Influences: Neal Thomas

Yesterday the Quaker Lake Camp community was rocked by the news that Leah Way, daughter of Martha Thomas Way and granddaughter of Neal & Susie Thomas, had been killed in a car crash.   I heard from numerous old friends (thanks Leigh Anne, Steve, Edith, Susan and others) who wanted to make sure that we got the news way down here in Florida, and we were all devastated.  During my years of involvement at QLC, Neal was my camp director, my boss and my friend. In October of 2009 I wrote of his influence on my life in one of my earliest posts.  It seemed appropriate to share it again today.  Everyone who is part of the Quaker Lake community- and even now, 30 years since I last worked on summer staff, it is still a community I cherish- mourns with the Thomas family.  Our prayers are with them, as is our love.

Neal- always the leader of the band!

Steve Semmler took me to Quaker Lake Camp in Climax, NC for the first time in the summer of 1973, following our 8th grade year. I knew nothing about the place except that my mom had been there years before, and that Steve said it was cool. Upon our arrival, Steve was surprised to discover that Cal Geiger was no longer Camp Director, and that he had been replaced by a young man named Neal Thomas. To be honest, Steve was a little disappointed at the time. It really made very little difference that week, as Wallace Sills directed our camp and Neal was just around, fixing things and helping camp run smoothly. But knowing Neal Thomas would make an enormous difference in my life.

I grew to know Neal over the next few years as I progressed from camper, to Counselor-in-Training to summer staff- on which I served from 1978-1983. In many ways, we were opposites. Neal was always calm,always composed, slow to show emotion and always aware of the big picture. Neal could fix or build anything. I was young, loud, brash and always in the moment, and thought duct tape was a tool. Despite this, I had enormous respect for Neal. He had been a conscientious objector to the draft, and he lived out his "peace testimony" in his everyday life. He loved Quaker Lake and was constantly pushing to improve the facility and the programs. At a time when theology in the NC Yearly Meeting of Friends was about as diverse as you can imagine, Neal always steered QLC to the center. In fact, his talks to the staff on how we had to be the camp for ALL of NCYM, doing nothing to offend either end of the theological spectrum, guided me through many tough times in the large churches I would serve later in my life. He was our boss, but he was also someone we could count on and turn to. And even on days when I did not deserve it, he always supported me and always showed me grace that could only come from a walk with Jesus. Neal Thomas walked that walk, and he shared it freely. It always amazed me that some on the theological "right" in the yearly meeting considered Neal too liberal. That only showed how little they knew him.

That is not to say that Neal was perfect! He was a trained EMT, but if a camper threw up, look out! Neal would be next! Somewhere along life's journey he had picked up the nickname "Quiver Lips." He told us that one Saturday morning when I was a camper after some girls had water ballooned our cabin. In those days the cabins had screens along the top, and they had pounded the screens (and my top bunk!) and soaked us. It would have been a wonderful prank, except for one small issue- the force of the balloons hitting the screens knocked them out. By the time we arrived at breakfast the next morning, Neal was furious, and the lips were indeed quivering. We all got a stern lecture on respecting property (that means you, Tammy!) and then it was all forgotten. It was, thankfully, one of the few times over my 21 years of being around Neal that I saw him really angry. The lesson was profound, however, and over the years I became a fanatic about respecting property and not wasting food or other items. Neal was a sneaky teacher- you often learned without realizing you were being taught.

After I returned from New England to NC in 1986, my relationship with Neal changed. We became great friends. I loved volunteering at camp and serving on the Camp Planning Committee to help hire staff and plan the camp themes each year. We traveled to Indiana for a Conference on Quaker Camping and attended the National Youth Workers Convention together. We would gather at his and Susie's home at QLC and play Trivial Pursuit (no matter what you may hear, the guys always won!). Every time I ever needed a reference or a friend, Neal was there. One of my greatest disappointments in life was that his last summer, 1994, I could not volunteer because it was my first year in Kissimmee. I had been with him his first year; I was sorry to miss his last.

Neal Thomas is Quaker Lake Camp to me. The influence he had on my life cannot be explained in a blog post. My entire ministry was driven by his example and his encouragement. Whenever I doubted myself, I often thought of something he once said to me: "Carl, you have a gift. When you get your guitar and start leading music, even the junior high boys start to sing. Anyone who can get junior high boys to sing has a gift." Moments like that one still move me all these years later. So thank you, Neal, from myself and hundreds of others who were influenced by you over the years. You showed me what it means to walk in Light. You, Susie, Doug and Martha made us all feel like family. Marilyn and I hope you know that you are loved. It almost makes me sorry for the morning we used food dye and made Neal green eggs and ham to test his legendarily weak gag reflex...but not quite! Today, more than usual, the Thomas family is in my thoughts and prayers.  I love you guys.

Because of Jesus,

Youth Ministry Oops

My Twitter buddy and veteran youth worker Paul Turner tweeted yesterday that youth pastors should remember to be in touch with students who may have missed their weekend youth events to let them know they were missed.  It was a great reminder to stay focused on the students and continuing to build relationships and community in youth ministry.  It also reminded me of 3 epic Oops committed by a large, very successful youth ministry in the life of my own son a few years back that left him with a bad taste in his mouth for youth group.  I hope this story will serve as a warning to all of you who love students.

When we first moved back to Tampa in the summer of 2007, Will became a regular and very active participant in a local student ministry. He attended their primary youth meeting event Sunday evenings.  He went on retreats and attended special events.  Very few of the students attended his school, and he did not have many close friends in the group, but for the most part he enjoyed going. In the summer of 2008 he was part of week long local missions camp where they stayed on campus at the church for the entire week. We did not learn this until much later, but during one of the nightly worship times that week he went forward for prayer.  The youth pastor, who by then had known him for over a year, prayed for him by the wrong name.  It wasn't just an error. She did not know his name.  And that really hurt Will- as it would any of us.  Oops #1.

Will continued to attend as the school year began, albeit with less enthusiasm.  We sometimes had to make him go.  Then one week, after he had been a youth on the previous 3 Sundays in a row, he received a "missing you" card from the youth staff.  We assumed it was just a simple mistake, but a few weeks later it happened again.  Will was no doubt feeling invisible, and as a long time youth pastor I understood why.  He did not feel part of the community, and the leaders seemed not to know who he was.  And being part of that ministry became less and less important to him.  Oops #2.

After 2 years of pretty regular participation, Will began to drop out. He no longer wanted to go to special events on on retreats. We had to fight him to get him to attend at all.  And as he pulled away from that ministry, not once did anyone from the youth staff call him or visit him.  Not once did anyone stop by his school for lunch or offer to buy him a milk shake. He had no relationships, and he felt no community. I had always said I would not be one of those parents who forced his kid to go to youth group- I had seen first hand for years what a disaster that can be.  Will wanted out, and with no sign of anyone in the ministry really caring, we let him drop out.  If they had only reached out to him...  Oops #3.

Now the story has a happy ending, although not one I would have ever scripted. We explored the high school ministry as he began 9th grade, and I even took the new high school pastor to lunch and explained my frustrations.  To his credit, he did make an effort to involve Will.  But it was too late.  Will had found community and relationships with a different group- the drumline of his school marching band. The church changed their youth group to Wednesday evenings, a time when Will could not attend (Oops #4?). His life began to revolve around the people and activities of the band, just as mine and so many students who passed through my groups had revolved around a youth ministry.  And now, as a senior, those drummers are the most important people in his life.  He still loves church, and we attend worship (at that same church) on a regular basis.  He still loves Jesus.  We are blessed by those things.  But the bottom line, youth ministry failed my son.

To get back to Paul's tweet, I always felt like if a student missed a week, there was most likely a good reason.  If they missed 2 weeks, I needed to let them know they were missed. If they missed 3, then something was wrong. A pattern was forming, and I needed to talk to them and see what could be done.  Students want to be part of a community.  They want leaders to know their names. They don't want to feel invisible.  And they want to be missed when they are not around.  Students crave relationships. If the church does not provide them, they will seek it elsewhere. We got lucky, and Will found amazing friends in drumline who have been a huge positive in his life.  Others will find their community in far darker places.  Don't let your students become victims of the Oops.  Remember that relationships are job #1.

Because of Jesus,

Where Everybody Knows Your Name...

Heather, part of the Flats family!

Remember the great 80/90's sitcom Cheers?  It was a great show about the merry mishaps of a crew of misfits who gathered in a bar in Boston, and for a number of years it was one of the most popular shows on TV.  The adventures of such characters as Sam, Diane, Rebecca, Coach, Carla, Woody, Cliff and Frazier became part of our lives. It featured a marvelous little theme song, which if for some reason you don't know or don't remember you can listen to below...





One of the recurring gags on the show was when the overweight, down-on-his-luck accountant Norm would walk into the bar, everyone present would yell "Norm!"  It was in recognition of his importance to them, and of the theme of the show- everyone likes to go to a place where everybody knows their name.  And this is true for all of us.  Lately I have found my own place to "take a break from all my worries."  Every Tuesday Marilyn, our friend Lisa (and sometimes other folks) and I head over to the local Tijuana Flats for Taco Tuesday.  The food is good and the staff is great, and they take very good care of us.  And over a period of time, they have all learned my name.  I had never thought about it being a big deal until last week, when as we left the building after dinner pretty much every employee began shouting, "Bye Carl!"  I couldn't help but smile and feel special.  And I couldn't hardly wait until it would be time to go back again.  It's always good to go where everybody knows your name...


Wouldn't it be great if more of our churches, ministries and youth groups were that place?  I know I always wanted my student ministries to be like that- a place where people couldn't wait to come and be with one another because they knew they were loved, appreciated and called by name.  No one should understand better than the church that we should be a place where it is recognized that "people are all the same."  Yet it seems one of the primary complaints you hear about the institutional church is that it can be cold and impersonal.  It can be elitist.  It is a place where we often feel guilt rather than love.  And it is far too often a place where people feel left out rather than included.  We shake hands and greet people during worship, but do we ever learn names?  Do we ever seek to truly build relationships?  Do we understand that one of the best ways we can model the love of Jesus to our hurting world is by making everyone feel like Norm (and me!)- special and noteworthy?  We are sending a mixed message to the world when we say that Jesus loves them, and then do absolutely nothing to prove that we do too.  My son's relationship with the church was forever damaged when a youth pastor prayed for him using the wrong name.  We have to do better.  I know the church is meant to be so much more that a social club.  But part of that higher calling is showing people the love of God whose name is Jesus.  Fellowship is crucial to sharing our faith with the world.  And that starts when we learn each others names...


Tomorrow night I will be headed back to Tijuana Flats in Tampa/Westchase (around 7 PM if you care to join us!) with the gang, and I go with a sense of expectation and excitement, because the people there will be genuinely glad to see us.  I will hear my name. I will learn some names.  And I will feel part of a community.  Shame on us if our churches do any less.


Because of Jesus,

Mission Trip 2002: Washington, DC

Our Team, just before the Prayer Tour

June of 2002 found 10 members of the student ministry of Wesley Memorial UMC headed north for a mission experience in our nation's capital.  We would be working under the supervision of The Center for Student Missions (CSM), a group I had long been aware of and had used while at FUMC-K in 1999.  CSM was everything I could have hoped for- but that was about the only part of the trip, for better and for worse, that went the way I had in mind.

The first snafu was the location of the trip.  I had planned to take the team to the CSM site in Nashville (where I had been before), but due to some mix-ups (mostly my fault) we moved the trip to DC and shortened it a bit.  Now I don't know how many youth pastors will openly admit to this, but anytime I planned a big trip there were always certain students I prayed would go.  Whether it was for their leaderships skills, their faithfulness, their good attitudes or just because I really liked them, there was always a list in my head.  This trip was no different.  What was a real change for me was that almost no one from my "list" actually signed up for the trip!  I have mentioned that there were many students who were a part of the youth ministry when I arrived but still felt like they didn't belong.  That was the group that headed off to DC with me.

We slept on the floor upstairs in an old church not too far from downtown.  The first night we took a "Prayer Tour" of the city, seeing the monstrous gap between the rich and the poor that exist in the capital of the world's wealthiest nation.  It was truly astonishing.  We left the front of the Supreme Court building, went under a bridge, and opened our eyes to one of the most impoverished areas I have ever seen anywhere.  It is called Anacostia.  Part of our work for the week was to build bunk beds so that future groups would have more spaces to sleep at the CSM location.  The other part of our mission was to serve with various other ministries in the area that were already making a huge difference in the name of Jesus in Anacostia.  We served in soup kitchens, packed lunches and delivered them to AIDS patients and worked in a food bank.  Each day we dealt with the poorest of the poor. The thing I remember most about that trip was walking around the Mall at the Washington Monument and the Smithsonian the last day, asking people survey questions about poverty and homelessness in DC.  People were either appalled by it, or failed to acknowledge its existence... 

Cory Vetter guards the fridge...

The other adult on the trip Brian (Big B) Willeke, was a mission trip veteran and an amazing man of God.  That said, I don't think I ever took a youth trip of any sort, before or since, where there was less established student leadership.  With no highly respected youth setting examples for everyone, it seemed the lazy kids were lazier, the stubborn students fought me on everything and the shy youth still felt left out.  Had it not been for Bobby Greife and Cory Vetter, two kids with great backgrounds in scouting, things would have been much worse.  As time went by, those 2 took the lead.  And then there was Chris.  You may remember Chris from our earlier Ski Camp.  That trip he frustrated me.  This trip I was afraid I was going to kill him- and I am a pacifist!

There were great. memorable moments.  Jeff Miller and his infamous, "But she had hair!"  Stephanie Greife, who at the beginning of the trip barely spoke, coming into her own as "Ferocious Buttercup" with her van rocking sneezes.  Kristen Vetter and the couch she adopted and tried to save from the scrap heap.  Despite all of the issues, I could feel a bond forming.  Now if only the rest of the summer events would do something to help pull in the "popular" kids who had remained at home.  Only time would tell.

Because of Jesus,

Finding Community

As I mentioned yesterday, the youth ministry of the Union Church of Hinsdale had no sense of true community when I arrived there in 2000. Turning it from a "youth group" into an Acts 2:42 fellowship was high on my list of priorities- although I admit that list was very long.  The more that I became aware that God's purpose for me in Illinois was to Plow the Road, the more important building that fellowship became.  When I started our small group Bible study in the Fall of 2000, I had no idea what God was about to do to my life and that ministry.

The group that was to become the core of our Acts 2:42 project at UC had a lot in common with the disciples of Jesus.  They were a odd collection of ragamuffins, misfits and outcasts.  Many of them didn't own a bible when we started.  Kristen Mann was involved in numerous school activities and never made it to youth group on Sunday.  Greta Staat, though only a freshman, had "leader" written all over her.  One had tried to kill herself twice in the preceding months.  Cara Stevens was much younger than the rest of the group; she was also the furthest along on her spiritual journey.  The three guys who were coming had previously seemed to me like total goofballs.  And almost none of them had strong relationships with one another.  It hardly seemed like a group that could change the culture of an entire church.

But they did just that.  The more we were together, the more they wanted to be together. We were finding community.  We studied the very basics of our faith in scripture.  We prayed together each week- and I discovered only a couple of them had ever prayed out loud before.  We brought in food and occasionally did our study at the Jade Dragon for dinner.  We became a fellowship, sharing life together and learning to lean on one another and on Jesus.  We began discussing life's important issues and how faith could and should be a part of our everyday lives.  It was incredible to watch what happened to that little group in one school year.  And David Knecht- the person to whom I felt God was entrusting the long term care of that ministry- was a part of all of it as well.  When it finally came time for me to leave UC in October of 2001 I had trouble letting to of that amazing, spirit-filled bunch.

When you spend as many years in ministry as I did, hindsight often gives you surprising answers when you seek to determine the people who had the most impact on your life.  The names you see above would fit that description.  And tomorrow I will induct into my Youth Group Hall of Fame a co-worker from Kissimmee who is always on my mind in the Christmas season and should have made the HOF way before now.  See you then!

Jesus- the only hope for me is you...and You alone!

Do You Do Acts 2:42?

I had a professor at Guilford College who used to always tell us that there are millions of Christians in the world but only a small number who actually understand what it means to be in relationship with the wild, radical, rebellious and loving Jesus that we find in scripture.  We USAmericans don't like our Jesus that way.  We want him to be easy to contain, to define and to follow.  We want to go to church on Sunday and then put Him back in the box until next week.  The professor then pointed out that one way to discover if you were truly in fellowship with the living Christ was to ask yourself this question:  "Do you do Acts 2:42?"   Here is what this very simple description of the earliest church says:

Acts 2:42 (NIV):  They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

I tried for many years to use this model of ministry in my youth groups, seeking to keep in mind all 4 aspects of this verse.  Were we devoted to the teachings of scripture and the leaders around us?  Did we spend time together, sharing life and becoming family?  Did we eat together and take time to remember Jesus and his sacrifice?  Were we a people of prayer?  Very seldom were we on target with all 4 at once; but we were always striving towards the goal.

As the autumn of 2000 commenced and I began to try and turn around the student ministry of the Union Church of Hinsdale, I was realizing we were not being very faithful to any of those 4 directives.  I decided to try and form a small group that could serve as a model for the entire ministry- a place where we would seek to live in the true Christian community (Koinonia) described in Acts.  I invited anyone who was interested to join us for a weekly Bible study group that would be very important to the future of our student ministry.  After a few weeks of scattered attendance, a core group began to settle in.  I eliminated the high school/middle school division for this program, hoping to build some bridges in the ministry.  Around 10 students and a couple of other adults became the example of what I wanted to see the entire ministry become- and they were an amazing bunch through whom we began to see God's vision for UC come to light.  More on that tomorrow. 

 In the meantime, check yourselves.  Do you do Acts 2:42?  Are you involved with a group of people with whom you share life and a love of Jesus?  Many are not, and it is one of the reasons young adults often fall away from church after being very active in the youth group years.  They miss the family feel and fellowship.  They miss the opportunity to talk about their spiritual journeys.  They miss the shared meals and the silliness.  They miss prayer time with the gathered community.  Are you missing those things?  It is a question worth prayerfully considering today.  It's what church was meant to be...

Jesus- the only hope for me is you...and You alone!

Give Them Jesus

I heard Tony Campolo say many years ago that "too often people come to us looking for Jesus and we give them church.  If the church doesn't give them Jesus, then do we really have anything to offer?"  After a few months at the Union Church of Hinsdale, it was apparent to me that far too often people were coming for "church."  The radical, life-changing Jesus was too often missing from the things we did.  In fact, the church seemed quite afraid of Jesus, choosing to study his words without ever seeking to follow Him.  The more I prayed about what my role should be at UC, the clearer the answer was.  I was there to push the limits.  I was there to raise the bar.  I was there to make sure this large church began to give people Jesus.

So how did I do it?  Let me first say that I was not a prophet or some sort of Christian superhero, and I didn't accomplish anything miraculous.  I just made a conscious decision to remind the staff, the committees I worked with, and most importantly the youth of the church as to why we were there.  In staff meetings I was constantly questioning the way we did things, wanting to know how we were helping our congregation experience worship and experience Jesus.  I questioned how the community around us saw our church- it seemed to me most of them hardly noticed us.  We lived next door to a guy named Paul Allen, a pastor in another church in town.  He told me once that after 5 years of living there he still knew nothing about what UC stood for.  I decided it was time to step out in faith and show our church and the community what it looked like to live boldly for Jesus.  And as always, there were no better ambassadors than the youth.

Hinsdale Middle School was located directly across the street from the church.  One of the guys who had been attending our middle school group (TNT) was in a band made up of his peers from HMS, and I began talking to him abut doing an outdoor concert after school on church grounds.  We put it together and put out tons of publicity.  In addition to the live band I got Domino's to give us 50 large pizzas.  Several hundred students came to hear the music- but they also heard a short message about the love of God whose name is Jesus.  It was a great afternoon that created quite a stir in the community.  And it got the church talking about what we could do next...

A month or so later I brought my old friends Spooky Tuesday to UC, where they played for out students and a few others in the overflow of the worship room.  It was without a doubt the most radical, rocking event ever to be held inside that church.  I kept pushing for more contemporary music in worship.  I challenged the staff to keep finding ways to remind our members of how radical the teachings of Jesus were, and that we were called to follow his example.  I don't know that I was making much of difference- but I was living out one of the basics of ministry I had learned from J. David Stone way back in 1978- "we are called to be faithful, not successful."  And that was what mattered most to me.  I still was battling with why God had sent me to Illinois.  But if people were going to come to UC while I was there, I was going to make sure I gave them Jesus!

A few other things were going on in the student ministry that were giving me hope as well.  I'll get on to those stories next week.  Have a blessed weekend!

Jesus- the only hope for me is you...and You alone!