Stop the Whining

A couple of years back I wrote a post entitled I Am Right...and You're Stupid! It addressed a growing problem in our nation, where healthy debate is out and criticizing anyone who thinks or feels differently from "me" is the new norm. With a new season of elections upon us and with wide and often tragic divisions in our country and our world, this is getting worse, not better. We have become a culture of chronic whiners. Tearing others down to make ourselves feel better is at epidemic levels. Rather than working towards solutions, we simply bemoan the things that displease us and bark at those who approach problems from a different direction. And this has got to change.

Two of the first real friends I made through Twitter were Kevin & Christie Weatherby. Kevin is a cowboy preacher whose insights constantly astonish me; Christie has a webpage and blog called The Worst Preacher's Wife Ever. They are in the expensive and often painful process of adopting a Chinese child- a great act of kindness and love- and have been getting some crap for their efforts. The other day Christie tweeted a link to a Facebook status that really hit home with me. I asked for permission to share it here and she kindly said yes. Let her thoughts sink in, and perhaps change you...

Here's an idea:

Instead of criticizing the preacher and I for adopting from China instead of America, why don't you go adopt some of those children you are so passionate about.

Instead of criticizing Americans for trying to help Syrian refugees instead of helping our American veterans, why don't you go help some of those veterans you are so passionate about.

Instead of criticizing those that are already trying to be helpers in some way, why don't you go help in some way that you are so passionate about.

‪#‎TalkIsCheap‬
‪#‎GoBeDo‬
‪#‎LiveLove‬

Jesus told us to love one another, to care for one another and to go change the world. But we don't have to all do it the same way. Follow your passion. Be a difference maker. Go. Do. Be. And for the love of God, stop the whining!

Because of Jesus,

Riding the Crazy Train

A coupe of years ago on the season finale of The Big Bang Theory, Dr. Sheldon Cooper had a breakdown. Life was changing far too fast for him. His best friend and roommate was engaged and preparing to move out. His university wanted him to change his field of research. His girlfriend suggested perhaps she could fill the void and be his new roommate. His favorite place of respite, the local comic book store, burned to the ground. And all of this took place over a few short days. Unable to deal with the madness, Sheldon decided to hop on a train and leave town. He didn't know where he was going, other than "away." And so he was going to ride the rails like a hobo, living off the land- or the local malls he encountered along the way.

Why the sitcom recap? Because I have to tell you that Dr. Cooper's feelings have been very much my own these past few days, and that his train trip is starting to sound like a plan. I generally embrace change, but right now there's just too much of it. One of my dearest friends has been sick and not at all herself, and I worry because there is nothing I can do about it. Other friends- people my age or younger- are struggling with diseases so heinous that they are life threatening. That is both scary and surreal for me. One of my most significant friends continues to be absent from my life. My dog died suddenly this past Sunday, altering my daily schedule in more ways that you can possibly imagine (although it's 4 AM, I'm wide awake and don't even have Conner to blame) and leaving me teary-eyed multiple times each day. My son leaves for a new apartment and a new college in Orlando tomorrow (happy for him, sad for me) which also means a return to spending the majority of my days with no car. There are people I want to see that cannot be seen and places I wish to go that are currently unavailable to me (I know those things are true for everyone- but let me whine! This one is all about me!). Marilyn has been dealing with a sinus infection and stress over many of these same things plus worrying about her family's issues from 800 miles away. All of these things are part of life, and can be dealt with one at a time. But all together? All Aboard!!! It might be time to run away.

This would normally be the paragraph where an inspirational blogger like myself would spout a few cliches to offer peace and comfort to my readers. I would remind you that God is in control, that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that this too shall pass. There would be platitudes reminding you that you are loved, and that friends and family are there to pull us through. But not today. You see, even though those are all things I KNOW to be true, today I am just not FEELING them. Life feels overwhelming. This guy - who normally tells you to enjoy every sandwich (treasure every moment, carpe every diem, etc.) and embrace the joy in the journey, who tells you that the glass is always half full and we should focus on the positive- is packing a bag and looking for a getaway ride on the Crazy Train, even though I'm not really crazy. Just like Sheldon, my mother had me tested. 

So how do we power through times like these? For me, it's a process. First, it is important to realize that this is not the time to pretend to be strong and courageous for the benefit of those around me. It's time to be real and let things out, not suffer in silence. Then comes prayer- prayers for strength, wisdom, endurance and intercession. I pray that this is one of those Footprints in the Sand moments in life, when Jesus will carry me because the burden is too great for me to handle on my own. And finally, I turn to past experiences. There have been worse times in my life, and there will be others. There is hope that comes with faith and as I wrote earlier this week it is hope that must be leaned on in these crazy times. And I must persevere. This is not one of those "the sun will come out tomorrow" kind of things. Tomorrow will be another day I would really rather not face, but God willing, I will. Life does go on, and I will move forward- however slowly, however painfully- with the knowledge that Jesus will still be there, pulling me through to the other side of this funk.

I'm sorry if this depresses you. Well, actually no I'm not- misery loves company! I do covet your prayers for my family, my friends and myself as we battle through the end of a very difficult week. Knowing you care is indeed a great comfort. In the meantime, I will try my best not to do anything too crazy. But if you happen to see a train pass by on Monday, you might want to honk and wave. You know...just in case. Thanks for listening.

"Enjoy every sandwich."

Do We Really Believe in Grace?

I read again yesterday (and I see tweets with similar messages almost daily) that we need new leadership in our nation if we are to return to being a Christian nation. It makes me laugh to think that anyone still believes that changing politicians has any effect on that issue. I long ago came to the realization that anyone who thinks that USAmerica is a Christian nation is fooling themselves. I am not the first to say this; others have long held that we are a non-Christian nation. Depending on their point of view, they point to things like illegal wars, legalized abortion, R-rated movies, an unwillingness to take care of the poor and under-resourced, sexual immorality and a Democratic president as signs that we have abandoned God. I am not going to discuss or even consider any of those points today. You see, I think we are way beyond being non-Christian. I think we are Anti-Jesus at the core of our culture, and here's why- we don't really believe in grace.

Grace is at the heart of the teachings of Christ. Every other religion in the world is based on people trying to "earn" their way into the presence of their god. It's all about what you can do, about living your life by the religious law. Religion is about man's search for a deity. Christianity is based on what Jesus has already done for us. It is about God's search for us. If we confess, repent, and bow to Jesus as Lord and Savior, then our sins are forever forgiven. In fact, they are forgotten. And this is true everyday of our lives. With Jesus, whatever we have done in our past, be it good or evil, is irrelevant to God today. It is only NOW that we are in the presence of God. And it is now, because of grace, that we are forgiven- yet again.

The culture we live in, however, has little concept of grace. There are plenty of individuals who understand and offer grace; I have seen them first hand in my own life. But in our culture, they are seriously outnumbered. People who fail, people who sin, and people who make mistakes that have tragic consequences are people to be condemned and reminded of what they have done for the rest of their lives. They may confess and repent, but there will be no grace. They may even receive a second chance, but there will be no grace- because we will always remember. We love to remind people how they have failed and how we have "forgiven" them. Mike Foster, one of the founders of People of the Second Chance, says that we live in a "Vulture Culture." There is an entire wing of the media built around waiting for people to fail- and then it becomes must see TV. We can't wait to hear the stories. In our society, we are never free of our transgressions. Someone will always be there to remind us. With Jesus, we are free everyday- "and he who the Son sets free is free indeed!"  

Stop me if you have heard this before, but I am a sinner, and unless Jesus is reading this today, so are you! As the brilliant theologian and musician Michael Card wrote,"I belong to Jesus, and I realize that He loves me- a ragamuffin like me!- just as I am and not as I should be." Confess your sins to your neighbors and see how many of them would love you "just as you are."  We, as a culture, are all about people getting what they deserve. And Jesus, as a Savior, is all about people NEVER getting what they deserve! No matter what our sins may be. Brennan Manning wrote in The Ragamuffin Gospel, "The sinners to whom Jesus directed his messianic ministry were not those who skipped morning devotions or Sunday church. His ministry was to those whom society considered real sinners. They had done nothing to merit salvation. Yet they opened themselves up to the gift that was offered them. On the other hand, the self-righteous placed their trust in the works of the Law and closed their hearts to the message of grace." Grace defines our relationship with Christ, but I cannot find it many places in our culture. Even our churches often reject those who are considered to be "notorious sinners"- when that is EXACTLY the group with whom Jesus hung out. If we find grace, the "tent pole" of our faith, to be a foreign concept, how can we be anything but Anti-Jesus? Not because we deny the Nazarene, but because we just don't get it!

I have come to grips with the fact that the world I live in will continue to punish and seek revenge against us when we fail and when we fall, but that does not mean I cannot do better. Society will continue to remind me of my sins long after I confess and repent of them, but I must be a messenger of grace to a hurting world. Our culture will continue to throw stones and misinterpret the teachings of Jesus. All I can do is try to show love, compassion, forgiveness and grace to each person with whom I come in contact each day, and demonstrate this truth-  because of grace I walk everyday with a Savior who loves me just as I am...and what could be better than that?

Because of Jesus,

Sunscreen & the #NarrowRoad

When my friends and I were teenagers and young adults there was nothing better than trips to the beach or hanging out by a pool once summer arrived in North Carolina. While me and my buddies interest was always in the closest body of water (or other "bodies" that might be a part of the local scenery!) my future wife and most of the other females we knew- as well as a few of the guys- were always more interested in "laying out." This was the common 1970s term for sunbathing, and it was both an art and a discipline. Sun worshippers would drag towels, chairs, boomboxes, books, coolers and assorted snacks down to the beach at 10 am, staking out a prime spot in the sun. Take notice now- there were NO umbrellas on the supply list! They would dress in bikinis that covered as little skin as possible and would apply the necessary lotions for being out in the sun. For my wife and many, many others this included tanning oils (SPF -100) to attract the blistering rays of the sun to their skin. It also included something called Sun In that was put in your hair to help the sun lighten the color. Properly prepared, they would then assume the position, laying on a towel on in a reclined chair for the next 6 hours or so. They would periodically flip over to "even out" the tan. While on their stomachs the women would undo the straps of their bikini tops so there would be no tan lines. And every so often they would wander down and splash themselves with water- or on really hot days even jump in for a while. But then it was back to the beach, hoping beyond hope to attract more ultraviolet rays and end the day with darker skin than the person lying next to them. It was ritual. It was normal. And as we know now, it was insane...

Sunbathing still exists, but it is radically different now and has been for many years. We discovered that too much direct exposure to the sun can cause cancer, damage skin and create a variety of other problems. Now we expose ourselves for shorter periods of time. We use sunblocks and sunscreens instead of tanning oils, sometimes with so much SPF that laser beams could not penetrate and reach our skin! And we carry umbrellas in our supplies when we spend a day on the beach. My wife, one of the darkest tanning sun worshippers of the 70s and early 80s, now has enough high protection lotions and sprays to stock a Walmart, and she makes certain that everyone is always covered. The patterns of "laying out" have changed dramatically, not because anyone wanted them to but because the passage of time gave us new information and directed us in new ways. Marilyn still loves to bake in the sun all day turning as brown as possible. She just has to approach it an entirely different way than before.

So what do sunbathing and bikinis have to with the #NarrowRoad? Just this- life is constantly changing. Our hopes, our dreams, our flaws and our gifts are always evolving. We can acknowledge this and make the changes that help us discover what Jesus has in store for our lives or we can fight the change because it makes us uncomfortable. We can go on believing that we know what is best for us, not Jesus. And we can find ourselves with leathery brown spiritual skin, ruined by the summer sun, all because we refused to listen and wouldn't deal with change. Jesus is the same now and forever. Almost nothing else is. The things we believe, and the way we put those beliefs into practice, should evolve. I look at myself at age 55 and praise God that I don't see faith, life or relationships the same way I did when I was 30. We need to learn. We need to accept new truths. And we need to let go of the bad ideas we once accepted as the truth. It's called growth. And it's a very good thing.

So what is this week's sign on the #NarrowRoad? Danger: Detour Ahead. Prepare to go a new way! And be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen. 

Because of Jesus,

Change Is Not Always Bad & New Is Not Always Better

There are two competing ideas that many corporations and organizations in this great nation of ours are struggling with these days. There are many people who are uncomfortable with change, and fight it at every turn. They choose to look to the "good old days" to determine how we should go forward. This works well for some groups. But others are all about not only embracing change, but creating it. They believe that the newer an idea or product, the better. And this also is a very successful plan for many.

My mother hates change. She hates when the grocery store changes where they keep the brand of coffee she buys. She hates when restaurants change their menus. She hates when people move and she has to break in new neighbors. And she hated change at Walt Disney World so much that she quite buying her annual pass after 15 years of having one every year. They kept changing her beloved Epcot, and she just couldn't take it anymore. And that is not even getting into what they did to Main Street at the Magic Kingdom. She despises change. And she is not alone. There is large portion of the population who tend to think all change is bad. And contrary to popular belief, these folks are not all senior citizens. People fight change.

Then there is this. On my favorite television show How I Met Your Mother, Barney Stinson once put forth the hypothesis that "new is always better!" And many of us certainly buy into that. Just look at the lines to purchase a new I-Phone anytime there is an upgrade. It is not significantly different than the previous model- but since it is new it must be better! Every new book gives us new ways to be a better leader, husband, mother or  Christian- and we believe them all! After all, these things are new. And new is always better!

The problem with these hypotheses is that nothing is that absolute. Change is inevitable, and we know that. Does anyone really long for the days of the rotary dial phone or dirt roads? But when the changes impact us personally, we draw back. We might even panic. As Garth from Wayne's World once said, "We fear change." It is so true. And that leads to a constant battle between living in a world that is rapidly changing and holding onto the things we feel are important to us. We must all learn to deal with change and with things that are new. But that does not mean that new is always better. The 2012 Olympic planning committee didn't go to Sir Paul McCartney and ask him to play something off of his latest album at the Opening Ceremonies. They wanted Hey Jude!  No one prefers The Office without Steve Carell to the show with him. The latest $2000 sneakers will never be better than my classic Chuck Taylors. Or as Ted Mosby replied in HIMYM when Barney made his statement about new always being better, "You don't go to a Guns'N'Roses concert and yell 'play Chinese Democracy!' You want Sweet Child O Mine!" New can be great. New can make our world a better place. But new is not always better.

So what got me thinking about all of this? It seems to me that that Church of Jesus Christ is impacted by both of the ideas. In fact, the church may be the one organization fighting both of these battles at once. We are, by our very being, tied to history and tradition. We are, by our very mission, trying to connect and relate to the world we live so that everyone might know Jesus. The conflict between these two things is constant. and it often plays out like this. I want young people to come to church (they're new) but I am unwilling to give up my worship time, chosen seat or preferred style of music (that's too much change) so they might feel more at home. I want the pastor to engage those who didn't grow up in the church (new people) but I hate it when we don't say the Apostle's Creed and the Lord's Prayer every week (big changes). These struggles lead to people feeling left out or unheard. In many congregations they have led to splits over music and worship styles. I grew up Quaker, so I know what it is like to see change as the enemy (Q: How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb? A: CHANGE! Who said anything about CHANGE!!!). I also served in a church that that not only embraced change, they were constantly creating it. New was always better. Never mind history or tradition. And it bit them in the butt in the long run...

The bottom line is we cannot worship tradition, and we must not worship change. We worship only one God, only one Savior. We must open our hearts and our minds to see things the way Jesus sees them. Some old traditions are worth preserving. Some new ideas are valuable and worth adding. Remember, Jesus is the one who came to make everything old new again. If we seek to keep our message consistent and Christ-centered, but are willing to change the manner in which is it delivered, then we are on the right track. It is not about how we worship. It is about WHO we worship and how much he loves us. And praise Jesus, that is never changing.

Because of Jesus,

"Ch-ch-ch-changes..."

I have mentioned here before that when I arrived at Tampa's Wesley Memorial UMC in October of 2001 there were some innate problems with the youth ministry.  I moved slowly the first year when it came to making drastic changes and severing ties with the past, but with the huge influx of new 6th graders in August, 2002 (see Monday's post), it was time to start swinging my axe!  Here are 4 of the traditions I found on my arrival that I decided to hack away at in order to take our ministry where I felt God was leading us to go...

A trust building game in The Overflow.

1. Meeting space.  We had no space of our own to meet in.  The Fellowship Hall was occupied by our children's ministry (more on that in a few) during the same time period on Sunday afternoons.  There were no classrooms large enough for us.  So for a number of years the student ministry had met in the church sanctuary.  From my first day on the job I was not happy about this set-up.  First of all, the space was too big.  Thirty youth in a room that sits 500 is just not a good match.  No matter how good a crowd turned out, it always felt tiny.  Also, I have always enjoyed wild and sometimes messy indoor games as part of my youth meetings.  I cannot stress enough how much trouble you can get in for throwing pies in the sanctuary.  And finally, it didn't feel like "our" turf.  There was nothing "youthy" about it.  All the pews faced forward, so group discussions were difficult.  It was a beautiful worship space for our church.  As a youth room it had serious problems.  There was, however, a large empty space in the back- The Overflow - that could be closed off from rest of the worship room.  And that became my target area...




Worship in The Overflow


2. Worship.  The tradition with the youth of WMUMC was that worship took place in the sanctuary, and it was the first thing they did at youth fellowship each week.  The music was led by a Praise Band consisting of a few students and some adults.  Joining us for this part of our time together were all of the kids and leaders from our children's ministry (they also joined us for snack time).  All of these things were problematic.  I wanted to be able to have worship to close our time together, or in the middle, or whenever.  The Praise Band was so loud and the room so large that you couldn't actually tell if anyone was singing or not.  Having the kids with us must have looked good on paper, but in reality it limited what we could do and it limited our flexibility.  I always (from Day 1 in 1978) wanted my students to arrive at youth asking the question, "What will happen today?"  The way we were set up at the time, the question was moot.  We had to do the same things at the same time every week.  Soooo....   I uninvited the children, with the trade-off that I would bring youth to do worship for their Promiseland Sunday School program every Sunday morning.  We moved to The Overflow, changed worship to the end of the program (most of the time!) and re-imagined the Praise Band with our newly arrived Contemporary Worship Leader, Jason Deese.  For the time being, I would go old school on them and lead music with just my acoustic guitar.  It was awesome- turned out this bunch could really sing!  Did anyone fight me on these changes?  Oh yes.  Did they work?  BIG TIME!!!




The infamous 4-Way Grinder in action.


3. Games.  As I have written about far too many times to count, I believe building relationships to be a huge part of student ministry.  So after moving from the sanctuary we began to play.  We continued the pre-youth outdoor football game that was very popular with the males (especially the adult male volunteers!) and added more wild, crazy, unusual group building games to the mix.  I must have had a dozen students say to me in those first few months something along the lines of, "WOW!  I never knew that youth group could be FUN!"  And then, just when they thought they had me figured out, I broke out the 4-Way Grinder.  Things were never sane after that...




"I'm goin' to Graceland..."


4. The Name.  The previous youth pastor had tagged the group with the name God's Property after the Kirk Franklin group of the same name.  While there was nothing wrong with the name, it just didn't pass my "WOW!" test.   Rather than change it or drop it right away, I just ignored it.  I never uttered those words in the first year.  They popped up on my office computer everyday (she had left under bad circumstances and taken some passwords with her...) but I just let it ride.  I built a website for our ministry at some point early on, and it was around that same time that I began asking for suggestions for a new name.  I received a number of suggestions, but after talking it over with our Youth Ministry Team and some of the student leaders I decided on Graceland.  I'll write more about that on Friday.

Change is always scary, but it is often the catalyst for growth and new adventure.  Such was the case with these changes, but they didn't come without a price.  There will always be people who oppose change.  But here is my student ministry leadership thought for today- If you are still doing everything the same way, with the same events and programs and the same names as your predecessor, then are you really necessary?  Very seldom can I say this about my life, but looking back at these changes I wouldn't do anything different.  We were ready for some "good times"...

Because of Jesus,