LOST!

Sometimes our journey down the #NarrowRoad is a tricky one, even if we have directions and a GPS system. Witness the following account...

This past Sunday morning began slowly at the Jones' house. Our friend Lisa had spent the night with us after having a rough day on Saturday, and the plans for the day were uncertain. She and Marilyn had originally planned to go to Disney for the day, but they were both afraid Lisa was not quite up to that adventure even though she was feeling better. But we all wanted to get out of the house for a while. So I suggested we take a trip to the Shops at Wiregrass, a large outdoor shopping center located about 35 minutes away. It was a beautiful day and that sounded like a plan, so around noon we prepared to leave. As I was opening the garage it suddenly occurred to me that we didn't know exactly how to get there, so I returned to the computer and did a MapQuest. After originally being told it was in New Port Richey (and knowing that was untrue)  we tried again and got directions. We were off an running on our grand adventure. And we had no idea what lay ahead of us...

We followed the prescribed route to I-275 north and then to exit 59 for highway 56. The MapQuest told us not to go right or left, but to follow 56 towards Tarpon Springs for 7.7 miles, then to make a U-turn and our location would be on our right. We were enjoying the ride, having merry conversations and playing Skittle until we began to fear something was not right. We had traveled too far and still not seen the intersection that was supposed to warn us we had gone too far. Now doubting our printed directions, I turned on my phone GPS and discovered Google Maps said our destination was still 20 minutes away. That made no sense, but we kept driving. The cell signal was cutting in and out as we made our way through exciting Pasco County, but we finally reached that moment every man dreads. We stopped to ask for directions. As we did my signal suddenly reappeared, and it told us we were now 24 minutes away- in the WRONG direction! So we U-turned (not the U-turn from the original directions!) and started back east. My GPS suddenly told us to take a left turn- on a road we had passed several miles back. This was insane, so I killed the GPS and went rogue- following road signs! But we decided that the mistake had actually happened way back when we exited I-275 and went left towards Tarpon Springs. We went back, crossed over the highway, and found the Shops at Wiregrass about a mile down the road. It should have been so simple. We did everything right. We had the technology. We followed the directions. And it took us nearly an hour and a half to make a 35 minute trip. And all to go to a glorified mall. There were many reasons to be upset and miserable. But we weren't.

In fact, the entire messed-up adventure became a wonderful distraction and a great story. We were talking and laughing about silly things and happy moments. We grabbed some lunch at Panera, the first real meal Lisa had eaten a a couple of days. We wandered around outdoors, basking in a beautiful October afternoon in Florida. There was shopping, laughing and a bit of rare serenity as we spent the day together. Though we arrived at our destination in a totally unexpected way, we did arrive- and the trip was so much more than we could have anticipated when we began.

The #NarrowRoad is often much like our Sunday afternoon. We think we know where Jesus wants us to go. We do what we think are the right things and follow what we think are the right directions. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we end up LOST. We aren't the people we want to be, and reaching that destination requires altering our routes, rebooting our GPS systems and making big and sometimes unexpected U-turns. The life Jesus calls us to is not a path this world understands, and so the maps we follow are often out-of-date and incomplete. We far too often count on our own abilities and expect to "arrive" because we are good people who know the right things to do. It's just never that simple. And so many times the best lessons and the greatest moments occur when we are lost and wandering. I tweeted last week that the hardest days often come with the biggest blessings- if only we will see them. I believe that. We prefer our lives to be simple and easy. But the truth is our joy often comes from overcoming obstacles. There is fear and frustration in being LOST. But there is sooooo much joy in being FOUND!!!

One last thought. As we have told this story to other family and friends over the last couple of days, Lisa has always ended it by saying that we drove straight home- and it was very anti-climactic. She is so right. We say it often, but it is so true- when traveling the #NarrowRoad, do not miss the joy in the journey. There is much to be learned from being LOST!

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: The Sawshack Redemption

Today's Flashback Friday tale is a rarely told story from my 18 months spent as the Director of Student Ministries at the Union Church of Hinsdale, Illinois.  

Greg and Chris were members of the Work Tour 2000 team, but they were not your typical Union Church of Hinsdale youth. They did not come from great wealth like many of the students did.  Both of them actually seemed more at home in Dungannon, VA than they did in Hinsdale. They both had a bit of redneck in them. They were also two of the students who had surprised me so much with the smoking and the swearing on the trip east (see You Have Got To Be Kidding Me). So it came as no surprise to me when they volunteered to work on in the falling down utility shack that was out behind the mobile home we were working on. They would be doing two major tasks out there- sawing lumber for other projects and cleaning out the shed itself. The building itself quickly became known as The Sawshack (Pictured: not the actual Sawshack, but a smaller version that looks quite a bit like it!). It would be the site of a lot of hard work- and more than a few adventures.

In the early part of the week much of the team became very frustrated with the Sawshack crew. It seemed you could never find them when you needed them, and it was taking way too long to get sawing jobs done. They seemed to be playing with the junk in the shack more than they were cleaning things out. David (the primary adult leader on this trip- I had only been in town for one month) had words with the two boys but nothing seemed to motivate them. Then one afternoon (I think Tuesday) while we were working on the "great wall" (see I Got It...I Don't Got It...Bzzzzzz) in the trailer, I heard a loud crashing noise, some screaming and some hysterical laughter. I went running into the living room to find one of the windows smashed to pieces. No one was hurt (praise God!) but there was glass everywhere. I looked through the broken window into the back yard, and there stood the boys. None of us could believe what we were seeing. They had found an old skeet launcher (as used in skeet shooting) in the shack. And some skeet. Curious to see if it still worked, they had dragged it out in the yard, loaded a skeet, and pulled. It worked- and now a window was missing. And they thought it was hilarious.

I was livid. A family of 5 was living in that trailer, which now had air conditioning that it did not need. While others started cleaning up the mess and preparing to go shopping for a window, I took the boys out to the shack where we had a "come to Jesus" meeting. It was explained to them that the money for the window would come out of their pockets. I impressed upon them the fact that everyone else was trying so hard to be of service to this family, while they seemed intent on making things worse. They were told that from that point on I wanted them anchored to the saw; there would be no more smoking breaks (I was certain they had been sneaking off to light up- and I was right) and no more goofing off. It was time for them to step up and be part of this team. Most students who have ever been a part of any of my groups will tell you that I don't get angry often, but when I do, it is ugly. This was one of those times. They met Hulk Jones very early into our time together...and they didn't like me when I was angry!

For the rest of that trip, Chris & Greg were hard workers, great team members and model citizens. The Sawshack became a place where work was done quickly and accurately. Their work ethic and and attitudes changed so much that it became known as The Sawshack Redemption. The grace that was shown them by the family and the rest of our team made a huge difference, not only on that trip but in their participation in youth activities after we returned to Hinsdale. Over time, the indoor skeet shooting became legendary and something we could laugh about. Grace does that- it turns our worst actions into things we can live with, because we understand God loves us anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to share another except from Even Better Than Before. I hope you all have a blessed and grace-filled weekend!

Because of Jesus,

In Student Ministry, the Small Things Matter

I'm spending today with Lisa Jewett as she takes her first chemo treatment. Prayers are appreciated.

It is hard to believe that for 28 years hundreds of students chose to share their lives with the insane man shown dancing at a 60's Revival Night at TNT (Springfield Friends Meeting) in the early 1990's. But they did. Over the years of my ministry there were many big events and earth-shaking moments that I have written about in the pages of this blog. Today I want to take a look back at 10 moments that were perhaps a little more "under the radar," but that were significant to me. They made me laugh, cry or scream- or sometimes all three! In no particular order, here they are:

10)  Now Batting for Jesus-  For many years, beginning in the 1970's at New Garden Friends Meeting, I had been involved with youth groups leading Easter Sunrise services.  In 1995 we continued that tradition when the youth group led the service down by the lakefront in Kissimmee. We had a skit planned in which Matt Wheeler was to play Jesus. It was one of those years when daylight savings time began on Easter Sunday, and Matt didn't wake up in time. We had to "pinch hit" for Jesus at the last moment...and I am pretty sure we struck out!!!
9)  Cursing for Christmas-  One year around 1980 the youth group from New Garden went Christmas caroling. With us was a young woman named Pam, who attended a different school than any of the rest of kids and often felt a bit excluded. Pam had a gorgeous singing voice, and so trying to help her "fit in" I asked her to lead the singing. Pam had new retainer in her mouth that she was still adjusting to wearing, and it gave some words a slight slur. When we sang the holiday classic Silver Bells things got a little dicey. It sounded to all the world like she was singing, "It's Christmas time in the shi**y" instead of "in the city." We all had a great laugh, including Pam, and it was her welcome to the youth group moment. She went on to become one of that group's real leaders. Another case of an OOPS leading to something good.
8)  "Wuv...Twue Wuv"-  I cannot express how much it meant to me when Nate Hill and Amber Herrick came to me and asked me to officiate their weddings, years after I had been their youth pastor. It was two different weddings- they didn't marry each other...that would have just been weird!  :)  I also was blessed to do the service for Ken Jewett, and then in later years for Kathryn Martin and Jennifer Gastler. Such an honor.
7)  I Hear That A Lot-  A young woman came into my office at the Union Church of Hinsdale in 2000, crying and distraught. She was 16, had just wrecked her car for the third time, and daddy was refusing to buy her a THIRD new Porsche. I didn't need Toto to tell me I wasn't in Kansas anymore...
6)  SURPRISE!-  At the request of their parents, I helped put together surprise 16th birthday parties for best friends Heather Beggs and Keri Vinson in the youth room at Springfield Friends Meeting. The parties were just months apart and involved a lot of the same people, yet somehow they were both surprises. I loved being involved in the lives of the students I served. I will never forget that Heather's birthday is August 25th. She only gave us 18 months of weekly notices leading up to her 16th!
5)  Wet 'N' Wild-  Another Easter Sunrise in Kissimmee, another daylight savings time fiasco. The city forgot to reset the timers on the automatic sprinklers by the lakefront gazebo, and they came on during our service.  A mass baptism was held that day...
4)  Hide, It's the Cops!-  One more Easter Sunrise story, this one from Tampa. For reasons I never understood (for once the OOPS was not mine!), we decided to have the youth Praise Band play at an outdoor service in front of the church at 7 AM. It was great for passing traffic to see; it was not so great for the sleeping neighbors to hear. The police stopped by to inform of us of the complaints. We lived next door to the church, and I think one of the calls was from Marilyn...
3)  More Weddings-  I was privileged to sing in a number of weddings over the years, including those of former youth and co-workers. To Ken & Gilly, Holly & Mark, Matt & Kristin, Mike & Rebecca, Debbie & Tommy, Beth & Bob, Claudia and all the others- thank you for letting me be a part of your special day. And for those whose weddings I was able to attend, thank you for the invitations.  It was always a "lump in my throat" kind of feeling to see friends beginning a new chapter of life.
2)  We Found A Friend-  While I was visiting Kissimmee from Chicago the week after attending Lisa Kraus's wedding, Amber Herrick called me about she and Chrissy Weaver coming by my motel to see me. I asked if my other "Angel," Lauren Carr, might also be coming. Amber said there had been a falling out (one of hundreds!) between them and they hadn't spoken in a while. When they stopped by a bit later, Lauren was with them.  It was so cool that they had reconnected over my visit. We then walked across the highway to Friendly's and had an amazing visit, with a conversation I will never forget. No matter how hard I try...   :)
1)  Every Single Time-  Each time one of my students, parents or co-workers came into my office to talk to me about life, it was a sacred moment for me. There are many stories to tell, but I will not tell them, because they were often deeply personal and intense. They were sometimes scary. Many times they were hilarious (Once in Tampa both the male and the female in a high school relationship came to me separately. They both wanted to break up.  Neither knew how to do it without "hurting" the other.  I could not make this stuff up!). But no matter the topic or the reason for the visit, each time anyone trusted me enough to come to me with their joys and concerns, I felt humbled and honored. And no matter how many big trips and huge events I was a part of, it was those moments that are closest to my soul as a servant of God. I just hope my prayers were of more use than the little bits of wisdom I had. And I am so glad that many still know that I am here if you need me. As the Stellar Kart song says, "remember you've got me and Jesus..."  And thank God it's mostly Jesus!

Because of Jesus,

The Week Long One Day Choir Tour

Andrew Lewis was a fixture at FUMC-Kissimmee by the time I arrived in 1994. Over the years he served the church as organist, interim youth pastor and eventually Director of Music and Worship. He also directed the youth choir (first called Celebration Singers and later nUsong) during my tenure and often helped with other youth activities as well. Andrew was (is!) a great guy, a wonderful musician, and one of my best friends during the Kissimmee years. We started making plans as early as 1995 to try and do a youth choir tour as a part of our summer ministries, but it didn't come together until June 20-27, 1998. This is the story of that tour- a short story!

Andrew had nUsong ready to hit the road and sing. Our youth worship band (which I called Spicy Bean Burrito; they actually had no name) was ready to rock. We had skits prepared, roadies to help us set up the sound equipment and drivers for the vans. My job was to find us places to play. The first stop was easy; I booked us on a Sunday morning at my old stomping grounds, Springfield Friends Meeting in High Point, NC.  Two of our youth, Jill and Erica Souther, got us a gig on that Sunday night at an outdoor venue in Wilkes County, NC, sponsored by a church their relatives attended. I had a possibility of a host church for Tuesday, and on Wednesday we were to go to my uncle's church near Raleigh. On Friday we were to be back in the Greensboro area at another Friends Meeting. Things were coming together- that is, until they completely fell apart!

By the time we left Kissimmee, there was nothing left of our choir tour but the two Sunday events. We would spend the rest of the week travelling around, calling people and begging them to let us come sing, and trying to fill the days. Those two worship events were wonderful; unfortunately they were the only two we played all week. It was quite a disappointment for the group, and I was miserable, knowing I had let everyone down. Because of all the free-time, some of the relationships in the group became a little strained as the week went on, and there were two youth (now a lovely married couple) I thought we might ditch at a gas station in Georgia; but we all survived. Don't get me wrong, we had plenty of fun that week. We visited Carowinds (see picture at top) in Charlotte, made a stop in Myrtle Beach, played lots of Spoons and loved being together. But the bottom line was I failed the group, and we didn't get to do many of the things we had prepared so hard to accomplish. We had wanted to bring Jesus to people in a fresh, exciting way, and we did. But only twice. We were the first (only?) live rock band to play worship at Springfield Friends, so we had that going for us, but all-in-all I consider it a major OOPS in my career. And I felt really bad for Andrew, who had wanted the tour to happen for so long. When I pick my all-time  church staff in a future posting, you can bet Andrew will be in that group. I just have to figure out which job to give him...

There is one final epilogue to this story that has been mentioned here before. All of the playing of Spoons that helped fill the long hours we spent in motels became quite competitive. It became fashionable for the losers in these games (GASP!  There was gambling on a youth trip?) to have to do something embarrassing. One such loser had to run up and down the hall outside her room with only a towel wrapped around her. A few years later, at her Senior Roast, an 8x10 full color picture (albeit a bit blurry) of her running in that towel showed up. I still have that picture. I don't know how often Cyndi Reep Browning reads this blog, but if you are out there, Reep, that picture is safe- for now!  I know I have threatened you with it before, but the time draws near! The rest of you may want to warn her...

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: Puppets, Red Flags & Black Holes

Puppets still make me nervous...

Today's Flashback Friday post takes a look back at one of the weirdest weekends of my life. And the worst job interview ever!

Every now and then I read a few posts and tweets that talk about the ups and downs of seeking employment as a youth pastor. I have even received a couple of requests asking me what to look for when interviewing with a church. I tell them to pray that God would direct their steps as they seek out a new ministry. They are also warned to beware of Red Flags. What do those Red Flags look like? Here is one example from my past, originally posted in September of 2010. Welcome to the Black Hole of youth ministry...

One of the churches that caught my attention in my 1999 job search was a United Methodist church that advertised that they were located in Cincinnati. From what I had been able to discern, they were a growing church with a solid youth ministry that had never had a full-time youth pastor. I spoke with a woman who (along with her husband) was heading up their search effort, and several things about the position resonated with me. After being dazzled by the New Orleans offer and the relentless pursuit of Dr. Tommy Dunbar, I felt good about this church. God was leading me to explore this ministry. I accepted their offer to fly me up for an interview.

In retrospect, there were a few warning signs before ever boarding the plane. It turned out the church was in the suburbs of Cincinnati, but was actually located in Kentucky. It bothered me that no one in the church seemed to be claiming Kentucky as home. It also seemed a bit odd that I was going to visit this church but had yet to speak with the pastor. I passed that off as a Search Committee doing a good job; I would meet the pastor upon arrival. The emailed me an agenda for the weekend less than 24 hours before my departure, and conspicuously absent from it was any opportunity to meet any of the youth. It just all seemed a bit weird to me. And finally, I arrived at the airport only to discover that the Cincinnati, Ohio airport is also in Kentucky. Everything just seemed a bit off.

The pastor (his name was Paul- I only remember that because I prayed for him for months afterwards...) met me at the airport and drove me to a restaurant. On the way there, he explained to me that he had been cut out of the loop on the entire youth pastor hiring process because he opposed hiring anyone. Red Flag #1  He felt like the church could not afford a new full-time staff person. Red Flag #2  He explained to me that the couple who were heading up the search committee had been the volunteer youth leaders for several years and had no intentions of leaving- they just felt they needed more help. Red Flag #3  We arrived at the restaurant and he dropped me off and left. And that was my last real conversation with Paul until I called him after I returned home.

Lunch was with several adults associated with the youth ministry, and it was pleasant enough. Afterwards we went to the home of the couple in charge and sat around their house talking about the future of student ministry at their church. The backbone of the ministry had been a Puppet Ministry, which they led- and neither wanted nor needed help with. Red Flag #4   It was their pride and joy, and really (their words) "the only thing that mattered." The job of a new youth pastor would be to run all of the "day to day" stuff while they focused on the puppets. There was no need for mission trips- the puppet ministry took care of that. Red Flag #5  There was no possibility for trips of any kind- all of the money went to puppet team. Red Flag #6  In fact, a huge part of my task would be to raise money for the puppet team. BIG HONKIN' RED FLAG #7  And on it went, never getting any better. When I started to ask questions and mentioned the concerns Paul had shared with me, they told me not to worry about it. They already had enough votes on the Staff-Parish (HR in a UMC) Committee to have him moved the next June. He was a lame duck. Red Flag #8  By the time we went to the church for my interview my only real question was "Can I fly out tonight?" It was awful. The committee confirmed that the new youth pastor would basically work for them. Red Flag #9  And finally, as I by now suspected, the salary that had been discussed originally was off the table. They were offering me less that I was making at FUMC-Kissimmee. Red Flag #10  Ten red flags and absolutely no contact with the youth. This place was a student ministry Black Hole, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

The worship service the next morning was wonderful. It turns out that Paul was quite a preacher, and very innovative as well. I got several ideas that morning that were used a number of times later on and which prevented the trip from being a total waste of time. By the time my plane left Kentucky that afternoon, they knew I was not interested in the job- and a few of them knew why. I did call Paul when I got home to warn him of the"coup d'etat" being planned against him and to tell him he would remain in my prayers. The whole thing was quite a mess, and for that one weekend working with  The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named didn't seem quite so bad. But it only took one day back in the office to remind me that they were. So the search continued and eventually took me Chicagoland. But that's another story...

Because of Jesus,

TBT: My Night With Barney Fife

One of the interesting things about living across the street from Springfield Friends Meeting for 8 years had to do with the church's alarm system. Each evening either Max Rees (the senior pastor who also lived across the street from the church) or myself would set the alarm using a key pad. This system would sound a very loud siren if anyone opened a door or if motion was detected in certain areas inside the facility. More nights than I can recount, usually around 2 AM, the alarm would go off. Over the years we determined it was often set off by mice in the building. Regardless of the reason, anytime the siren sounded Max and I would respond. Strangely enough answering middle-of-the-night security alarms was in neither of our job descriptions, but we always responded. We would turn off the alarm and wait for the police to respond. They would check the building, find nothing, and we would reset the system and go home. 

One particular night I responded to an alarm by myself and awaited the High Point Police Department. Two very young deputies arrived and were determined to search the building from top to bottom. I went with them to show the way, since they seemed determined NOT to turn on any lights. As we headed down the first hall towards the worship room, one of them thought he heard something- and pulled his gun. I could almost hear him saying "this is bigger than big Andy- big ain't the word for it!" They told me to stay in the hall and they proceeded to check out the noise- and "Deputy Fife" had his gun out the entire time. They found nothing, and as they came out and continued to search I asked if the gun was really necessary. I explained it would be much easier to tell the congregation about a stolen VCR or a broken window than to explain a shooting or a blood stain in a Quaker meetinghouse. Despite my protest,the gun remained out.

We headed downstairs and into the Youth Room. Shining a flashlight and holding a gun, "Deputy Fife" led us through the old kitchen and pushed open the swinging doors that led to our basement space. Suddenly he screamed "FREEZE!" and was down on one knee, his pistol pointed towards the far wall. He told me to hit the lights, so I did. As the lights came up, we discovered our overzealous deputy had gotten the drop on a life-size cardboard stand-up of Christian musician Michael W. Smith. Fortunately he didn't fire, and since MWS was unarmed, the episode ended peacefully. The search was discontinued and the HPPD officers left without much conversation. "Deputy Fife" never responded to one of our alarms again, at least not while I was at Springfield. Perhaps, like the character on The Andy Griffith Show, they had to take away his bullet...

Throwback Thursday: A Youth Ministry "Oops!"

Let me begin by saying that it seemed like a good idea at the time. Simple, innocent and funny is what we were going for. In retrospect, it was probably doomed to disaster from the very beginning. This story is true, although my memory may be faulty. If you were there, please comment with your additions and corrections!

David Tebbs, the Youth and Christian Education Director of North Carolina Yearly Meeting in the mid 1980's was leaving that position at the end of the 1987 FUM Triennial Sessions. After a rocky start, David was someone I had come to like and respect a great deal. He was a strong Christian and someone who had brought great spiritual depth to the youth programs of NCYM. David was also someone we loved to harass. His shy, conservative demeanor and his appearance reminded us of the great Pat Boone (without the white shoes!), and he embarrassed and blushed quite easily. It seemed to us that we needed to give him a proper farewell at the end of Triennials, and if we could see that famous blush, so much the better!

The "we" in this case consisted of Tom Klaus from Iowa Yearly Meeting and Brent Bill from Western Yearly Meeting- and myself. Both Tom and Brent held the same position as David in their respective Yearly Meetings, and both were published writers who held a level of respect among the Quakers gathered in Greensboro that week. I was just hanging out with them because I had known them for a while and because we had way too much fun when we were together. The three of us brainstormed what we could do to "get" David, and somehow, at someones suggestion, decided to bring a belly dancer into one of the final sessions of the event. My memory is that Tom made the call (and since I know Brent reads this on occasion, I will place the blame on Tom) and ordered the dancer. He explained that this was for a pastor, in front of a couple of hundred young people, and that it was imperative that she be a G-rated belly dancer. It was all set, and we were excited to see just how red David's face could be!

We met the dancer backstage and she looked great- a true belly dancer with all the bells and whistles!  We again confirmed who she was there for and that it needed to be a conservative performance. We sat David in a chair, made some sort of introduction, and brought her out. There were hoots and hollers, and David turned bright pink before she ever started. But then she began to dance- and our jaws dropped. If this dance was G-rated, we DID NOT want to see PG!  She was all over David, and the atmosphere became very tense. From off stage the three amigos began sharing with each other how much we had enjoyed youth ministry and discussing what our next careers might be. It was awful. We looked out at the crowd, which was divided into three camps. The youth were loving it. The adults who had come over for this special occasion were mortified. David's wife was ready to faint. As it all ended, we considered making a break for it before the lynching started, when a small miracle saved us. David's father, Jack, a well respected pastor himself, was standing, laughing and clapping. Others who had been planning our demise also began to smile. Even David's wife was laughing. Our jobs (and lives) were spared!  We were forgiven to the point that Brent came and spoke for the youth of NCYM that August, and I went to Iowa to speak the following summer. But for a few minutes, we thought it was the big OOPS...  As it turned out I had years to go and many smaller "oops" to experience before the big one. And to David Tebbs, wherever you are, I hope someone is reading this to you and making you blush!

Because of Jesus,

Magic Moments: The Flaming Bus

Magic Moments in student ministry can take many forms, including occasionally taking on legendary status. This story of a skit trip to West Virginia has been shared at least twice in the years I have been writing this blog, and it is still one of the most popular, It's today's #TBT and this week's Magic Moment! Enjoy!

We took a Ski Trip from Kissimmee to the mountains of West Virginia, North Carolina or Virginia every year from 1995-2000. To be completely honest, they all run together a bit and it is hard to remember what happened on any given trip. But I am certain that what you are about to read is true, even if it does sound like the plot from a terrible made-for-TV movie!

Our adventure begins in Princeton, WV, where we had arrived the day before after an all-night bus ride. We would be skiing at Winterplace, located about 8 miles north of our motel. All of our arrangements for the trip had been made through a company called Carolina Tours, a group that we knew well and trusted completely. A year or two before their representative Robert had saved our trip by moving the entire excursion from Boone, NC to Winterplace at the last minute- because Boone had no snow. This year we had a different problem. It was brutally cold. We were warned about what the wind and cold up on the mountain could do our skin and our health. We were warned to stay out for short runs and then visit the lodge often. We were not warned about what the intense cold would do to a Floridian bus! When we woke up and loaded the bus on our first day of skiing, our fearless drivers Dave and Vern were trying to warm the bus for us, but it just wasn't working. As we left the motel and tried to merge on to I-77, we discovered the heater was not the only problem we had. We couldn't accelerate. We moved onto the highway doing a robust 8 miles per hour. Dave pulled the bus over to the side of the road, hoping that letting it sit and run would thaw out the diesel fuel and get us going. It didn't. We continued on, and everyone on the bus was freezing. Our pace continued until we had to climb our first major hill, and the bus almost stopped moving. We once again pulled over to see if we could thaw out;  Vern left the bus and went to the woods by the roadside to relieve himself. He came back explaining how peeing outdoors in 10 degree weather was not a good idea! It took us over an hour and a half to drive the 8 miles to Winterplace that morning, but we got there. And we skied and had a great time, I am sure. But the fun was just beginning.

While the group was out on the mountain, Dave and Vern were talking to professional bus drivers who had driven to Winterplace that day about fixing our problem. They were told to add a very small amount of kerosene to the fuel mixture, and that this would help the diesel move through the engine more freely. They took the bus down to a gas station and added the kerosene, and drove back up- but they couldn't feel any difference. When we left Winterplace late that afternoon, the bus was a bit better but still very sluggish. As we headed south on I-77 to our motel, we felt a sudden jolt, and almost instantly we were moving at full speed again. The kerosene had worked, and all was right with our world!

About the same time,  Erin Augenblick yelled to me from her seat in the back of the bus that she thought she saw fire behind the bus. No one else had seen anything, and we were finally moving again, so we just ignored Erin. In fact, I believe we made fun of Erin. A few moments later we arrived back at our motel, and as the bus doors opened an SUV pulled up next to us and out jumped Robert, our Carolina Tours friend. He looked panicked about something, and began asking me if I had seen "them." I am sure I looked confused, so he began to explain. He had been behind us coming up the interstate, and had seen an amazing thing. When the kerosene kicked in, we not only gained speed, but we began shooting flames out of our tailpipe. Not just one or two, but a series of five foot long streams of fire. He could see the fear in the faces of the other drivers on the road. We became a rolling flame thrower! And all we could do was thank God that no one was injured.

The bus was just fine the following day, and we headed back up to the mountain for some more skiing. When we arrived and entered the lodge to claim our tables for the day, there was a buzz. People were pointing at me. I could hear the murmurs; "That's the guy with the bus!"  Robert had shared out story, and it had instantly become legendary. I returned to Winterplace a number of times and with several different churches after that, and every time someone would remember that I was "the guy with the bus." I guess it is good to have a legacy...even if the legacy is a flame-throwing bus!!!

The moral of this story is adventures take many forms, and sometimes the "oops" stories stick with us longer that the perfect ones, And also,  NEVER doubt Erin Augenblick!  

Because of Jesus,

Magic Moments: An $8000 Oops

Today's Magic Moment takes us back to 1997, and a night that by all worldly accounts was a failure. But God had other plans...

It was supposed to be the greatest day in the history of student ministry at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee.  It was a day we planned for over a year, that we poured our hearts and souls, our prayers and resources into, in the hopes that we could make a major impact for Jesus in our community.  This is the story of that day, and how it all went wrong.  Until God made it right, that is....

I met Geoff Moore & the Distance (GMD) at the National Youth Workers Convention in 1995, when we wound up sharing a table at the hotel restaurant for dinner.  I didn't know much about them at the time, but they were great guys with huge hearts for serving God, and I liked them immediately.  Once I began listening to their music, I was completely hooked.  About a year later our Youth Ministry Team began to dream and pray about bringing a major Christian concert to Kissimmee.  We wanted to do something huge for Jesus.  GMD had a big hit with Home Run around this time, and after much discussion we decided to contact their management and see what could be worked out.  We decided on July 10, 1997- a Thursday that was part of our Youth Week. We decided we would host them at the nearby Tupperware Convention Center (TCC), a 2000 seat venue that had been home to many concerts, including Willie Nelson and The Moody Blues.  After securing the arena and setting ticket prices, we knew we needed to sell 1000 tickets in order to break even.  A full house would earn us around a $10,000 profit to use in our ministry.   All systems were go.

Except that all systems were NOT go.  The TCC would not let us sell the tickets, except for a few hundred they gave us on assignment.  This meant people had to go to the box office to buy tickets that were more expensive than the ones we were selling.  We sold ours at church, and sold them all.  The TCC sold almost nothing.  We had also planned to save some money by doing the load-in and set up ourselves.  Again the TCC said no, saying that only union members were allowed to touch incoming or outgoing equipment.  We had planned to advertise on Z-88.3, the local Christian radio station.  Another concert promoter, hosting a concert at Universal Studios that same night, blocked us from running any ads until the week before the show.  We tried to get the word out, but we just didn't sell enough tickets.  By the day before the show, after my final meeting with the folks at TCC, it was clear to me that we were going to lose a lot of money. Maybe as much as $8000. I was very depressed.  Instead of the greatest day ever, it was looking like one of the worst.  I went to bed that night praying for a miracle that my weak faith was certain would not come.

The Geoff Moore & the Distance tour bus arrived at the Tupperware Convention Center around 8 AM on the morning of the show after driving all night.  At Geoff's request, I had arranged for he and a few others to play golf that day.  Jill Painter and friends shuttled them off to the golf course while myself and some others remained at the arena to make sure things went smoothly with the set-up.

Show time arrived, and my prayers for a miracle had seemingly gone unanswered.  A crowd of about 500 showed up to hear one of the best concerts I have ever attended.  If the band was disappointed in the size of the crowd, they never let on, and it did not effect their performance.  They rocked the house for two solid hours before closing with a moving time of commitment.  Even though I stood in the back of the TCC feeling depressed, I could tell everyone was enjoying themselves.  I especially remember that GMD played two new songs from an upcoming album- Only A Fool and Free. Both were awesome.  After the show, the band hung around and sold hats and t-shirts and signed autographs until the last youth had left the building.  Our students were thrilled.  It had been an amazing night.

So why was I so down? I knew we had lost a lot of money and did not have the huge impact on the community we set out to achieve. I felt like a failure. But God was not done with that night just yet.  A man from FUMC-K came up to me and put his arm around me.  He knew I was down, but he wanted to tell me something.  He said that during Geoff's time of worship and response that night that his wife, who had never given her life to Christ before, went forward.  His exact words to me were "Carl, the whole thing was worth it- if just for that one soul." He had just put the night into perspective- God's perspective.  Over the next few days I heard from others with similar experiences. Someone donated a large sum of money to help cover the losses.  I had prayed for miracles, and even though I had lacked faith, those miracles were popping up all over the place!  God had taken what seemed to me like a massive failure and turned it into a Magic Moment!  "To God be the glory, great things He has done..."

Because of Jesus,

"Death...Nooooo..."

My son Will and I are huge movie buffs, and over the years we have developed our own "short hand" language, using lines from movies to make specific points to one another.  One of our favorites comes from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, the mostly forgettable sequel to the most excellent Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.  In the plot of Bogus Journey (and I use the term "plot" extremely loosely here!) Bill & Ted are battling the Grim Reaper for the right to not be dead.  Yeah, you read that right. In one scene that are playing charades with some aliens (again, I cannot make this stuff up) and the aliens are making some wild gestures and hand signals, seeming to indicate it is a movie.  Suddenly the Grim Reaper blurts out a guess- "Butch and Sundance, the Early Years!"  Bill & Ted look at their teammate, shake their heads in disbelief and utter this immortal line- "Death...Nooooo..."

Anytime Will or I see or hear something that seems so completely moronic, out of place or inappropriate that we cannot believe it just happened, we will look at each other and repeat that line.  It happens more often than you might think.  It is our way of saying "I can't believe you just went there!" 

So what does this have to do with anything?  I read a blog on Sunday from a guy I will call Kevin- because that is his name.  I refuse to tell you more than that because I do not want to send traffic to his blog. (As a side rant, are there any other 3-2-1 Penguins fans out there who have trouble saying the name "Kev-innn" with a straight face?) In a post about the current state of the Christian church in USAmerica, he made the following statement:  

"The Jesus found in scripture would act differently and teach differently if he were in 21st century America. He would be much more conservative, much more restrained.  He would focus more on sin and less on loving one another.  The church needs to realize that just as Jesus would have a different focus, so must we. We need to preach hell fire and damnation. People need to understand that an angry Jesus is waiting to judge us.  Talk about grace all you want to, but trust me- we will all be judged."

"Death...Nooooo..."

We cannot re-write the teachings of Jesus (GOD!) just because they seem out of step with the church of today.  We must change our churches to be more in step with the radical, ridiculous love and grace of Jesus Christ.  We are promised in scripture that he is the same yesterday, today and forever. I try really hard not be judgmental of others, but in this case, I believe Kevin has earned the coveted Green Weenie Award for representing the WORST the church has to offer our world. In fact, I would suggest to Kev that he check out the urban translation of Proverbs 10:19- "Speak not at all, because you are gonna' say something stupid!"

My prayer today is that God will grant me the wisdom and the strength to follow and represent the REAL Jesus.  The one who came to save us, not condemn us. The one who taught us that whatever the question, love is the answer.  The one who gave birth to the church so that we might follow him, not so we can mold him to our beliefs.  Thank you for loving me, Jesus.  And forgive me for my judgment of Kevin.

Because of Jesus,

Live To Tell 1996

These survivors LIVED TO TELL!

Creativity is such an important part of student ministry.  As a youth worker you are constantly striving to come up with ideas that have a WOW factor.  You want to keep students a bit off-guard, wondering what you might come up with next.  You are always seeking new ideas, or at least ideas that are new to your group.  Not to sound too much like the Rev. Jesse Jackson, but tameness, sameness and lameness are enemies of a successful youth program.  Finding ways to keep students engaged is an ongoing struggle.  You find yourself always pushing the limits of what is acceptable and what is possible, all because they have to show up before you can share Jesus with them.  And every now and then, you cross the line between the creative and the insane!

On August 2nd, 1996, the student ministry of the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee went flying over that line.  As part of our summer ministries, we decided to do a Mystery Trip.  Students could sign-up, pay their $35 and have absolutely no idea where they were going.  We would only give parents the information when they arrived at the church on the day of the adventure.  There was a tremendous amount of excitement generated by this new event, and about 25 of us (see group photo at top) prepared to share in the mystery.  The only people who knew where we were going were Jerry Hanbery (my intern) and myself.  We had decided to take the group to Myrtle Beach, SC.  Many of the students had never been, and we were planning a major trip there in the summer of 1997.  A weekend in MB seemed like a wonderful idea for an adventure.  And it was- eventually.

We were planning to leave the church at 7 PM on Friday, August 2nd, but there was an immediate snag in our plans.  We had to wait for someone to finish their participation in a fashion show at the local mall, so we wound up sitting in the mall parking lot until around 8 PM.  During this wait, Kendall Crotty began to pass the word around that we were going to Myrtle Beach.  His mom had ratted us out!  Before we ever began our Mystery Trip, the mystery was solved.  That was the first bummer.  The second bummer was that I had been to MB a hundred times in my life, but never from Kissimmee, FL.  It's a long way.  A very long way.  About 9 hours.  I'll let you do the math, but suffice it to say that we arrived at the Days Inn in MB in the very early hours of Saturday morning.  The last few hours of the van ride were brutal;  I later heard rumors of people (Connor Lewis?) just laying down on the seats, regardless of the fact the seats already had people sitting in them.  I was just trying to stay awake so I could drive.  We arrived, checked in, and went to bed.  It was noon before we were up and about and enjoying the sun and surf.

We had a great weekend.  We played together, ate together, visited the Myrtle Beach Pavilion together and worshiped together.  We spent 18 hours in vans to spend 30 hours at the beach when we lived in Florida; that was the insane part.  But we had wanted a memorable event, one that the kids would talk about for years to come- and we got one!  We had titled the weekend Live To Tell after the Geoff Moore and the Distance song for two reasons.  One, our theme for worship was that our lives should tell the people we meet that we were followers of Jesus.  Secondly, we wanted them to know that this weekend was about survival; that they had lived, and should spread the word that strange and wonderful things were happening in the youth ministry of FUMC-K.  On both counts the weekend was an amazing success.  It is safe to say that in those years Jerry and I were often wrong, but we were seldom boring...

We did another Mystery Trip a couple of years later that was not as insane and was much more dramatic- but that's a story for another day.  Have a blessed weekend, everyone!

Because of Jesus,

Youth Ministry Oops

My Twitter buddy and veteran youth worker Paul Turner tweeted yesterday that youth pastors should remember to be in touch with students who may have missed their weekend youth events to let them know they were missed.  It was a great reminder to stay focused on the students and continuing to build relationships and community in youth ministry.  It also reminded me of 3 epic Oops committed by a large, very successful youth ministry in the life of my own son a few years back that left him with a bad taste in his mouth for youth group.  I hope this story will serve as a warning to all of you who love students.

When we first moved back to Tampa in the summer of 2007, Will became a regular and very active participant in a local student ministry. He attended their primary youth meeting event Sunday evenings.  He went on retreats and attended special events.  Very few of the students attended his school, and he did not have many close friends in the group, but for the most part he enjoyed going. In the summer of 2008 he was part of week long local missions camp where they stayed on campus at the church for the entire week. We did not learn this until much later, but during one of the nightly worship times that week he went forward for prayer.  The youth pastor, who by then had known him for over a year, prayed for him by the wrong name.  It wasn't just an error. She did not know his name.  And that really hurt Will- as it would any of us.  Oops #1.

Will continued to attend as the school year began, albeit with less enthusiasm.  We sometimes had to make him go.  Then one week, after he had been a youth on the previous 3 Sundays in a row, he received a "missing you" card from the youth staff.  We assumed it was just a simple mistake, but a few weeks later it happened again.  Will was no doubt feeling invisible, and as a long time youth pastor I understood why.  He did not feel part of the community, and the leaders seemed not to know who he was.  And being part of that ministry became less and less important to him.  Oops #2.

After 2 years of pretty regular participation, Will began to drop out. He no longer wanted to go to special events on on retreats. We had to fight him to get him to attend at all.  And as he pulled away from that ministry, not once did anyone from the youth staff call him or visit him.  Not once did anyone stop by his school for lunch or offer to buy him a milk shake. He had no relationships, and he felt no community. I had always said I would not be one of those parents who forced his kid to go to youth group- I had seen first hand for years what a disaster that can be.  Will wanted out, and with no sign of anyone in the ministry really caring, we let him drop out.  If they had only reached out to him...  Oops #3.

Now the story has a happy ending, although not one I would have ever scripted. We explored the high school ministry as he began 9th grade, and I even took the new high school pastor to lunch and explained my frustrations.  To his credit, he did make an effort to involve Will.  But it was too late.  Will had found community and relationships with a different group- the drumline of his school marching band. The church changed their youth group to Wednesday evenings, a time when Will could not attend (Oops #4?). His life began to revolve around the people and activities of the band, just as mine and so many students who passed through my groups had revolved around a youth ministry.  And now, as a senior, those drummers are the most important people in his life.  He still loves church, and we attend worship (at that same church) on a regular basis.  He still loves Jesus.  We are blessed by those things.  But the bottom line, youth ministry failed my son.

To get back to Paul's tweet, I always felt like if a student missed a week, there was most likely a good reason.  If they missed 2 weeks, I needed to let them know they were missed. If they missed 3, then something was wrong. A pattern was forming, and I needed to talk to them and see what could be done.  Students want to be part of a community.  They want leaders to know their names. They don't want to feel invisible.  And they want to be missed when they are not around.  Students crave relationships. If the church does not provide them, they will seek it elsewhere. We got lucky, and Will found amazing friends in drumline who have been a huge positive in his life.  Others will find their community in far darker places.  Don't let your students become victims of the Oops.  Remember that relationships are job #1.

Because of Jesus,

A Frosty Memory

Lauren, Big C and Marilyn

Last night I had a brief text conversation with my old friend Lauren Carr Cacciatore, one of my students back in my days at FUMC-Kissimmee (1994-2000).  She and her husband Brad had been to Tennessee and gone rafting on the Ocoee River, a trip we made several times during those youth group days. Lauren said she saw some familiar sights that brought back fond memories.  She also said that at no time during the trip did she have a Frosty from Wendy's.  Why would she mention such an odd and seemingly random fact?  Witness the following account in this vintage post, first shared back in June of 2010.

Lauren Carr was one of my favorite youth from the first day I met her.  There was just something about Lauren that was special.  She is pictured at right with Amber Herrick and Chrissy Weaver, who often referred to themselves as Carl's Angels.  I have many memories of the three of them, including a lunch at Friendly's after I moved to Chicago and came back for Lisa Kraus's wedding that I will NEVER forget!  But there is one Lauren story that stands above all the rest...

I already knew before the Mid-High Adventure Trip of 1995 that Lauren required a specific diet.  Her favorite food- in fact, the ONLY real food she would eat- was macaroni and cheese.  And not just any mac and cheese; it had to be Kraft!  I do have some memory of riding around Atlanta trying to find her some KFC so she could eat the skin off of the chicken, but for the most part it was Kraft mac and cheese or bust.  Upon reaching the Ocoee Inn on the trip we ate in their restaurant, where they had mac and cheese, but alas it was not Kraft.  Lauren would eat junk food when we stopped for gas, but for the most part she just did not eat much on our trips.  

We were coming back through Atlanta on our way home to Kissimmee when we stopped at a Wendy's, and Lauren got a Frosty.  This was back in the day when every Frosty was chocolate.  We proceeded on down the highway, and for the second time in my life (see A Waste of Good Cookies) I had someone tell me, in the midst of Atlanta rush hour traffic, that they might need to stop because of a stomach issue.  And before we knew what was happening, Lauren was sick.  And there was Frosty everywhere.  Inside the white van.  Outside the white van.  ALL OVER the white van!   I cannot fully express to you how unpleasant it was to see this Frosty for the second time.  We pulled off the interstate as hundreds of cars went flying by, and we tried to clean up.  

It was at this point that one of our Youth Counselors, Mike Mangan, performed a historic act of bravery.  Mike was helping clean up the mess (which was significant!) and we didn't have nearly enough napkins or paper towels.  Mike was wearing a gray Georgetown University t-shirt, and in a great act of personal sacrifice he took off the shirt and began to use it to soak up the secondhand Frosty.  He mopped up the puke until his shirt was completely saturated.  As we finished our clean-up and were getting back in the van, Mike stood by the roadside, starring at his shirt.  It was almost as if he was saying good-bye.  He then turned and tossed the Frosty stained t-shirt into some bushes by the highway and returned to then van.  Seldom has one man sacrificed so much so that others could ride in a barf-free van...

 The group that lived through the event loved to tell the story, and were in fact bound together by the experience.  It was just another example of how a shared history brings groups closer together than any lesson, program or event ever could.  Lauren survived.  Mike survived, although his shirt did not.  And the poor white van was never the same again...inside or out!  Used Frosty will never be a popular color for vans...

Because of Jesus,

The Night We Closed EPCOT

I know it's Saturday, but my Tar Heels zapped all my energy last night, so  we are going to pretend we are having a Friday Flashback!  Today I want to flashback to the first time I took a youth group to Walt Disney World.  The year was 1987, and the group was from Springfield Friends Meeting.  The trip was an adventure.  The lat day was nothing short of EPIC...

The last full day of our stay in central Florida we were headed to EPCOT for the first part of the day, and then planned to finish our Disney time at the Magic Kingdom that night.  We parked our Chevy Suburban and our rented van in the EPCOT lot.  At the time, I was a Disney novice.  In later years I would have laughed and made fun of people for making the mistake I made.  EPCOT was closing at 9 PM, while we would be at the MK until around midnight. This would come back to haunt us!  We had a great time at EPCOT, then took the monorail over to spend our final hours with Mickey.

Everything was fine until we met for the last time at midnight to begin the journey back to our motel.  It seems that Jennifer Welch had become ill and was at the First Aid Station getting some attention (In case you are wondering, First Aid is located between Casey's Corner and the entrance to Adventureland.  We try to be a full service blog!). In hindsight, we were lucky it was just Jennifer- many of the youth had decided not to eat because they were running short on cash.  In any case, by the time Jennifer was released, it was nearly 1 AM.  The monorail to EPCOT (and our vehicles) was no longer running.  It appeared we were stuck at the MK.  After much inquiry, we were finally told we could catch a bus from the Transportation and Ticket Center (TTC) that could drop us at EPCOT.  This bus stopped everywhere, including a whole lot of places we had never seen before.  In fact, as Marilyn and I became true Disney Freaks over the years, there were some places we stopped that night that we never managed to find again!  The bus finally dropped us at the EPCOT bus stop area.  If you know that park, then you may know how far away from our cars we still were.  We still had to cross to the entrance and then make our way across the ENTIRE parking lot to our vehicles.  The good news was that they were going to be easy to spot- we were the only ones left!  It was around 2 AM when some guys driving trams and picking up trash gave some of our group a ride to the van.  All in all it was quite a night.  It gave that group a shared history that helped bond us together.  It's not very often you can be the last ones out at Walt Disney World!  I took a couple of pictures of our lonely vehicles, but I no longer know where they are.  They would be classics! 


I wish I could tell you that the trip home the following day was smooth sailing.  That would be a lie.  For that story, check out The Long Ride Back.  Come back tomorrow (Sunday) for our Saturday Shout Outs! I am so out of whack...


Because of Jesus,

7 Things: Youth Ministry No-Nos

Adults who work with youth
should look happy like this...

Youth Ministry is not a science, it is an art form.  There is no one way to do it correctly; it requires constant adjustments and course corrections.  But even with that being said, in my experience there are some things that are absolute "no-nos" when it comes to the day in, day out work of student ministry.  These are right up there with things like "don't take the toaster in the bathtub" and "don't mess with Chuck Norris."  I learned they are no-nos because I did all of them, at least once- and discovered how much damage they can do to a ministry.  So here we go- 7 things that youth ministry leaders should never do...or never do again...

Not stressed & insane like this!

1. Never be on time.  Yes, you read that right.  If you are the leader- the head honcho, the main man, the big dog, numero uno- then you need to be on site and ready to go at least 30 minutes before anything is scheduled to start.  Why?  Because you know kids will show up early, and they should ALWAYS have a safe and friendly face waiting to greet them.  I liked to be an hour early so I could get a little prayer time in before stuff started, but that's just me.  I always thought that if I wasn't 30 minutes early, I was late.  Believe it!
2. Do not have double standards.  The same rules and standards need to apply to everyone involved- and that includes the adults.  When I worked at camp back in the late 70s, the counselors and the campers were not allowed to have soda all week.  The staff (lifeguards, cooks, etc.) had a refrigerator full of the stuff. It was so flagrant we all called soda "DS"- double standard.  Make everyone live by the same guidelines. If you are having an "electronics free" retreat, then the adults need to turn off their phones too.  Double standards can destroy the community you are seeking to build.
3. Do not cancel an event due to low attendance.  This one makes me crazy.  Over and over again I have seen and heard of youth pastors having only a couple of kids show up for an event, and then sending them home.  What kind of message does that send?  We're telling teenagers that the event was what was important, not them.  If you had a 3 team relay race planned and 2 students show up, then yes- you will have to change your plan.  But do not send them home as if their presence is not enough to validate your ministry.  I always tried to do something special for them, like take them out to dinner, so that everyone who missed the event would think twice about missing again!  But that's just me...
4. Do not automatically choose a youth's point of view over that of their parents.  We want to be advocates for the youth we serve, and it is so very tempting to always take their side in skirmishes between them and their parents.  Often their point of view is the only one we hear.  We are not being faithful to our calling if our actions and words drive a wedge between parents and students.  Listen to your students, but don't assume that you are getting the full story or that they are right.  Be an advocate for the family, not just the student.
5. Do not talk smack about your Senior Pastor in front of your students.  I know that on occasion youth pastors and senior pastors have been known to disagree (major understatement!).   I worked with 2 pastors I disrespected so much I have refused to type their names when writing about them in this blog.  But publicly, you need to support your pastor.  Yes, you need to vent your feelings and express your emotions.  But your students are the wrong crowd.  Period.  I wish I had learned this one BEFORE I met The Pastor Who Shall Not Be Named...
6. Never expect the worst from a student.  If you do, that is exactly what you will get.  You cannot get respect and trust if you never give it.  Youth ministries that attempt to legislate spirituality with 10,000 rules and adult sponsors who act like a S.W.A.T. team create an atmosphere of distrust that can destroy community.  I'm not saying be naive and let them get away with murder; I'm simply suggesting that the rest of society assumes teenagers cannot be trusted.  We need to be different.  I once had a group on a Ski Trip, and we shared a floor of the motel with another group.  The amount of rules and restrictions this group operated under boggled the mind, yet they were still wild.  I invited them to join us for our late night worship, and the youth pastor said no.  He was afraid they would be too disruptive.  He didn't understand that the way he treated them actually bred their behavior.  After they went in their rooms at night, he would put tape on the doors so he could see if anyone tried to sneak out.  When we left very early on our last day, we took all the tape off the doors.  It was our own little act of civil disobedience.  If you have that little trust in your students, then either don't take them on trips or find another profession.  Thus endeth this rant.  :)
7. Don't forget why you do what you do.  Never forget that amidst all of the programs, events, trips, fundraising, relationship issues, parents, church committees and everything else, youth ministry is first and foremost all about Jesus.  'Nuff said.

Those are a few of things I consider to be no-nos.  Please feel free to add to the list.

Because of Jesus,