Don't Ruin the Chili

Once upon a time there was a guy who was a pretty good cook (Ok, he was an average cook. OK- so it was me! Now let me finish the story!!!). On one very special high holy day (Super Bowl Sunday) he decided to make his world famous (shut up and keep reading!) chili for a group of his friends. He slaved over a hot stove for hours (always wanted to say that about myself) creating a masterpiece. Upon tasting the finished product he quietly (OK, technically I screamed it) proclaimed it the world's greatest pot of chili- that he had ever made! As his friends arrived he could barely contain his enthusiasm over his culinary creation. Several of his friends were excellent cooks in their own right and began to  ask him what ingredients he had used to create the chili. He listed them, and soon the suggestions began to flow- with none of them having actually tasted his masterpiece. But since they were better cooks than he, our hero listened. One said add some garlic- and he did. Another suggested adding can of tomato paste for thickness. And he did. Another said that it didn't sound spicy enough, that perhaps in needed some tabasco sauce. So in it went. By the time he finished "fixing" the chili based on the expert advice he received, it tasted noting like his original creation. They seemed to like it, but he no longer did. All of the fun he and all of the passion he put into making the chili had been rendered moot because he didn't believe in himself enough and didn't trust his creation. His friends knew more about cooking than he did, but in this case, what he had made was already perfect. Too many cooks ruined the chili!

The same kind of thing used to happen when I would attend ministry conferences designed to encourage and uplift those who were giving their lives to various ministries. I heard this fictional conversation happen too many times, including a few times when I was Pastor Bubba and the recipient of the advice. Let's listen in:

Pastor Bubba: We started a program last year where we do an outreach event once a month at the local mall just handing out free slices of pizza and answering questions about church and youth group. We've made lots of connections and our attendance has almost doubled. It's been awesomely rad!
Expert Doug: Yes, we did that same king of thing a few years ago with similar results. But the event didn't really make a difference until we added water balloon cannons, hula dancing lessons and a Spanish speaking donkey. That's when things really took off!

Far too many times the Pastor Bubbas of the world go home from such conversations and begin to implement the changes suggested by "experts" who know next to nothing about the situation or the people that Bubba works with on a daily basis. No matter how much thought, preparation and work we put into something we always seem to be unable to accept that what we have is as good as it can be. We rush to make changes that are not helpful (Spanish speaking donkeys seldom are) because we doubt ourselves and our abilities, or, just as destructively, we are immobilized by perfectionism. If it can't be perfect, why bother? These things infiltrate our lives are cause dysfunction in many of us.

Lately these dual dilemmas have been making me a little crazy in one of my worlds- that of writers. As many of you know I finished writing a novel back in January and since that time a number of new and aspiring writers have had questions for me. Most of the questions begin with the following: "So and So says that I have to do THIS (the THIS varies) or my book won't be any good. I'm just not sure how that fits into what I am trying to do..." My response has become a bit antagonistic. I tell them if it doesn't fit their style, their story and their characters then DON'T FREAKIN' DO IT!!! The experts are not writing your book; YOU are! Writing is not a science, it is an art. There is no list of rules you must adhere to, no absolutes that make your book "right." Technically perfect writing, brilliant editing and the opinions of others are all wonderful things- if you want them. But it is the stories, the characters and most of all the PASSION that make a book great- and those all come from the writer. How did I know when my book was finally finished? When I read it one more time and thought to myself, "Now THAT is what I set out to do!" I had a story to tell and I told it the way I wanted it told. That's writing. If others like it, that's wonderful. And if they don't...sorry, but I just don't care. I listened to critiques and made some changes. There are still things that might be added- by me. But the deal is this- my chili is finished. And you don't get to add stuff...

Too many of us approach our lives wondering if we are good enough and soaking in the opinions and advice of others at an alarming rate. I have writer friends- talented, gifted writer friends- who are seemingly never going to finish projects they are working on because they're never going to think it's good enough. Every opinion, every criticism, every new review from an expert or a friend brings about more changes and another rewrite, sometimes to the point that the original vision for the piece has disappeared completely. Every checklist of ways to "Be A Better Writer" is absorbed like Hemingway himself has spoken to them. There is a great story told about the late Tom Clancy, writer of numerous best selling books. When he was writing The Hunt for Red October he submitted a manuscript in which one of the primary heroic characters was named Jack Ryan. His editors thought the name too bland and pushed Clancy to change it. His response to them was simple and brilliant. "I can't change the name," Clancy retorted,"because the man's name IS Jack Ryan." Jack Ryan went on to become an iconic name in both print and cinema, the featured player in nearly a dozen best sellers. Sometimes an artist, a cook or a youth pastor KNOWS what is right, knows what works and simply needs to say no to any more changes. Sometimes the most important thing is to be done and to be satisfied with your own work. Our work will never be perfect; even God's work has flaws. Just look at me! Just as we are created to be who we are, let our creations be good enough for us. Whatever your gifts are, use them to the best of your ability and don't be overwhelmed by the opinions of others. Especially if they call themselves experts...

So what's the point of this rambling rant that would never make it past a professional editor? Simple. Don't ruin the chili. Have a blessed day and a great weekend!

Because of Jesus,

I Believe in McDonald's (Sorta)

Today features another post is my ongoing series of Things I Believe (and you probably don't!). This post is both brief and insignificant, but some things just need to be said. Even if in a whisper...

I believe in Breakfast at McDonald's. It is so popular these days to use the fast-food giant as a whipping boy for obesity and unhealthy eating habits, and they no doubt bear their share of blame because their french fries, when hot and salty, are both amazing and bad for us. Seasonal Shamrock Milkshakes don't help the cause either. But there are 3 reasons why my family still loves getting breakfast from Ronald's house- which we do about twice a week. They have a wide variety, from oatmeal to pancakes to sandwiches (my family is fond of the southern chicken biscuit). They have wonderful breakfast beverages, both hot and cold (Marilyn & Will love the Mocha Frappes and Lisa prefers the iced coffee, while my diabetes has reduced me to a black coffee guy). And no matter where you go in this great country of ours, and no matter what you order, at McDonald's (for better or for worse) it is always exactly the same! There is something to be said for taste, quality and consistency. And at breakfast- really the only time we eat there anymore- McD's still has that. And I'm lovin' it!

Sorry this is so short, but I gotta' get moving. Will wants a chicken biscuit, a hashbrown and a frappe before heading into work at Olive Garden early this morning. Have a blessed Monday!

The Wonders of Gravy

Welcome to post #3 in my very random ongoing series Things I Believe (and you probably don't)! The first two post were related to church and theology, and therefore quite serious. This one is a bit more whimsical. But that doesn't mean I believe it any less- or that any fewer of you will take issue with my stance! In fact, this post is dedicated to my friend Lisa Jewett, who thinks Gravy in any form is disgusting. So let's get started!

The word Gravy means different things to different people. For many folks it is a brown, watery substance often served with pork or with turkey and dressing at Thanksgiving. For others it is simply the juice from any cooked meat, thickened up a bit and poured over mashed potatoes or bread. I have Italian friends who call marinara sauce Gravy, because they serve it over almost everything they eat. Some people treat ketchup like it's gravy; Buddy the Elf used maple syrup in a similar manner. But while I enjoy all of these different forms of Gravy, it is my belief that all pale in comparison to the one, true Gravy. I'm talking about breakfast gravy, white gravy, sausage gravy, sawmill gravy, southern gravy- whatever you call it, it is one of the great culinary creations of all-time! It is wonderful with biscuits (by the way- if you can still see the biscuit, you need more gravy!); it is a marvel on country fried steak or chicken; it brings out the true spirit of mashed potatoes; and it ROCKS on eggs and hash-brown casserole! I believe that it should join mustard and ketchup as standard condiments on the table at most every restaurant. And not just for breakfast. Sausage Gravy makes pretty much everything but dessert better. And it makes for pretty good eatin' straight out of the bowl too. Now that I have revealed a bit of my Carolina-bred, redneck southern nature, I am craving Cracker Barrel, where it's ALWAYS breakfast! Ahhhh...the good stuff!

And one word of warning- Gravy that comes from a bottle or a can, or gravy that was made more than 24 hours ahead of time is no longer gravy and is not covered under this post. That just needed to be said...

Super Memories

We're coming up on Super Bowl Sunday, and I have been flashing back to past years and parties with my various youth groups. Here are VII memories that came to mind from my XXVIII years in student ministry. I am still waiting for Amber Herrick Irby to refresh my memory of the great Super Bowl Sunday fight in Kissimmee. That's another story for another day, but suffice it say Super Bowl Sunday was never dull. The one thing I don't miss about those youth group days was the annoying question the week before the party- "Hey Carl...what are going to do at the Super Bowl party?"  Ugh. WATCH THE GAME, PEOPLE!!!

1)  It's weird, but I have absolutely no memory of any kind of Super Bowl party during my years (1978-83) at New Garden Friends Meeting. I remember Super Bowls from every other stop on my career- even one from 2001 at the Union Church of Hinsdale, IL, when a large crowd filled our little house to watch the game. I was only in Hinsdale for one Super Bowl. But I have nothing from New Garden...at least not Super Bowl related. I do, however, remember watching the 1980 US men's hockey team win the Olympic gold medal in the church basement!

2)  My first Super Bowl party after moving to High Point and Springfield Friends Meeting was cut short by a snow storm that led to an exciting couple of days (see A Super Surprise). The Giants beat the Broncos in Super Bowl XXI on January 25, 1987.

3)  We had several parties at the home of Butch and Barbara Moran while we were at Springfield Friends Meeting. I can't remember if they were really youth parties, or if most of the youth were just there because they were related to the Morans!  In any case, these were fun because doing anything with Butch was fun, and they had a 55" screen...which in the early 90s was HUGE!!!

4)  A group of my friends used to get together for the game and make huge crock pots full of chili, blending a variety of recipes. Somewhere along the way, this changed to me making Mexican Pile-Up for the the multitudes of  youth who would show up for our parties. For the uninitiated, pile-up is basically a taco salad you pile on a plate using chips instead of a shell. I have fed a lot of kids a lot of pile-up on Super Bowl Sunday over the years...but I always made them bring the desserts!

5)  The party got serious on January 26, 2003. We had moved to Wesley Memorial UMC in Tampa in 2001, and now we found our hometown Buccaneers in the big game. I knew I would be irritable and grumpy if I didn't get to pay full attention to the game, so we decided to not have a youth group party- sort of! We invited only a few select youth and adults who we knew would watch the games and hosted it at our house, complete with Wing House wings! My Bucs whipped the Raiders in Super Bowl XXXVII, and as the game ended we went outside and listened as the entire city of Tampa honked their car horns in celebration.

6)  The following year (Feb. 1, 2004) was a perfect example of why I often got frustrated on Super Sunday. We had the party in the Fellowship Hall at Wesley and drew a big crowd- about half of whom cared anything about the game. I spent most of the evening chasing kids back into the room and cooking. We went through 30 pounds of ground beef in the Mexican Pile-Up that night. I was in the kitchen at halftime, trying to clean up a bit, when Jacquie Thomson came running in a told me that Justin Timberlake had just exposed Janet Jackson's breast in what came to be known as the Wardrobe Malfunction. And I had missed it, along with most of the first half. At least the game got really interesting after that, even though the hated Patriots won.

7)  My final youth Super Bowl party was a great one. We held it in the Fellowship Hall at Trinity UMC in Waycross, GA on Feb. 4, 2007. I ran the cable through a VCR and into a video projector and we watched the game projected on a wall that had to be 90" wide!  WE also ran the audio through our sound system, and we were better than any sports bar around. As a matter of fact, we were illegal. The NFL actually stopped some churches in Indianapolis from doing just what we did, limiting the size of the projection to 60". We charged ahead, eating pile-up, Wong's Chinese, Dick's Wings and all kinds of goodies while the Colts beat the Bears and made Tony Dungy the first African-American ever to coach a Super Bowl winner. Good times, and a great way to go out!

Over the past 7 years our tradition has changed, but the party continues. This Sunday I'll be at Winners Sports Bar here in Tampa to watch the game with Marilyn, Will, Lisa Jewett and a crowd of strangers. The owner of Winners is a huge Seahawks fan and the place will be loud and crazy in support of Seattle. So I get to watch the game, I don't have to cook and we can be as obnoxious as we want while cheering against the Pretty Boy and Hoodie. We always have a blast. But still...I miss all the excitement of those youth parties, and I always will.

Because of Jesus,

Unfulfilled Desire

There are things in life we want that we cannot have. This we know to be true. And today, this is the desire of my heart...

And yet I know I cannot have them. I am diabetic. I do cheat from time to time- just the other night for our anniversary I had some key lime pie. But Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts (along with Slurpees) are on my Can't Touch This list. You see, when it comes to hot glazed manna from heaven, ONE would never be enough. One dozen would never be enough. They are my kryptonite, my sinful indulgence (OK- one of them. Have to keep it real here!) and completely and totally irresistible to me. They are even a "character" in the novel I am writing. And today, more that usual, I want them. I need them. This sign haunts my dreams...

I am safe from temptation today because I have no car, and they don't deliver (hmm...unique business opportunity perhaps?). But like all desires of our hearts, the longing never goes away. So keep checking on me. If you find me in sugar coma someday, you will know why. HOT. DOUGHNUTS. NOW. Confession is good for the soul. :)

Return to Calabash!

Last night, after a 10 year absence, I returned to Calabash. For the uninitiated, Calabash is a little fishing town about 30 minutes north of North Myrtle Beach that is comprised of a few shops and a LOT of seafood restaurants. They specialize in fried seafood. A trip to Calabash has been a part of my beach routine for has long as I can remember, and last night was long awaited and often dreamed about. Marilyn, her mom, her 2 sisters and one brother-in-law joined me at Captain John's, my personal favorite since it opened in 1976. My expectations were unreasonable. And every one of them were met or surpassed!

First came the hushpuppies. If you don't know what a hushpuppy is I can't really explain it- except to say they are a delicious gift from the heavens! You can see Marilyn preparing to devour one in the picture above. A basket of hushpuppies would be a wonderful start to any meal. But as the prelude to my first Calabash seafood platter in 10 years, those little pieces of fried dough were like manna. And they led me to this...

The Captain John's Deluxe Seafood Platter. Fried oysters, clams, flounder, and deviled crab- because real men eat deviled crab. And loads of those tiny fried shrimp that most of the wold know as popcorn shrimp, but that true believers know as Calabash shrimp...because it is their home. It was all amazing. And to answer the obvious question, YES. I ate every bite. But not the french fries.

So my return to Calabash was everything I dreamed it would be and more. And I'm already pushing for trip #2! Have a blessed day!

30/30: A Table For 10

Today's 30/30 Vision Blog Challenge prompt is a classic- 10 people, living or dead, that I would like to have dinner with today. This is a time honored question, and I will attempt to do it justice. I have chosen to include only people I have never actually met. And I have to remember, it's not just about who I would like to spend time with, but how they would interact together. We do NOT want a repeat of the Griswold family Christmas dinner! Marilyn and Will would be there, of course, but they don't take up any of the invitations. There are just so many choices...but here we go!

1. Jesus - An obvious choice I know, but I would love to sit and talk with my LORD and savior for a couple of hours and see what we know that is truth and what are the things we just think we know. It would be amazing. Plus, if we ever run out of wine...he's our man!
2. John Lennon - He could talk about the Beatles, the rotten state of music today, the 60s peace movement, explain the deal with Yoko, clear up the Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds/LSD debate and make peace with Jesus about who was really more popular in 1966.
3. Gilda Radner - Maybe my favorite all-time SNL cast member and from all reports one of the sweetest, funniest women who ever lived. So many things I'd love to ask her, but it would be worth the invite just to hear her do a little Emily Litella or Roseanne Roseannadanna. 
4. David Letterman - He could ask all the right questions and keep the conversation flowing. And also, just because. He's Dave!
5. Jennifer Aniston - Do I really have to explain this one? It is my dinner party after all. And if she turns down the invite her chair could be filled by my very first celebrity crush, Olivia Newton-John. :)
6. Gandhi - I'd love to pick his brain about our current world and how we do more to work for peace, both in relationships and in world politics. He and Jesus could talk about their frustration over the behavior of modern Christians. And I think he and Lennon might break into Give Peace a Chance...
7. Neil Patrick Harris - NPH could delight us with stories of Broadway, Doogie Howser and my current favorite TV show all time, How I Met Your Mother! Plus if things got slow the dude can really sing and dance!
8. Brian Wilson - The musical genius behind the Beach Boys is someone I have always wanted to spend time with. So many stories, so many people he met along the way. And the music. I have so many questions about the music. I think Brian is still a vegetarian, so we'd have to plan the menu accordingly. But I'm certain he would accompany Lennon and Gandhi on the piano. I feel a celebrity jam session coming on.
9. Dr, Martin Luther King, Jr. - Another person I know would who have such interesting thoughts on the state of our world today, particularly in the area of race relations and non-violence. Plus I could sit and talk about the 60s for hours. And can you imagine a forum on pacifism with him, Jesus, Gandhi and Lennon? Wow...
10. Bill & Hillary Clinton - OK, so I cheated and invited 11. You aren't really surprised, are you? I am not a fan of politicians in general, but President Clinton is the only politician in recent history who actually makes me WANT to listen to what he has to say- a brilliant speaker who offers real insight into the world. Plus he could play saxophone in the jam session. Hillary is so unique. She's a woman of great power and prestige who has also survived so many trials and tribulations in her life. I want the both of them because I think they offer an unique perspective on the dynamics of not only world current events, but also on relationships. They may understand "for better or for worse" better than any couple alive.

So that's my list. George Fox, the original Quaker, would have made the list but he would have just made everyone else uncomfortable. A very intense fellow and prone to 2 hour sermons. I would have loved to invite Bill Murray, but from what I hear he would have never sent in his RSVP. Steve Martin would also be high on my list because he is such a Renaissance man, but his banjo playing might drown out the conversation. One weird choice I seriously considered? Eva Braun. What was it like being married to Hitler? But I'm happy with my list. Everyone's is different. I'd love to hear yours.

And the menu? I would leave that up to my good friend Teresa Reep Tysinger. She's a great chef, knows how to vary a menu and keep it healthy, and would make certain there was something amazing for dessert. Plus if I had NPH to dinner and didn't invite her I'd be a dead man! So that's the deal. Let's eat!!!

30/30: Junk Food Junkie

Let me begin this week's 30/30 Vision Blog Challenge by wishing each of you a Happy Valentine's Day! It seems only fitting on a day so often celebrated with candy that today's prompt is about junk foods we can't refuse. For me, while the list may be long, the catefory is simple. I love sweets. There have been times in my life when I could sit and eat an entire box of Swiss Cake Rolls. an entire pan of chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven or a bag of Skittles. And that's not even mentioning what I could do (and have done) to a box of hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts! Whenever I would be sad, bored or just at home watching sports on TV by myself, I could do some some serious damage to junk food.

Then about 16 months ago I was diagnosed as a diabetic. My eating patterns changed. I became a much healthier eater at meals and junk snacks became (mostly) a thing of the past. And sweets became a forbidden fruit. But still....there are times, in the dark places of the night and of my soul, when I have to give in. I need a sweet fix. So while I may talk a good game and eat healthy foods when you are watching, the temptation is always there.

All of this made me recall a novelty song from my teenage years called Junk Food Junkie, sung by a guy name Larry Groce. I was stunned to find it on YouTube, so I share it with you here today. Even tough a few of the references are dated, the song still explains so well what goes on underneath the surface for all of those who try so hard to eat healthy foods. Give it a listen!

We all have our weaknesses. And now, if you don't mind, I'll go have a sugar-free yogurt and some water. Good LORD have pity on me...

The No Turkey Thanksgiving Feast

During my 28 years in youth ministry the Sunday before Thanksgiving always held a very special significance. For many years I was often in New York City (come back for tomorrow's post) with some of my youth in the days preceding the holiday. Some years it was because I was attending a National Youth Workers Convention during that weekend. And for a few special years it was because the Sunday before- and on at least a few occasions the Sunday after- Thanksgiving was the home of The No Turkey Thanksgiving Feast!

The concept of TNTTF was very simple and elegant. All of the youth and their families were invited to the church during our normal Sunday evening youth group time to share in a meal and worship together. Every one was asked to bring food to share, and there was only one guideline- NO TURKEY! We knew there would be enough of that in the days to follow- or we didn't want their leftovers. It just depended on the year. This was a way of seeking to connect with the families of our students, many of whom were not church members. It was also a simple means of celebrating all we had to be thankful for, as families, individuals and a group. I tried to be as creative as possible with worship, allowing lots of participation and sharing- never a sermon! Over the years we only got to do this a handful of times, but each experience was significant and meaningful. It was just one more way that we helped a youth group become a FAMILY!

I should start this remembrance by telling you that while my memory for such things is VERY good, it is entirely possible (in fact, likely!) that the story you are about to read happened over the space of two dinners, not all at once. But it makes a better tale this way, so I'm sticking with it! As with many student ministry functions, the heart and soul of the event was food. And one particular year at the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee. one of our families made the food the most memorable thing to ever happen at a TNTTF.  The Esry family was a big part of our ministry. Caitlin and Bethany were part of our youth family, and their parents were very involved as well, with their mom serving as the church's Children's Director for a time. There were also younger brothers who were not of youth group age yet. They had a very unique sense of humor. Adhering to the letter of the "No Turkey" rule, Craig brought SPAM to share with the crowd. But not just any SPAM. He had put several cans together and molded the mystery meat into the shape of- wait for it - a TURKEY! It was at once creative, fascinating and more than a little repulsive, but it was the talk of the meal. For at least a little while. As with any church potluck, the really important part of the meal was the dessert table. As folks grazed through the plethora of options one of the things they came across were what appeared to be truffles, coated in delicious looking chocolate- some dark and some white. They were quickly snatched up by the vultures hovering around the desserts. A few moments later, there were gasps, moans and shouts of disbelief. It seems that the Esry's had struck again! Under the scrumptious looking chocolate outside was not a cake or gooey dessert filling, but a BRUSSEL SPROUT! The shock and surprise on the faces of those biting into them was absolutely priceless. It gave us a huge laugh, a great memory, and yet another reason to be thankful for the family we had become and the sense of community we shared. 

I am blessed to have so many fond memories of so many creative moments in student ministry, and each TNTTF came with its own special memories. As I have written 1000 times before, I believe that the primary purpose of a youth ministry is building relationships that connect us all to Jesus, and TNTTF was another means to that goal. Having a SPAM turkey and brussel sprouts for dessert certainly gave us a very unique connection- and for at least one evening, we ate, worshiped and celebrated as family. And that was something to be thankful for. Be blessed my friends!

Because of Jesus. 

Farewell, Cellar Anton's

My dear old friend Steve Semmler sent me a link to a news story from our hometown of Greensboro, NC on Monday- and it made me quite melancholy. The restaurant I knew as Cellar Anton's (but had more recently been simply Anton's) has closed its doors to business after some 53 years.  Some restaurants are beloved because of the great food. Some stand out because of great service. Others are memorable because of great atmosphere and ambiance. Cellar Anton's had all of of those things. But none of them are the reason my heart is sad at its passing.

To understand my feelings for this fine restaurant, you have to go back to the mid 1970s. I don't recall how we first discovered the cellar, because it was not easy to find.  It was in the basement of another popular restaurant called the Irving Park Delicatessen (IPD to the locals) and was located across town from the Guilford College community where we lived. They never advertised. They never had to. One of the things you knew each and every time you went to Cellar Anton's was that you would be standing in line to get a table, often a line that wound back up the stairs to the street level. But I never remember caring. It was always worth the wait. 

Once you got in to the restaurant, it was very dark and candle lit. It felt like a cellar. The menu was primarily Italian food- and lots of it! Every entree came with a massive side of spaghetti, and I always left feeling like I might explode. The waiters in those days were all African-American men, and they were consummate professionals. When you were at Anton's, you were pampered.  They didn't miss a thing. And if it happened to be a special occasion, then you were really in for a treat. Getting sung to by the wait staff was like being serenaded by the 3 Tenors. To a high school kid in Greesnboro, NC everything about the place just screamed "classy." And for a period of about 10 years, we were there quite often.

For me, Cellar Anton's was the home of the "first date." I really didn't have many "steady" girlfriends in high school, so I had lots of first dates- and I think I took them all to the cellar (sounds a little creepy when you say that way, doesn't it?). As I told my dear friend Tammy Foster when we were talking yesterday, I think I took some dates there who might not have even known we were on a date! And it never failed to impress them. I had a reputation for treating my dates very well (I needed all the help I could get!), and the restaurant was a big part of that. Plus, it was right across the street from the Janus Theaters, the first multiplex we had ever seen or heard of. Eight theaters in one place seemed like a dream at the time, and we spent many a weekend night having dinner and a movie right there off of Battleground Avenue.

As I got older, Anton's became a place to go for special occasions with groups of friends. We celebrated birthdays there. The Quaker Lake Camp staff would go on Saturday nights, our one night off during the summer months, and share life together yet one more time. I remember sharing an anniversary meal with Neal & Susie Thomas there; a birthday dinner with Butch & Barbara Moran (Barbara didn't know they sang happy birthday, and when they started she almost jumped out of her chair!); and many special times with the amazing group of friends I had back in the 1980s. My lovely wife Marilyn and I shared many a happy moment there. There is absolutely no memory of Cellar Anton's that doesn't make me smile.

I know that the Anton's that I remember had already been gone for a while, but at least it was still there. I was last there in 2006, and it had changed quite a bit.  But today I choose to remember the restaurant that was such an amazing part of my past just as it was back in the day. I want to walk into the dark, dimly lit cellar, order some Veal Juliano (I seldom got anything else), watch the food descend from the kitchen upstairs on the little dumb-waiter. eat some cheesecake and let those amazing waiters spoil me and sing Happy Birthday. And I want to share the moment with so many people- so many friends, so many first dates from days gone by, and so many people I still love so much. I have no idea if Cellar Anton's will be missed by the citizens of Greensboro in 2013. But for old timers like me, a part of our past is gone.  I am so blessed to know that the memories cannot be taken away so easily. And neither can the smiles...

Because of Jesus,

Remembering Pizza Inn

OK. so before we go any farther here is an apology.  This week has been a wild one.  Will was sick one day, I was sick, and then for unknown reasons I lost the ability to sleep. My Mom came to visit, and Jerry Hanbery joined us last night to see Will march at the football game. This morning (again, for reasons unknown) my right knee is twice the size of my left knee.  Anyway, the apology is because I have not written much this week and new posts have been in short supply.  The good news that means I get to share a few a my favorite vintage posts.  Like this one...

When chronicling the history of my time at Springfield Friends Meeting, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the impact of Pizza Inn.  I am aware that every youth ministry is impacted by pizza is some way.  I know that food is an important part of most every ministry.  Why do you think churches love potluck dinners so much?  In some ways our attraction to Pizza Inn was not unique.  In some ways, however, it was an amazing part of our success.

The Pizza Inn located in High Point was only about a mile from Springfield (as the crow flies!) and so it was convenient.  They had a wonderful lunch buffet at a reasonable price. The words "all-you-can-eat" are always good to hear when feeding teenagers!  We would go, eat salad, pizza, pasta, dessert pizza and bread sticks. And we would drink sweet tea.  The sweetest sweet tea you have ever tasted.  And we would drink it by the gallon!  In the beginning it was just something we did every now and then as a group for Sunday lunch, and we called it Pizza Break.  Eventually it became the place where groups of us would eat most every Sunday.  During school breaks and summers I would often eat there 4 or 5 days a week, usually with a different person or group each time.  It was such a safe place for all of us.  Some days we would laugh so loudly that we expected to be thrown out.  Some days my lunch partner would share deep pain or hurt, and tears would be shed.  Some days we would just bask in the glow of spending time with people we loved.  In the truest sense of the word, Pizza Inn became the place where we would have Communion. We would pray around the table; we would break bread together; and we would share our lives.  Most of the time is was not "religious," but every time it was special.  When students would go away to college, they would come home and call and want to go to the Inn.  The managers and wait staff knew us and loved us.  It was truly a second home for our student ministry.

Although I shared this experience with many students over the years, when I think of Pizza Inn my mind first jumps to Ken Hill, Todd Farlow, Danny McCorquodale and Jamie Robinson.  We ate there together so many times over so many years, sometimes staying for hours.  I cannot even imagine how much tea we drank or how much pizza we ate.  I do know this- we could all walk into to Pizza Inn today and it would be just like no time had passed at all.  Communion is like that.  It is never ending, not just a sacrament to be shared on special occasions.  It is unfailing.  Because Jesus is the same today, yesterday and forever!  Just like the Pizza Inn buffet...

EDITOR'S NOTE:  I hear our Pizza Inn has been remodeled and that the fake fireplace is gone and the buffet is even bigger.  I look forward to going back someday.  And Jeremy Godwin and I plan to do some serious damage!  :)

Because of Jesus,

Youth Ministry Memories: Favorite Restaurants

Over the years my youth groups visited many fine restaurants- and a whole bunch of not so fine ones as well!  Each time you take a group of teenagers into a restaurant, you can see the fear on the faces of the employees and patrons.  They expect mayhem, wildness and no tips.  We always tried to surprise them and make our time there as much fun for them as it was for us.   Today I take a look back at 12 places that were favorites of various groups for a variety of reasons.  All of them share one thing in common; we were always invited back.  I had the best students anyone could ever ask for!  So here are 12 great memories:

12)  The Jade Dragon-  Located only a block from Union Church in Hinsdale, IL, this great little Chinese place was a regular stop for meetings, lunches with students and SHO-Time.  We had a great meal there one night with the gang from Spooky Tuesday and had my farewell dinner there as well.

11)  Sonic Drive-In-  In both Tampa and Waycross we used a Sonic for a summer program called Happy Hour.  I would go sit at the tables outside and spend several hours greeting students, playing cards and drinking Cherry Limeaids.  It was always a great time of relationship building, and I miss those very hot summer days!

10)  Captain John's Seafood-  I picked this fine Calabash restaurant (a favorite since my own youth group days) to represent all of the seafood restaurants we visited in the Myrtle Beach area over the years, including the all-you-can-eat places (pictured) we favored in the later years.  Special memories include Lisa Kraus Spires destroying an entire army of crab legs and the night I discovered half of the Springfield group didn't like seafood.  Not included in this list is White's Point- unless you wanted a hamburger. Right, Steve, Carl, Beth and Tammy?

  9)  The Roadhouse Grill/Rio Bravo-  These two Kissimmee restaurants were favorite SHO-Time spots, and we ate at both on many occasions.  We loved the queso at Rio and the bread and throwing peanut shells on the floor at Roadhouse, and both places knew us well.  Later on a Roadhouse in Clearwater became a favorite of the Wesley Memorial group.  None of those three restaurants are still in business.  I blame myself...

  8)  Dick's Wings-  This wonderful wing house became the home of our 5th Quarter "after football" events in Waycross, which drew big crowds of students on Friday nights.  You had to beware of Dick's Special Sauce- it was lethal!

  7)  The Beaches & Cream Soda Shoppe-  Located at Disney's Yacht and Beach Club Resort, this place serves great hamburgers and hot dogs- but no one cares!  They have some of the most amazing ice cream creations anywhere, and we visited often, as tourists from Springfield and as locals from Kissimmee and Tampa.  This was the home of the Kitchen Sink, and the much-missed Disney Dash Ice Cream Bash event.  

  6)  The Fireworks Factory-  Another out-of-business restaurant and the second in a trilogy of Disney eateries, we only had two meals there with youth groups.  The first night already received its own post, and you can read it by clicking here.  The second was the night Marilyn and I informed everyone on the Springfield Alumni Trip in December of 1994 that she was pregnant.  A very special place.

5)  The Cape May Cafe- Whether on long trips of just going over for the morning, there was no place quite like Cape May when it came to breakfast.  Both the Springfield and FUMC-K groups got to experience the wonder of this all-you-can-eat buffet that never ceases to amaze. I know of one young woman (no names, but she was dangerous with a Bible in her hands!) from the Springfield group who once ate 7 plates of food there and still loves to tell the story! Plus you got to share the meal with Admiral Goofy, Pluto, Chip and Dale! Located in Disney's Beach Club Resort, this one is still open- and I need to go soon!

4)  Lee Gardens-  Located near Wesley Memorial in Tampa, this Chinese buffet was host to us on so many occasions, and they never failed to show us a great time.  To this day when I walk in with just Marilyn they are stunned, and ask "Only 2?"  Best egg drop soup ever!

  3)  Carmine's-  This Manhattan establishment has the feel of something straight out of The Godfather.  It is a great place under any circumstance; to go there with a large group simply defies description (especially when I got to order everything in advance!).  The service, the sheer amount of food, and the desserts are all amazing.  We didn't find this place until Jill Painter's Aunt Gerry took us there in the late '90's; I didn't ever miss a chance to go there after that!

2)  Kyotos-  Many of my former students will be stunned to see this come in at #2.  After all, no place spanned as many years of my ministry as did this Japanese steakhouse.  While at Springfield, we discovered one in Greensboro, NC, and began to plan regular group events there.  It became tradition for me to take youth there to celebrate their 16th birthdays.  When we moved to Kissimmee, we discovered one in Longwood (just north of Orlando; see picture) and began regular pilgrimages, often with huge groups of teens.  Later, we discovered one in Myrtle Beach and ate there with both the Wesley Memorial (above) and FUMC-K groups.  So many stories, so many memories and so much food!  Also have to give a quick shout out to Kado Japanese in Tampa, which also hosted many a memorable meal!

  1)  Pizza Inn-  Although we ate at Kyotos many times over many years, for shear quantity nothing came close to Pizza Inn in High Point, NC.  It has so much meaning to so many people who were a part of the Springfield Friends Meeting youth ministry (see The Ministry of Pizza Inn), partly because at least a portion of us ate there every week- at least once a week!   No other restaurant ever had as much impact on my ministry, and we had a pretty major impact on them as well.  Congrats, Pizza Inn- you are still #1!!!

So there it is- I would love to hear your thoughts on oversights and omissions from this list.  My groups may not have done everything right, but as you can tell- we never missed a meal!  See you tomorrow!

Because of Jesus,

The Truth About Barbecue

Last week I wrote on a couple of occasions about the RNC being in my current home of Tampa.  This week the DNC is in my long-time home of North Carolina, so I again feel a connection.  I never lived in Charlotte; in fact growing up in Greensboro often led to "Charlotte Envy" because they were NC's big city, complete with a theme park! 
But it is in my home state.  On Tuesday night, The Daily Show introduced viewers to Charlotte in their inimitable way, including pointing out how proud Carolinians are of their barbecue.  As they reported this fact, their correspondent said how yummy it was and then held up some ribs for all to see.  For me, this was the last straw in a long-simmering mind melt that began in 1994 when I moved to Florida.  And it led directly to this rant...

Why would these kind words about NC barbecue and the showing of some ribs make my head explode?  It's very simple, and I am going to explain this in a language that people from Texas, Memphis, Kansas City and Burger King can understand.  Most of this fine nation (and The Daily Show) is operating under the false understanding that barbecue is a verb.  To these confused folks, "barbecuing" is something that can be done to most anything so long as you throw it on a grill.  It may or may not involve actual barbecue sauce.  It might be hamburger, fish, steak or ribs.  As anyone who is a native of NC or has spent significant time there can tell you, this is just wrong.  Barbecue is not a verb.  The verb for such activity is grilling. Barbecue is a NOUN.  It is what many of you call "pulled pork"- a term which makes my skin crawl.  I can get pulled pork all over Florida (sorry Sonny's, Jimbo's, Smokey Bones and even Fat Boys in Kissimmee) and trust me, I have tried it all!  None of it is close to real barbecue. Barbecue is pork (and nothing else) pulled (never cut) from a pig that has been roasted over an open wood fire for many hours.  It is then often chopped into even smaller pieces for consumption.  A mustard-based (if it's red, something is terribly wrong!) barbecue sauce is then generally added before it even hits your plate or your sandwich.  You can ad more if you like. This is barbecue. Not ribs, not anything else.  I hope I am making myself clear.

But that is not all.  As you can see in the picture above, there are certain things that MUST be served with real barbecue.  There are no exceptions.  Whether on a plate or a sandwich, it has to be paired with a vinegar-based slaw peculiar to restaurants in NC & SC.  And there must be- I cannot emphasize this enough- there must be hushpuppies.  Fried corn meal, for those of you who don't speak southern.  All the best barbecue restaurants (like Stamey's in my old stomping grounds of Greensboro, Kepley's in High Point, the famous Lexington Barbecue or any number of other great little independent place all over the state) will serve you a platter just like that.  You are welcome to add fries, but it is really not necessary.  :)  Then you wash it all down with SweetTea (any good southerner knows that is all one word) or a Cheerwine (bottled in Salisbury, NC).  Prefer a diet drink? Then what are you doing in a barbecue restaurant?!?!

Many states claim to have the best barbecue.  The truth of the matter is very few places actually have barbecue at all.  Want to know if your town has real barbecue?  Here the litmus test- does any menu in town offer a Barbecue Sandwich? If not, then you don't have the real deal!   I offer my hearty congratulations to the rest of you on your expertise in using a grill.  It is something to be celebrated. But as you may have noticed, there is no grill used in the preparation of real barbecue.  So let's get our language straight.  Quit using this noun as a verb.  And bow down to the one, the only, the real...NC barbecue.  Do you hear me, Jon Stewart?  I feel much better now...

Let the debate begin!!!

Summer 101: SHO-Time!

It's almost May.  Still need help with your church's summer student ministry calendar?  Summer 101 is here every Friday to help!  Help your church make the most of the very best season of the year for youth ministry- SUMMER!

One of the most popular ideas I ever came up with for my student ministries was called SHO-Time (Senior High Only).  The origin was simple enough.  For most of my 28 years as a youth pastor our high school students and middle school students met together on Sunday evenings and Wednesday nights.  I wanted to begin doing some special programming that would allow each of those groups to do things on their own.  SHO-Time was a no-brainer.  I just picked a night and a restaurant and invited our high school students to meet me there, or to meet at the church if they need a ride.  I began the program in 1988; it was still going strong at a 5th different church when I left the ministry in 2007.  


Although SHO-Time began as a once-a-month school year event, it was also a staple of our summer programming.  The laid back, no "school night" limits atmosphere of summer allowed us to visit restaurants that were farther away or required more time to eat.  We always tried to alternate the more expensive places with cheaper ones to keep things affordable.  And during the summer we would often find ways to hang out after the meal, whether by going back to the church or out to a movie or miniature golf.  It just made for another awesome night of fellowship. Plus, it is a wonderful event in which to include your family.  My son Will grew up thinking every kid got to eat out with awesome high school students like he did!

SHO-Time can be easily adjusted to fit your group's needs.  If you already split high school and middle school students, then you could use it to do something special for your 11th and 12th graders.  I found that it was a good way to connect with students who may have "dropped out" of youth group- everyone loves to eat!  It's always cool to do something special for your older youth- and their friends! This is another simple program that attracts new students like flies to a smelly church van.  

One final note about SHO-Time (and this is HUGE):  No matter if there is only 1 student who shows up, NEVER cancel it.  When I started the program at FUMC-Kissimmee, the first couple of times only 1 youth (Connor Lewis, pictured above) showed up. We had a blast, and word quickly spread that this was a great evening of fun and fellowship.  Within a few months, SHO-Time became a big deal.  Never quit on your kids.  You can't make anyone feel important if the message you send is, "Just you is not enough."  It's all about relationships, not numbers.  (A side note: As I edit this post I just saw a tweet from a youth pastor praying that "our SMALL group will be BIGGER than ever tonight."  Dysfunction Junction, thy name is so often ministry...)  But if you are looking for an event that will get everyone talking,  join me next Friday.  It's time to put some mystery in your ministry...


Because of Jesus,

A Sign of the Acpocalypse

My life has changed in a lot of ways over the past few years, but this is one change I never saw coming.  Certainly there was nothing in my history to suggest it was a possibility.  This was something I have loved since I was young, something that has always been a major part of my life.  There was a time when I seldom went a day without it.  But I have to face the facts.  I have to accept the truth.  After almost 52 years of life it has finally happened.  I am tired of pizza.

Long gone are my teenage years when I could sit down to a large, thin crust Pizza Hut pizza and eat the entire thing.  Gone are my days living in High Point, working at Springfield Friends Meeting and eating at Pizza Inn several times a week.  Gone are my days serving FUMC-Kissimmee, when parents bringing snack supper to youth group seemed to alternate between Domino's and Papa John's for our meal each week.  I remember the beach trips and ordering 15 pies from Little Ceasar's, meaning we actually got 30 pizzas.  I can barely remember my 18 months in Chicago- CHICAGO! - and falling in love with deep dish pizza from places like Giordano's and Home Run Pizza.  As Will grew older and pizza became his favorite food, I was right there with him, visiting buffets at Cici's and "The Hut" and giving a new meaning to "all-you-can-eat." Over the past few years we have eaten a lot of carryout pizza, and recently discovered the wonders of The Mellow Mushroom.  Life was good.  Pizza was good.

But over the past few months there has been a change.  When someone suggests pizza for dinner, I suggest something else.  Instead of me eating an entire large pizza, my family now orders just one.  Just last night, with Will gone to the Blink 182/My Chemical Romance concert, Marilyn suggested wings or pizza.  My immediate response was, "Not pizza."  I have to face the facts- my life-long love affair with pizza has come to an end.

Let me explain why this is more serious than you might think, why this is indeed a sign of the apocalypse in my life.  Even with everything I have been through these past years, even though I will never be a youth pastor again, I have always felt like one.  It's just ingrained in me, a real part of who I am.  And in my slightly demented mind, this is what I know to be true- you can't be a youth pastor and not like pizza.  It's just not possible.  I mean I am sure there are plenty of excellent youth workers who don't eat pizza, but in my mind it just seems so wrong- like living in Hawaii and not liking the ocean.  And maybe that's the point.  Maybe my change in appetite is God's way of finally moving me towards a more adult oriented ministry.  They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach; I'm sure God is fully aware of that truth! :)  Whatever the case, it makes me a little sad.  So many of my best memories are wrapped in cheese and tomato sauce.  And now it is time to let go.

I will still eat pizza with my family and friends- I just won't love it anymore.  I will always be a youth pastor- I just can't cling to it anymore.  I've got to keep seeking the will of God in my life, and I've got to keep moving forward.  Speaking of which- have I told you about my addiction to Chinese food?  Have a blessed day, my friends!

Because of Jesus,