- so beware! I'll be looking for mischief to get into- today. But tonight will be all about the hockey. It's the always crucial Game 5 here in Tampa. So let's go Bolts!!!

When you write a small and for the most part insignificant blog like this one your expectations are very low and very personal. It is always my hope that a few people will read what I write. There is an effort made to write with style and some quality and there is effort put into saying at least a few things that matter. And it is always my hope that through sharing here others will be encouraged and inspired. Some days these goals are met, others they are not. But every now and then, like a gambler at the tables or a hitter in baseball, I get on a streak. This past week has been one such time. Whenever an individual post on this blog gets over 500 hits in a 48 hour period my silly brain thinks of it as Certified Gold. That's not many for the big boy bloggers, but it's a lot for me. These days it usually happens 2 or 3 times each month. Starting last Saturday, every post this week except for Thursday's (a repeat about lock-ins and sardines) was a "certified gold" post! That is exciting and encouraging for two reasons. One, it means people are reading. And two, these posts were very personal and among my favorite to write, so it was wonderful for them to be seen in such large numbers. So thank you all!

In fact, I loved these "golden" posts so much that today I want to give you a simple way to get a second chance at all of them! Below you will find direct links to the posts and a brief description of each. If you missed them, here's a chance to catch up. If you read them, here's a chance to read some posts that are very important to me a second time. I don't usually toot my own horn, but...TOOT TOOT! Enjoy!

Saturday Shout Outs - Prayer requests, announcements, a Stanley Cup premonition, and lots of updates on my personal philosophies of life.
It Was One Year Ago Today... - A few thoughts on my ongoing banishment from Walt Disney World- and the bigger picture of my life.
Probation Frustration - What life was like during my 7 years of probation- both for me and for my family.
"This Now Defines You" - The disaster that was the 4.5 years of mandatory therapy I received while on probation. Readers have been stunned!
The Song That Never Ends - An update on what life is like now, over a year after my probation was terminated. 
Throwback Thursday: Marathons & Sardines - Great moments from my youth ministry past!
The Theology of Jimmy Buffett - Yesterday's post was actually a flashback (it had been posted before) but was read by a WHOLE lot more people this time around. And I still love it! Plus there's more of my personal philosophy of life contained within. :)

So there it is- my blog week in review! Again, thanks for reading and making this week special. I do love my readers...

Because of Jesus,

The Theology of Jimmy Buffett

It's a Flashback Friday, and today I'm sharing one of my very favorite posts on theology. God is everywhere, not just in the boxes we seek to package Him in. Enjoy this post, and remember..."If we weren't all crazy we would go insane!" 

In the early 1980s I took a few Christian Education classes at a small Methodist college in Greensboro, NC. It was called (conveniently enough) Greensboro College. My favorites of these classes were taught by Dr. Jim Hull, an ordained UMC pastor who was famous in some circles for writing creative liturgies for large denominational and ecumenical events. He shared with us in class one day that for one such worship service he had done a call to worship using slides of the rapid changes going on in the world and the song Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes by Jimmy Buffett. When one of the Christian legalists in the class questioned the propriety of using Buffett music in a worship service, Dr. Hull responded with this quip- "There is more good theology in Jimmy Buffett's music than in most of the books I read in seminary." I have never forgotten that strange quote, and I have found it to be more than a little accurate in my own experience.

Now you might be thinking that Mr. Buffett may have written some thoughtful songs but he has also written some very off-color tunes. You would be correct. Jimmy himself one once said, "People ask me how I can write those real sensitive songs and then write those real trashy ones. I tell them it's because I'm real sensitive on some occasions and real trashy on others."  With that deeply theological statement, Jimmy describes the human condition and our need for a Savior far better than most preachers. And with many of his song lyrics through the years he has often raised questions and made points that can help us better understand the work of God in our lives in this crazy world in which we live. Please know that I know, Jimmy seldom means to be spiritual. But for those of us who know the love of God whose name is Jesus, he offers unique insights. Witness the following examples:

*Changes In Latitude, Changes In Attitude - Our world changes at a pace that is often difficult to comprehend. Dr. Hull understood that while our faith is a very serious thing, too many Christians forget that life is often a laughing matter. We seek to control life instead of letting go and letting God! Sometimes we need to get a little crazy to survive.

"It's these changes in  latitudes, changes in attitudes.
nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning
if we couldn't laugh we would all go insane...
If we weren't all crazy we would go insane!"


*We Are the People Our Parents Warned Us About - A reminder that few of us turn out to be the safe, sane people our parents hope we will be. This is especially true if we follow the Wild One himself, Jesus of Nazareth. :)

"I was supposed to have been a Jesuit priest or a Naval Academy grad,
That was the way my parents perceived me, those were the plans that they had.
But I couldn't fit the part, too dumb- or too smart? 
Ain't it funny how we all turn out?
I guess we are the people our parents warned us about!"

*Nautical Wheeler - A song about a group of dancers who understand the need to slow down and appreciate the blessings God gives us in life. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more us of us were content?

"Where the jukebox is blastin' and the liquor is flowing
an occasional bottle of wine
That's cause everyone here is just more than contented
to be living and dying in 3/4 time."

*Fruitcakes - Jimmy grew up in the church and is often a critic of it.  And sometimes, he hits the nail right on the head...

"Where's the church, who took the steeple?
Religion's in the hands of some crazy-assed people
Television preachers with bad hair and dimples
But God's honest truth is it's not that simple..." 

*Pascagoula Run - John 10:10 tells us that Jesus came so that we might live an "abundant life." This song is about how Jimmy's favorite uncle got him out of the house and out to experience the world. More of us could use an Uncle Bill.

"Time to see the world, time to kiss a girl, time to cross that wide Meridian
Grab your bag and take a chance. time to learn a Cajun dance
Kid you're gonna' see the morning sun- on the Pascagoula Run" 

* Growing Older But Not Up - This Buffett classic is another reminder that if we aren't careful life will pass by without us truly living it. Always playing it "safe" means missing out on some of life's great joys. Growing up is overrated!

"I'm growing older but not up, my metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck,
So let the winds of change blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead."

*One Particular Harbor - There are special places in all of our lives where we feel more connected to the things of God and the people of God. For me, those places are Quaker Lake Camp and Springfield Friends Meeting. Where in your "One Particular Harbor?"

"I know I don't get there often enough, but God knows I surely try.
It's a magic kind of medicine that no doctor could prescribe.
I used to rule my world from a cell phone, from ships out on the sea,
but now times are rough & I've got too much stuff, can't explain the likes of me.
But there's this one particular harbor, a shelter from the storm..."

And I could go on. Songs like If the Phone Doesn't Ring It's Me, Death of an Unpopular Poet and A Pirate Looks at Forty all offer great theological insights into the work of God in the world we live in. Please understand- I am not suggesting we need to be singing more Buffett in church or that he offers more significant insights into our world than anyone else. It's just that we in the church tend to separate the world into sections- "holy" and "secular." Did you know that the concept of secular doesn't appear in scriptures? God can (and does!) use everything to bring us closer to him if we don't try too hard to keep God in the box we call religion. The Bible is our source for inspiration. It is also, as the late, great Rich Mullins once said, "a reminder that God is right- and the rest of us are guessing." My inspiration seldom comes from theologians. I am guessing yours doesn't either. So today, kick back, take a moment to live in 3/4 time, and enjoy a little Parrothead Theology. It's never too early or too late in the day to take a moment to slow down and BE with Jesus. Because you know- "it's 5 O'Clock Somewhere!"

"Enjoy every Sandwich."

Throwback Thursday: Marathons & Sardines

The last five days featured what I believe to be the 5 best consecutive days of blogging ever to appear on this site. But they were also (for the most part) very serious in nature. So for this Throwback Thursday we need a palate cleanser. We need a

Scripture tells us "Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." It is so true that the things we learn early on in any endeavour do tend to stay with us. I found this to be true in youth ministry as well. Today I want to talk about a couple of things I learned early on that stayed with me until my days of student ministry were over.

New Garden Friends Meeting, like almost every other youth group we knew about in the 70's, had "lock-ins." You know the event- kids come to the church, stay up late, sneak around and find places to be alone, get cranky and finally fall asleep. I have very few memories of this as a youth, but as a youth leader they were things to be feared! I didn't mind the lack of sleep- I hated playing guard dog trying to keep kids in areas of the church they were actually allowed to be in! So as I gained some experience, the event began to morph into what we called a Marathon. The difference was subtle but very important. There would be no sleep. We would plan events for the entire night, including energetic games at the earliest hours of the morning. Where "lock-ins" had been torture for me, I LOVED Marathons! I was challenged to be at my most creative, and the excitement level for the students went through the roof. As I progressed through the years, the Marathon morphed into Rec Around the Clock (a name I stole from the great Tom Klaus) and the stakes went way up! Now not only did we stay up all night, we were OUT of the church for the vast majority of the night! We went bowling at 2 am; ice skating at 5 am; played laser tag at 4 am; saw movies, played putt-putt, went to laser light shows and always finished with a breakfast. Rec Around the Clock became the single biggest event of the summer by the time I hit Kissimmee, including a guest appearance by Lost And Found. I never tired of these events, and the memories are many.

The different ministries I served over the years had many differences, but they all had one thing in common. They all played Sardines. For some, it was a game we played on rare occasions. For others. it was an obsession (the youth at Springfield Friends Meeting and Wesley Memorial UMC were especially talented)! For the uninitiated, Sardines is a hide-and-seek game. Two people go hide, and they everyone looks for them in pairs. When you find them, you hide with them, thus packing yourselves in like...wait for it...SARDINES! We learned this game from DB3 (David Brown the third) when I was 14 or so, and it was made all the more interesting by his stories of how it had been originally called "The Make-Out Game." As with all DB3 stories, you never knew if that was true, but it sure sounded good! After all, you played with a partner, in the dark, and tried to find hiding places where you would be alone for a long time (DB3 once told us about he and a girl hiding in a front loading washing machine at his boarding school- not sure I believed that one either!). Regardless of the make-out factor, it was a great game for scaring people in dark, spooky churches, and was getting more comfortable around the people you were with. You stick 30 youth under a desk, and you have togetherness!

Jim Rayburn, the founder of Young Life, once said "It is a sin to bore a student with the Gospel." One of the ways we tried to open the hearts and minds of our youth over the years was to find ways to make church fun. Did we sometimes go too far and plan events that were a bit too wild? Oh yes- on a regular basis! But I do believe by making church a place kids WANTED to be we were able to reach students with the Gospel who otherwise would have never heard it. Over the years we learned that parents would sometimes punish their children by grounding them from youth group. While I always found that a bit odd, if we could make it so special that it was punishment not to be there we were doing something right. And if that "something right" helped bring even one student to a relationship with Jesus the Christ, then I would do it all over again. Even the 2 am shopping cart demolition derby in the K-Mart parking lot...

If anyone has actually ever tried hiding in a washing machine, please let me know.

Because of Jesus,

The Song That Never Ends

For the past few days I have been writing about my personal experiences with our system of justice and the aftermath of those events. You can read those by clicking the links below:
It Was One Year Ago Today...
Probation Frustration
"This Now Defines You"
And now for the conclusion of this series...

Remember this one?  "This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because..."  A silly song with poignant message for us today.

On April 2, 2014, thanks to the help of many friends, a fine attorney, a thoughtful Ware County, GA judge and lots and lots of prayers, my probation was terminated 3 years early. After 7 years I was free to travel, free to be around my friend's children and free of monthly visits to a probation officer. There was much celebration and joy and I wrote here of Crossing Bridges and beginning a new phase of my life. And much of that has happened. Let me be very clear before I start whining today- life after probation is MUCH, MUCH better than life on probation. But as you know from my banishment from Disney World, my lifetime ban from Facebook and a few other things I have mentioned over the past few days, convicted sex offenders may be released...but they are never really free. Once the legal system starts singing their song, you are forever trapped. It is truly The Song That Never Ends.

You know by now that my name will remain on The List for another 24 years- unless the law changes and it becomes even longer. "Shorter" and "more reasonable" are not words you hear used a lot when it comes to sex offenders. But you probably do not know what that means. It means that every 6 months I must go to the other side of the county to register so they can be certain all of the information about me on the SO website is correct- especially my address. It means that if I move, they have to approve it. It also means that if they are signed up for the app my neighbors would receive immediate notice that a SO was moving in. If someone new moves in with me, they have to approve it. If we buy a new car I have 48 hours to report it to them- in person- or like the other things listed here it is a third degree felony. I can travel out of state, but if I am gone more than 5 days I must turn in an itinerary - in person- no more than 48 hours before leaving town. It means that there is a special code on my driver's license so that any police officer who stops me for anything will know right away that I am a SO. It means I am still banned from entering schools, even just to drop off lunch for a friend. It means that while I can get a passport and travel or take cruises, there are many countries that will not allow me in once I get there. It means that the local sheriff's department will do the occasional "drop-in" just to make sure I still live where they think I live. And judging by my experiences with WDW and Facebook it means that any company that wants to can decide not to do business with me at their whim. It is the song that never ends.

Please understand- this is a mess of my own making. I committed a crime defined as a sex offense by the laws of the state of Georgia. No one made me do it, no one caused me to do it, and I have no one to blame but myself. Having said that, I also acknowledge that for the past three days I have written about what is wrong with the system. It is broken, and the only thing that ever seems to happen to change it is they add more laws and more restrictions. So it's time to put up or shut up. What would I do if the put me in charge? Here we go:

1. Education & Prayer. Most offenses are not the headline grabbing "man grabs child off of bus" sort of things. A detective told me once that the vast majority of sex offenses are not committed against strangers, but against young women and men with whom the SO builds a relationship and spends time grooming. The potential victims are often easily manipulated because the adults in their lives who should be giving them love and attention- parents, grandparents, teachers, youth pastors and more- fail. These young people are often out there looking for adults who will make them feel special, unaware of the dangers. Their need for attention makes them easy marks for adults who twist the word "relationship" to meet their own sexual deviances. We need to educate one another on the need to offer tangible, real and meaningful attention to the young people in our lives. We need to know what they are doing, who they are talking to and what their issues might be. And we need to pray prayers of protection over our children and prayers of wisdom for the adults in their lives. I unfortunately know this to be true- evil is out there looking for children. We must be vigilant.
2. Shorten the List.  Not everything currently called a sex offense deserves that title. We need to change the list of offenses so that everyone who is labeled is someone who deserves it. Not to beat a dead horse, but getting drunk and peeing in a parking lot should NOT be a sex offense. And there are others as well.  
3. Levels.  The remaining crimes need to classified according to severity and be broken into different levels. There are different levels for murder, different levels for robbery, different levels for rape and different levels for assault- but all SOs are exactly alike? Levels would allow for more rational responses by the public and a better concept of "let the punishment fit the crime" for the offenders. Plus they would offer more public protection. If a Level 4 SO moves in next door, you know to be very afraid. Their level indicates the crime. And such crimes could also come with tougher mandatory sentences because you don't have to lump everyone under one law. Lawmakers KNOW this needs to be done. They are just afraid to do it.
4. Real Help. Make sex offender therapy something that helps rehabilitate SOs and gives them hope, rather than beats them down. Currently there are guys who enter the program having made a terrible mistake, but after hearing over and over again what monsters they are come out believing it. The come out worse than they went in. This HAS to change. A little encouragement could help SOs hang on to family and friends as well as their faith. 
5. Appeals. If the offense was your first and only offense, if you completed your sentence without incident, if your former PO recommends it and if you have the support of family and friends there should be some sort of appeals process to get your name off The List in less than 25 years. Yes- that's selfish. But I believe it is also right. There needs to be a place where the song ends.

One final thought on this whole thing. I know that the idea of sexual misconduct with minors is horrifying to most of us- and it should be. When we hear the phrase "sex offender" it conjures up visions of unspeakable things happening to innocent victims. There are sexual predators among us, and we should fear and revile them. But...in our current system not all SOs are predators, and not all child abusers are SOs. There was a news story from south Florida a few months back about a woman who was arrested and convicted of branding (just like you would a cow or a horse) her small children so she could more easily identify them. Because this horrible abuse was not labeled a sex offense, she received only 3 years probation, got to keep her kids and has very few restrictions. She BURNED her children, doing permanent damage, but when her probation is up she will be on no list and have no restrictions. And to bring this 4-part series full circle, she can go see Mickey anytime she pleases. There is a certain weight given to the term sex offender that is no longer valid because it has become so watered down. We need a new label for people who physically abuse children, sexually or otherwise. We need some changes in the laws, and a much more equitable system of justice where the greatest single factor in sentencing is not money. You may well disagree, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. And I'll wrap this up with a promise- you have now heard the last of my thoughts, complaints and experiences about that time of my life. It's all out there now- and I'm done! Thanks for hanging in there with me, and thanks for loving me anyway!

"Enjoy every sandwich."

"This Now Defines You"

Day 3 from inside the system. I am glad to get all this out, but it is also exhausting...

As part of my probation process it was required of me to attend and graduate from a 4-part sex offenders therapy program. The classes have no true beginning or ending; you start going immediately and stay until the head of the program decides you are done. As a result, you never know how many years it's going to take to finish- you only know it will take years. It also means that your first day of Level 1 you are walking into a class of sex offenders who are trying desperately to say the right things and get promoted to Level 2. Sessions last an hour and only one or two participants got to talk each week. We were told we  could not get off of probation until we finish all 4 levels. This is a partial truth, it turns out, but still- everyone wants to get their chance. I was in the group for 5 weeks before the therapist spoke to me, other than to call my name when he called roll and collected my payment. And they NEVER forgot to collect payments. Every week, from every person. Money rules inside the legal system. Four levels, around 20 guys per class, multiple weekly classes at each level, $20 per person per week- this therapy stuff was a racket! Of all the things that were part of my probation, nothing was as frustrating or as useless (for me) as the 4 and a half years of "intensive" therapy. Why? I was hoping you would ask...

By the time the therapist decided to talk to me a few things had become crystal clear. I was way out of my element. Some of the guys were there because of various computer offenses, some were 19 year olds convicted of statutory rape with their underage girlfriends, and there actually was one guy there for urinating in a parking lot. Then there were the guys who had done some truly heinous "get your own story on Dateline" kinds of things- and their stories freaked me out a little. And again- I can't say this  often enough- we were all lumped in the same pile and given the same "treatment." The clear purpose of Level 1 was to remind us all that we were officially scum of the earth, and that in fact there was no lower form of life than a SO. One of the first things he ever said to me was "I don't care who or what you think of yourself. You are a sex offender. This now DEFINES you." He made it known that he didn't really want to hear what you thought were the reasons you may have offended; he would TELL you why you offended. There was to be no mention of God or faith or any of that "bullsh*t." And most importantly, at the risk of humiliation in front of a group of around 20 guys, you were to never minimize your crime. This was the greatest sin. Before I ever got to speak in group that was painfully clear. And according to our fearless leader, everyone minimizes. Everyone see their crime as "not so bad" and blames someone or something else. This way of thinking led to a problem with me. You see, I freely confessed what I did and that what I did was wrong, and that it was my fault. I was the sinner. And because there was no victim, no emails, no pictures, no phone calls and no attempt at further contact, there was no need to minimize. My crime, though very much a crime, was by the standards of this program already minimal. Just as had been the case during my 49 day sin jail back in Georgia, even the other "criminals" laughed in disbelief at that my particular offense was being punished in such a way. And the therapist knew it too. So he never wanted to talk to me. He promoted me to Level 2 in about 6 months (which was ridiculously fast compared to others) simply because he wasn't sure what to make of me. Many were much less fortunate, and the therapist took great pleasure in ripping them new ones and keeping them in Level 1- some for years. I met one man who had been in Level 1 for three years when I arrived and was still there when I left.

Another fabulously useless part of the therapy was the mandatory polygraph testing. Once a year, at great expense to the SO, we had to schedule and take a lie-detector test from one of four approved polygraphers in the county. They would hook me up to the equipment, test me with sample questions about my behavior since the last time I was there, and then administer the test. It felt like a big deal and was very stressful, even if you knew you had done nothing wrong, because such tests are notoriously unreliable. But here's the real deal- I could have confessed to robbing a bank during those sessions and it wouldn't have meant a thing. My therapist was the only one who could see the results; the legal system cannot use the results. Even my PO could only know if I passed or failed. So the worst thing that could happen was deeper questioning and more time spent in counselling paying $20 a week. I passed every time, and the polygrapher recommended each time that I didn't need to be tested again. That fell on deaf ears. The money needed to keep flowing...

Levels 2 and 3 of the program were with a different therapist, one who actually seemed to care about the individuals in his groups. These classes were all about writing papers and letters and presenting them to the other SOs in group. Some of the papers allowed for personal reflection and pondering what led you to commit your specific crime. These were actually helpful for me, as were some private (and expensive!) sessions I scheduled with the new therapist to speed up the process. The letters were supposed to be apologies to your victim and their family, so I just got to make stuff up. I enjoyed the chance to get some creative writing in. The bigger issue was for the others in those levels. Many of them had trouble with writing; they certainly had difficulty saying things the way they needed to be said for approval. Every paper and letter I wrote was approved the first time I shared it, and there were a couple of other guys like me. Some of the rest of those guys were rejected over and over again and are probably still in those levels hoping their probation will expire before they have to write anything else. I actually ghost wrote papers for three guys (including Jose, the friend I mentioned yesterday who died while still in the program) just so they could move on. I spent a year on each of those levels before being sent to Level 4 and one last battle with my original therapist. It was a skirmish that would last nearly as long as the first three levels combined.

Early on in Level 4 the Doc made it clear that he was going to try and break me. It was clear to him that I didn't feel nearly bad enough about myself, and in fact seemed much more at peace than I had back in Level 1. That was NOT the way it was supposed to work and it needed to change. He wanted me to confess to things I had not done. He wanted me to acknowledge that faith was a fantasy, that my youth ministry (for 28 years) had been a scheme to get me close to teenagers and that the church was actually a plague on society. He told me that I had no doubt ruined countless families over the years through my manipulations. At one point I told him that many parents and former youth still supported me; he called them delusional and accused me of using mind control techniques, including this blog. He tried to make me stop writing, but my PO backed me up. He wanted me to admit to being a pedophile, despite the fact that my crime had nothing at all to do with young children. (Side note: It does not help your cause in such situations to point out to a licensed therapist with a PhD that he is misusing a clinical term like "pedophile." Bad juju...) When I refused to confess to these lies, he shut me out, not talking to me in class for weeks at a time. Many weeks I boarded the bus for home with tears in my eyes, wondering if this would ever end. Finally it became clear what I had to do. Suck it up, tell him the lies he wanted to hear, and graduate. So that's what I did. At my final polygraph test the administrator asked me if I had ever lied to my therapist. I never even blinked as I responded, "YES." When he asked me what I had lied about, I told him the truth- and he was stunned. My therapy ended with me saying horrible and false things about myself so I could get out of the system. And I was not alone.

Mandatory sex offender therapy is another cosmetic illusion in the overall system. I witnessed very little effort to help SOs discover the WHY of our offenses. I saw a concentrated effort to remind us all that we were now garbage and that there was no coming back from that. They sought to (and quite often succeeded) destroy hope at every turn. It is little wonder that there are many SOs who choose to violate probation and go back to prison, because the pain and scrutiny they bear on on the "outside" just gets to be too much. I saw people punished for not being able to pay on time, while others were released early because they had attorneys who played golf with the Judges. One wealthy business man, who had molested 5 kids in his home and was a real jerk in group, served no jail time and was released halfway through Level 2 with his probation terminated because the Judge felt he had "done enough." Justice may be blind but it sure knows how to find a dollar. There is lots of lip service given to keeping offenders from reoffending, but I saw little evidence of concrete steps being taken. Personally, my biggest takeaway was a list I carry in my wallet of things I would miss if I ever reoffended. That is a huge deterrent for me. I'm not certain how well that works if you have an addiction or a mental illness that led to your offense. The public safety would be much better served by a program that encourages and rehabilitates and actually treats problems instead of telling offenders over and over again what they already believe- you screwed up, and no one loves you anymore. Now go away...

One final word. When I walked out of Level 4 as a graduate, free and clear of the mandatory therapy, I shook the hand of the therapist, looked him in the eye, and said something like this: "There is something you were wrong about from the first day we met. Being a sex offender does not define me and it never has. I believe in the love, grace and forgiveness that come from following Jesus. And THAT defines me. FOREVER!" And I will take a polygraph on that anytime you want me to. We'll wrap all of this up tomorrow.

Because of Jesus,

Probation Frustration

This is Day 2 of my series taking a look back at what life has been like since I was sentenced to probation in May of 2007. The probation was was terminated in April, 2014. These posts are based on my personal experiences. I do not seek to minimize what I did- it was very wrong I was guilty. I just want to shine a light on a very broken system.

On May 7th, 2007 I stood before a judge (you can read more about how I got there HERE) and was sentenced to 10 years of sex offender probation for an illicit instant message conversation with a minor. The sentence was part of a plea "bargain" that would keep the judge from giving me time in prison. The 10 years probation was the maximum he could give. At the time I was pretty clueless as to what those years would be like. Now, as I look back on them, I see clearly what a mess that time turned out to be. For the next few days you can learn a little about what it was like for me and for my family. Hold on tight...

After confirming my sentence, Judge Jackson (Remember that bit in the movie Young Frankenstein where every time anyone said the name Frau Blucher a horse would winnie in the distance? Yeah...typing Judge Jackson does that to me!) then began to read to me the list of regulations I would be living under, some for the next 10 years and some for the rest of my life. This list is slightly longer that the U.S. Constitution. Because in the majority of states there is no difference made between the incredibly wide variety of things now lumped under the name "Sex Offense" every item applies to every offender- no matter what they did. Many Probation Officers, police officers, District Attorneys and Judges have been saying for years that this is a major flaw in the system, but the legislators who make the laws won't budge. They don't want to be seen as "soft" on sex offenders (henceforce referred to as SOs). Even the Minnesota couple who originally lobbied President Clinton for a national registry of SOs back in the 1993 have spoke out in opposition to what that registry has become. My offense- a sexual conversation with a minor (who turned out not be a minor) through instant messaging- is estimated to occur over 1 million times a day in some form (texting, social media, etc.) in this country. There are a few dozen crimes now labeled as "sex offenses." Yet catching violators seems to have taken a back seat to "watching" us after we get caught. For the most part, registered SOs are not the people the public needs to fear. It's the ones who haven't been caught yet. But more on that later. My restrictions were the same as someone who had kidnapped 10 kids and abused them for months. One even stated that I have no contact with the victim. It was the DA who pointed out to the Judge that I had no victim, so that didn't really apply. That would not be the last restriction that would make very little sense very quickly.

One of the basic restrictions stated that there should be no contact between the SO and anyone under the age of 18. The DA moved to amend that this not include my then 11 year old son, and after a brief debate the Judge agreed. I would be allowed to keep living with my family. At the time this felt like a great victory, but later on it gave me cause for pause. If I was such a monster, someone unfit for contact with children, then why would they put my son at such risk with almost no debate? It made little sense. And neither did any of these things as times passed:

• My crime was committed on and confined to a computer. Yet I was never actually banned from using the internet. We chose not to have it at home for the first 2 years, but we could have. The restrictions just warned that my PO could search my computer at any time. Those 7 years of probation would bring exactly one search, and even then it was mostly to check out this blog. The one restriction that would have actually been fitting for my offense was never really a restriction at all. I was (and still am) prohibited from having my own Facebook account, but that was a Facebook rule, not a probation restriction.
• There were a number of restrictions as to where my family could live. Although every state, county and city can add their own ordinances that determine how close SOs can live to schools, churches, daycares, playgrounds and various other places, the standard law states 1000 feet- roughly 3 football fields. That's not much when it comes to finding a home. We were able to find a nice house in a nice neighborhood that met the standards. We were warned by my PO (who had to approve the location) that the neighborhood was too nice and that the other residents would never accept us, but we have lived here nearly 8 years with only one incident. Everyone can find out online that you are a SO. But they seldom have any idea what you actually did, so the assumption is always that a child molester has moved into the neighborhood- even if the crime was indecent exposure by peeing in a public parking lot. With so many offenses under one label, the public has no idea who is dangerous and who made a terrible one-time decision. So they treat everyone as dangerous with no real idea who actually is. On Will's first day of school after moving in someone put a sign at the neighborhood bus stop with my picture on it, warning people of the presence of a SO on our circle. They had discovered me on The List, and I understood their concern. They knew what I was, not who I was or even what I had done. The sign was quickly removed by the two gay men (and Marilyn) living in the house by the stop. They understood people assuming things and were going to have none of it. Over the following years many of those neighbors became our friends, and several of them wrote letters for me in favor of my probation being terminated. Most SOs are not so fortunate. In some places the "buffer" is as much as 2500 feet. This creates a homeless ghetto of SOs living without hope and with no reason for rehabilitation. Once you are labeled a leper, you don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about what happens next. It can't get worse. SOs with no family support and few choices as to where to live (or work- that's coming soon) are often shunned or even abused by unhappy neighbors. And this is AFTER paying your debt to society for your crime. For SOs it never ends. The label constantly hangs over your head for the rest of your life, and except in rare instances there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Convicted murderers live under fewer post-sentence restrictions than SOs. The system is designed to kill hope, and it works well. I was just blessed to have family, friends and faith to pull me through. Many SOs have none of those things.
• Another guideline required me to stay away from "places where children might gather." Some were obvious. Most were randomly selected by your PO. For instance, I could take Will to school as long as I didn't go in, but going inside a McDonald's or Chick-fil-A with a playground was bad form. The local mall was fine, movies were ok and Walmart (home of children running around with no parents watching them at all) was never even discussed. But church they had to think about. It was all very odd. And it didn't matter if parents wanted me around their children; there was no process for getting that approved. At first I stayed completely clear of all children. But eventually if the parents knew and didn't mind, then I didn't either. When I first started probation I assumed everyone knew who I was, what I had done and were scared to death of me. I lived very afraid of someone accusing me of something I didn't do, and my PO encouraged that attitude. Eventually I discovered that since I was doing nothing wrong and 99% of the people had no idea I was a SO I had nothing to worry about. For the most part.
• The two restrictions listed directly above are perfect examples of how cosmetic the statutes for SOs have become. The laws are put in place to make people feel safe and to make legislators feel accomplished, when they really serve almost no purpose. Sexual predators- you know, the guys you see on the news who do horrific things with children- are a very small percentage of those on The List. And studies show that previously convicted SOs who commit new crimes seldom strike near where they live. Most true sex offenses (ones with flesh and blood victims who are abused) occur away from home at pre-arranged locations or IN the home with people the SO already knows and who would be there anyway. By the time you have been through the system once, you know where you are likely to get caught. The laws currently in place prohibit you from being in the very places where you already know you would have to behave. The system is a mess. 
• My restrictions required me to have a job. My label practically prohibited me from getting one. Any job had to approved by my PO. I could have worked delivering phone books- but there might be kids at home. The same with a food delivery service. I could have worked for friends at a small shop in the local mall- but nope, malls were out. I could shop, just not work. Target actually offered me a job as part of an outreach program to give felons a second chance, an initiative which earns them money from the federal government. So they hired me- I even took the drug test. Then the home office in Minneapolis processed my application and discovered that the feds didn't reward them for hiring SOs. And poof- my job was gone. My PO had me applying for 5 jobs a day, 5 days a week for a month at one point. I didn't even get any calls from anyone but Target. So with his guidance, we found a way arround the job requirement. I invented a handyman company, CJ's Odd Jobs, and filed with the state and got a county license. So I had a job. But if you know me, aside from knowing 1001 uses for duct tape I have NO skills as a handyman. No matter- it kept me from a probation violation and a trip to jail, so we went with it! The company is now out of business. :)
• I had to see my PO at the office once a month, and they came to see me at home each month as well. They also would come do a search of the house once a year, which after the second year became a joke as they no longer were worried about me doing anything wrong. Despite the fact that I had no history of drug use, I was subject to random drug tests that required me to pee while an officer watched. I often had trouble doing this. They almost sent me to JAIL a couple of times because I couldn't urinate and they assumed I was hiding something. You can't make this stuff up...
• I had to keep a driving log each month, writing down times and places I drove. For 7 years I did this. And not ONCE did a PO even give it a serious look. Which was understandable, because no one in their right mind would write down times or places they weren't supposed to be. My PO (all 4 of them; they kept changing) understood this was a useless exercise. Like with so many things, the law makers do not. More cosmetics.
• I also had a curfew and couldn't leave the county I live in without written permission from my PO- which wasn't always easy to get. For the first year I had to deal with a Georgia imposed 7 PM curfew until I completed 98 hours of community service. After that it was from 10 PM- 6 AM. This meant that I had to be home every night by 10, which meant I could not spend the night anywhere else. My hospital stay in November 2012 marked the first nights I had spent away from home in over 5 years. I couldn't travel with my family or go spend the night with my mom. One of the SO friends I made while in the program was dying with cancer and he still could not get permission to go see his homebound parents in NY. He died never seeing them again. These travel rules were just more cosmetic restrictions. No one was safer because Jose didn't get to see his parents. One of my neighbors and I were talking the week after Christmas one year while Marilyn and Will were in NC, and she was flabbergasted at the regulations. "If you are are really a danger to us- which I know you are not" she began, "then wouldn't everyone be safer if you were with your family rather than home alone with your computer?" I laughed so hard.  It was just another example of how a law that looked good on paper, and is probably needed for sexual predator cases, makes no sense in many others. And everyone on The List is treated the exact same way...

There's more, but I'll stop for today. As part of my probation I had to undergo "intensive" sex offender group therapy. Oh the stories I could tell. And tomorrow, I will! Thanks for reading my friends.

"Enjoy every sandwich."