The Hogwarts School of Youth Ministry

Bob in Spanish Wells, 1997

This post was first shared in May of 2014. I share it again on this Flashback Friday in it's original format (slightly edited) for a couple of reasons. One, I was recently asked once again how we were able to do all we did in our student ministries and this post is my favorite answer. Two, I wanted you to see the original comments. And three, I have been talking with a lot of old Kissimmee friends these past few weeks. It got me thinking about the good old days...

"Most folks these days don't have enough faith to see that God's magic is happening all around them..."

I have a dear friend named Jennifer Kuramochi. Some of you know her her Jennifer Minnigan; still others simply as Bob. You can read about her days in the youth ministries of the First United Methodist Church of Kissimmee in many posts on this site, including The Legend of Bob, which is her entry into my Hall of Fame! So anyway...Jen and I are still friends. We were talking a few weeks back and she was telling me that whenever she recounts stories from her youth group days people are often in disbelief of all that we were able to do. Her husband Jun just shakes his head in wonder at the fact that a church youth group was able to go places like Spanish Wells, New York City and Myrtle Beach- not to mention the speakers, the concerts, the mission trips and the day trips. We got a lot of that same reaction at the FUMC-K reunion last year. Jennifer told me that once when asked how we were able to do all that we did, she thought for moment and responded, "I'm not sure. I think maybe Carl was part Wizard!" 

One of my favorite places on Walt Disney World property was The Beaches and Cream Soda Shoppe. I remember not only the great meals and the oh-so-decadent banana split pictured here, but also all the times times we were there with so many old friends and youth groups. This, after all, was the home of the Disney Dash Ice Cream Bash! One of those memories concerns the time in 1993 a group of us from Springfield Friends Meeting headed over mid-afternoon one day to get an ice cream fix and wound up singing Hopelessly Devoted to the other patrons of the restaurant (click But Now for the whole story!). That memory got me thinking more about that amazing '93 trip to WDW, stories of which were told here on this blog under the label Magic Tour back in 2010- and it took me 20 posts! Each of the nearly 50 participants had a 5-day park hopper pass. We stayed at Disney's Caribbean Beach Resort. We ate at some of the finest restaurants on property, and saw both the Hoop-de-doo Musical Revue and Polynesian Luau dinner shows. We were special (and featured!) guests at Pleasure Island's Comedy Warehouse. Every day was amazing, and as Marilyn I sat talking on Saturday the words of Bob came ringing back to me. How did we do all that stuff? Maybe I was part Wizard...

Of course we know the truth. We were able to do all that we did and accomplish all that we accomplished because we were blessed by God to do these things in Jesus' name. All of the churches I served had the resources and gave us the freedom to dream, to be creative, and yes- to be MAGICAL with our youth ministry programming! But the adult leadership in each of those ministries deserves credit for this one thing- we believed the magic could happen! We had faith that amazing things could happen. We had the audacity to believe in the biblical directive to pray big prayers and dream big dreams. I learned early on from some brilliant mentors that youth ministry thrives when you live in the Possimpible (thank you, Barney Stinson)- that place where the possible and the impossible meet. There was no doubt in my mind that if we did those things, God could provide the supernatural- the MAGIC. I suppose you could say I attended the Hogwarts School of Youth Ministry! What I lacked in theological training I made up for in faith. I believed in what we were doing and never allowed nay-saying Muggles to steal our dreams. If I were indeed part Wizard, it was only in the sense that I never ruled anything out just because it seemed to be out of our reach or impractical. Big churches or small, we believed in trusting God to take us to places beyond our grasp- but firmly in His. There was never any doubt in my mind that God had great things in store for the churches I served a youth pastor. That's how we did great mission trips over my 28 years to places like DC, Chicago, Nashville, Tijuana and Spanish Wells. It's how we did ski trips, amazing weekend retreats, over a dozen NYC trips, took trips to see the Braves play baseball, spent weeks at Myrtle Beach and had

New York Trip in the early 1990s

amazing adventures together at WDW. It's how we hosted great bands like Spooky Tuesday, Sundry, Lost And Found and Geoff Moore & the Distance, and communicators like Curt Clonninger, Duffy Robbins, Mike Williams, Rick Bundschuh and Ted & Lee. It's how we did outrageous summer events, had awe-filled worship and built bonds that are still strong to this very day. It's how we changed lives! We didn't get everything right, and we had our share of mishaps. There were times when it became less about God's power and too much about me, and the ministry suffered. But even in the tough times, we never stopped believing in the magic of youth ministry to bring teenagers into the presence of God and into relationship with Jesus and with one another. And when our plans were filtered through a mission for Christ and magnified by God's love for us, all things were possible. 

Looking back now, I still can't explain how it all came together. I don't know how we paid for everything, I don't know how the plans came together so well, and I don't know why God blessed us in so many ways- other than we believed God would! I just know that for 28 years God kept sending waves, and instead of ducking and hiding we kept yelling SURF'S UP!!! It was indeed magical. And if that makes me part Wizard- probably more like the foul-up Mickey the Sorcerer than Harry Potter- so be it. The abiding lesson of the Hogwarts School of Youth Ministry? Never underestimate the awesome power of God to do things that are far beyond your reach. So tell me, fellow Christians- do you believe in that kind of magic? The church so often seems to be full of Muggles...

Because of Jesus,

7 Things: A Youth Ministry Evaluation Quiz

Much of my adult life was spent working in student ministry. I was employed by a church to work with teenagers when I was still a teen myself, and for the next 28 years that was my life. I loved it. But having said that I should also point out that success in youth ministry can be very difficult to judge. Youth Pastors are always seeking out some new way to measure their effectiveness and help make sure they are on the right path. Today I want to help. Here are 7 questions that may be a little different from the standard "How am I doing?" checklist. In fact, you may have never considered some of these questions to be an indication of anything positive. I am quite certain these are questions you will never be asked by your church board or HR committee. I simply invite you to answer them honestly for you and your ministry, and then think about the implications of your answers. It may change the way you see success. Here we go...

1. When was the last time you had an all-out debate about a hot topic that is impacting the church today?  Not a program that informed students what they should believe, but a chance for them to talk about what they DO believe! Not a controlled, reasonable discussion, but a flat-out debate, with no holds barred?Remember, if you tell a teenager often enough that "we don't talk about that here" then pretty soon they won't talk about anything. And we want them to develop their own faith, not just be able to mimic ours. I can promise you if you do this, I already know your answer to #2...
2. How long has it been since a parent complained about what you are teaching?  Obviously, there are standard things we should be teaching to our youth. But far too often parents (and church leaders) want us to sanitize the Gospels. Following Jesus is messy. It often goes against what the world teaches. If we really teach that Jesus is the way, then we will occasionally be saying that parents are wrong.  Oops. Consider the importance of money and material possessions, for instance...
3. When was the last time you tried something that failed?  Whether a program, a trip, a mission project or a lesson, teenagers thrive on being challenged! If everything you do is safe and comfortable, with no risk of failure, then you are missing a chance to meet them where they are in a profound way.  Use your God-given creativity. Believe all those hats and t-shirts that say, Fear Not! Step out in faith. Do something wild and woolly! And if you fail, simply get up and try again. Jesus will always be with you!
4. Does your church have a rule in place because of you?  This was one of the late Mike Yaconelli's favorite questions for youth pastors. Have you been so creative that the church trustees have met just to figure out how to stop you? Have you tested the limits of the church buildings, the church grounds and the church vans? Not because you have been thoughtless or reckless, and not because you lack respect- but because you know and love teenagers and keep discovering new ways to keep them involved. In my case, one of my favorites was the banning of playing Kick the Can in the church cemetery. Seriously.
5. When was the last time you made your students uncomfortable?  We all want our youth ministries to be a safe haven for students in so many ways. But we also need to remember that following Jesus will ALWAYS take us outside of our comfort zones. We need to do ministry in neighborhoods that may not feel safe. We need to talk about subjects that our youth would just as soon ignore. And we need to take mission trips to places where our youth will encounter "the least of these." If your kids have not been uncomfortable lately, they are missing out.
6. Do your youth know that you are real?  Your students do not need to know if you are having marriage problems or have a secret addiction. They do not need to know if you dislike your pastor or really can't stand the new worship leader. But they do need to know that you have frustrations and problems. They need to know that you are a real person. Part of youth ministry is being a model of Christian living for the students you serve, and a real model has flaws. You and I are not perfect. Students need to know that. Be honest when you mess up a program or hurt someones feelings. Be real about frustrations. How can we teach about the amazing grace of God if we spend our lives pretending we don't need it because we have out acts together? It's time to get real.
7. How much ministry time are you spending outside of your office?  How many students who don't attend your church have you met recently?  I have written entire posts about this subject, but it remains a key question. If you are not out meeting students where they are and building relationships with youth throughout your community, then your ministry is missing a key element.  If meetings and paperwork have you trapped behind a desk, change something. Doug Fields once moved his office to a Taco Bell for after-school hours so he could be available to students and away from the "busy work" of the office setting. What do you need to do to make meeting students on their turf a priority?

So there you have it- a list almost guaranteed to get you in trouble with the local Pharisees! It is also a list that will help you seek out new ways to bring the teenagers you serve into a deeper relationship with Jesus. I have one more suggestion that is sure cause a little commotion. Share these questions with the Youth Ministry Committee, your church staff or anyone else you feel is appropriate. Seek their input and guidance. Maybe...just maybe...such discussions can lead to a little more organized chaos in your church. I will say it again- following Jesus is messy. Has your ministry become a little too "sanitized for your protection?" Finally, the ridiculous picture at the top makes a little sense...  Blessings to you as you serve in the name of the risen Savior!

Because of Jesus,

So Now What?

When we moved to Kissimmee in 1994, Marilyn and I were away from family for the and friends for really the first time as a couple. We were starting over in many ways, and after putting boxes and furniture in the house it was time to get serious about what to do first in my new role as Director of Youth Ministries at FUMC-K. I had received letters from some of the youth and the adult volunteers welcoming me and indicating some of their hopes and expectations of me. These letters were written at youth group on March 20, 1994- about one month before my arrival. Most of these letters were encouraging and sounded as if the students were excited to have a new youth pastor on the way,  Others...well they certainly made me think. Here are a few direct quotes (yes I still have the letters; go ahead and laugh!) from the kid's letters. Names have been withheld to save any embarrassment (but those of you from FUMC-K are welcome to guess!).

• "We look forward to your coming with much anxiety...I am not sure what changes you have planned."
• "My favorite hobby is to start fires.  I hate cats and every time I see one I have no choice but to kill the animal.  I hope you are not a bug collector."
• "I need to talk to you about me the day you get here April 14th."
• "Brace yourself.  HA HA HA...you don't know what you are jumping into."  (This letter included a sketch of a man jumping off of a diving board into an empty swimming pool-  such encouragement!)
• "Everyone here is excited you are coming.  I myself am not over enthusiastic, but I am glad someone is coming..."

If the youth letters left me feeling a bit nervous about getting started, the letters from the adults made it clear that the task was daunting and the expectations were high. Those thoughts were made even clearer by a survey I had sent to volunteers who were working with the group in advance of my coming. I had asked five questions of them. I wanted to know the strengths of the group;  the weaknesses; the primary needs, or where I needed to start; how they saw themselves fitting in; and finally, what had summer programs been like in the past. Over and over again I read that the strength was the closeness and commitment of the students who were involved, except for the few who found that closeness was translating into cliques. But now there were many less than had been there just a few years before, and people found that depressing. Having had three leaders in two years, with me being number four, had left everyone a bit staggered. The words that kept coming up were leadership and stability. The good news was I would have lots of help; one writer told me that some Sunday evenings there were more adults than students at youth group. The bad news was that there were more adults...

My normal approach would have been to work my way in slowly, seeing what was working and what needed to be changed. After reading the letters and surveys and praying about it, I knew I needed to come in with the cannons firing. This was a ministry anchored in the past;  both the glorious past of huge crowds and strong leadership, and the more recent past of failure and abandonment. It was time to go forward and to do it with great energy. Fortunately, summer was only 6 weeks away, and I knew I could show them leadership and energy like they had seldom seen before. The survey responses indicated that summers had been pretty basic in years past, with a mission trip and what they called "Breakaways" to lake homes or houses with pools on Sunday afternoons. At least five of the surveys stated that "anything I planned would be OK." I had to laugh. They had no idea who they were dealing with...YET!  They were hoping for a slice of good pizza. That summer they would get the entire pie! Sometimes first steps need to be baby steps- and sometimes you just have go whole hog! Youth Ministry was never dull. Never!

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: Uncredited Glory

If you were to enter the Jones house between 6 AM and 7 AM (and sometimes later on) on pretty much any Monday-Friday you would find Marilyn and Will getting ready for work and school. You would find me fixing breakfast. And you would find our TV set to ESPN2 and Mike and Mike in the Morning - at least until That 70s Show reruns are on. I have been watching Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic for years, both for sports news and their great sense of humor. They are quite famous, appearing on TV and radio four hours a day, plus the occasional SportsCenter and other specials.  They have written books. They get to attend events and do things (broadcasting Monday Night Football, guesting on Letterman and throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley Field, for instance) that most of us can only dream of. They get more than their share of glory. They also get bashed by others in media on a regular basis for a variety of reasons. Back in 2010 they shared a story that really hit home with me, and I wanted to share it with you again today.

It seems that the Mikes had done a scene in the very forgettable movie Just Wright. They played themselves, doing their show and trashing the basketball-playing main character of the film. Their scene is pivotal to the plot; after hearing the guys kill his rep on air, the player retreats to his house, where he is shown sitting in his bedroom, depressed and watching a narrated documentary on jellyfish. It sets the scene for his comeback, which is the primary storyline of the movie. Golic (the big Mike) went to see the movie opening weekend with his family, and sat in the theater afterwards to see his name in the credits. He saw hundreds of names roll by, but no Greeny or Golic. He saw the "Jellyfish Narrator" credited by name, but no mention of his own. It seems that their pivotal roles had gone uncredited- and despite the rest of their fame and accolades neither of them were happy about it! 

Their story made me think about life in student ministry. When you plan major trips and events and things go right, you bask in the glory. Students love you and parents think you are a genius. When things go wrong, you suffer the embarrassment and humiliation, not to mention the wrath of the Senior Pastor. To those around you it must seem like you live your life in the spotlight. But the fact is, the most important things you do as a youth pastor are things that very few people know about. Maya Angelou once famously said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." That is a brilliant description of youth ministry. The true ministry of a youth pastor takes place in-between the big events and programs. That is when you can truly show them Jesus. It takes place when a student gets dumped by his girlfriend and they call you for advice. It takes place when a student's parents are splitting up, and she shows up at your house to talk. It happens when they have partied too much and can't drive home, and they call you for a ride. It happens when a young lady travels thousands of miles to see her boyfriend, only to find him with another woman- and she needs a shoulder to cry on. It happens when a 16 year-old girl has a wreck and doesn't know what to do, and she comes running into your office looking for answers- and hugs. True youth ministry takes place when the students understand that you love them and will be there for them. No judgement, no condemnation- just love. The church does not see or read about these moments, but the kids know. And Jesus knows. This is the uncredited glory.

I remember in the early 1980's at New Garden getting a call from a young woman whose ex-boyfriend had shown up at her house drunk and violent, and I went to get him.  There was a time in Tampa when a young woman from Wesley Memorial after her father had thrown her out of his house and needed someone to be there for her. I remember a long conversation with a young man whose family and friends had bailed on him, and he was thinking abut throwing his life away. You know what all of those situations had in common? They all took place AFTER I was no longer the youth pastor of the students involved. To know that I had a lasting impact on the lives of some of the youth I ministered to was all the credit and all the glory anyone could ask for. I no doubt failed more times than I succeeded;  but I hope I showed the students I served that Jesus will never fail them. That was always my goal, even if sometimes I lost sight of it. Today and everyday I thank God for the opportunities God gave me to impact the lives of students in Jesus' name. Like Greeny and Golic, my name (and the names of countless other youth pastors) may not always show up in the credits here in this world, but, because of Jesus, I know that "When the roll is called up Yonder I'll be there..."  And that is all the credit anyone could pray for!

Because of Jesus,

Are You Ready For the Summer?

Dear friends in Student Ministry: Summer is almost upon us! Are you ready to make the most of all of the free time your students will have? Here are some thoughts on how I became a huge fan of summer ministries, originally posted back in 2009. 

In the early days of professional youth ministry it was commonplace for summer to be downtime for the Youth Pastor. This never made any sense to me. We would take three months when students were usually available and often bored and churches would slow down their youth ministries. Many youth workers were not paid during the summer months and had to find other jobs. In fact, I spent my earliest summers in ministry working at a summer camp because I had summers off. By the time of my first summer at Springfield Friends Meeting in 1987 all of this was changing. We planned events on Wednesdays and Sundays and our first trip to Disney World. At the 1987 NYWC I attended a seminar that challenged me to expand our summer ministry and to improve our communication. The summer of 1988 was my first shot at doing both.

The programs and events for that summer now seem very tame by my later standards, but they were the start of something big! We continued to meet on Sunday afternoons and Wednesday nights (giving our award-winning TNT program the summer off). We took trips to Myrtle
Beach (That's Amy, Lavonia, Andi & Heather pictured at The Betsy B in 1988) and Atlanta. We had our first ever Youth Week, with events every day, including a trip to Carowinds and a concert by me at the Covered Bridge Pizza Parlor in Archdale. We had our first ever Breakfast Club; our first ever trip to feed the homeless of High Point at Our Father's Table; our first ever end of the summer Luau!  We collected cans of tuna to help Urban Ministry feed the hungry. We attended Quaker Lake together and had our own class at VBS. Every ministry and event that would come in the later years got a start in the summer of '88.

It was also the year of the first Summer Ministries Booklet. This picture is the cover from 1990, but the little guy, Zed, was on the cover for the first four years. In 1988 he was carrying a surfboard. The booklet laid out the plan for our summer, giving details and sign-up deadlines. Students and parents alike loved the concept; looking back, it was a website in print years before anyone had a website! In the years to come the summer info packet would grow and the schedule would expand, but it all started in 1988. Nothing I ever accomplished in youth ministry created as much of a buzz or brought as much praise my way from students and their parents as my summer schedules over the years. And no one enjoyed the hectic pace, the frantic planning and the incredible amount of time spent with students any more than me! I thank God every day for the many blessings I received through the ministries, events and programs I led for all those years. Too many churches still treat summer as a time to slow down. I respectfully suggest just the opposite. Summer is a time to shift into high gear. Students have actual free time. Wouldn't it be awesome to have them spend it with the church? The time to start planning is NOW...

Because of Jesus,

A Youth Ministry Aptitude Test

Sometimes student ministry looks
like this...

Many years ago, when fire was first a flicker in the eyes of the first cavemen and there was only one Star Wars movie, I began a career in student ministry that would last nearly 30 years. In those days no one "chose" youth ministry as a lifelong vocation. It was something you did for a variety of reasons, almost none of which were good. Like these:

1. You hoped to be a "real" pastor someday, but youth pastor was the only job available at the time.
2. You had enjoyed your own days in a youth group so much that you wanted to stay connected to the ministry in any way possible. When they asked for volunteers at a meeting, you were dumb enough to raise your hand...
3. You couldn't live without the $50 a month paycheck it provided.
4. You knew that if you didn't help get the student ministry up and running, Sally and Johnny's parents were going to do it. And NO ONE wanted that!
5. A pastor came to you when you were 18 and working at a summer camp and told you he thought you would be good at it- mostly because you could play the guitar. Being a sucker for encouragement, you bought it. That's how I got started!

Fast forward 37 years. Now there are degrees in student ministry, both undergraduate and post-graduate. There are dozens (hundreds?) of conferences every year designed to train those who seek to serve God through serving teenagers. There is a level of professionalism in youth ministry unlike anything we have ever seen before or frankly ever imagined back in the day. And these things are all great advances. But all of that education, training and professionalism cannot, in the mind of this old dinosaur, turn someone into a youth pastor. It seems to me that in scripture and in life God does indeed equip the called far more often than God calls the equipped. In fact, the very worst youth pastor I ever knew had 3 doctorates. None of his titles and degrees helped The Reverend Dr. Dr. Dr. Steve actually LOVE teenagers! None of that stuff really prepares you for what it is like to live life, day out and day in, with teenage students & their families. Education and training can prepare you for how to do student ministry, but not how to be a youth pastor. You can learn how to teach theology, but not how to have patience and show unconditional love to kids who are often falling short of expectations. Those things have to come from the heart. I said for many years that here is no greater calling than student ministry, but it does have to be a calling. There are few "jobs" that would be worse. You have to feel the desire to fully, totally and completely share the love of God whose name is Jesus with teenagers by loving them no matter what. And in youth ministry, there are a lot of "whats!" Anyone can be taught to plan events, teach bible studies and drive the church van. It takes a calling to actually love those messy, irrational, irritating and complicated creatures we call "youth."

So today I am going to give anyone who is interested the chance to discover if God is calling (or has already called) them to student ministry. This test will work if you've never really considered the option, and it will work even better if you are already involved in ministry. Just answer these 4 questions. I will even tell you in advance that the correct answer is always "3." If you feel any inclination to argue with me about the correct answers based on what they taught you in a youth ministry class, then you have already failed my course. Ready for your final exam? Here we go...

A)  You go with a group of students to get ice cream after youth group.  Some of the newer kids don't have any cash because they were unaware of this tradition.  Do you...

1. Tell them better luck next time and taunt them with your cone of chocolate.
2. Offer to loan them money if they will wash the church van.
3. Offer to buy them ice cream because they are part of your youth group family now.

B)  David calls from a party around midnight and says he has been drinking and needs a ride.  Do you...

1. Tell him he has the wrong number. Give him the number of your senior pastor. (I will accept this answer as well!)
2. Give him a stern lecture on the evils of alcohol, reminding him that Jesus never went near the stuff.  Well...except when he turned water into wine. But nobody ever saw him drink it!  Now call a cab and stop bothering me.
3.  Go get him and take him home. Along with any of his friends that have no business on the road and no one to call. You can talk about this later.

C)  16 year old Beth strolls into your office and tells you she is pregnant.  Do you...

1. Offer to hunt down and destroy the father, Predator style!
2. Explain to her how embarrassing this will be for you and the church. How could she do this to you?
3. Offer to sit with her and pray for her while she tells her parents and they face a new future together.

D)  Keri (an actual name of an actual caller!) calls you in the middle of the night because she heard an old song on the radio and knew you would know who sang it and what it was called.  Do you...

1. Scream and yell at her demanding that she seek psychiatric help.
2. Hand the phone to your spouse and say, "It's for you, dear."
3. Ask her what the lyrics were and then answer her question, thrilled that she knew that she could count on you. THEN ask, "Couldn't this have waited 'til morning?" 

So there it is.  You have now completed The CJ School of Youth Ministry. I'm sure that some of you cheated, but hey- it's youth ministry! :) My point today is simply this- student ministry is not about "fixing" teenagers. That is a task best left to God. It's about loving them in a way that shows them who Jesus is and how much he loves them. It doesn't take advanced degrees to to do that. It takes a heart full of the love of God, and a willingness to share it.  And a ton...TON...of prayer.  Do you have what it takes?

Because of Jesus,

Flashback Friday: The Bucko Award

Today's post first appeared on this blog in April of 2011. I share it again on this Flashback Friday because there have been several things on Twitter in the past week that made me want to rant on this topic again. So why reinvent the wheel, right? Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

On the classic 1970's TV sit-com Happy Days, Richie Cunningham (played by Ron Howard) was a clean cut, all-American boy living in the late 1950s and early 60s. He never used any language that would be considered "foul" by our standards today. But when he would get angry, he would call someone a "Bucko." As in, "Listen, Bucko- you can't talk like that to my girl!" There was a girl in my very first youth group-Glenna Osborne- who used to call me a Bucko all the time. In fact, when I moved on from that church they made me a wooden sign (Remember wood-burning kits?  Probably not...) honoring me with the first and only Bucko Award.

I have kept this silly thing all of these years because I found it to be hilarious- and more than a little accurate. I was an 18 year old college sophomore when I started with that group and had no idea what I was doing. My efforts were often futile and we didn't accomplish much- except for growing together and loving each other in Jesus'name. But the important part of the award is the last line- "Thanks for being someone we can look up to and laugh at!!!!" 
Therein lies today's archaeological dig.

I read a blog this past week that very proudly pointed out the the United Methodist Church quit using the abbreviation UMYF (United Methodist Youth Fellowship) for their student ministries a number of years ago. They discontinued the "F." They felt like "fellowship" sounded a little too light and fluffy for the way they wanted their youth ministries to be seen. It sounded too much like pizza parties, beach trips and lock-ins. Well in the words of my old Quaker Lake Camp buddy Michael McGuinn,"Puhhhleeeeesssseee!!!" Someone really decided that too much fellowship is the issue in student ministry? Someone really believes that too much fellowship is the reason teenagers leave the church after graduation and never come back? As I warned my Twitter followers on Tuesday night, I feel a rant coming on...

I am not sure where I first heard it, but someone once said, "Show me a youth pastor with no sense of humor, and I'll show you an empty youth room." I'll go a step farther- show me a youth pastor who can't laugh at her/himself and I'll show you someone who is not being authentic. They are on their way to becoming a Pharisee. It's like someone decided there is an 11th commandment that states, "Christians shalt not haveth funeth"- or something like that! Certainly we need to take seriously the things Jesus taught. Certainly we need to be serious about loving one another and serving "the least of these." Certainly we need to think seriously about the condition of our soul and our eternal salvation. But when did it become some sort of bizarre doctrine to take ourselves so seriously? It is my belief (and I can say this because I have lived it) that far too many of us who work with youth seek to fool them into believing we are more "together" than we actually are. We are all Buckos- we are all sinners. Students don't need false perfect examples- they need authentic women and men of God who acknowledge their failures and know how to be humble and to laugh at themselves. How can we possibly teach them about grace if we keep pretending we don't need it?  

Which beings us back to fellowship (For a definition, read Acts 2:42.  And yes, I know I sound like a broken record!~). A youth pastor friend responded to my tweet about fellowship the other night by saying that some people he knew seemed to want to count "just hanging out" with students as part of their ministry. He wasn't certain that just being with students is a legitimate ministry. OF COURSE IT IS! Fellowship, hanging out, sharing one another's stories, creating a shared history- all of these things build the kind of Christian community that allow us to do great things in Jesus' name. What do you think Jesus and the disciples did during the hours that are not chronicled in the Gospels? They went fishing, sat around the campfire and ordered unleavened bread with tomato sauce from Papa Joseph's. They hung out! Had they not spent 3 years building bonds of friendship and trust, do you really think that group of ragamuffins would have been ready to turn the world upside down after Jesus ascended? Would the early church have spread like wildfire without a commitment to sharing life together? And I have to think that included in all of that time of fellowship was the ability to laugh with and at one another. I can't imagine that they didn't give Thomas a hard time every time he said, "I doubt it." I can't believe they didn't give Peter "the business" every time a rooster crowed. Ted & Lee used to do this great scene from their show Fisheyes in which Peter and Andrew are lamenting how confusing Jesus could be, whether in his parables, his affection for random questions, or his doodling in the dirt. It was hysterical to think about. They laughed at themselves for not getting it- and we should be able to do the same. Because the LORD knows there are plenty of times when we don't get it...

Everyone who does ministry must make prayerful decisions about what God is leading them to do in their specific situation. I just know that looking back on 28 years (1978-2007) of youth ministry and hearing almost daily from former students (in part because of this blog) that there is nothing we did - not mission trips, not worship services, not bible studies, not anything- that has had a more lasting impact on their lives than the fellowship and laughter we shared together in Jesus' name. I'm proud I was a Bucko for all of those years. I'm glad I was someone they could look up to and laugh at. Will your students remember you in 10 years because you could plan great events & teach a great class, or because you loved them enough (1 Thessalonians 2:8) to share life - authentic, failure-filled, laughter filled life- with them? It's a question worth asking. This isn't military intelligence. "Fellowship" and "Ministry" are not mutually exclusive...  (That's a joke.  If you didn't get it, try reading this post one more time...  :D)  Now go hang out with some people and start changing the world.  In case you haven't heard, it's time for a Jesus Revolution!

Because of Jesus,

#TBT: Youth Ministry Made Simple...er

A vintage post for a Throwback Thursday...

I was a youth pastor for about 28 years, and have been out of the ministry for nearly 8 years now. And today I am going to share the most important thing I know about ministry to students, something that has become more clear to me the longer I have been away from serving churches. You want to know the key to simplifying student ministry? Want to know the one thing you can do (because Jesus does the rest!) that makes youth ministry have a lasting impact in the lives of teenagers? Well listen up, because here it is. Go where the youth are. That's it. And here's why....

All of pictures on this post have one thing in common- not a one of them was taken at a church! One of the first things I ever learned as a youth pastor was that waiting for students to show up at church was not an effective way to build relationships with them or to help them grow in their relationships with Jesus. Unless they grow up in the church, lots of students are a little scared of the place. I was taught early on that in order to really let kids know that you care, you had to meet them on"their turf." That meant seeing them at their homes, their schools and their extra-curricular activities. So I did. Like most professional (and many volunteer) youth workers I ate many school lunches, was attacked by numerous household pets (and a couple of parents) and spent many a happy moment with students in restaurants and arcades. And I spent hours- more hours than you could count or would believe- at sporting events, band concerts, dance recitals, school fund-raisers, cheer-leading competitions, school plays, piano recitals and much more. There was nothing quite as good for the ministry's PR as being at football games in Trinity, NC or Waycross, GA on a Friday night and being seen by the entire community. There was nothing quite as odd as going to swimming, gymnastics or badminton competitions when I was in Hinsdale, IL  (It is hard to cheer for a badminton match and look enthusiastic. "Kill that birdie, kill that birdie, GO GO!") and seeing the stunned looks on the faces of the students who could not believe I actually showed up. No matter the event, I made an effort to see each student in action at least once a "season." It was important ministry- even though I did have one church tell me that the hours spent at such events did not count as work (that same church at one point actually had me punching a time clock). I would submit to you now that not only did those hours count, but in many ways they were Job #1.

Sometimes the events themselves were quite tedious. I remember going to a three hour piano recital to see two students perform- and both of them played in the last 15 minutes! I remember going to soccer match after soccer match, trying desperately to pretend I enjoyed the sport. I pulled for incredibly bad football teams, watched horrific marching bands and clapped loudly for off-key violin players. I also saw some amazing things over the years. But in reality, the results didn't matter. What mattered was being there. I loved seeing students after the event, in the lunch room or at their home and hearing the question:  "Why are you here?" When I gave them the simple answer- "To see you"- their smiles told me I had just taken a step towards a real relationship with a teenager. And real relationships open doors for sharing Jesus.

Another great thing that happens when you are "there" is that you impact more than just the students you already know. Their friends begin to ask who you are and why you are there. You meet new kids and start new relationships. Or you visit their homes and connect in new ways with parents.It is an amazing thing. Many of my best memories and answered prayers involve youth whose parents did not attend the churches I worked at, but came to us through relationships built away from the church buildings. It is important for people in any kind of ministry to remember that Jesus had no "church home." He was always out among the people. And that is where we need to be as well.

The movie Field of Dreams taught us that "if you build it, they will come." While it is one of my favorite movies, when it comes to youth ministry (and ministry in general) that particular statement is a lie. The truth is much closer to this- If you show them you care, they will come. So as my old buddy Geoff Moore would say, "It's time to get out there- and play ball!" It's time to cut back on office work, skip a few staff meetings and get out there and love students- on their turf!  Youth work is hard. But it can be a little bit simpler if we remember that relationships are Job #1. They don't care how much we know until they know how much we care.  It's a truth that will never change.

Because of Jesus,

A Youth Ministry Artifact

Today's artifact comes from 1981. It's a poster that was distributed with the book, Catching the Rainbow: The Complete Youth Ministries Handbook, Vol. 2. 

Professional student ministry was still in it's "toddler" stage when J. David Stone (see Influences) began touring the country with his team from Creative Youth Ministry Models in the late 70s with ideas from The Complete Youth Ministries Handbook- Vol. 1 (best book name EVER!) and changed my life and my ministry forever. When I first walked into a room as a "youth leader" in 1978 I had absolutely no idea what I needed to be doing. By the time Dave and his gang were finished with me, I had a plan. And that plan was called Wholistic Youth Ministry. Wholistic is not a real word, but it was a great idea, and the grandfather of the purpose driven movement of the 1990s. The concept was very simple. A youth ministry should minister to the whole teenager. You cannot separate the spiritual life of a student from her/his emotional, physical and social life and expect to have any true impact. We were challenged to implement programs and events that would seek to minister in each of these areas. That meant spending time with youth on their turf- home, school and places they hang out. It meant playing games, having fun and taking trips that allowed you to connect with the whole person. It meant celebrating the important days in the lives of your students and being there for the bad times. It meant a whole lot of work for a youth pastor and volunteers- but it was SO worth it! The problem was, far too many of us were still running around throwing random events at these different areas with no real plan. That's where the rainbow came in.

The rainbow offered up a three-track process to help us reach "the pot of gold" which was Koinonia- true Christian community as found in Acts 2:42. The first track was a Leadership Track called "The 4 Phases of Ease" that laid out a basic plan for training students and adult volunteers to help you with this mountain of ministry you were seeking to accomplish. You can read more about the 4 Phases by clicking here. Looking back now, the really cool thing about this process is that it is the way almost everyone does leadership training, but we never even know we are doing it. It was that practical.   

The second band of the rainbow was an Education Process Track. Too many churches (and this is still true today) thought that if you put young people in a room and told them about Jesus you would build a youth group and discover Koinonia. The fact was and still is that community and relationships must be intentionally built. The 4 steps of the track walk you through the process. Teenagers come to your church from so many different cliques, backgrounds and social groups that it is often difficult for them to make new friends at youth. So we allow them the opportunity to tell their stories and build a shared history. Trips, parties, casual get-togethers and even the much hated lock-ins provide such opportunities- as long as we make certain the events are structured in such a way that sharing takes place not only with established friends but with new people as well. It is only after this step that students begin to be willing to risk trust, to set goals and to count on one another- and you. It was my experience that the further along this track you saw students move, the more they became willing to risk following Jesus. And that rocks.

The final track is the Theological Track, contributed to the rainbow by Dr. John Westerhoff, at the time a professor at Duke. It assumes that most students we work with are at various points of a spiritual journey, and that our task is not to give them our faith, but rather to help them take ownership of their own faith. To get there, we must allow students to question, doubt, explore and experience. This is scary. But if we really believe that Christianity is a life we lead and not just a creed we profess, then this track is hugely important.

So why is this artifact still meaningful? I believe it can serve as a reminder to youth pastors and churches everywhere. We live in a time of specialization. Churches are no different. Worship leaders are defined by the style of music they prefer. Pastors have particular preaching styles. Worship is emergent, traditional, contemporary or primitive, with seldom any crossover. And student ministry is going down that same road.  Ministries are specializing. Some groups are all about service and worship. Others focus on bible study and theology. Some have abandoned "youth group" all-together in favor of a youth-only worship service (don't get me started- that's a whole different post). I just hope we remember our example- Jesus the Christ. He was seriously into Wholistic Ministry. He healed the sick (physical). He loved the unwanted (emotional). He ate dinner with those with whom he wished to connect (social). He taught us a new way to live and to love (theological). And he died for us (service). So- youth pastors and those who love the church, hear me well- your students, first and foremost, need Jesus. They need to study scripture and pray for one another. They also need to laugh and play together. They need to sit with you and hear your stories and see how much you love your spouse. They need to share history together through trips and events that will stay in their minds for a lifetime. They need to learn to serve "the least of these." They need to grow into a community that will love and support one another like an Acts 2:42 church should. And these things will only happen if you are intentional about seeing them happen. There is nothing- NOTHING- better to me than seeing a youth group reach Koinonia and watching them love Jesus, each other than the world. 

So check yourselves. Are you being wholistic, or are you becoming a specialist? Is your ministry taking steps towards reaching the "pot of gold" that is true Christian community? I pray you are, and that these warnings are not needed. Don't make me write The Complete Youth Ministries Handbook, Vol. 3.  I'd do a whole chapter on why churches should make lock-ins and beach trips mandatory...   :)

Because of Jesus,

7 Things I Think I Still Know About Student Ministry

It's been over 7 years since my final day after 28 years as a youth pastor, and like everything else in this world youth ministry has changed a lot in that time. But it is my belief that there are some things that have NOT changed- and they never will! Every so often a young youth pastor will ask my opinion on student ministry, and I always try to be helpful. So today I offer up 7 things I think I still know about youth ministry.

1) Be purpose driven and strategic. I wish I had understood what that meant when I

started, as it would have made my life much simpler.  I am not talking about buying in to the whole Saddleback model; I don't believe any one church or one model has it all figured out. I am talking about knowing what you are trying to accomplish with your ministry and making sure that EVERYTHING you do helps you reach those goals. One of my old Vision Statements is pictured here. Every time our Youth Ministry Team planned an event, we wanted to know what purpose it was going to help us meet. Know what you want your ministry to look like, and plan to get there. 

2) Youth Ministry is all about relationships. Our job is to connect students with Jesus, with each other, and with adults who love them. The last 2 are often the best way to the first. If your ministry is bringing in students from outside the church walls (and if you are not, turn in your membership card right now!) then you have to work at intentionally building relationships and community. Some anonymous words of wisdom that I love remind us that it is much easier to draw a crowd than to build a family. It takes work, and it is crucial. So many times teenagers find Jesus in the midst of such fellowship. And so many youth have so few positive adult role models in their lives. Find ways to spend time one-on-one with your students. Obey all the safety precautions- but find a way.
 

3) In your desire to turn your students into spiritual giants, please don't neglect fun.  Teenagers need to learn how to play. They need to learn how to be social in ways that don't involve a computer. And for the sake of Pete (Short Circuit reference!) take trips!  Nothing helps you accomplish community building better or faster, and the memories you make last a lifetime. Look back through this blog and read the comments about our trips from 30, 20 and 10 years ago- those memories are precious to the youth who participated.  Take mission trips, take vacation trips, take mystery trips- but please, take trips! 

4) Be Wholistic (I know it's not a real word!) in your ministry. Teenagers are not just developing spiritually, but mentally, physically, socially and emotionally as well. A great youth ministry will aid in all of those areas. Never assume your youth are being helped with problems, issues and growth anywhere else. You know that Jesus is the answer for all those things- but they probably don't. We should be in ministry to their souls, their minds, their hearts and their physical well-being.

5) Remember who the ministry is for- students! Plan your meetings and events not only when it works for them, but also for their friends. If all of your kids play football, are in the marching band or are cheerleaders, then planning Friday night events during football season is just stupid. I had major programs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays over the years depending on the schedules of my students- and ALWAYS on Sundays. It is very chic these days to not meet on Sunday evenings. If Sunday nights are still the night that most of your students and their friends have available, then meet on Sunday nights! I don't care how inconvenient it is for you or your church. Parents who are really worried about "family time" can make time for that some other day. And for the love of Sheldon Cooper, make full use of summers! Your students are available and bored. We once had 75 days between the last day of school and the beginning of the next year. We had youth events on 72 of them. You need to be there for them- not the other way around.

6) At some point everyone "borrows" ideas from other leaders and other ministries. That's cool- right now someone is probably "borrowing" one of your ideas! Just make sure you only "borrow" from the best. All ideas, programs and events are not created equal- some of them stink! And others were never meant to work in your situation. Be picky.



7) All Christian ministry should be all about Jesus. But more than any other ministry of the church, youth ministry should reflect the radical nature of the Savior. Jesus made the church leaders of His day extremely uncomfortable. A good student ministry will do the same thing.  If your youth room is not occasionally filled with tattooed, pierced, wildly dressed renegades who are still searching for Jesus, then you may be doing something wrong. If some of your events, ministries and music don't rub part of your congregation the wrong way, you may need to take a second look at how you are doing youth work. If you don't periodically ruin the Jones Memorial Carpet because a Jello Night or a pie throwing skit got a bit out of control- well then I just can't help you! Youth ministry should be outrageous- in the way we love, in faith, in fun and in outreach. Remember, Jesus' "church council" didn't like Him either...

So there they are. 7 things I think I still know. I hope they are helpful. Or at least unsettling. Because another thing I know is that no one doing student ministry should ever get too comfortable...

Because of Jesus,