Ignoring the Warning Lights

I heard a story recently that seemed to be worth sharing. A friend of mine (we'll call him John, 'cause that's his name!) was driving across Tampa when a light came on in his car warning him that there was a problem with his brakes. He had major work done on the braking system less than a year earlier, so this little light really irritated him. The further he drove the more irritated he got. Finally, he folded up a piece of paper until it was just big enough to cover up the warning light, and he positioned it so he would no longer see the light. Feeling much better, he continued his journey. For the next 3 days he drove with that piece of paper covering the warning light. Then last Tuesday as he started out for a meeting, John stepped on the brake- and discovered that it no longer worked. He was able to avoid traffic and use the emergency brake to stop the car, so no one was hurt. But it really put the fear of God into John as he hopelessly swerved to a stop. His car now has new brakes.

Life comes with warning lights. If we have health problems our body will signal to us that we need to see a doctor. If we have weight problems our clothes cease to fit, indicating that we need to change the way we eat and exercise. If we offend our friends and neighbors the sudden lack of communication from them often serves as a warning light. We see these signals. We know what they mean. Yet we often choose to ignore the lights. We find our own little pieces of paper and cover them up..  

For Christ-followers it is no different with sin. When we are tempted and when we face sin in our everyday lives, we are aware of what is happening. The Holy Spirit (ever the Gentleman) gives us little nudges like our own Jiminy Cricket. Before we ever offend that person, say those words, look at those pictures or covet our neighbor's wife, we think about it. We feel the Holy Spirit flashing the warning light. And then we make a decision. Am I going to stop right now and repair this situation? Or am I going to cover up the warning light and proceed on my own?

Sin is very seldom about "the devil made me do it!" Certainly Satan provides us with a myriad of temptations, but in truth sin is more often a decision we make even as the Holy Spirit reminds us of whose we are. We choose to cover up the warning lights. My question for us today is this: What is it we are using to block out the warning lights in our lives? If we know and understand our own thinking, we might be quicker to heed the warnings. Maybe you minimize: "Look at how much worse HIS sin is than mine!" And we hide the light. You might feel entitled: "I work so hard for my church, what difference will this one little sin make?" And we hide the light. We may feel discouraged and full of self-pity: "I have already screwed up so badly- what difference will one more sin make?  Nobody really cares what I do..." And we hide the light. After a while we forget the light is even there and our lives spin completely out of control. I've been there. It's a very scary thing. Life is much better when we heed the warning lights. The abundant life comes when we listen to the gentle nudges and the swift kicks in the butt of the Holy Spirit.

But when we do ignore God and we do sin, we must remember that there is one Light that cannot be hidden. John 1 tells us that the Light (Jesus) came into the world and the darkness cannot overcome it. There is no sin we can commit that will block out Jesus. There is nothing we can do to separate ourselves from the grace of God. We will, on occasion, yield to temptation and choose to sin. We will have all sorts of excuses and reasons as to why we made those decisions. But in the end, the Great Mechanic- Jesus the Christ- is always there to repair our broken lives. He does great work that gets us back on the right path. And the best part? It's not cheap, but it's always free.  Jesus already paid for it.

Because of Jesus,

Like a Sad Song

This blog often contains references to the amazing grace of God. I know that our sins are forgiven and forgotten in heaven because of the love of God whose name is Jesus. Despite my own sinful nature and notorious failures, it is that gift of God that defines me before the throne on God Almighty- not my past. I know and believe that God's love is all I need, because love is always enough. But every now and then I am reminded that this world does not forgive so easily, and that it very seldom (if ever) forgets.

Most of you reading this know my story of sin and failure over 7 years ago. You know that I confessed, repented and have started life over again in many ways. You know that I served a probation and was granted an early termination this past April, having done anything that was asked of me during my supervised time. Freedom was mine- or so it seemed. Since then there have been a series of disappointments and frustrations in my life because of that single act committed in late 2006. I try to stay positive, and I try to press on. But the world keeps tapping me on the shoulder and reminding me of my sin. And it makes me sad. It is hard to escape your past when the system keeps reminding you of the worst thing about you.

The most recent reminder came at the end of last week. One of our neighbors (whom I had talked to numerous times while we were out walking dogs) appeared at my door one morning and said she needed to talk to me. She and her husband (they are an older couple) are trying to sell their house and have had all kinds of problems. They are currently on the third potential buyer. She told me that they were all but signed on the dotted line when this latest prospect discovered that I lived in the neighborhood. And now they were going to back out. My mere presence was scaring them away. My neighbor had not known of my offense previously, and she was there to get details and reassurance in the hope that she could change they buyer's mind. She listened to my story, and like many of you have been she was amazed that I shared it so openly and so easily. It was her opinion that I had more than paid the price for my crime and have rehabilitated myself, but she was not the one who needed to be convinced. She left in the hopes that she had enough information to do just that.

She did not. She was back a few hours later asking a few more questions and getting the phone number of my last probation office so the buyer could call. This mother- at least I assume there were kids and that was the reason for her concern- was about to give up a beautiful home in a great neighborhood simply because I live there. And that, my friends, was a hard dose of reality to swallow. I am still awaiting word on their final decision.

It continues to amaze me that my presence on a list because of something that happened over 7 years ago can still cause such turmoil in my life, let alone in the lives of others. I am not on the list because of law enforcement or the judicial system, I am there at the whim of legislators who years ago decided to "protect" the public from people like me by lumping dozens of different types of offenders on one easy-to-hate list. Instead of offering protection, this has led to great confusion as no one can differentiate the truly dangerous from the sinfully stupid.  This is not just my opinion- it is the opinion of law enforcement officials and counselors all over the country. But no lawmakers listen, because standing up for the rights of an offender like me is political suicide. So despite the love and support of so many friends and family (and neighbors, I might add) and the knowledge that God loves me, there are days I feel like a monster. People are avoiding my neighborhood because I live there. My spirits are often most easily defined through music. And this makes me feel like a sad song...

There are things none of us can control once they happen. We deal with consequences both earned and undeserved that enter our lives and bring us joy or sorrow. The thing that we must remember- each and every one of us- is that none of these earthly sorrows have any impact on the love of God in our lives. Jesus loves us no matter who we are, no matter what we have done and no matter what the world may say to us. Even as I struggle with feelings of sadness and inadequacy I can feel the arms of God wrapped around me, reminding me that He will never leave nor forsake me. My family and friends are by my side. And so despite feeling like a sad song, the song in my heart remains one of hope- because God's love is always enough. To continue this week's theme, I've gotta' keep pressing on...

Because of Jesus,

Real Christians Don't Curse (A Rant)

A while back I observed a conversation on Twitter that simply amazed me. A minor "Christian Celebrity" had used the word "ass" in a tweet- and he didn't mean donkey. This drew a number of responses. Some just laughed. Several people jokingly chastised him. A few others lightly reprimanded him. And then came the doozy. He was asked if he was still a Christian- because as the writer pointed out, "Real Christians don't curse."

Really? So that's what it comes down to? That's what our faith is all about? We believe that God sent His only Son to live among us, to teach us how to love, to bring us a new covenant, to die for our sins and to rise from the dead so that we could live out this eternal truth among our fellow human beings- "Real Christians don't curse."

There are words that I find terribly offensive, and I very seldom use them. They are words that humans choose to give a special foul significance to, for there is no biblical list of banned words. When Jesus commanded us to "Swear not at all" He was speaking about always telling the truth and not swearing on the Bible or your first born son- "Let your yes be yes and your no be no!" The 3rd Commandment tells us not to take the LORD's name in vain, but as the late Rich Mullins used to say what that really means is to not take the meaning out of God's name. That's what "in vain" means. If Rich was right, then a "GD" is no more offensive to God than an "OMG." Either way, we are using the name of God without meaning. But this post is not a referendum on cursing and swearing (or cussin'- I'm from NC ya'll!), and if you think that is the issue here- well, you are just proving my point that we are missing the point. 

"Real Christians don't curse."  How did we arrive at this? What was the historic moment when our faith became about the things we don't do? I am so tired of reading about the things that Real Christians avoid. They don't drink. They don't gamble. They don't support gay marriage. They don't dance. Apparently they hate Obamacare and picture Jesus as some sort of Rambo look-alike. They don't serve those little wafers for Holy Communion because they are nasty. They don't curse. To the people who espouse such philosophy, Christianity is nothing but a list of laws that can be used to judge others. Another group once did that. They were called Pharisees - or as Jesus liked to call them, "a brood of vipers." Certainly, there are things that scripture commands us not to do. But Jesus came because we were not capable of keeping the law. If we could have done it on our own, Jesus would not have been necessary. So despite our best efforts, we sin. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak..."

I despise the phrase Real Christians (as it is usually accompanied by the undertone of "I am one and YOU are not!"), but there is a biblical definition- "Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as you love yourself." It's found in Matthew 22:36-40, and it's very clear. These are things Christians do. Wouldn't it be awesome if the news was filled with stories (and there are plenty of these stories to tell) of Christians taking care of the homeless, feeding the hungry and loving those who differ with us- instead of the usual *^&# about who we are against and what we are protesting? Because here's the deal- not doing things others may see as outwardly "sinful" and protesting the things that people who think like us are against are much easier than loving your neighbor. And Real Christians love.

Philip Yancey once wrote that "Christians get very angry with other Christians who sin differently than they do"- and that is soooo true. We love to throw stones. So next time you feel inclined to make an ass of yourself because another believer called someone an ass, go read John 8:1-8. Then lay down your stones, walk away without judging, and go share Jesus' love with that person and the world. There are times when we have to go to a neighbor and confront their sins, but it must be done in love. If we all did that when we encounter struggling and hurting people instead of passing judgement on whether their faith is real or not, our churches would not be able to hold the crowds that would show up on Sunday mornings. They would be so ready to meet the Jesus they had seen in our lives. And people whose lives reflect the radical love of Christ- those are the Real Christians.  It's the @#*! truth!  :) 

Because of Jesus, 

"You Ordered a Mess & You Got a Mess..."

This is the 3rd installment of a 3 part series. You may need to go back a couple of days to catch up...

I think I was in the 8th grade when some friends and I went to the local ice cream shop one afternoon to hang out and eat frozen goodies. My friend Becky ordered vanilla ice cream with caramel syrup on top. She expected to get it in a cup, but instead was handed a cone with caramel oozing down the sides. As Becky gasped in disbelief the server said to her, "You ordered a mess and you got a mess!~"

Around noon on March 21st, 2007, I found myself in a mess of my own making. The Waycross Police arrived at my home. I was out in the yard with our dog, Conner, when they pulled up. When I greeted them they asked me if I knew what they were there for. I said, "I would assume you're here to arrest me." I was right. They let me take Conner back inside and call Marilyn to tell her what was going on. They were the first of many to tell me I would be out on bond by the next morning. We walked to the car and I got in. They never touched me and never handcuffed me. And we headed off to the county jail.

Once inside, the mess kept getting bigger. I sat in a holding cell while 2 men threatened to kill each other and then me- and then were released without being booked. As they booked me there was a lengthy argument about whether my Internet conversation was a misdemeanor or a felony. A very helpful man from the GBI decided on felony. Then there was another discussion about where I should be housed for the one night (I heard it over and over again) I would be there. Since I knew absolutely nothing about prison life, they decided to give me a private cell on the high security wing for my own safety. They gave me an orange and white striped jump suit to put on. I'm 6'4" and nothing fit, so I wound up wearing what amounted to Capri pants- for the next 7 weeks. There were no bars on my cell, just a small concrete block room with no windows and a plexi-glass porthole in the heavy steel door. And it was freezing.  I'm almost never cold (ask anyone who ever visited one of my offices), but I FROZE that day and night. The ceiling was covered with globs of toilet paper that previous occupants had gotten wet and then tossed at the air vents hoping they would stick and block them. I had a bed that was way too short, 2 sheets and no pillow. And a towel. I used the towel for a blanket. I had no idea what time it was or what might happen next. In the middle of the night, one of the giant globs of TP fell from the ceiling and would have scared me to death- except that I was already that scared. 

The next morning they brought me breakfast, wrapped me in chains like I was the Frankenstein monster, and took me to a court room right there in the jail. Marilyn and my attorney were waiting for me there. This was when bail would be set and I could go home. But this mess of my own making just kept getting messier. The judge could not set bail in my case because his superior wanted to see me in court first. The Assistant D.A. said they were willing to set bail and process it with Judge Jackson (he has since passed away, but the name still makes me shiver) so I could get out immediately. Judge Jackson proceeded to sit on that bond request for 7 weeks, thus accounting for my time in jail. Along the way it became clear that I was going to be punished as much for being a Youth Pastor who had fallen as for the crime I had committed- and I understood that. I had disappointed so many people. I finally pled guilty to a plea bargain that kept me from serving 10 years in prison, and I instead received 10 years probation. I was banned from living in south Georgia (which everyone agrees is unconstitutional, but what are you gonna' do?  We were not going to stay there in any case.). And I was branded with a label (see What's Your Sign?) that could have made me a modern day leper. I would love to complain about the severity of my punishment, but it was a mess of my own making. I ordered a mess, and I got a mess....

Somehow, the love and grace of Jesus and my family rescued my soul in the days that followed, and now I live to love them and to praise Him. This blog (and later Twitter) has played no small role in my return to society and in my desire to once again find a ministry to serve in the name of Jesus. I am still unable to travel much and I live under many restrictions- but I do live! And I await direction from God on how I can best serve Him in the next phase of my life. The responses to my posts of the past 2 days have been so amazing and grace-filled, and I cannot say "thank you" often enough or loudly enough to those who have been so kind. However, if these revelations make it uncomfortable for you to call me a friend, read this blog or follow me on Twitter anymore, I understand. Thanks for travelling with me this far. May God's love and mercy be with you always. I know it has been with me...

Because of Jesus,

Confession

"We are not sinners because we sometimes sin.  We sin because we are all sinners."  -Brennan Manning

I don't really know how many of you were surprised by the news yesterday that I spent 7 weeks in jail in 2007. I know that many of my former youth and their parents have known my story for a long time. Many have shown me amazing grace and mercy, while others have removed themselves from my life. I understand this. It has to be difficult to understand how someone they trusted so much could have disappointed them so completely. There have been many hints from the very first day of this blog that there had been a great sin in my life that ended my ministry, and I know that a few of my friends and Twitter followers have "googled" me and learned my story in that way. In any case, I am going to spend two days bringing everyone up to speed on how I went from youth pastor to inmate. I didn't intend to tell this story until I reached the right point chronologically, but yesterday's revelation makes it feel like this is the time to tell you "the rest of the story." 

I have written here before that quite often we don't dive into a sin, we "nibble" our way to lostness. This was very true in my case. In the latter part of the 1990s I discovered the wonders of the Internet. I loved using e-mail and instant messages to stay in touch with the students in my ministry and with old friends from all over the country. In fact, I was recognized by my peers in student ministry for some of the creative ways I was using the web. As time went by I discovered chat rooms and met some wonderful new people. It all seemed so useful. There was, however, a dark side to the Internet- and I began to find it. As my work became more and more frustrating after a pastoral change and a move to a church where I had way too much free time, I began to "nibble." Soon I was having instant message chats with people I did not know. My issues were not pornography or trying to meet people offline. For me the sin was living in a fantasy world where no one knew who I was and no one had expectations of me. In that world I was not accountable to God or anyone else. Every so often God would convict me of this sin in my life and I would stop. But whenever life got tough, I would become weak. I never thought of anything I did as being illegal, but I knew it was a sin. I had stopped for a long period of time when my father passed away and I was leaving to take on a new ministry- BOTH on February 15, 2006. I then spent 6 months living by myself, waiting for school to end so my wife and son could move up and join me. During that time I began to nibble again...

In February of 2007 we had just returned from a great youth group ski trip- one where it actually snowed! I was very excited about the student ministry and the church I was serving in Waycross, GA. I was making plans for the summer, having already booked a house at Myrtle Beach and scheduled a CSM mission trip to Toronto. Things seemed great. My sin never kept me from doing my job. One afternoon I was at home alone when several local police officers and a car from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation (GBI) stopped by the house. They seized all of my computers (home & office) and questioned me about an instant message conversation I had participated in back in December. The other participant had identified themselves as a minor and I had kept talking. We shared a very brief chat and then I was called away- but not before I said things I should not have said. The "girl" I was speaking with turned out to be a retired police officer. They would search 3 computers and find nothing- no pictures,  no e-mails and no attempts to meet anyone. But I was guilty of that conversation, and I said so. Confession may be good for the soul, but it when it comes to the USAmerican legal system it's a stupid thing to do. Things fell apart quickly after that. I was first suspended and then fired from my job (even though the church staff stood by me and my family until the end). I had to tell my wife and son the whole story. They were, of course, very angry with me- but even in those first moments they showed me nothing but grace. Even if I had been innocent (and I wasn't) just the allegation of such immoral behavior would have cost me my career. The entire community became aware of the situation in a heartbeat. The youth were questioned to make certain I had never harmed them, and youth from previous stops along my journey were questioned as well. I was left to dwell on what I had done, pray for those I had hurt, and await the outcome of the investigation. I didn't have to wait too long. The story continues tomorrow...

Because of Jesus,

"You'd Have To Be Shocking Crazy..."

I was on a Tampa city bus this past Wednesday morning when I overheard a very loud conversation between two adults seated a few rows behind me.  Many of you know that I am no prude when it comes to language (although I seldom curse) but this was a bit over-the-top, even for me.  At nearly every place in their conversation where one would normally expect to find an adjective, noun, verb or an adverb you instead heard an "F-Bomb."  You know the word- it starts with an "F" and doesn't rhyme with motorcycle.  My Dad used to tell me that people who swear a lot are simply showing off how small their vocabulary actually is, and I thought about that as I listened.  I also thought about how in this day and time the "F-Bomb" has not only replaced real words, it has replaced other cuss words. It's no longer, "and then he ate the whole da*n thing," it's "and then he ate the whole F-Bomb thing."  It's no longer "WTH," it's now "WTF."  It used to be that "F-Bombs" had some shock value, but that is no longer really true.  They are too commonplace.  So as I sat and listened to what seems to be the most popular word in the English language, I began to contemplate how ridiculous it is that this foul four letter verb is now a substitute for so many things.  I wondered what it might sound like if we took another verb, one that is actually in the dictionary, and used it in the same manner.  For obvious reasons I chose the word "Shock."  Here is what one side of the conversation I was forced to hear would have sounded like had the guy been enlightened enough to use my word instead of his...

"Shock- you wouldn't believe the shocking *crap* I saw yesterday at the shocking doctor's office.  This shocking woman came in with a little baby- I mean shock, it couldn't have been more than 10 shocking months old.  It was crying like a shocking wolf or something, and she could not get it to shut the shock up.  I was just about to get the shock out of there when she shocking slapped the baby on it's tummy trying to make it shocking shut up. I thought, 'Shock this, I'm shocking outta here.'  But shock...it just kept getting shocking louder.  She finally laid the little shocker down on the shocking table and gave it a shocking bottle so it finally shut the shock up..."

Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?  The word (either of them) makes absolutely no sense in any of the contexts it is used in based on its' actual meaning.  And yet most of us hear the "F-Bomb" used that way nearly every day, either in life or in a book. movie or song.  It's just the way it is.  How did we get there?  How does something once seen as so foul and so evil become so acceptable?  That is the big question...

When I served at Springfield Friends Meeting (1986-1994) our pastor, Max Rees, had some cows he kept in a pasture about 30 minutes away from the church.  Those cows constantly got outside the fence designed to keep them in, and they often wandered across the road to find new grass.  It was very dangerous behavior.  I once asked Max why they kept trying to escape, and he shared the following information- cows don't mean to leave their pasture.  They just want to eat.  They wander from one tuft of grass to another seeking food, and if that leads them away from their pasture and into danger, so be it.  They don't mean to get lost.  They just nibble their way to "lostness."

Sin is the same way.  We often don't start off meaning to sin.  But we do...and then we nibble on the next sin.  And the next.  Until before long we are lost.  Same way with the F-Bombs.  People use them on occasion.  Then on more occasions.  Then it becomes their word of choice.  We nibble our way to "lostness."  But the good news is this- just like Max always went to rescue his cows, Jesus is always there to save us.  No matter how lost we get, his amazing grace brings us back to the pasture, where we are once again safe and loved.  This I know from personal experience- I have been so lost that I couldn't have found my own way back with a Hummer and a GPS.  I can't imagine living life without a Good Shepherd (or in this case, Good Cowboy) to watch over me.  It amazes me that some people, even knowing their options, choose guilt and condemnation over love and grace.  They prefer "lostness" to being found by the Savior.  They chose to live life without Jesus.  Wow.  I just can't imagine.  I think you'd have to be shocking crazy...

Because of Jesus,

Warning Lights

I heard a story this week that seemed to be worth sharing.  A friend of mine (we'll call him John, 'cause that's his name!) was driving across Tampa when a light came on in his car warning him that there was a problem with his brakes.  He had major work done on the braking system less than a year earlier, so this little light really irritated him.  The further he drove the more irritated he got.  Finally, he folded up a piece of paper until it was just big enough to cover up the warning light, and he positioned it so he would no longer see the light.  Feeling much better, he continued his journey. For the next 3 days he drove with that piece of paper covering the warning light.  Then this past Tuesday as he started out for a meeting, John stepped on the brake- and discovered that it no longer worked.  He was able to avoid traffic and use the emergency brake to stop the car, so no one was hurt.  But it really put the fear of God into John as he hopelessly swerved to a stop.  His car is getting new brakes even as I write this.

Life comes with warning lights.  If we have health problems our body will signal to us that we need to see a doctor.  If we have weight problems our clothes cease to fit, indicating that we need to change the way we eat and exercise.  If we offend out friends and neighbors the sudden lack of communication from them often serves as a warning light.  We see these signals.  We know what they mean.  Yet we often choose not to see the lights.  We find our own little pieces of paper and cover them up..  

For Christians, it is no different with sin.  When we are tempted,when we face sin in our everyday lives, we are aware of what is happening.  The Holy Spirit, (ever the Gentleman) gives us little nudges like our own Jiminy Cricket.  Before we ever offend that person, say those words, look at those pictures or covet our neighbor's wife, we think about it.  We feel the Holy Spirit flashing the warning light.  And then we make a decision.  Am I going to stop right now and repair this situation?  Or am I going to cover up the warning light and proceed on my own?

Sin is very seldom about "the devil made me do it!"  Sin is more often a decision we make even as the Holy Spirit reminds us of whose we are.  We choose to cover up the warning lights.  My question for us today is this:  What is it we are using to block out the warning lights in our lives?  If we know and understand our own thinking, we might be quicker to heed the warning lights.  Maybe you minimize: "Look at how much worse HIS sin is than mine!"  And we hide the light.  You might feel entitled:  "I work so hard for my church, what difference will this one little sin make?"  And we hide the light.  We may feel discouraged and full of self-pity:  "I have already screwed up so badly- what difference will one more sin make?  Nobody really cares what I do..."  And we hide the light.  After a while we forget the light is even there, and our lives spin completely out of control.  I've been there.  It's a very scary thing.  Life is much better when we heed the warning lights.  The abundant life comes when we listen to the Holy Spirit.

But even in our sin, we must remember that there is one Light that cannot be hidden.  John 1 tells us that the Light (Jesus) came into the world and the darkness cannot overcome it.  There is no sin we can commit that will block out Jesus.  There is nothing we can do to separate ourselves from the grace of God.  We will, on occasion, choose to sin.  We will have all sorts of excuses and reasons as to why we made those decisions.   But in the end, the Great Mechanic- Jesus the Christ- is always there to repair our broken lives.  He does great work that gets us back on the right path.  And the best part?  It's not cheap, but it's always free.  Jesus already paid for it.

Because of Jesus,

Hard Days

It seems like several times a year I have to do things that remind me how much my life has changed in the past four years.  Every now and then all of the reminiscing I do as I write this blog slaps me and reminds me of why I am writing a blog instead of still doing ministry in a church.  I am reminded of my own past sins and failures.  I look at pictures, books, my guitar and other reminders of days gone by- and I am saddened.  I try to spend those days in prayer and focusing on the amazing grace that rescued me and brought me to this place. But sometimes the past is a ghost that cannot be so easily swept away.  Those are very hard days- and today is one of them.  And it's a Monday.  Instead of moping, I will leave you with some lyrics from the late Dan Fogelberg's 1974 song Souvenirs.  The song is actually about surviving memories of lost love.  For me, student ministry is just that- a lost love.  And as wonderful as my 28 years of memories are, the loss still hurts. But God is still in His heaven and Jesus is still LORD, and this day will pass.  I'll be back tomorrow with some more memories of the tremendous blessings I have received in my life.  Have a blessed day, and never take anything or anyone for granted...

And down in the canyon

The smoke starts to rise.

It rides on the wind

Till it reaches your eyes.

When faced with the past

The strongest man cries...cries.

And here is a sunrise

To set on your sill.

The ghosts of the dawn

Moving near.

They pass through your sorrow

And leave you quite still...

Sitting among souvenirs.

Because of Jesus,

365- And Counting!

Happy birthday to Heather Beggs Varner and Jill Gilbreth Bryant!  Thanks to Heather and her 18 month countdown to her 16th birthday, I will never forget this date!

Today is the final day of my first year of blogging.  Tomorrow we will celebrate the first birthday of I'd Laugh with a slide show that offers a look back (the picture is of me, looking back- almost 28 years ago!  Wild, huh?) at my 28 years of student ministry.  Join us- I promise it will be memorable.  As I have said before,  if you were part of my youth groups or active at Quaker Lake when I worked there, you will see people you know and you may well see yourself.   There are nearly 150 pictures that will splash before your eyes in just over 7 minutes.  Lots and lots of wonderful people...

I have decided to continue blogging past my one year goal because I enjoy it, and because there is still much to tell about my life and ministry.  If you had asked me in the summer of 1999 (which is about where we are in my history at this point in the blog) what else I had to learn about life and being a follower of Jesus, I probably would have said, "not much."  I thought, having been married for 13 years (with a 4 year old son) and been in ministry for over 20 that I had a pretty firm grip on my life and my faith.  As it turns out, not so much!  I actually had no grip on much of anything.  Fortunately, Jesus still had a grip on me.  Going forward, there will still be plenty of stories about the wild, wacky, wonderful world of student ministry.  We will follow my professional path from Kissimmee to Chicago, back to Tampa and up to Waycross.  I will also give you a deeper look at the struggles of a man of God (me) as he deals with everyday life.  It's not always pretty.  I started to believe my own press clippings and thought I was doing some amazing things for God.  That is not how it works.  God was doing some amazing things through me.  When you think like that, sometimes Satan gets the upper hand.  But no matter the struggles and no matter the failures, Jesus will still be there.  Listen to these words of the Apostle Paul from 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 (The Message): 

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.

That's me in 2010- sometimes battered and thrown down, but never broken.  So keep reading and I promise that more than ever this blog will point to Jesus.  I never thought after a year of writing every day that I would still have anything left to say- I was just praying to last the entire year!  As it turns out, Jesus is not finished with me yet.  I hope that you and all of your friends will be here tomorrow, watching the video and leaving lots of comments.  Thanks for sharing in this journey with me.

Because of Jesus,

Moon Shine

Today at 2:26AM our dog, Conner, decided he needed to go outside.  He rarely does that in the middle of the night so I thought it must be important. I got up with him and took him for a short walk.  As we walked, I looked around and noticed how black the sky seemed with no moon to light it up. From there, my thoughts wandered to a news story I had seen just before bed that showed a bazillion people in line to see the new Twilight movie, New Moon.  This fascination with the moon changed my blog for today- and not just so I can tie in with the latest national phenomenon!

Many of you who are reading this blog have been more than kind with your words about my efforts here.  Whether in comments, signing the guestbook, e-mails or notes to Marilyn on Facebook, your words have been encouraging and supportive, and I cannot thank you enough.  This "thank you," however, comes with some words of caution.  These stories and recollections are being shared here NOT to remind people of things I accomplished or lives I may have touched. This blog exists so that these stories can continue to honor the Amazing Grace that Jesus brings to our lives. My life has been special- but there is nothing special about me.  I have sinned, I have lied, I have hurt people I love and I have disappointed people who counted on me. The same is true for most of us. We are a fallen people who are rescued by the grace of God whose name is Jesus.  If I have made a difference in lives or in this world, it is because at times I have been willing to be a Moon.  I once heard Louie Giglio point out that just like our moon, I can produce no light on my own.  Left to my own devices I can do precious little good.  I have made an impact on the lives of others at those times when I have been ready to realize I can never "shine" on my own.  The sun (Son) shines- the moon is merely a reflection of that light.  When I have allowed Jesus to shine through me- when I have been a reflection of His love and grace- we have been able to accomplish wonderful things in His name.  It's that simple.

So please, keep the comments coming.  I am glad so many of you share my fond memories of our history together.  But just remember as you do so that it is not about me- it's all about Jesus!  We are all called to SHINE- we just need to trust the power source.  Get out there today and moon somebody- well, you know what I mean!!!  Have a blessed weekend...

Because of Jesus,