Some People...

It has occurred to me lately that there sure are a lot of different sorts of people in this crazy world (Yes I know- Captain Obvious here!) and that I seem to know a lot of them. This train of thought came to me recently while reading some Facebook posts from a former member of one of my student ministries from back in the day. He has been going on and on lately about social/political issues in ways that blow my mind. He spews hatred towards our current President, claims that racism and sexism are creations of the liberal media and is all in favor of having all of USAmerica arm itself with guns. All of this from a man who as a teenager had me prepare a file so he could prove he was morally opposed to war on religious grounds in case the draft was ever reinstated. This was one of my all-time favorite students, and now I am not sure I would want to be in the same room with him. Some people, huh?

It has been one of the true blessings of my life to get to know so many people in so many situations. I bet you know some of them too...

• Some people like lima beans and liver, proving beyond any doubt that we all have capacity to be wrong!
• Some people do not have the capacity to admit they are wrong.
• Some people make you smile every single time you see them or hear from them. These folks are keepers!
• Some people piss you off with most everything they say or do, no matter how hard you try to be accepting. These people are toxic.
• Some people know everything about you and love you anyway.
• Some people know almost nothing about you and dislike you anyway.
• Some people treat others like crap and no one ever calls them on their behavior.
• Some people can change your day with a hug.
• Some people disappear from your life and leave a hole in your heart.
• Some people vanish from your life and you barely notice they are gone.
• Some people know the worst things you have done and choose to remember the good things.
• Some people can only focus on the negative.
• Some people are wonderful sounding boards, who listen with open ears and non-judgmental hearts to anything you have to say.
• Some people only want to talk about themselves.
• Some people I can't imagine living without their presence in my life.
• Some people just need to move on!
• Some people see diversity and change as scary things.
• Some people see diversity as God using his paintbrush and creativity to include all the colors of the rainbow.
• Some people are family, even when there is no blood relation to you at all.
• Some family members are just people. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than both. It's not family without love.
• Some people use their faith as hammer, beating on people and driving them away from our loving God .
• Some people use their faith as a blanket, wrapping people in the loving arms of Christ and making them feel safe and included.
• Some people I miss terribly each and every day.
• Some people you can go months without talking to, yet when you do talk it is like no time has passed.
• Some people you see everyday and have no idea what to say to them.
• Some people can change my day for the better with a text, a call or an email. 
• Some people I love so much that it hurts not to be with them.
• Some people make my world- and THE world- a better place simply by being in it.
• And some people don't...

Do you know any of these people? Are you any of these people? It is my prayer that my life make a positive difference in the lives of the people and the community around me. And to those of you "some people"who make my life worth living in these difficult times, thank you. You are appreciated and loved. And I would love to get a chance to tell you that in person. 

Because of Jesus,

What If?

I have always been a fan of the question "What if?" In light of the turmoil, weeping and gnashing of teeth coming out of the General Conference meeting of the United Methodist Church over the past week or so and the general state of affairs in organized Christianity (an oxymoron if there ever was one!) this question has been on my mind. I'm not saying I'm right- that's what separates me from most of our leaders- I'm just asking. "What if?"

During the time of Jesus' earthly ministry he was surrounded by a very unique crowd of people. The religious leaders, the political leaders and the people who thought of themselves as righteous didn't care much for the Nazarene. Those who "took up the cross and followed him" were a pretty motley crew. Fisherman, tax collectors, prostitutes, Samaritans, radicals and (gasp!) women were all included in the entourage of the Christ. His 12 disciples were often foolish failures. Jesus himself was the subject of almost constant ridicule. Even his mission- dying for us- was a little cra-cra. None of his earthy life happened the way WE would have planned it or involved the people WE would have chosen. It all sounds a bit ridiculous.

In 2016 much of the Christian community is up in arms over the inclusion of people they have deemed unworthy. The LGBT movement is fighting for the right to be a fully functioning part of the both church and society. Women are asking for more inclusion and leadership roles. Young radicals are challenging the notion that the church should have more influence on Jesus than Jesus has on the the church. Politicians manipulate our congregations for support, and many Christians are buying the BS (not even realizing they are once again ridiculing the Messiah with their words) even as the Jesus Freaks remind us that God is far important than country. Many of these things are being loudly condemned as modern Christianity going to hell in a hand-basket. But "What if?"  What if all of these things are simply the Holy Spirit guiding us back to the days of Jesus. Back to the days when grace was the rule and judgement was the thing that was condemned; when all were included, no matter who they were or what they had done; when community meant taking care of those around you, no matter the need;  and when the son of a carpenter became the only man on earth who really mattered, pissing off the powerful in ways we can barely imagine. What if all of this current turmoil is simply the Kingdom of God being brought back into our churches by the One who died so that we may truly live?

Like I said, I am not saying I'm right. But I do believe it's a "What if?" worth asking...

Because of Jesus,

"Death...NOOOO..." (A Rant)

My son Will and I are huge movie buffs, and over the years we have developed our own "short hand" language, using lines from movies to make specific points to one another. One of our favorites comes from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, the mostly forgettable sequel to the most excellent Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. In the plot of Bogus Journey (and I use the term "plot" extremely loosely here!) Bill & Ted are battling the Grim Reaper for the right to not be dead. Yeah, you read that right. In one scene that are playing charades with some aliens (again, I cannot make this stuff up) and the aliens are making some wild gestures and hand signals, seeming to indicate it is a movie. Suddenly the Grim Reaper blurts out a guess- "Butch and Sundance, the Early Years!" Bill & Ted look at their teammate, shake their heads in disbelief and utter this immortal line- "Death...NOOOO..."

Anytime Will or I see or hear something that seems so completely moronic, out of place or inappropriate that we cannot believe it just happened, we will look at each other and repeat that line. It happens more often than you might think. It is our way of saying "I can't believe you just went there!" 

So what does this have to do with anything? I read a blog a while back from a guy I will call Kevin- because that is his name. I refuse to tell you more than that because I do not want to send traffic to his blog. (As a side rant, are there any other 3-2-1 Penguins fans out there who have trouble saying the name "Kev-innn" with a straight face?) In a post about the current state of the Christian church in USAmerica, he made the following statement:  

"The Jesus found in scripture would act differently and teach differently if he were in 21st century America. He would be much more conservative, much more restrained. He would focus more on sin and less on loving one another. The church needs to realize that just as Jesus would have a different focus, so must we. We need to preach hell fire and damnation. People need to understand that an angry Jesus is waiting to judge us.  Talk about grace all you want to, but trust me- we will all be judged."

"Death...NOOOO..."

We cannot re-write the teachings of Jesus (GOD!) just because they seem out of step with the church of today. Instead we must change our churches to be more in step with the radical, ridiculous love and grace of Jesus Christ. We are promised in scripture that he is the same yesterday, today and forever. I try really hard not be judgmental of others, but in this case, I believe Kevin has earned the coveted Green Weenie Award for representing the WORST the church has to offer our world. In fact, I would suggest to Kev that he check out the urban translation of Proverbs 10:19- "Speak not at all, because you are gonna' say something stupid!"

My prayer today is that God will grant me the wisdom and the strength to follow and represent the REAL Jesus. The one who came to save us, not condemn us. The one who taught us that whatever the question, love is the answer. The one who gave birth to the Church so that we might follow him, not so we can mold him to our beliefs. Thank you for loving me, Jesus.  And forgive me for my judgment of Kevin.

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: Enough!

I never seek to be one of those bloggers who stirs up controversy and alienates a portion of his audience. But a little over a year and a half ago (2/19/2014) I felt the need to rant. After the events of yesterday, today I feel the need to share that post again. I am not asking you to agree with me. But sometimes we all have to take a stand...

I don't know how many of you are old enough to really remember the Popeye cartoons, but in nearly every episode the hero would reach a point of no return, when the circumstances around him had become more than he could put up with any longer. At those moments his catchphrase was, "That's all I can stands and I can't stands no more!" He would then pop open a can of spinach and smash a few bad guys. I always loved those moments, because I think we all have points in our lives when we just have to say ENOUGH! And today, I am there.

Despite my long held stance as a pacifist (because I believe that is what Jesus asks of us) I have long steered clear of the national debate about guns. My silence has been for 2 primary reasons. I find that most discussions of the topic become political rather than moral, and I have no desire to have political discussions about much of anything. And I have also witnessed that such debate seems to never change anyone's opinion. It turns into yet another case of "I'm right...and you're stupid!" So I have remained quiet.

I live in Florida. Lately there have been three shootings here that have garnered national attention for a variety of reasons. A young man was shot because he was dressed suspiciously and was therefore seen as a threat by a man who should have just left him alone. Another was killed when a man wanted some music turned down in a van at a gas station, thought he might have seen a gun (he didn't) and fired 10 shots into the vehicle to "protect himself." And most recently, a man was shot in a movie theater after he was asked to quit texting during the previews and threw popcorn at the man who asked. The shooter was a retired police officer. I am not here today to discuss the outcomes of the legal maneuverings surrounding these shootings. I am not here to discuss the racism that may well have been involved in the first two. I am here- crying ENOUGH!- because in all three of these situations there was absolutely no reason it should be legal for the men who did the shooting to be carrying firearms. None.

I understand when people feel the need to protect themselves and their families by keeping weapons in their homes. I choose not to, because I would never want to use such a weapon. But that's just me. I understand that people enjoy hunting and have guns to use for sport. I have good friends who love going to shooting ranges and blasting away at targets. I am not suggesting that all guns are a problem. But I am saying there is no good that can come from non-professionals walking the streets, driving around or sitting in movie theaters with guns. Guns in such situations make people stupidly brave and stupidly bold. People who carry guns may not plan to use them, but more and more it seems like they are more than willing to do just that. In all of those situations, words might have been exchanged. Maybe even angry words. But take away the guns and no one would be dead. If "stand your ground" laws mean that you can antagonize a person, and then if they respond in a negative manner you have the right to shoot them, then we have returned to the days of the wild west. Frontier justice. And if you check with the families of the those three dead men, I think you will find that such a return is not as romantic as it may sound.

I have no idea how to get USAmericans to get serious about this issue when special interest groups won't even discuss banning assault rifles, which serve no purpose except for killing people. I just know that concealed weapons in public places in the hands of the average Joe are a really bad idea. I do not want people wandering around with guns any more than I want my neighbors to have nuclear warheads in the garage. I mention these 3 cases, but there are hundreds more. I know many of my closest friends disagree with me on the evils of concealed weapons, but to be honest, today I don't care. I have had all I can stands...and I can't stands no more. Stop the insanity. I don't hate the 2nd amendment. I hate reading nearly every day about a senseless shooting in which someone loses a brother, a daughter, a parent or a friend. I pray we find a way to get guns off the street, because more and more it seems the "legal" weapons are doing as much damage as the illegal ones. And I, for one, have simply had ENOUGH!

Because of Jesus,

Getting Snarky with Scriptures (A Rant)

There have been many tweets and Facebook updates over the past few days that have sought to remind us all that no matter what the government or the Supreme Court says, God's law as found in the scriptures is perfect and unchanging. We have been reminded that we humans are not allowed to pick and choose which laws to follow, we just have to obey. And somewhere, I have no doubt, there was a thrice-divorced man lying in bed with his friend's wife, tired after a long day of eating shellfish and pork and mowing his lawn on the Sabbath while failing to burn a sacrificial lamb as an offering to the LORD lamenting that this country is going to hell in a handbasket because of same sex marriages. You want to get into a game of Let's Quote Leviticus? Bring it on, my friends!

The Pharisees- you know, those guys Jesus referred to as "a brood of vipers"- loved them some Leviticus. The law was everything, and they were constantly trying to trip Jesus up on the subject. One day they laid an especially tricky trap for him, asking him this loaded question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?" (Matthew 22:36) They knew that no matter which of the Levitical laws he chose, it would open him up to doubt and scrutiny from the Jewish crowd that was following him. They could expose him as a fraud and a false prophet. Jesus was was going down! But instead of trapping him, the Pharisees had given him an unexpected opening. His answer to their trick question changed EVERYTHING- not just for the listening crowd, not just for the Pharisees, and not just for the disciples- but for everyone of US- because it put the law into a whole new language. And the language was LOVE. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40)."

Jesus was not saying anything new here. The "Love God" section comes from Deuteronomy and the "love your neighbor" verse can be found in Leviticus. As the Messiah himself said he didn't come to refute the law, he came to fulfill it. Putting these two verses together and calling it the greatest commandment gave us a new filter through which to view God's laws. The laws had been given to God's chosen people as a way to keep them in relationship with the LORD, and they had failed miserably. The very presence of Jesus on earth was proof that God knew there needed to be a new way. The love of God whose name is Jesus was and is that new way. And when asked what was most important in life, Jesus skipped over the opportunity to list 600 things we shouldn't do. He passed on telling us which rituals were most important to God. He left out trying to scare the hell out of us. He simply said that loving God was the most important thing. That, in and of itself, wouldn't have been too earth shaking. But when he said "and the second is LIKE it..." WOW! Loving your neighbor is just as important as loving God. That's what the law is all about!  And then just to really kick the Pharisees while they were down, he defined "neighbor" by telling the parable of The Good Samaritan. If the hated Samaritans were their neighbors, and the greatest commandment said to love their neighbors- well HOLY CRAP! We're supposed to love everyone? Everyone? Even that jerk Ted who borrowed my Star Wars movies and never brought them back? Seriously? This was a game changer. And it still is.

Here's the deal. There are sins, and we are all sinners. There are laws, both biblical and societal, that we seek to obey. What the Pharisees- both historical and modern day- miss so often is that the law was always intended to be about what is in our hearts and minds and souls. The laws were given to connect us- as individuals- with God. It was never intended to be a way to judge the people who believe or sin differently than we do. It's about our own faith and our own sins; about the log in our own eye and not the speck in another's. So if we are going to be cherry-picking laws from Leviticus to shape our modern Christianity we need to proceed with great caution. Divorce is spoken of often in scripture, and it is forbidden. But we let that slide. Eating certain foods, like the spicy steamed shrimp I feasted on at Joe's Crab Shack last Saturday night, is forbidden. Barbeque platters at Stamey's in Greensboro are forbidden. But we let the food law violations pass by unnoticed. We shatter countless other laws (I'm guessing most of you don't have tassels on your robes) on a regular basis without even noticing- or sometimes without even knowing. We pick and we choose and we look like gigantic hypocrites. Yes, we should seek to be keepers of God's law as it was fulfilled in the coming of the Messiah. But first of all, last of all and most of all, we need to be keepers of the greatest law. Love God, and love one another. Miss out on that and all the "thou shalt nots" in the world won't do us any good. Now I'm going to have some leftover shrimp. Peace, my friends.

Because of Jesus,

Carl's Road Rage Rant!

There are lots of things about driving that irritate Carl. Actually to be more accurate, there are lots of things about other drivers that annoy Carl. So today Carl gives you another post in his Things I Believe (and you probably don't) series as he presents Carl's New Rules of the Road! How upset is Carl? He's writing in third person. It doesn't get much worse than that!

• Most modern cars come equipped with turn signals. USE THEM!!! Failure to do so should be punishable by being forced to binge watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians!
• People who are exiting a parking lot at a place where traffic also enters the lot and place themselves in the middle of the road so no one can get in or out make me nuts. And it's almost as bad when you are over to your side of the entrance but people won't turn in because they are afraid they don't have room. UGH!  If you can't drive a huge SUV go buy a Volkswagen Bug. And when did people forget how to make close turns? 
• If you are driving in a torrential rain storm without your lights on I should have the right to launch bumper-to-bumper missiles and TAKE YOU OUT!
• Drivers are required to share the road with bicycles. That is fine. Yet bicycles seldom regard the rules of the road, especially when it comes to traffic lights. And bicycles drive on sidewalks like they own the things, giving no thought to pedestrians (and their dogs) using the sideWALKS. Drivers can get tickets for not sharing the road; cyclists should lose their front tires for riding on sidewalks. Or both tires and the seat if the street they are NOT riding on has a bicycle lane. Fair is fair.
• On a similar note, signs and bumper stickers remind us to "Be Careful. Motorcycles are everywhere." And we do need to heed those warnings, because they are indeed everywhere. Driving down the emergency lanes. Creating their own lanes in traffic jams. Pulling up between 2 cars at a traffic signal. Weaving in and out of traffic like a zebra being chased by a lion. The warnings are for us, not them!
• If you are stopped behind me at a stop light, and then the light turns green and you blow your horn at me less than 5 seconds after the light changes I should have the right to just sit there through an entire cycle. Wanna' be impatient? Go right ahead...
• There is a special place in hell reserved for people who drive 45 mph in the left lane of an interstate highway. That happens a LOT here in Florida (God's Waiting Room).
• If my car really did have missiles I would be in so much trouble. Passing me, pulling back over in front of me and then slowing down for no good reason? BOOM! Putting on make-up and driving? BOOM! Slowing down as you approach a green light? BOOM! Smoking, talking on your phone and driving at the same time? BOOM! Changing lanes without looking? BOOM! Oh the destruction I would leave behind. No people would be hurt in these attacks- but their cars would be toast!
• And finally...Road signs were a wonderful invention. In many cities even if you don't know where you are going and have no GPS, road signs are there to help you know what lies ahead. Some drivers should occasionally read one. If one more person acts like they didn't know a lane was closed ahead after there were signs for 2 miles preceding it I may just lose my mind!

I feel better now, and I hope you do too. Let's implement my new rules ASAP and save valuable temper tantrums from impatient drivers like me. And btw...I encouraged you to use your turn signals. Turning them off is a good thing as well.  Have a safe and wonderful Father's Day Weekend!

"Enjoy every sandwich"

Probation Frustration

This is Day 2 of my series taking a look back at what life has been like since I was sentenced to probation in May of 2007. The probation was was terminated in April, 2014. These posts are based on my personal experiences. I do not seek to minimize what I did- it was very wrong I was guilty. I just want to shine a light on a very broken system.

On May 7th, 2007 I stood before a judge (you can read more about how I got there HERE) and was sentenced to 10 years of sex offender probation for an illicit instant message conversation with a minor. The sentence was part of a plea "bargain" that would keep the judge from giving me time in prison. The 10 years probation was the maximum he could give. At the time I was pretty clueless as to what those years would be like. Now, as I look back on them, I see clearly what a mess that time turned out to be. For the next few days you can learn a little about what it was like for me and for my family. Hold on tight...

After confirming my sentence, Judge Jackson (Remember that bit in the movie Young Frankenstein where every time anyone said the name Frau Blucher a horse would winnie in the distance? Yeah...typing Judge Jackson does that to me!) then began to read to me the list of regulations I would be living under, some for the next 10 years and some for the rest of my life. This list is slightly longer that the U.S. Constitution. Because in the majority of states there is no difference made between the incredibly wide variety of things now lumped under the name "Sex Offense" every item applies to every offender- no matter what they did. Many Probation Officers, police officers, District Attorneys and Judges have been saying for years that this is a major flaw in the system, but the legislators who make the laws won't budge. They don't want to be seen as "soft" on sex offenders (henceforce referred to as SOs). Even the Minnesota couple who originally lobbied President Clinton for a national registry of SOs back in the 1993 have spoke out in opposition to what that registry has become. My offense- a sexual conversation with a minor (who turned out not be a minor) through instant messaging- is estimated to occur over 1 million times a day in some form (texting, social media, etc.) in this country. There are a few dozen crimes now labeled as "sex offenses." Yet catching violators seems to have taken a back seat to "watching" us after we get caught. For the most part, registered SOs are not the people the public needs to fear. It's the ones who haven't been caught yet. But more on that later. My restrictions were the same as someone who had kidnapped 10 kids and abused them for months. One even stated that I have no contact with the victim. It was the DA who pointed out to the Judge that I had no victim, so that didn't really apply. That would not be the last restriction that would make very little sense very quickly.

One of the basic restrictions stated that there should be no contact between the SO and anyone under the age of 18. The DA moved to amend that this not include my then 11 year old son, and after a brief debate the Judge agreed. I would be allowed to keep living with my family. At the time this felt like a great victory, but later on it gave me cause for pause. If I was such a monster, someone unfit for contact with children, then why would they put my son at such risk with almost no debate? It made little sense. And neither did any of these things as times passed:

• My crime was committed on and confined to a computer. Yet I was never actually banned from using the internet. We chose not to have it at home for the first 2 years, but we could have. The restrictions just warned that my PO could search my computer at any time. Those 7 years of probation would bring exactly one search, and even then it was mostly to check out this blog. The one restriction that would have actually been fitting for my offense was never really a restriction at all. I was (and still am) prohibited from having my own Facebook account, but that was a Facebook rule, not a probation restriction.
• There were a number of restrictions as to where my family could live. Although every state, county and city can add their own ordinances that determine how close SOs can live to schools, churches, daycares, playgrounds and various other places, the standard law states 1000 feet- roughly 3 football fields. That's not much when it comes to finding a home. We were able to find a nice house in a nice neighborhood that met the standards. We were warned by my PO (who had to approve the location) that the neighborhood was too nice and that the other residents would never accept us, but we have lived here nearly 8 years with only one incident. Everyone can find out online that you are a SO. But they seldom have any idea what you actually did, so the assumption is always that a child molester has moved into the neighborhood- even if the crime was indecent exposure by peeing in a public parking lot. With so many offenses under one label, the public has no idea who is dangerous and who made a terrible one-time decision. So they treat everyone as dangerous with no real idea who actually is. On Will's first day of school after moving in someone put a sign at the neighborhood bus stop with my picture on it, warning people of the presence of a SO on our circle. They had discovered me on The List, and I understood their concern. They knew what I was, not who I was or even what I had done. The sign was quickly removed by the two gay men (and Marilyn) living in the house by the stop. They understood people assuming things and were going to have none of it. Over the following years many of those neighbors became our friends, and several of them wrote letters for me in favor of my probation being terminated. Most SOs are not so fortunate. In some places the "buffer" is as much as 2500 feet. This creates a homeless ghetto of SOs living without hope and with no reason for rehabilitation. Once you are labeled a leper, you don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about what happens next. It can't get worse. SOs with no family support and few choices as to where to live (or work- that's coming soon) are often shunned or even abused by unhappy neighbors. And this is AFTER paying your debt to society for your crime. For SOs it never ends. The label constantly hangs over your head for the rest of your life, and except in rare instances there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Convicted murderers live under fewer post-sentence restrictions than SOs. The system is designed to kill hope, and it works well. I was just blessed to have family, friends and faith to pull me through. Many SOs have none of those things.
• Another guideline required me to stay away from "places where children might gather." Some were obvious. Most were randomly selected by your PO. For instance, I could take Will to school as long as I didn't go in, but going inside a McDonald's or Chick-fil-A with a playground was bad form. The local mall was fine, movies were ok and Walmart (home of children running around with no parents watching them at all) was never even discussed. But church they had to think about. It was all very odd. And it didn't matter if parents wanted me around their children; there was no process for getting that approved. At first I stayed completely clear of all children. But eventually if the parents knew and didn't mind, then I didn't either. When I first started probation I assumed everyone knew who I was, what I had done and were scared to death of me. I lived very afraid of someone accusing me of something I didn't do, and my PO encouraged that attitude. Eventually I discovered that since I was doing nothing wrong and 99% of the people had no idea I was a SO I had nothing to worry about. For the most part.
• The two restrictions listed directly above are perfect examples of how cosmetic the statutes for SOs have become. The laws are put in place to make people feel safe and to make legislators feel accomplished, when they really serve almost no purpose. Sexual predators- you know, the guys you see on the news who do horrific things with children- are a very small percentage of those on The List. And studies show that previously convicted SOs who commit new crimes seldom strike near where they live. Most true sex offenses (ones with flesh and blood victims who are abused) occur away from home at pre-arranged locations or IN the home with people the SO already knows and who would be there anyway. By the time you have been through the system once, you know where you are likely to get caught. The laws currently in place prohibit you from being in the very places where you already know you would have to behave. The system is a mess. 
• My restrictions required me to have a job. My label practically prohibited me from getting one. Any job had to approved by my PO. I could have worked delivering phone books- but there might be kids at home. The same with a food delivery service. I could have worked for friends at a small shop in the local mall- but nope, malls were out. I could shop, just not work. Target actually offered me a job as part of an outreach program to give felons a second chance, an initiative which earns them money from the federal government. So they hired me- I even took the drug test. Then the home office in Minneapolis processed my application and discovered that the feds didn't reward them for hiring SOs. And poof- my job was gone. My PO had me applying for 5 jobs a day, 5 days a week for a month at one point. I didn't even get any calls from anyone but Target. So with his guidance, we found a way arround the job requirement. I invented a handyman company, CJ's Odd Jobs, and filed with the state and got a county license. So I had a job. But if you know me, aside from knowing 1001 uses for duct tape I have NO skills as a handyman. No matter- it kept me from a probation violation and a trip to jail, so we went with it! The company is now out of business. :)
• I had to see my PO at the office once a month, and they came to see me at home each month as well. They also would come do a search of the house once a year, which after the second year became a joke as they no longer were worried about me doing anything wrong. Despite the fact that I had no history of drug use, I was subject to random drug tests that required me to pee while an officer watched. I often had trouble doing this. They almost sent me to JAIL a couple of times because I couldn't urinate and they assumed I was hiding something. You can't make this stuff up...
• I had to keep a driving log each month, writing down times and places I drove. For 7 years I did this. And not ONCE did a PO even give it a serious look. Which was understandable, because no one in their right mind would write down times or places they weren't supposed to be. My PO (all 4 of them; they kept changing) understood this was a useless exercise. Like with so many things, the law makers do not. More cosmetics.
• I also had a curfew and couldn't leave the county I live in without written permission from my PO- which wasn't always easy to get. For the first year I had to deal with a Georgia imposed 7 PM curfew until I completed 98 hours of community service. After that it was from 10 PM- 6 AM. This meant that I had to be home every night by 10, which meant I could not spend the night anywhere else. My hospital stay in November 2012 marked the first nights I had spent away from home in over 5 years. I couldn't travel with my family or go spend the night with my mom. One of the SO friends I made while in the program was dying with cancer and he still could not get permission to go see his homebound parents in NY. He died never seeing them again. These travel rules were just more cosmetic restrictions. No one was safer because Jose didn't get to see his parents. One of my neighbors and I were talking the week after Christmas one year while Marilyn and Will were in NC, and she was flabbergasted at the regulations. "If you are are really a danger to us- which I know you are not" she began, "then wouldn't everyone be safer if you were with your family rather than home alone with your computer?" I laughed so hard.  It was just another example of how a law that looked good on paper, and is probably needed for sexual predator cases, makes no sense in many others. And everyone on The List is treated the exact same way...

There's more, but I'll stop for today. As part of my probation I had to undergo "intensive" sex offender group therapy. Oh the stories I could tell. And tomorrow, I will! Thanks for reading my friends.

"Enjoy every sandwich." 

Explaining Duke/UNC to Floridians

Congratulations to Duke and Coach K on #5...but...

I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred,

and when I die I'll be a Tar Heel dead..."

Yesterday afternoon I was out walking the dog when I encountered one of our neighbors doing the same. We stopped to chat as we often do. He noticed I was wearing my Carolina (let's start offending people right now- there is only one Carolina. NORTH CAROLINA!) hat and asked if I had watched the national championship game and if I was sad that Duke won. He seemed surprised when informed that while we did watch the game, we were cheering for the Blue Devils. In fact. the reason I had on my UNC hat was cheering for Duke always makes me feel a little bit dirty. But I always pull for original ACC teams in the tourny unless they are playing my Heels. Sorry, Louisville, Notre Dame, Syracuse and others- you haven't earned that respect from me yet. We then talked for a few minutes about the Duke/Carolina rivalry.

I have lived in Florida for most of the past 20 years now, and from day one people have said things like this to me- "Yeah we get that rivalry. It's like Florida/Florida State in football." My neighbor said this yesterday. I generally just nod and smile while thinking, "You have NO idea." Bur for reasons I cannot explain, yesterday my disagreement with that statement came pouring out. As I said to him, in one sense yes- it is a traditional rivalry between two quality programs. But here's the difference. UNC and Duke are in the same conference. The games always matter and are usually (see graphics on this page) ridiculously close. But what matters even more is geography. Here's how I explained it: "You know Tampa is home to both the U. of South Florida and The U. of Tampa. They are about 10 miles apart. Imagine if those 2 schools were Florida and FSU, with students from both schools living in the same apartment complexes, eating at the same restaurants and drinking at the same bars. ALL THE TIME! In two small NC towns,not a metroplex like Tampa Bay. And they were both in the SEC. And they had both won 5 national championships. That is Duke/Carolina." He was both surprised and a little take aback. He had no idea they were that close together. I continued: "And there's more. That rivalry is not like North vs. South, it's personal like the Hatfields and McCoys. They are not just competitors like Ohio State/Michigan, they are neighbors on the same way East and West Berlin used to be. Blue is not a color in NC- it is a line of demarcation. Duke Blue or Carolina Blue. Choose one. But you do have to choose. And it's not just local, it's national. Ratings spike when they play, and every game in on TV. If they ever play each other for the national championship it will be the most watched college basketball game in history. This rivalry MATTERS. " 

He then asked given all of that how I could possibly bring myself to cheer for Duke on Monday night. It's like family, I told him. It's ok for me to beat up my little brother, but I'll always have his back with the bullies come calling. The ACC is like family for many of us. We love our teams, but we rejoice with our brothers as well.

There are many great rivalries in sports, but it is the intimacy of the schools as well as the unmatched quality of the basketball programs that set UNC/Duke apart in my mind. The Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears have one of the great longtime rivalries in all of sports, with decades of history, great animosity and multiple championships between them. But imagine how the intensity  of those games would increase if they were both great most every year, if they often had to play 3 times a year, and if BOTH teams called the little town of Green Bay home. That's Duke/Carolina. It's just unmatched. 

So congrats to Duke on a job well done. But now it's back to business as usual. The Tar Heels look loaded for next year. DOOK is going down!

Haven't We Been Here Before?

This is the first in a series of random posts you will see over the next few months that I am calling Things I Believe (and you probably don't)! Some will be goofy. This one is not. So be warned...

This world is a mess. We have known that for a while. But lately it is this nation that concerns me more. Laws have been passed, presidential campaigns begun, verdicts handed down, history rewritten, leaders quoted and social media exploding all with the same message- unless you are like me, I don't want you here. And it doesn't matter where here is, you aren't welcome. This would be disconcerting under any circumstances, but to hear so much of it coming from people who call themselves Christians is especially painful. My heart hurts. My brain hurts. And as a student of history I find myself asking the same question at my prayer time each day- Haven't we been here before?

It seems that many of my brothers and sisters (although some of these folks could care less what my sisters think) in Christ have taken a stance that anyone who does not agree with them is not only wrong, but somehow less a child of God than those who do agree. They come from two primary angles. You must be Christian- their version of Christian- and exclude and fear anyone who is not. In this version of the faith, judgement is a key element, and you worry less about your own soul and more about how to make others more like you. You must also hold to the theory of American Exceptionalism. It is no longer enough to love your country. Now to prove our patriotism we must adhere to the thought that the United States is and always has been superior to the rest of the world. If that means throwing out the facts to make history agree with the point, so be it. This country was not founded on exceptionalism, it was founded on and by the "wretched refuse." Our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world! These two ideologies are being used by the "elite" to exclude anyone who doesn't agree with them. People of color, our LGBT friends, immigrants and people of differing religions are more and more being targeted by people who claim to have a relationship with Jesus and being told that they do not belong. They are not Christian enough and they are not American enough. How is "religious freedom" enhanced by laws that encourage discrimination? 

History has taught us that there are few things more dangerous that religious extremism and radical nationalism. We live in a world where terrorists who fly an Islamic flag have made us afraid of all Muslims. ISIS is a band of extremists (who, by the way, walked into a leadership void WE helped create when we invaded Iraq in 2002) who in no way represent the entire religion. A few weeks back President Obama compared the extremism of ISIS to the Christian Crusades and was taken to task for it by many (As a side note, I read someone attack Obama by saying George W. Bush would have never said anything like that, and I cannot agree more. I have little doubt that W. has no idea what happened in the Crusades...). The truth is, he was right. There have been numerous atrocities committed in the name of Jesus, from the Crusades to standing in support of slavery to blowing up abortion clinics. Extremism is ugly no matter who is carrying the flag. Nazi Germany was all about lifting one nation, one race and one religion above all others and seeking to wipe out anyone who didn't "fit in." It almost worked. And yet even with all of this history to learn from, we find ourselves again posting new versions of "Whites Only" signs, fearing religions we don't understand and hating people we don't know. And doing it in the name of Jesus. We have been here before.

My big issue is this- these Christians who claim religious and cultural superiority often do it by choosing to ignore the teachings of Jesus. They see his teachings about peace, love, justice, mercy, grace and forgiveness as a part of the biblical narrative that can be debated and diluted through filtering and watering down. Then they can use their religion to exclude people, when Jesus clearly preached inclusiveness. His call to love our neighbors means loving our gay neighbors, our black neighbors our Muslim neighbors and our really hard-to-love neighbors. Some would respond with Old Testament scriptures (which Jesus gave a new spin) or twist the teachings of Paul, saying Jesus is only part of the story. Well friends, listen up, because I am about to drop some serious theology on you. Jesus is not a part of the story- Jesus is the POINT of the story! If we are willing to ignore his teachings, then everything else falls apart. Yes, there is a theology of salvation and a standard of morality that Christ-followers seek to embrace. But as Paul wrote in that passage they read at all the weddings, without love none of that other stuff means skubala (Carl translation). When we use our arms to push away rather than embrace, we are ignoring his teachings.

I confess there are days when this all seems hopeless, when it feels like the church is failing badly and there is nothing we can do about it. We are too often part of the problem in this country. But we must not- we CANNOT- give up. We serve an awesome God, a God of light and love, and we must take back our faith from those who seek to pervert it. Back in the early 1980s the band Styx recorded a rock opera called Kilroy Was Here about a morally superior bad guy named Dr. Righteous. He knew all the rules but understood nothing about love, mercy and individual freedoms. The story followed a band of rebels who worked under dangerous conditions to get the truth out- a truth that Dr. Righteous controlled. My favorite song on the album (yes, even better than Mr. Roboto) shares its name with this blog post. The lyrics are below:

Haven't we been here before
Footsteps lead down to the note on the door
That says I can't stay here anymore

And haven't we felt this same way
Sure in our hearts, but afraid just the same
To say I can't stay one minute more

You might think that it's hopeless
Beyond our control
But that's not necessarily so
Can't you see there's a chance
For the daring young soul
Who's finally learned to say no

No, I won't be misused
Ignored or refused
And I won't just give up and let go

So tonight hold me close to you
And don't give up what's important to you
And as time rolls on
Nothing can stand in our way

And I believe if we learn from the past
We'd find keys to unlock every door
Dark would turn into light
We'd be strong
We'd be right

So tonight hold me close to you
And don't give up what's important to you
And as time rolls on
Nothing will stand in our way

And I believe if we learn from the past
We'd say haven't we been here before
Oh, and I believe if we open our hearts
We'd find keys to unlock every door
Hearts could change overnight
We'd be strong...We'd be right
So stay with me now
The future is ours
And we'll be the ones who go on

The time is now for a Jesus Revolution. It is time for us to be the daring souls who say no to this blatant misuse of Christianity. Politics can corrupt the church; they cannot corrupt Jesus. Exclusivity may be championed by our politicians, but it will never be championed by Jesus. It's time to take a stand and Take Back Our Church- #TBOC (It should really be take back HIS church, but TBOC is a much better hashtag). Christianity was never intended to be a religious organization, it was intended to be a movement founded on the life and teachings of a radical Rabbi who was also the Son of God. It's not about moral superiority, or cultural warfare or national exceptionalism. It's all about love. Think of those final words of the song as being a direct order from the Christ. "Stay with me now, the future is ours, and we'll be the ones who go on." More than ever, it has GOTS to be all about Jesus! And that's all I have to say about that...

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: The Bucko Award

Today's post first appeared on this blog in April of 2011. I share it again on this Flashback Friday because there have been several things on Twitter in the past week that made me want to rant on this topic again. So why reinvent the wheel, right? Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

On the classic 1970's TV sit-com Happy Days, Richie Cunningham (played by Ron Howard) was a clean cut, all-American boy living in the late 1950s and early 60s. He never used any language that would be considered "foul" by our standards today. But when he would get angry, he would call someone a "Bucko." As in, "Listen, Bucko- you can't talk like that to my girl!" There was a girl in my very first youth group-Glenna Osborne- who used to call me a Bucko all the time. In fact, when I moved on from that church they made me a wooden sign (Remember wood-burning kits?  Probably not...) honoring me with the first and only Bucko Award.

I have kept this silly thing all of these years because I found it to be hilarious- and more than a little accurate. I was an 18 year old college sophomore when I started with that group and had no idea what I was doing. My efforts were often futile and we didn't accomplish much- except for growing together and loving each other in Jesus'name. But the important part of the award is the last line- "Thanks for being someone we can look up to and laugh at!!!!" 
Therein lies today's archaeological dig.

I read a blog this past week that very proudly pointed out the the United Methodist Church quit using the abbreviation UMYF (United Methodist Youth Fellowship) for their student ministries a number of years ago. They discontinued the "F." They felt like "fellowship" sounded a little too light and fluffy for the way they wanted their youth ministries to be seen. It sounded too much like pizza parties, beach trips and lock-ins. Well in the words of my old Quaker Lake Camp buddy Michael McGuinn,"Puhhhleeeeesssseee!!!" Someone really decided that too much fellowship is the issue in student ministry? Someone really believes that too much fellowship is the reason teenagers leave the church after graduation and never come back? As I warned my Twitter followers on Tuesday night, I feel a rant coming on...

I am not sure where I first heard it, but someone once said, "Show me a youth pastor with no sense of humor, and I'll show you an empty youth room." I'll go a step farther- show me a youth pastor who can't laugh at her/himself and I'll show you someone who is not being authentic. They are on their way to becoming a Pharisee. It's like someone decided there is an 11th commandment that states, "Christians shalt not haveth funeth"- or something like that! Certainly we need to take seriously the things Jesus taught. Certainly we need to be serious about loving one another and serving "the least of these." Certainly we need to think seriously about the condition of our soul and our eternal salvation. But when did it become some sort of bizarre doctrine to take ourselves so seriously? It is my belief (and I can say this because I have lived it) that far too many of us who work with youth seek to fool them into believing we are more "together" than we actually are. We are all Buckos- we are all sinners. Students don't need false perfect examples- they need authentic women and men of God who acknowledge their failures and know how to be humble and to laugh at themselves. How can we possibly teach them about grace if we keep pretending we don't need it?  

Which beings us back to fellowship (For a definition, read Acts 2:42.  And yes, I know I sound like a broken record!~). A youth pastor friend responded to my tweet about fellowship the other night by saying that some people he knew seemed to want to count "just hanging out" with students as part of their ministry. He wasn't certain that just being with students is a legitimate ministry. OF COURSE IT IS! Fellowship, hanging out, sharing one another's stories, creating a shared history- all of these things build the kind of Christian community that allow us to do great things in Jesus' name. What do you think Jesus and the disciples did during the hours that are not chronicled in the Gospels? They went fishing, sat around the campfire and ordered unleavened bread with tomato sauce from Papa Joseph's. They hung out! Had they not spent 3 years building bonds of friendship and trust, do you really think that group of ragamuffins would have been ready to turn the world upside down after Jesus ascended? Would the early church have spread like wildfire without a commitment to sharing life together? And I have to think that included in all of that time of fellowship was the ability to laugh with and at one another. I can't imagine that they didn't give Thomas a hard time every time he said, "I doubt it." I can't believe they didn't give Peter "the business" every time a rooster crowed. Ted & Lee used to do this great scene from their show Fisheyes in which Peter and Andrew are lamenting how confusing Jesus could be, whether in his parables, his affection for random questions, or his doodling in the dirt. It was hysterical to think about. They laughed at themselves for not getting it- and we should be able to do the same. Because the LORD knows there are plenty of times when we don't get it...

Everyone who does ministry must make prayerful decisions about what God is leading them to do in their specific situation. I just know that looking back on 28 years (1978-2007) of youth ministry and hearing almost daily from former students (in part because of this blog) that there is nothing we did - not mission trips, not worship services, not bible studies, not anything- that has had a more lasting impact on their lives than the fellowship and laughter we shared together in Jesus' name. I'm proud I was a Bucko for all of those years. I'm glad I was someone they could look up to and laugh at. Will your students remember you in 10 years because you could plan great events & teach a great class, or because you loved them enough (1 Thessalonians 2:8) to share life - authentic, failure-filled, laughter filled life- with them? It's a question worth asking. This isn't military intelligence. "Fellowship" and "Ministry" are not mutually exclusive...  (That's a joke.  If you didn't get it, try reading this post one more time...  :D)  Now go hang out with some people and start changing the world.  In case you haven't heard, it's time for a Jesus Revolution!

Because of Jesus,

"Over Macho Grande?"

The clip below is from the hilarious classic comedy film Airplane 2, one of the few truly great sequels to a comedy movie. I share it here today to introduce some thoughts on the selection process for the first every college football final 4. Seriously, this post is about football. But first, prepare to laugh. The captions are not mine, but I have no issue with them either. Listen closely...

The clip expressed my feelings upon hearing that Alabama, Oregon, Florida State and Ohio State had been chosen for the FBS final 4...and Texas Christian University had not. I have no issue with the teams that got in- they are all deserving. It is the process that has me bummed out. And I'm not sure I will ever get over selection Sunday. Here are my reasons.

During the course of this season I became a TCU fan. There are several reasons for this, some valid and some random. First off, is there any better nickname in the world than Purple Horned Frogs? That just rocks! I watched them play several times early in the year and loved their style, their speed and the way they play the game. Throw into the mix that my dear friend Teresa Tysinger lives minutes from their campus, and I was hooked. Then midway through the season I entered a contest to pick the national champion before November 1. The fewer people picking a given team the better chance you had of winning a big jackpot. Hundreds of thousands had picked 'Bama, FSU, Auburn, Mississippi State and Oregon. Only a couple of thousand had picked TCU. So I went with my heart. And up until Sunday afternoon, it seemed my prediction stood a real chance of becoming reality. And then a 12 person committee stomped on my heart.

You may wonder that if my feelings are that the teams that got in are deserving, then what do I have to complain about? It was the process that ticked me off. For weeks leading up to Sunday, my Frogs had been ranked in the top 4. The week previous to the final selections they had jumped undefeated Florida State (who should have been #1 anyway- the only undefeated team was at #4? This process was a joke!) and been ranked 3rd. They then proceeded to beat Iowa State 55-3 on Saturday. You are #3, you win 55-3 and finish with one 3 point loss to another top 10 team. You have to figure you will not fall out of the final 4. Right? Doesn't that only make sense? With their final selections, the committee is telling us that while winning 55-3 TCU suddenly became a worse team than FSU, Ohio State and Baylor. I understand those are all great teams who deserve their shot as well. But if TCU was better the previous week and won their game 55-3, how did they get worse? It just makes no sense. The college football season turned into a beauty pageant. Who looked the best and how badly you ran up the score became more important than who won the games. Metrics and measurements replaced football and common sense. And then there's the ESPN conspiracy theory. Funny how OSU and it's massive national fan base got the nod over the much smaller alumni pools of Baylor and TCU. I'm just sayin' that money talks. It will all work out for all those involved because they chose 4 excellent teams. But the process truly sucked!

I have one more lament to share. My main concern at the end of every college football season is that someone beat Alabama. I'm a UNC fan, so my  CFB season is mostly tied up in despising Nick Saban. And I really believed TCU could be that team this year. 'Bama hates to play fast, and the Horned Frogs are a blur. The Maroon Elephants struggle with unpredictable, athletic quarterbacks (think Johnny Football), and TCU has one of the best. There is a question as to whether or not they could stop the Alabama offense, but there is no doubt in my mind (think about Auburn's success) that TCU could score a ton of points. But now we will never know...and I have no shot at that jackpot. Ugh.

So here's the deal. Everyone who is not part of the #RollTide cult of evil needs to be pulling hard for THE Ohio State University. Should they fail, then all of us- War Eagles, Tigers, Blue Devils, Tar Heels, Wildcats, Trojans, Gators, Aggies and everyone else- will need to be cheering for the winner of the other semifinal between the 'Noles and the Quack Attack. The point here is this- AnyBody But Alabama. In fact, that is my new hashtag for the bowl season. #ABBA Use it freely in the hopes that the Elephants will meet their demise- find their Waterloo.  See what I did there?

Over selection Sunday? I don't think I'll ever get over selection Sunday. Those wounds run pretty deep. But an Alabama loss sure would be a great start...

7 Things I Believe (that may make you like me less)

This blog has always focused on uniting, not dividing. I seek to be inclusive, not confrontational. That is just my style. But today w're going a different route. Today I share with you 7 things I believe that may well rub you the wrong way. And I'm not sorry.  It's time to get a little bold...

1. I believe that every act of violence against another human being is rooted in evil. While it is true that on occasion good people are called upon to control a situation with a violent response, this does not make the act any less abhorrent. And when good people begin to choose violence as their first response (rather than the last resort) to crisis situations we see societies crumble. All of us- and this includes our "peace officers"- need to live out their oath when it comes to human lives- To protect and to serve. Too many of us who claim to follow the Prince of Peace are horrified by the thought of actually turning the other cheek or walking the extra mile...
2. I believe in this day and age that patriotism and partisan politics are the enemy of the church of Jesus Christ. When we put country before God, Jesus weeps. And while I'm at it, the flag doesn't belong in a sanctuary. It's God's church, not America's.
3. I believe that if you told me I could have a ticket to one concert of my choice to see someone I have never seen live, I would choose Bruce Springsteen. But not before I thought long and hard about picking Garth Brooks. Yeah, I can't believe I just typed those words!
4. I believe that when Jesus told us to love our neighbors he meant people from other religions, undocumented immigrants, the LGBT crowd, people of color, people who disagree with us and even people who enjoy Jason Derulo. Everybody everywhere!!! If you don't believe things like racism, gender bias and homophobia still exist then you are not paying attention. And love is not a concept. It is a verb. The church has one agenda, and it was not set by a church board, or a pastor or a denomination. It was set by Jesus. So get out there and love your neighbor!
5. I believe that if we admit the truth that in any given year 50% of our congress is too busy trying to make sure the President fails to actually propose accomplishing anything then we will understand that we may never again have an effective leader in the White House. Don't believe me? I know many of you have zero use for President Obama. Yet his approval ratings are great when compared to those of Bush 43. In our current political climate, at least half of the country will always hate you. We should worry about the sanity of anyone who wants the job.
6. I believe that it speaks ironic volumes about the role of money and power in our society and the laughably tragic state of our legal system that Ray Rice is welcome to ride Disney's Tower of Terror...but not me. See what I did there? The Tower of Terror is an elevator ride...
7. I believe that if you say you haven't changed your beliefs, convictions or opinions in the last 20 years that you are not steadfast and consistent, you are simply hanging on to things someone else told you to believe. People change, the world changes, God gives new revelations (if you disagree with that then you are implying that God is no longer active) and we evolve and change with age. Thirty year old Carl would listen to 55 year old Carl and laugh in his face! Embrace traditions, hold fast to the truth that is Jesus, but do not become stagnant. Life was never meant to be a merry-go-round. It's a thrill ride!

So there you go. This is not an attempt to change your minds about anything; just a few statements to let you know where I stand. If any one of these makes you think outside the box a little, then I have done my job. Have a happy Thursday, my friends!

Because of Jesus,

5 Sports Teams I Love To Hate

Yesterday on Twitter my friend Robert tried to "poke the bear" a little bit by reminding me that the Duke Blue Devils- he referred to them as "America's Team"- were playing basketball last night. Robert knows of my love for the UNC Tar Heels, which means my default setting is to dislike Dook. And generally speaking, I do. But the truth is more complicated. While it is always fun to watch Duke lose to other ACC teams and especially to UNC, I often cheer FOR them when they play teams from other conferences. This includes conference games against Syracuse, Pittsburgh, Louisville and Notre Dame, because those schools are actually Big East teams pretending to be in the ACC. But the point is, when pressed on the issue, I don't hate Duke quite like I used to. And the reason is simple- there are other sports team I LOATHE with a passion- a far deeper, seething hatred that makes my dislike of the Blue Devils seems tame by comparison. Who are the teams? I am so glad you asked...

Before the list of teams, and before the hate mail starts, you should know that I do realize that a part of my dislike of these teams is due to their success on the field of play. I am jealous of their high level of achievement. But it's not just that. All of these teams and programs are arrogant from the top down. They have coaches who believe their own press clippings, players with attitudes and fans who are sometimes insufferable. Several of them live on the edge of improper conduct in their respective sports; a few have been caught cheating and never bothered to apologize. These are teams and players who win all the time, so when they do fail it is one of life's great joys for me. So without further adieu, here is my list of 5 sports teams I love to hate. To be honest I hate the word "hate." But it SO applies in this case...

1. Whichever team Lebron James is currently on until he decides to leave them and go to greener pastures in his never ending and FUTILE pursuit of being the next Michael Jordan
2. The New England Patriots (I'm still not over Spygate. Plus the Hoodie & the Pretty Boy just annoy me)
3. The University of Alabama football team (It's all about the Saban)
4. The University of Kentucky men's professional basketball team (Some team members take a pay cut when they go to the NBA after their 0ne year of "college")
5. The Dallas Cowboys (Since around 1966 when I first started watching football with my Dad the Washington fan- so I was born into this one!)

So there you have it, and as you can tell it's going to be a long season for me. The Cavaliers will be very good and compete for the NBA championship. The Patriots looks like serious Super Bowl contenders. The Crimson Tide will likely get a shot to play for the national championship trophy, and Kentucky is stacked beyond description this year. My only hope is Dallas. They still have time to get their act together and finish 8-8 once again. 

Thanks for allowing me to be petty and snarky today. I'd love to hear which teams go on your list. I know some of you will hate on my Tar Heels, and that's cool.  One of the advantages of being a Tampa Bay Bucs fan is that no ones cares enough to hate on your team. But do your worst! Have a Happy Hump Day!